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The Skin Tower of Babel

Submitted by Gent at 2003-09-11 17:06:29 EDT
Rating: 1.61 on 104 ratings (104 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Sifting through the myriad emails that litter my inbox promising a larger and healthier member, I came across a subject that stood out amongst the others: "Erect a skin-tower in your trousers". I was curious, to say the least; who among us has not dreamt of a product that promises to maximize a meager wang. Thus, I ordered the pills, counting the days until my skin-tower scraped the heavens, becoming even larger, fuller, and more healthy than the wang of God.

I doubled the recommended dosage, when the pills arrived, eager to begin the erecting of what was to become the colossus in my pants. The results were far more than I could ever have anticipated, but it was not enough. Gripped by hubris, I continued to increase the dosage, until I was consuming an entire bottle per day.

So monumental became my skin-tower, I was rendered immobile, unable to bear the tremendous weight of my masculinity. A construction crew assembled at my home to remove my roof, allowing my wang free access to the heavens. By day I would lie back and watch the progress of my rapidly growing member, birds circling around the snow-covered tip, and at night, I was gently rocked to sleep by the warm winds that blew against my mast. Crowds of people gathered to witness the skin-tower that rivaled that of God, speaking in hushed tones and bowing their heads in silent prayer at the divine presence of my wang. They knelt before it, worshipping it as an idol.

Knowing it was but days until my wang triumphantly passed through the gates of Heaven, I proclaimed victory over God, shouting to the masses that I had supplanted the Lord as our savior... in terms of penis size. But as clouds as dark as night moved overhead, casting my wang and I in a foreboding gloom, I realized that my hubris had drawn the ire of God, and I was to pay the price that mortals must when challenging the potency of the great and virile Lord. Suddenly, a bolt of divine lighting streaked from the heavens and collided with the base of my vast skin-tower. In an instant, all that I had was gone. Where once stood a great tower, a testament to the power of man and a symbol of our medical advancements, there now was a tiny protrusion. I was mortal again... perhaps less than most mortals.

Now, when engaged in the physical act of love, when my miniscule penis is revealed, I will often tell of my conquest... the story of how I erected a skin tower for all to worship, and how God beat-off my advances into heaven. But sometimes I simply shrug my shoulders and smile. And I stand tall and proud, naked, and simply say, "Sorry, but that's what God gave me."



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Submitted by Ingsoc at 2006-06-10 21:48:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by JonnyX at 2005-05-24 19:46:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

the poster below me is a total fuckin douchebag

Submitted by transhuman at 2005-02-28 17:40:15 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Falconer at 2004-11-13 20:07:37 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Arafat.of.the.land at 2004-11-13 19:55:10 EST (#)
Rating: -1

Now that is really wicked. Good for you!

Submitted by Sarcasticus at 2004-11-13 19:34:06 EST (#)
Rating: -1

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-18 09:48:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

you must have the smallest penis imaginable

Submitted by Pacifist248 at 2004-05-15 12:10:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Gent at 2004-04-27 10:01:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

New email today:

teenager vs. horse cock... who wins?

That title of this email alone may be deserving of a post. But seriously, I think we all win with this.

Submitted by mikethescottish at 2004-04-22 17:20:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Can't believe I missed this. Great stuff.

Submitted by Tom at 2004-04-22 17:07:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Razor at 2004-04-22 16:58:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Yes, this was quite good. Glad I saw it on most recently reviewed and had the chance to re-read it.

Submitted by SausageKing at 2004-04-22 16:47:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Holy crap this is good!

Submitted by mystiamoon at 2004-04-21 06:01:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky at 2004-04-02 00:10:19 EST (#)
Rating: -2

BONGGG!!!

Submitted by hidden101 at 2004-02-06 04:58:21 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Fleet_Marshall_Badass (user info) at 2003-11-02 07:10:31 (#)
Ranking: 2

Fuckin' sweet. Does anybody else find it ironic that Gent wrote about the destruction of a tower on September 11? Or just good timing?

===================================================================

hmmmmm....... TERRORIST!


this was great. i always saw this post, but never clicked on it. i'm glad i finally did.

Submitted by TarikJax at 2004-02-06 04:41:40 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Never defy the power of god's wang

Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish at 2004-01-17 10:06:10 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I wonder how long it takes for this to show up in my inbox? Plagarized by Eddie Marin and his penis spam cronies, of course.

Submitted by Robert_of_Duluth at 2004-01-14 16:58:41 EST (#)
Rating: 2

good thing you didnt wank

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-12-24 20:36:18 EST (#)
Rating: 2

i wish there were more than a +2 on this thing.
than again, i wish that those pills actually worked.
i also wish they were free.
so every man could have them.
but god would punish all of us. hahaha

Submitted by ess2s2 at 2003-11-25 21:59:40 EST (#)
Rating: 2

This is so good that I'm ashamed of my own stuff.

Submitted by JoeAverage at 2003-11-25 21:46:42 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Great title, great story.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-11-21 06:36:11 EST (#)
Rating: 2

That was like smegma on toast: erotically disgusting, but satisfying as a result.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-11-12 16:09:26 EST (#)
Rating: 1

I think it's pretty funny all the people insulting the site have either a pathetic vocabulary. Hint: "suxed" is not a word. As for those of us being fags who actually liked the story, most homophobes are repressed homosexuals. Also, your credibility is lost using the words "soooo not". As for flying hippo, what kind of creativity do you possess to use such a wonderfully unique screen name. I liked the story, i think it was an interesting satire.

Submitted by WiKi at 2003-11-09 17:08:10 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Magnificent.

Submitted by j0andre1 at 2003-11-07 15:33:44 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I have a small penis too

Submitted by Fleet_Marshall_Badass at 2003-11-02 07:10:31 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Fuckin' sweet. Does anybody else find it ironic that Gent wrote about the destruction of a tower on September 11? Or just good timing?

Badass.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-10-31 23:39:38 EST (#)
Rating: -2

One word:

no.

Submitted by jordanna at 2003-10-23 10:26:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Well written.

Submitted by marc01 at 2003-10-23 09:55:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

liked

Submitted by mmmrice at 2003-10-22 23:07:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

My eyes were watering because I was laughing so hard...does that make me immature?
---my opinions rule---

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-10-22 20:06:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I liked the story, it made me laugh
and you are a very talented writer
Keep up the good work

Submitted by lucid at 2003-10-16 18:59:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

How did I miss this one. Awesome.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-10-16 10:21:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

It works on so many levels.

Submitted by Gent at 2003-10-09 12:20:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Thanks for the advice, honey. My next submission will be my treatice for peace in the Middle East that will concurrently be appearing in the New Yorker.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-10-08 18:19:45 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Are you kidding me? This story is pointless, use your writing talents for good, not for tasteless attempts at humor.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-10-08 17:30:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

If you've EVER received spam about penis enlargement pills, or if you've been ever been insecure about your penis, then this is indeed very funny. I thought so.
Keep it up!

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-09-29 19:49:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

The last line brought it all together. Well written.

Submitted by catscradle at 2003-09-28 03:30:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Good stuff.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-09-27 12:57:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

are there any fit blondes who want to come to mine for sex and biscuits?
for i am the true hero of this story and still posses the fabled member of divinity

Submitted by No.9 at 2003-09-25 02:18:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Cute.

oh, wait, guys don't like to hear that, right?

-No.9

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-09-24 21:12:34 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

This is shit. Just mindless humor that the idiots flock to. Seriously, all you dumbasses act like second graders.

Submitted by Lisa at 2003-09-24 17:57:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Liked it :)

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-09-24 17:45:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

hehe

Submitted by Razor at 2003-09-24 11:50:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Brilliant.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-09-24 08:24:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This is very funny, it just needs to be taken in the right context, he doesnt seriously believe that his penis is better than god! he may not even believe in god! (heres a new kettle of fish)

it was a very well written piece, regardless of content matter. some of the people here seem somewhat insecure if you ask me.

Cheez

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-09-23 17:02:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Great prose/short story. You should write professionally.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-09-23 16:54:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Sinaster has the right idea, except for the part with his offensive and rude opinions in it.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-09-23 01:24:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-09-22 07:00:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

great stuff.

Submitted by dot at 2003-09-20 21:39:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by PeopleAreStrange at 2003-09-20 13:28:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

How can you top that for your second post?

Submitted by sinaster at 2003-09-19 13:55:13 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

this is soo not funny
all you people who think it is funny......your losers. I think a lot of the stuff on this site is funny, but sometimes you people like the stupidest shit, thats soo not funny. im sure you guys are all fags who liked it

Submitted by ScoutCJustice at 2003-09-17 19:42:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fantastic, I don't know why I never got around to reading this.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-09-17 11:20:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

The Nude Testament

Submitted by DonAtATF at 2003-09-17 08:40:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Brilliant. You, sir, are a genius.

Submitted by Cassiopeia at 2003-09-17 06:18:41 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

okay, so i'm not an overly religious person or anything, but i'm giving this a -2 because it kinda pissed me off that you kept reffering to your penis, than God, than your penis, than God...

please....

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-09-17 04:55:43 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

So a long winded and for what? A crap joke about a guy with a small cock!

Submitted by prezuiwf at 2003-09-16 14:37:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

It's great

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-09-16 11:56:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

more more!

Submitted by K.M at 2003-09-16 01:15:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by MOssiah at 2003-09-16 01:09:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-09-15 22:10:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

A text of biblical proportions.

Submitted by MickGinny at 2003-09-15 22:10:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I cracked up.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-09-15 22:09:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-09-15 19:03:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

+1 cause it was kind of funny
-1 cause it wasnt that funny and so many people gave this a 2 some people are too easliy won over

Submitted by Acarnis at 2003-09-15 17:51:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This made me laugh out loud....

Submitted by shannarae2k at 2003-09-15 15:25:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

That was sweet.

Submitted by Anjie at 2003-09-15 13:50:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

"birds circling around the snow-covered tip"

Classic.....

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-09-15 13:45:30 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-09-15 12:03:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2



Now, the true question- did you make use of it while it was that big? i mean- consider the $ to be made in the porn industury...

