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Dog For Sale

Submitted by RoadSong at 2018-07-07 20:46:43 EDT
Rating: 1.8 on 10 ratings (11 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

A guy is driving around the back woods of Big Oak Flat and he sees a sign in front of a broken down miners shack: 'Talking Dog For Sale’
He knocks on the door and a lady that looks like Mother Goose appears, and says ‘Nice to meet you, just call me squirrel’.
She says the dog is out by the creek taking a nap.

The guy goes out back and sees a nice looking Rat Terrier snoozing there by Rattlesnake Creek..

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Terrier replies, ‘My name is Jack’.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Terrier looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to join the circus, so... I told Barnum&Bailey.

In no time at all they had me doing impersonations and wearing clown feet, and walking the high wire. They put me in a tutu and taught me to dance and yodel. For a while I was a fortune telling contortionist. They put Dumbo ears on me, and I was their star acrobat. My best memories are balancing on the back of a running horse in the ring with a pretty girl, and we were wearing matching purple tights and sequin bras.

'I was one of their most valuable circus acts for eight years running...

But the circus life and traveling around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I went back home to the miners shack, and I signed up for a job at Yosemite National Park to do some undercover security. I wandered near people leaning over the railing at Bridal Veil Falls, and nipped them on the ass to get their attention, and kept them from falling into the river.

I saved a child from being assaulted by a grumpy raccoon and a grandmother who was in eminent danger from a flock of flying foxes. I was awarded a batch of medals and a flying carpet.'

'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the squirrel what she wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars in Sacajawea gold coins,' says squirrel, the Mother Goose looking lady.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing!

Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a bullshitter. He's never been away from home, except when I send him to the liquor store’


Review This Item




Submitted by Sage at 2018-10-04 16:00:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Because Roadie and puppehs.

Submitted by Ultimeat at 2018-09-25 13:09:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2018-09-12 01:30:19 EDT (#)

I either had trouble following this because of lazy punctuation, or simply just didn’t get it. I think you responded nicely to something I posted later, so almost skipped writing this, but this confused me. Please give us few readers the courtesy of a draft review before your next post.


Submitted by Bubba2341 at 2018-08-26 01:40:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by X54 at 2018-08-21 18:49:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

A dog that can go to the liquor store is a dog that's worth ten dollars--even if that dog is a bullshitter.

Submitted by Flack at 2018-07-30 13:47:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

My girlfriend's dog had a nine puppy litter a few months back, fucking 9 puppers! The cuteness was overwhelming! We named them after Wu-Tang Clan members:

Ol' Doggy Bastard
Slobberface Killah
Masta Barker
Ruffkwon the Chef
Inspecktah Bork
Method Dog

We kept Slobberface Killah, we call him Irondog. You know...coz Ghostface was Ironman. Clever, right?

True story.

Submitted by Poots at 2018-07-19 10:08:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Cute poopy!

Submitted by Tormentos at 2018-07-11 22:47:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

So I'm crashed by the water, all 'laxed, and this dude rolls up and wants to quiz me. "Fuck that" says I, and I drop this yuge line of bullshit on him about how I'm a circus act and an undercover cop and whatever. Dude is suckin' it up like it momma's milk. On I go about savin' lives and I even said I had a 'flying carpet'. Holy fuckin'shit the fuckin' moron bought it! Dude tried to get the bitch ghat delivers my food to sell me to him like she owns me or some shit. No shit! Stupid twat said I was lying just to make a quick sale, too. I fuckin' bit her right on the nose and busted out roadways! Ain't no backwoods bitch gonna undersell the only literate canine anyone ever met! You want a stupid animal to bark at shadows, you go get a normal dog. You want to discuss literature, you come see me. Bitchiz.

Submitted by Bestmate2 at 2018-07-08 15:49:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Yep, made me smile and anything that tickles the troth of SW is good enough for me.

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2018-07-08 11:11:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by blackbear at 2018-07-08 02:11:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

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