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The Joy of Wife Beating

Submitted by Vermin at 2004-06-23 11:38:52 EDT
Rating: 0.35 on 72 ratings (72 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

I was wading through the chest-high tide of festering excrement that most of Ubersite is when I stumbled across the following lovely little gem.


http://www.ubersite.com/m/36338


It brought a wry grin of recognition to my face, as I have been beating my wife for years. I don't know what Sonra did to get that nasty shiner, but I bet she deserved it. In all the years that I have been beating my wife, I can only think of a few occasions where I beat her unfairly. Those times where I did beat her without cause, I was just taking my frustrations at work out on her. I made up for it by taking her out to the steakhouse afterwards.


I can still remember the first time I gave my wife a good thumping. Soon after we were married I came home stinking and drunk from a boy's night out. I smelled of booze, tobacco and cheep perfume, and my wife started chirping off about it. Without saying a word, I just reared back and slugged her in the gut. She went down like the twin towers. My wife didn't have too much to chirp about after that let me tell ya.


Now all I have to do is raise my fist, and my wife will shape right up. I have her perfectly trained. Most women are too uppity these days, but not my wife. Let me tell you fellas, beatings are far more economical to improve your wife's behavior than buying her fancy jewelry. They are more satisfying too.


I don't know what caused the fine art of wife beating to become socially unacceptable. I suspect it's something to do with liberals and being 'politicaly correct'. In the old days, wife beating was America's greatest past time next to baseball. Take a look at the old black and white sitcoms. You can bet Rick gave Lucy a few good shots when she got out of line. I know that Ralph Kramden sent Alice to the moon on more than one occasion. Nowdays, I can't think of a single sitcom where wife beating takes place to generate laughs. America has truly lost its way,


A tip for you aspiring wife beaters out there:


The one thing though that was done incorrectly in the picture is that Sonra was hit in the face. I know from experience that it is best to avoid hitting your wife in the face, as it leaves obvious marks. You don't want any nosy relatives or social services snooping around, trying to cause trouble. Hit her in the torso where those bruises can be easily covered.


Finally, I leave you with picture of the greatest wife beater of all.

jackie-gleason.jpg
jackie-gleason.jpg


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Reviews


Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude at 2007-08-18 04:21:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Axolotl at 2007-08-17 23:13:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

all of the people who -2ed this have no sense of humor.
Or in the case of Fetish, touch little girls.

Submitted by hidden101 at 2007-08-17 22:59:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

i would totally beat and rape lojope. it would be AWESOME.

Submitted by BobLobla at 2006-06-06 17:46:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Wife beating is funny...

Submitted by Puffy_Fluff at 2006-05-14 18:41:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

wife beating is funny.

Submitted by EchoBoxing at 2006-05-14 18:19:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

awesome as usual.

Submitted by Aeneas at 2006-05-01 17:40:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Ah yes, the post that brought me to ubersite!

Thank you, Vermin!

Submitted by MistressFist at 2005-12-07 12:20:47 EST (#)
Rating: 0

With a name like Sonra, the bitch had it comin'.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2005-12-07 12:20:00 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-01-17 03:39:37 (#)
Ranking: 2


Wow ,that was funny stuff ,well done,everybody loosen up a bit. Was good humour.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What happened to Wazza? Did he die? Is he really one of Method's alters? I need some answers here.

Submitted by jesset at 2005-12-07 12:14:28 EST (#)
Rating: 0

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?















Nothing, she's been told twice already!

Submitted by John2 at 2005-12-07 12:06:30 EST (#)
Rating: -2

You suck.

Submitted by Caulaincourt at 2005-12-07 11:44:33 EST (#)
Rating: 2

:-D

Submitted by apollo88 at 2005-01-17 04:00:44 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Has anyone else noticed that no matter what the subject rape/self harm/abortion/wife beating/testicular cancer Stin has either directly been involved or has a 'friend' whom she 'watched the last flutter of breath escape her lips (wow I CAN do melodrama)'?

She has either had a really, really shit life or is disseminating.





Submitted by Wazza at 2005-01-17 03:39:37 EST (#)
Rating: 2


Wow ,that was funny stuff ,well done,everybody loosen up a bit. Was good humour.

