Quitting smoking doesn't have to be hard, you just have to not be a fucking pussy about it.Submitted by Flack at 2018-09-05 16:40:41 EDT
Rating: 0.8 on 10 ratings (13 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
I used to have a horrible smoking habit. It truly was gross as hell. I smoked for 21 years since the age of 14 before I finally put them down for good. By the time I quit, I was smoking about a pack and a half per day, more when I would drink.
Over the years I had attempted, and failed, at quitting numerous times. In the over 20 years I smoked, the longest I went without a cigarette was 10 weeks of basic training in 2003. But as soon as I saw my little sister at family day, I told her "GIVE ME A GOD DAMN CIGARETTE FUCK!"
Nicotine Replacement Therapy? Tried it multiple times and went about 2 weeks at the longest.
Acupuncture? Didn't do fucking shit.
Vaping? Made me look like I was sucking a robot dick and just crave cigarettes even more.
Chantix? Gave me horrible dreams that really made me PTSD all over the place and I still smoked while taking it.
Allen Carr's "Easyway to Quit Smoking?" Read it 3 times, listened to the audio-book twice and still smoked.
I honestly thought I was destined to smoke until it killed me. I had basically resigned myself to the idea that I was hopelessly addicted and that I would never be able to know what its like to not wake up hacking up phlegm, not having my sheets smell like cigarettes and ballsweat, and not being able to hike a mountain trail without wanting to fucking die.
And then my sister got pregnant. No you fucking idiot, I didn't knock her up... My brother in law did that. But she had to quit smoking because of it and she did it with a lot of grace. She wasn't being a holier-than-thou cunt about it, she wasn't letting the withdrawal turn her into a bitch and all of a sudden she started to look...well.. pregnant as fuck... but much healthier.
She told me that if I needed an excuse to quit smoking ever, then being a good uncle and setting forth a good example for my niece is as good as any. My sister is pretty fucking smart.
So I stopped smoking. I did it completely cold turkey. The only crutches I used were fruit juice, deep breathing exercises, and a little fidget box to fuck with when I'm driving. When I would use NRT, I would get the worst pangs for cigarettes ever. Same with vaping. Its what caused me to fail. But this time, once I was over the initial physical withdrawal, it was nothing.
The fruit juice (cranberry worked best) kept my mouth tasting so acidic that the idea of smoking after drinking it was repugnant. If I did ever have a craving (which was so god damned mild I don;t think it could be considered a legit craving) I just did a deep breathing exercise I learned in Yoga that took less than a minute (as opposed to the 5 it would have taken me to smoke). The fidget box keeps my free hand busy when I'm driving. Its stupid, but it helps.
And here is the best part: I don't feel the need to drink massive amounts of juice as I continue being a non-smoker, I do the breathing exercises less as the cravings get weaker, and I lost that fucking fidget box and I could honestly care less.
So there you go. Don't smoke, its fucking gross. If you smoke, you should eat shit (probably healthier for you than the cigarette anyways) and go fuck yourself (also healthier than smoking).
Oh yeah, one more thing. When you quit smoking, your dick gets bigger. True story.