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You think you know beauty? You don't know the first fucking thing about beauty.

Submitted by OathMeal at 2017-09-24 00:33:12 EDT
Rating: -0.67 on 4 ratings (13 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Try to explain to me how it feels to apprehend something truly beautiful. Go 'head: dig deep and give me your best adjectives and descriptive metaphors, roping in whatever grand, superlative language you think does service to the glory of sunsets, or the curve of a woman's ass in the firelight, or how light glimmers within a diamond.

You lonely, myopic, uncreative pool of steaming fecal detritus.

How very dare you think that you have anywhere near the capacity to truly behold the honest emission of beauty as it is in the universe. How very dare you think that you could even hope to tap your senses and the information they're feeding your meek little brain, in a way that even *somewhat* resembles the objective, mind-numbingly transcendent beauty radiating through literally every atom in existence. The sheer arrogance. The all-too-common, unquestioningly ignorant self-righteousness. It's genuinely stomach-turning, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Your ADORABLE sense of 'actualized self (thanks to THE SECRET and Deepak Chopra's latest book on how to derive emotional energy from the burning of rare wood bark)' seeps from your pores like the stench of putrifaction.

You think you know beauty. You think you have any idea whatsoever about just how beautiful everything is. You presume that by opening your eyes and letting your consciousness explore your field of vision that you are ANYWHERE NEAR the direct experience of unfettered, raw, bareback beauty.

Beauty that bends you over the wall of a marble bathtub and pleasures you so perfectly that your entire conception of what it means to be alive at all is set afire, pushed out to sea on a pyre and left as smoldering ashes amid the waves.

It was cute of you think that you ever knew beauty.

The tragedy of all of it was that you never knew enough pain, loss, anguish, heartache, vacancy, death, absence, blackness or sheer nonexistence to be able to appreciate just how incalculably large the amount of beauty really is - in everything.

There's no hope in trying to reform the likes of you into someone or something that can ever know beauty. And that's not my job. It's no one's job. It either happens or it doesn't, and clearly it hasn't yet for you.

This isn't meant to make you feel bad. I'm not your therapist, however, so that should come as consolation. Don't take this personally - you've simply not suffered enough to accurately account for the beauty around you.

...and that's ok. Don't let this get you down. We were all ignorant emotional paramecium at one point - and we didn't even know enough to be ashamed about it. See, that's the thing about being so naive and innocent: you don't even know what you don't know. It's like a kind of metastupidity that has a character all its own.























Now if you'll assume your position against that marble bathtub, we can get this fucking party started already.

starry eyed waste of carbon.jpg
starry eyed waste of carbon.jpg


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Submitted by Bob_Dole at 2017-12-04 00:29:54 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Wow... I didn't expect to log in and see any of the old names still active. Sorry oath, I didn't actually read the post. +2 for the fuck of it anyway.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2017-09-26 18:34:10 EDT (#)

Thought I was on r/justneckbeardthings there for a second

Submitted by Tormentos at 2017-09-26 13:34:13 EDT (#)

You... keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2017-09-25 11:43:00 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

About to be asked to leave the library, below.

Submitted by OathMeal at 2017-09-25 10:26:04 EDT (#)

Go sell some air spots, pussy

Submitted by Shlongy at 2017-09-25 09:44:30 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Did Perkman write this piece of shit?

Submitted by Linus at 2017-09-25 01:25:17 EDT (#)

Uhhh... alright then

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2017-09-24 16:23:46 EDT (#)

I see my face. People tell me I'm "Handsome" about 4 times a day.

So, I know I'm at least "cute", and that's pretty good for me.

Us, "Pretty people" have to stick together", sorry Oathmeal, you didn't make the cut.

But you can play a mean guitar though!

Submitted by RoadSong at 2017-09-24 14:25:57 EDT (#)


Homer: We chained Hugo up in the attic like an animal and fed him a
bucket of fish heads once a week.

Marge: It saved out marriage!


Submitted by OathMeal at 2017-09-24 09:58:49 EDT (#)

Hey wait a minute I was told this was a serious writer's forum

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2017-09-24 09:23:07 EDT (#)

So... You got fucked in the ass over a marble bathtub, found it profoundly, life-changingly beautiful, and now want to fuck us in the ass over a marble bathtub? Is that to share the experience, or are you just lonely and horny?

I appreciate the offer, but I'm going to have to decline. I just don't have the time for beauty right now. Congrats on your awakening, though.

Submitted by OathMeal at 2017-09-24 08:11:40 EDT (#)

hey look fag below

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2017-09-24 03:52:42 EDT (#)
Rating: -2


Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up 2% and it's all because of my
motivational techniques, like donuts and the possibility of more
donuts to come.

-- Homer Simpson
You Only Move Twice