Submitted by DonovanMD at 2005-01-17 03:14:08 EST (#)
Rating: 2

hahahaha, awesome stuff. Hilarious lol.

Submitted by equaIizer at 2004-10-21 00:26:50 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

Submitted by EricRice at 2004-10-17 21:12:12 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Your mind isn't so much twisted as badly sprained.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-03 22:53:45 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

If you're serious, you're fucking sick.

Submitted by monkeyrape at 2004-08-08 18:35:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

How many battered wives does it take to screw in a lightbulb.....one if she knows whats good for her!

Submitted by Screwyouall at 2004-08-08 18:26:34 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

you sick fuck

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-07-18 09:45:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Funny enough.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-28 15:06:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Don't beat the wife. Why? Because she'll probably be keeled over, too weak to give you some good servicin'. She also won't be moaning (like the slut she is) when you assrape her; she'll be too busy crying. :)

Submitted by Stin at 2004-06-26 07:15:26 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Stin, Rin Tin. Goddammit you have seen much but you understand nothing. You must be very young. I feel bad for your friend, I honestly do. The guy who did that should go away for ever. Honestly, a man beating a women is fucking sick, and it sounds like this guy went totally insane. He doesn't deserve to live.

However, if I want to joke about wife beating I will. If I want to joke about cutting the heads off raghead terrorist muslins, I will. If I want to make fun of Micheal Jackons molesting children I will. Words are words, and that is all they are. Words should never be feared or censored. It is only through fear or censorship that words gain their power.
-----------------


Vermin, I understand your point about censorship and freedom of speech. I'm not stopping you talking about it, I just don't agree with your post. I don't fear your words, nor would I stop you writing them. But nor can you expressing a strongly-held belief that those words were wrong and you shouldn't have spoken them. I would never dream of stopping you writing whatever the hell you want to, I would just hope to appeal to your better nature and not write things like that.

I'm 21. In my short life I have seen things I would happily have never seen in a million years. Maybe I'm just young and idealistic, but I can either accept the way that the world is or do something to change it.

The guy who did that to my friend hung himself, two days before her life support was turned off.

Submitted by lojope at 2004-06-25 13:51:48 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-25 13:27:10 (#)
Ranking: -2

Everytime I see this post I get disgusted.

Submitted by lamer at 2004-06-25 13:51:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Ya like I said it's still up my ass so i could not read the name tag, but I think you're right about that.

Submitted by tartpumper at 2004-06-25 13:43:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Screech you mean.


Not that I ever watched it.....honest....

Submitted by lamer at 2004-06-25 13:39:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

You know this isn’t funny at all... have you ever considered the other side. My wife beats me regularly, and I am too ashamed to call the cops on her; not to mention she has my testicles hostage. The other day I walked into the house and I proceeded to make a pot of coffee when out of no where she pumps a can full of pepper spray in my eyes then hits me with the taser gun. When I awoke I found the complete “Saved by the Bell” action figure set shoved up my ass. I’ve gotten all but shriek out now…

Submitted by loki at 2004-06-25 13:37:43 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

nope

Submitted by MickGinny at 2004-06-25 13:32:59 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

forgot to rank

Submitted by MickGinny at 2004-06-25 13:32:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Ralph Kramden never touched Alice, he may have wanted to send her to the moon but he would never have laid a hand on her.

Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish at 2004-06-25 13:27:10 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Everytime I see this post I get disgusted.

Submitted by tartpumper at 2004-06-25 13:17:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Q: What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing, shes already been told twice...

Q: What did the woman do the day she came out of the battered wives shelter?
A: The dishes, if she knows whats good for her...

Submitted by Rammstein at 2004-06-25 12:47:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WE SHOULD DO THIS TO ALL THE SMELLY IRAQI PEOPLE TOO. KEEP THOSE MONKEYS IN LINE HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis at 2004-06-25 02:28:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"Words should never be feared or censored. It is only through fear or censorship that words gain their power. Fuck, laugh at my words and they lose all meaning. Take them seriously, and the asshole as won."

That's quote worthy.

Submitted by Vermin at 2004-06-25 02:06:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Holy fuck excuse my spelling. I do not spellcheck on replies.

