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The Boy Who Fucked His Computer

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2019-02-08 03:01:00 EST
Rating: 0.14 on 7 ratings (18 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

This is a story about a big fat boy who literally had sex with his computer.

Ever since Simon built his computer, he had a special attachment, but it wasn’t until about a week ago that he had sex with it. Last week he was sitting with some of his geeky friends in the cafeteria, munching down a heaping pile of cheap, cheesy nachos, when one of his friends was bragging about his computer. His friend, Ryan, pulled out his Android and starting giggling at the text he received.

“Check this out guys,” he said. “My sister just sent me this text, asking ‘what’s better, a quad-core or the new i7’? What a fucking moron.” They all laughed. Simon said,

“Pleathe,” as he mashed three dripping nachos in to his little pink face. “Soon ath the third gen Opteran fallth under three hundred, itth mine.” He chewed with his mouth open, and little bits of chips and chili fell on his shirt.

As soon as Simon heard the cu-chunk of his Mother’s car door, he picked up his computer box and raced down to the garage. There, he systematically drilled a hole and then ran a jig-saw around a traced circle. He blew off the dust, sanded the edges, then started racing back up to his bedroom, where he carefully inserted the Masturbaton in to the hole. The Masturbaton fit absolutely perfectly in the hole, and at that, Simon whispered 'yes' to himself.

He plugged in all the components to his computer, fired it up, played some porn to get started, and then he squirted some water-based lube in to his hand. Gently, he slid a few slippery fingers inside the bright pink silicone sleave to get it ready for the big one, as he referred to his little penis. Watching porn, Simon took off all his clothes, and knelt before the computer. He calculated the entrance of the hole to be exactly the same height, kneeling, as his penis. Slowly, at first, Simon entered the computer vagina.

Watching porn and sliding back and forth, big fat Simon started to pant and sweat. He picked up the pace, and soon began smacking the side of the computer case, saying oh yeth, yeth, jutht like that. Occasionally his wee-wee would slide out, but he was quick to reinsert and get right back at it. After about three minutes of fucking his computer, he climaxed in to the little pouch that he specially designed to catch all the fluids.

As a self-proclaimed computer engineer, Simon had designed the whole apparatus to be easy to install and remove from his computer. Once removed, he would replace the big hole with a specially fit computer fan and just tell any inquiring minds that he modified his computer to reduce heat.

Simon carried the Masturbaton to the bathroom where he removed the pouch and drained the fluids. He then put the “business end” of the Masturbaton under the sink to let some warm water flow through it. The instructions that came with it warned against using any soap, because this would cause wear and tear and reduce the life of the Masturbaton. As water drained through the big pink sleeve, Simon’s Mother said, “What’s that?” Frightened, shocked, and a little scared, Simon reflexively turned to his Mom, gripping the wet Masturbaton like a limp sword. His mother looked completely confused.

“Where the hell did you come from, Mom!?”

There poor Simon stood, naked, sweaty, and out of breath, holding a vagina-colored masturbation assistant in his hand, looking at his confused Mother. “Oh thith,” he said, looking at the tool, “thith is jutht a… well, you know…

“Oh fuck it.” He dropped the Masturbaton and started crying like a big fat baby.


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Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2019-03-08 02:03:26 EST (#)

I can relate. At least one day of pure hell where I pop down a bunch of benzodiazepines to avoid a panic attack. Then sleep the entire day away and eat salty food. My binges can only last about two days anymore. Past that, I’m looking at a nightmare of deep and dark depression that can take another 3-4 days to recover from. Those days are hell.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2019-03-06 14:22:56 EST (#)

I got drunk on Friday night and I'm still not right. I hardly ever drink anymore because it ruins my life for days.

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2019-03-06 13:37:23 EST (#)

Yep, I was. Hungover now, and catching myself up.

Life = Misery. Life + Alcohol = LessMisery

Murphdawg

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2019-03-06 04:22:49 EST (#)

Drunk again, huh? Cool.

