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Fuck you, Parkman

Submitted by OathMeal at 2016-09-15 16:58:22 EDT
Rating: 0.81 on 11 ratings (17 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

I've reached the end.

I don't mean the proverbial end; I mean the actual end of a very long and arduous journey.

"What journey's that, Oathy? The long trip from your couch to your medicine drawer, you fucking roid-addled piece of shit?"


I wish it were that simple.

No, what I'm referring to is the sad and final end to my long-standing hope that eventually...some day...I would finally prove to myself that I was right all along about Perkman being an alter.

One that is probably run by either JonnyX, Method or Apollo.

You see, unbeknownst to Perkman, this has been a bit of a personal matter for me for about 10 years now. Why? Well, because my mom died when I was very young and I've been doing everything in my power to fill the gaping chasm left in my soul, a chasm that is in the shape of a loving and caring mother.

No, you fucking moron. That's not why.

It's because the alter has been so very successful that I have taken this matter so personally. It's because, in the entire history of Ubersite, there has not been A SINGLE ALTER that has lasted THIS LONG and that has garnered the kind of ADOPTION and fucking CREDIBILITY by so many of this site's users. I mean, it blows my fucking mind. Really it does, and I think it's more because I am now utterly fucking convinced that whoever is driving the Perkman alter is literally doing it JUST FOR ME.

I swear, it's not paranoia. This could really be happening.

Why else would there be such an undying, elaborate ruse with absolutely ZERO motivation to sustain? I mean, there really are only two potential explanations here:

1. I am correct. Perkman = Apollo or some shit
2. Perkman is actually Bart Cilfone, and he's been ghosting on the alt since the site's inception, and he'll probably breathe the site's final, dying breath.

So, whichever the outcome happens to be, I just want Perkman to know one.



I'm on to you, you fuck.

my shrink said this would be good for me.jpg
my shrink said this would be good for me.jpg

Review This Item




Submitted by apollo88 at 2016-11-29 23:04:12 EST (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by Pubis at 2016-11-23 18:44:01 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Is this roid raging fuckhead still writing essays?

Submitted by Pubis at 2016-11-23 18:43:43 EST (#)

Is this roid raging fuckhead still writing essays?

Submitted by Method at 2016-11-07 03:12:00 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Mission Accomplished.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2016-09-25 23:15:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2016-09-17 21:35:11 EDT (#)

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2016-09-16 21:04:54 EDT (#)

...He's the kind of person you'd be really nice to if this were the real world and not ubersite.


Hahahaha! You foolishly assume that we're the kind of people who are nice in the real world. Oh, you...

Submitted by Shlongy at 2016-09-17 09:52:42 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

No; You're thinking of bart, below.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2016-09-16 21:04:54 EDT (#)

Perkman is a real person you guys. He got a TBI from skateboarding without a helmet when he was 14 and he's had trouble functioning ever since. He's the kind of person you'd be really nice to if this were the real world and not ubersite.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2016-09-16 18:23:02 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Opinion doesn't matter, below.

Submitted by blackbear at 2016-09-16 17:32:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

whoops.... this deserves a +1, not a 0.

Submitted by blackbear at 2016-09-16 17:29:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

uh oh.... looks like shlongy's getting jealous....
oathmeal, your mental illness seems to be getting the better of you.... just relax. put on some good music, coping skills, call a prostitue, i dunno.... perkman seems like a real person to me, but what do i know, i'm just a wild animal.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2016-09-16 14:48:59 EDT (#)

Keeping thinking that , psycho...

Submitted by OathMeal at 2016-09-16 11:12:03 EDT (#)

Actually, no you couldn't, Perk.

Your systemic and ongoing use of INTENTIONAL spelling and grammatical errors is about as obvious as obvious can get.

Plus, your story has NEVER lined up. The chronology of your schooling, etc is so haphazardly put together that no, you couldn't actually be who you say you are.

So nice try, you fuckity fuck. Fuck you.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2016-09-15 22:35:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Ummm.. I could be an actually, really cool, handsome, buff, educated, dude, pursuing film... Actually that is the truth, thanks for the love, bud.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2016-09-15 21:20:47 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Maybe you should make another video and expound on this hypothesis for 6 minutes.

Submitted by Tormentos at 2016-09-15 18:30:23 EDT (#)

If that's a wedding ring on your finger, I'm glad that someone at the Helen Keller School for the Extremely Physically Disadvantaged finally got laid.

GIS on your pic http://www.beardsoftheworld.com/2011/11/ginger-beard-the-amish-mad-man/

Submitted by Bestmate2 at 2016-09-15 17:05:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

My, my, my. Oh my you do go on so. Be strong. Love is a powerful tea bag to dunk.

You see, boy? The real money's in bootlegging! Not in your childish

-- Homer Simpson
Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment