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When Good Hamsters-in-a-Condom Go Bad

Submitted by Vermin at 2004-06-12 12:19:00 EDT
Rating: 0.33 on 44 ratings (44 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Last night I stuffed a hamster-in-a-condom up my ass (It's a hobby of mine and I would appreciate it if you did not judge me). The problem is that I'll be damned if the little bugger didn't chew his way out and escape into my colon. I can feel him right now, squirming around in there, spelunking my ass caves.

He is plotting and scheming something nasty. I know it.

I am actually getting a bit worried. I would have thought the little devil would have asphyxiated by now and I could just poop him out naturally, but so far that's not the case. I probably should go to the hospital and get the hamster removed, but I just know that those fuckers would call the SPCA on me. I would probably get charged with cruelty to animals or some nonsense like that.

I have been thinking of different methods to get it out of there. One was maybe poking a stick up my ass, but that would probably just scare him farther in. I could also shove a cat in there, but that would just leave me with a larger animal stuck in my rectum.

What I think I am going to do is eat some hot chilli. The combination of the hot burning spices and the powerful farts that will be generated should either outright kill the little bastard, or at least blow him out.

Any other suggestions would certainly be appreciated.

Anyways, I'll keep you posted.



Oh yeah ladies, here is a camwhore picture of me to drool over.




bigNsexy.jpg
bigNsexy.jpg


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Submitted by WorbelatorTenTrillion at 2005-05-18 14:11:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

MWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH HAH HAH HAH HAAAAAA the only women that would find this guy attractive are 90 year olds who can't help shitting themselves (and maybe me)

Submitted by WorbelatorTenTrillion at 2005-05-18 14:06:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Twice

Submitted by WorbelatorTenTrillion at 2005-05-18 14:05:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Up the ass

Submitted by WorbelatorTenTrillion at 2005-05-18 14:05:12 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

I boned a hamster

Submitted by equaIizer at 2004-10-20 23:56:13 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I will not belch the National Anthem.

Submitted by fastpez1 at 2004-10-17 20:42:38 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by EricRice at 2004-10-17 20:39:39 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I don't mind you talking so much, as long as you don't mind me not listening.

Submitted by equalizer at 2004-10-10 15:47:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Equalized.

Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts at 2004-09-15 17:24:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I never +2ed this?

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-18 04:50:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

http://www.ubersite.com/m/35109

Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-06-06 04:09:18 (#)
Ranking: -2

I heart Davy!

Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-06-06 04:00:04 (#)
Ranking: -2

Submitted by Jill (user info) at 2004-06-06 03:42:47 (#)
Ranking: 0

mystia are you jealous of me already, you can't get a man. sorry bitch go to the dog pound.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HAHAHAHA if you say so.

I'm ugly, somebody hold me.

Please.

Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-06-06 03:40:47 (#)
Ranking: -2

comment

Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-06-06 02:11:11 (#)
Ranking: -2

something

Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-06-06 01:30:38 (#)
Ranking: -2

No Comment

Submitted by Circe at 2004-06-13 07:08:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-06-12 12:26:03 (#)
Ranking: 2

It's late. I'm laughing. I'm probably going to be ashamed of this rating in the morning, but fuck it.
_________________________

I was right.

Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish at 2004-06-13 06:49:55 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2004-06-13 03:38:07 (#)
Ranking: 0

mystiamoon,

Whether you like it or not, some people found this post amusing. If I offended 100 people to amuse 1, so be it - my job is done. Therefore, go fuck yourself snapperhead.
---
What the fuck kind of insult is snapperhead anyways? Don't public schools teach our children better than this, you fromunda cheese eating, Spiderman jammy jam wearing, cockholster. Oh, be sure and tell your mom that she was wonderful last night. Now, now, don't get upset. I only have time to come around on the weekends. You can still hit it during the week.

Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish at 2004-06-13 06:39:20 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Because I'm cranky this morning.

Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish at 2004-06-13 06:38:56 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

See below:

Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish at 2004-06-13 06:38:07 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2004-06-13 04:16:14 (#)
Ranking: -2

smegma
---
Do not -2 my post, just because I -2's yours.

Submitted by Vermin at 2004-06-13 03:38:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

mystiamoon,

Whether you like it or not, some people found this post amusing. If I offended 100 people to amuse 1, so be it - my job is done. Therefore, go fuck yourself snapperhead.

Submitted by mystiamoon at 2004-06-12 18:18:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

awww. another alter created just to make this look credible.

sad....so very sad.

Submitted by Jay0870 at 2004-06-12 18:12:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I have to admit, that is some funny stuff. I sure hope you are not serious though.
That is just over the top. Keep the funny stories coming. Again, I hope it was just a funny story.
+2 from me....

Submitted by lojope at 2004-06-12 18:10:33 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Ok... so you took the opening monologue from Mallrats and turned it into a story. Good one.



Actually... not that good...




In fact... pretty damn stupid.

Submitted by mystiamoon at 2004-06-12 18:01:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

No because I waived my fee for you to use my name freely.


Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish at 2004-06-12 17:54:23 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

"If you would take your stupid ass to Fetishes graph posts you will see me towards the top of the postive effects and +2 graphs on almost all of them."

Isn't there a fee for mentioning my name? Well... In lieu of a fee you can give me a spanking.

Submitted by mystiamoon at 2004-06-12 17:49:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

not really random cowards imaginary equally cowardly friend.


For one , how would you know my ability or talent considering I havent posted.
Secondly I very rarely verbally assault anyone here.
If you would take your stupid ass to Fetishes graph posts you will see me towards the top of the postive effects and +2 graphs on almost all of them.

At least 5 people a week ask me if they can show me a post before it goes up. My opinion must hold some validity even though your little personal attack tries to say otherwise.


Sounds too me as if random fuckface and his imginary friends are possibly jealous because I get a little attention here and there on this site. Yet I don't post or even try to gain any fame here.
I bet that really burns your ass doesn't it.
I bet you post and get ignored or get ripped on.
I'm sorry your own expierences are so sad that you have to attack someone like me.
I come here, I read, I rate, Crack a few jokes here and there, support my friends and slam ignorant posts such as this one.


You should just reveal your identity.
Why dont you? afraid people will defend me?
Honestly I have NEVER went and -2ed ANYONE who took a shot at me, although I bet that is your style since that is childish and cowardly too.
So really there wouldnt be any backlash towards your true identity from me so whats with the hiding?

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-12 17:29:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

TRANSLATION OF THIS REVIEW:

I am a completely talentless hack who can verbally assault other users unique and original ideas, but in no way can I formulate my own. Therefore, I shall just continue to rate others without ever contributing anything worthwhile.

HAHAHAHA
That was great, I couldn't have put it more eloquently. Really hits the nail on the head, eh mystia?

Submitted by Method at 2004-06-12 15:48:10 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

this would be funny if.....well.... if it were funny, frankly.

Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish at 2004-06-12 14:53:08 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

This is another of AJ's accounts.

Submitted by domenad at 2004-06-12 14:42:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 just for Stoned Silly's comment.

Submitted by mystiamoon at 2004-06-12 14:32:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Yeah, ok, anyway.....

Not posting does not automatically render me a talentless hack.
Posting stories or other things on a website does not automatically render you TALENTED!

That's right people keep taking your shots at me because I do not post.
Theres a unique and original idea for sure!

Submitted by Vermin at 2004-06-12 14:27:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Random Joe wasn't me but he's got a point slore. Go fuck a chainsaw.

Submitted by mystiamoon at 2004-06-12 14:09:51 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

One other thing random wuss.
If this is your idea of a unique and original idea, then your last random pot shot at me holds zero validity.

Submitted by youarsoghey at 2004-06-12 14:07:33 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-06-12 14:05:36 (#)
Ranking: -2

yup


At least I dont hide behind random joe to state my opinion coward.

================================================================

Exactly what I was thinking.

Submitted by kitchens_closed at 2004-06-12 14:05:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Funny post, but GOD-motherfucking-DAMN. You are an ugly sonofabitch.

Submitted by mystiamoon at 2004-06-12 14:05:36 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

yup


At least I dont hide behind random joe to state my opinion coward.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-12 14:03:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-06-12 13:58:19 (#)
Ranking: -2

TRANSLATION OF THIS POST:


"Hi i'm another Uber regular with attention issues who loves to create alters and post shocking or outrageous bullshit for kicks"

"Everyone please pull out your best burns for my super secret alter identity so I can sit back and watch."

Jewtoast has been the only alter that was actually funny and never went for shock value or sick sexual fetishes.

Method is funny.
You are just trying to hard.

funny picture tho.

TRANSLATION OF THIS REVIEW:

I am a completely talentless hack who can verbally assault other users unique and original ideas, but in no way can I formulate my own. Therefore, I shall just continue to rate others without ever contributing anything worthwhile.

Yes, I know I'm being a total bitch, I'm just bored with invasion of the retarded alters.

Submitted by mystiamoon at 2004-06-12 13:58:19 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

TRANSLATION OF THIS POST:


"Hi i'm another Uber regular with attention issues who loves to create alters and post shocking or outrageous bullshit for kicks"

"Everyone please pull out your best burns for my super secret alter identity so I can sit back and watch."

Jewtoast has been the only alter that was actually funny and never went for shock value or sick sexual fetishes.

Method is funny.
You are just trying to hard.

funny picture tho.



Yes, I know I'm being a total bitch, I'm just bored with invasion of the retarded alters.

Submitted by indigogecko at 2004-06-12 13:34:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

erm.. oookaaaaay.... but it was amusing. Revision is boring.

Submitted by zahnseele at 2004-06-12 13:00:29 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

very boring .....

Submitted by StonedSilly at 2004-06-12 12:40:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"..Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks.."

Submitted by Stin at 2004-06-12 12:39:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Title alone was worth that. Good luck!

Submitted by Envenom at 2004-06-12 12:35:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I didn't know Richard Gere posted on Uber!

Submitted by fluff at 2004-06-12 12:32:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

It was a pretty small hamster right? Or you probably are trained well in sticking things up your arse?

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-12 12:30:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

If ever there were a face to put to a post, this is it.

Submitted by Circe at 2004-06-12 12:26:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

It's late. I'm laughing. I'm probably going to be ashamed of this rating in the morning, but fuck it.

Submitted by j0andre1 at 2004-06-12 12:25:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Yeah, it made me laugh...

Put some peanutbutter on the tip of your finger and shove it in there... you can lure them back through the anus, trust me.

Submitted by Insanethemind at 2004-06-12 12:21:04 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

"anyways"


Television -- teacher, mother, secret lover!

-- Homer Simpson
Treehouse of Horror V