Submitted by yidele at 2003-09-15 08:35:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Insanethemind at 2003-09-15 08:33:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys at 2003-09-15 08:29:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Funny.

Submitted by iddqd at 2003-09-15 03:43:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

how did i miss this?

worthy.

Submitted by bob at 2003-09-12 19:40:59 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

sry, i think that this suxed

Submitted by Denis_Leary at 2003-09-12 16:29:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

It was ok.

Submitted by Bellebrown at 2003-09-12 09:23:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I dont know why I never read this before.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-09-12 09:15:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

funny =)

Submitted by apollo88 at 2003-09-12 09:14:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Quality.

It is of course only a matter of time before so prick (gettit? prick?) fucks up your +2 average.

Welcome.


Submitted by Manfre at 2003-09-12 08:51:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by acrog (user info) at 2003-09-11 17:27:13 (#)
Ranking: 2

Seriously, We're all pretty anonomous here...

Have any of you ever used any of the Big Dick Pills?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have. I got the one that was on Stern for a while. Cant remember the name. But it worked. I didnt get much longer but I did get a bit thicker.

I got my best friends boyfriend a bottle cause he always bitched it wasnt long enough. He said he got a bit longer but not so much wider.

I have a feeling that it just evens your penis out. Mine was decently long and wasnt all that thick. Now its a decent thickness.

I did double the dosage for 2 months before I stopped. It only decreased a lil bit when I stopped. But its still thicker than when I started.

Christ Im such a loser.

Submitted by DrunkMonk at 2003-09-12 08:36:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Skin tower, eh?
You want proof that penis pills dont work? They are "secretly" sold over the internet.
Seriously, if this stuff actually made our johnsons huge, you know you'd be able to buy them in every grocery store or drug store in the world.

Submitted by Nicole3 at 2003-09-12 07:56:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Great post!

Sorry, to break it to you, but the pumps don't work either. There have been studies on it. Basically, the penis tissue is too elastic. You can stretch it out temporarily using a vacuum but it will go back to it's original size, just as a rubber band does after you release the tension on it. It won't take a permanent set. The elasticity of the penis is why you don't get bigger with every erection, as erections stretch the tissue. Other areas of the body that aren't so elastic will stretch, though, if put under prolonged tension.

Submitted by Quartermain at 2003-09-11 23:36:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Otter at 2003-09-11 20:51:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

funny stuff.

Submitted by antluvdog at 2003-09-11 20:18:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Well done.

Submitted by virgil at 2003-09-11 20:17:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"and how God beat-off my advances"


Submitted by PWNstar at 2003-09-11 20:12:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Very creative....I'll leave it at that

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-09-11 20:09:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'd do ya...




...in the pooper

Submitted by bart at 2003-09-11 19:23:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This is great!

Submitted by dasteve at 2003-09-11 18:58:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm not going to fuck this rating up.

Submitted by Hairsphincter at 2003-09-11 18:44:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"God beat-off my advances into heaven"

God porn.

Submitted by beer-turtle at 2003-09-11 18:03:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

good read.

What I was thinking about doing was getting 11 friends to work with me on a project to see if Enzyte truly worked. They are currently offering 1 month's free supply for just shipping and handling. I figure if I get 11 friends to order the $60 pills per month will cost me just under $60 in shipping and handling (4.50 x 12). That way I will have a years supply and be able to perform a test of the product.

I am not ashamed of my current size by any means (upper end of average) but I am curious (what man wouldn't be excepting maybe those hung like John Holmes)as to whether or not this quackery is affected.

who knows you may see me in pornos soon

-Turtle
(soon in extra large size maybe)

Submitted by streetpunk at 2003-09-11 17:43:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

That's funny, good to have you aboard.

Submitted by chicagogirl at 2003-09-11 17:41:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

good stuff.

Submitted by Phinch at 2003-09-11 17:40:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

bored at work?

i was listening to "lovelines" with adam & dr. Drew (radio show about sex, drugs and everything else)

they had a doctor that specialized in things like sex changes, correcting bent penises and whatnot.

he stated that the pills are crap and do not work.

pumps however do.

"One book: Swedish-Made Penis Enlarger Pumps and Me: This Sort of
Thing Is My Bag, Baby,"

Submitted by FATMANTPK at 2003-09-11 17:29:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Funny

Submitted by acrog at 2003-09-11 17:27:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Seriously, We're all pretty anonomous here...

Have any of you ever used any of the Big Dick Pills?

Submitted by Natophelia at 2003-09-11 17:25:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

huh huh..you said member...

Submitted by acrog at 2003-09-11 17:24:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

nice

Submitted by Mercutio at 2003-09-11 17:20:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You have potential to become a great member. Keep this up and you'll go down in history.

Submitted by loki at 2003-09-11 17:19:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 for not including a picture

Submitted by pacificsharp at 2003-09-11 17:17:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by lowsodiummonkey at 2003-09-11 17:12:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Now that's a good first post.


Laser effects, mirrored balls -- John Williams must be rolling around
in his grave.

-- Homer Simpson
The Springfield Connection