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2019-03-06 04:07:50 EST (#)

@Fucking: I didn't bother to look up the definition of "reeking" because I know what it means because another user like you corrected me. I spelled it "wreaking" wrong, and I've corrected my spelling since.

Yes, to reek means to smell, literally.

I meant this figuratively, if you can wrap your brain around that. In a sense, though, I do mean it to be literally. Literally, because I do do tech support for Apple computers and we have implemented something called iSmell, which is only accessibly by me and other employees. This means I could click on the Apple logo on the top-left of any Mac running Mojave or later, then click System Preferences, and then click the new category called iSmell. Additionally, I can hack your sys prefs and puff out your smell with my fans. I smelled it, and it stinks.

You wanted me to explain it, and that's my explanation. I can literally smell you. Or you can take words as metaphors and appreciate them like everyone else. You have those two options you smelly, reeking, fuck.

Murphy

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2019-03-03 17:57:30 EST (#)

Fucking foul: A wonderful mistake. This reeks of an older fella, though. I want an explanation.
_______________________

I don't understand what this means. I smell like a geezer and you want me to explain it?

Submitted by Flack at 2019-03-01 09:45:50 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Strangely enough, I actually read the whole thing. Fuck me, work is slow....

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2019-02-19 12:52:15 EST (#)

Huh?

Submitted by asmasta808 at 2019-02-19 11:55:06 EST (#)
Rating: -2

don't fcuk murphy

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2019-02-19 11:26:12 EST (#)

Spam keep *pickling.

Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2019-02-19 05:19:13 EST (#)

Thanks for being on board, "Yes."

This all being a bit awkward for me, venturing in to the stale waters of actual social media vs. the shit we're all subjected to now.

Spam: Keep picketing. I think you're on the right track. Pickle away, tirelessly, endlessly, until you die. And hope you pass on some knowledge of what it's like to turn a fruit in to pickle to the ones you love.

Fucking foul: A wonderful mistake. This reeks of an older fella, though. I want an explanation.

Yes: Earlier versions of USB ports are going to become obsolete. The square-shaped ones. USB-C is the new standard now (sort of smaller oblong shape). Faster data transfer, ability to charge, and so on. A standard, a new one, set by Apple. Kinda like the demise and (god I hope), complete deprecation of the optical drive.

Murphy

Submitted by Yes at 2019-02-16 12:07:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I'd do it...




... in the USB port

Submitted by HotWillie at 2019-02-09 13:15:41 EST (#)
Rating: -1

You ruined a good title with this worthless shite.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2019-02-08 18:46:27 EST (#)
Rating: 2

The internet was a mistake

Submitted by Spam at 2019-02-08 17:19:56 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Murphy, my brain is too pickled and drug-addled to remember who you are, but I feel like this is a good writer, telling a shit story.

You get the -2s you need, not the ones you deserve.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2019-02-08 13:52:20 EST (#)
Rating: 1

I knew a fat boy like this... Haha

Fat boy's, living literally a "Sitcom" in life, they're so lucky.

It's hilarious.


Submitted by Murphy1844 at 2019-02-08 13:12:55 EST (#)

Torm: You seem to gather the most important point for any living male. All said, this whole rollercoaster is eventually reduced to putting your wee-wee in something warm and slippery. A more mature Simon would allow some time to let the Masterbaton warm up a bit before sticking in the ‘big one.’

Submitted by Tormentos at 2019-02-08 08:24:11 EST (#)

...and, five years after he quit school and began developing the Masturbaton into a reasonable eyes-closed facsimile of an unconscious woman's vagina through a surprisingly successful Kickstarter campaign coupled with with the initially reluctant aid of his business-savvy mother who suggested the Masturbaton's companion product, the Peneton, Simon became the wealthiest techlord in the history of the Solar System because he had, perhaps unknowingly, tapped into the mostly-unspoken truth that most people would rather skip all the pre- and post-fucking interacting bullshit and just fuck.


Barney: Boy, you never stop eating and you don't gain a pound.

Homer: It's my metaba-ma-lism. I guess I'm just one of the lucky ones.

The Way We Was