Submitted by Vermin at 2004-06-25 02:02:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-06-24 04:51:31 (#)
Ranking: -2

You wait until you've seen a friend in intensive care, monitors bleeping all around her, a machine forcing the air into her lungs and tubes administering blood, meds and fluids.

You wait until you've tried to hold her hand to tell her it's ok but you can't because it's got no skin on the back where it's been torched with a welder.

You wait until you can't recognise your beautiful, loving friends face because it's so swollen and distorted from the punches, and you can no longer tell what colour her skin is because of the bruising.

You wait until you get that phone call at 3am to say come down to the hospital to say goodbye, because we don't think she's going to live to see 4o'clock.

You wait until you arrive when they're pulling back to covers so that you can see the crumpled torso where too many ribs have been broken.

You wait until you've seen it, and if you can still make jokes about it after that, then go ahead.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stin, Rin Tin. Goddammit you have seen much but you understand nothing. You must be very young. I feel bad for your friend, I honestly do. The guy who did that should go away for ever. Honestly, a man beating a women is fucking sick, and it sounds like this guy went totally insane. He doesn't deserve to live.

However, if I want to joke about wife beating I will. If I want to joke about cutting the heads off raghead terrorist muslins, I will. If I want to make fun of Micheal Jackons molesting children I will. Words are words, and that is all they are. Words should never be feared or censored. It is only through fear or censorship that words gain their power.

Fuck, laugh at my words and they lose all meaning. Take them seriously, and the asshole as won.

That is all,

_*Vermin*_

Submitted by Sonra at 2004-06-24 07:58:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

"I don't know what Sonra did to get that nasty shiner, but I bet she deserved it."

oh i'm sure my brothers friends being kicked out of school for dealing was all my fault...



Submitted by lojope at 2004-06-24 07:48:09 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

For stin

Submitted by TheMidnight12AM at 2004-06-24 05:19:00 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

-2 because it sucks.
+1 because you will never get worst ever.

Submitted by Stin at 2004-06-24 04:51:31 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

You wait until you've seen a friend in intensive care, monitors bleeping all around her, a machine forcing the air into her lungs and tubes administering blood, meds and fluids.

You wait until you've tried to hold her hand to tell her it's ok but you can't because it's got no skin on the back where it's been torched with a welder.

You wait until you can't recognise your beautiful, loving friends face because it's so swollen and distorted from the punches, and you can no longer tell what colour her skin is because of the bruising.

You wait until you get that phone call at 3am to say come down to the hospital to say goodbye, because we don't think she's going to live to see 4o'clock.

You wait until you arrive when they're pulling back to covers so that you can see the crumpled torso where too many ribs have been broken.

You wait until you've seen it, and if you can still make jokes about it after that, then go ahead.

Submitted by Vermin at 2004-06-24 01:34:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

As Lojo said, there are some things that just don't stand up to being joked about.
--------------------------------

You may be right, but sorry, wife beating ain't one of those things.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-23 17:23:28 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by Stin at 2004-06-23 17:22:51 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I know it's satire, but I also knew someone who was beaten to within an inch of her life by her husband (as in, we didn't know if she'd make it through the night), so I just don't think it's even remotely amusing. As Lojo said, there are some things that just don't stand up to being joked about.

Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish at 2004-06-23 14:12:15 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Even this dude is better than you: http://www.ubersite.com/m/29153

Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis at 2004-06-23 13:38:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Lol....

Submitted by BillsSBChamps at 2004-06-23 13:31:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fuck that bitch up then stick your cock in her ass.

Submitted by Hadooken at 2004-06-23 13:28:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 for getting everybodies panties in a bunch over something that was obviously written to do just that. you hooked em good.

Submitted by Loren at 2004-06-23 13:26:06 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Stupid. The truth is that you probably get beaten by your gay lover.

Submitted by Vermin at 2004-06-23 13:18:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-06-23 13:11:09 (#)
Ranking: -2

Still chasing for Worst Ever, Vermin?
-----------
Yes. One of these days, the dream will come true.

Submitted by Slapshot99 at 2004-06-23 13:15:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

"I honesly tried to follow these steps.......but to no avail..I was gonna show her "all night long", but she read this post first and beat me (literally) to it, "Thats why I'm easy" - Lionel Ritchie

Submitted by DataForge22 at 2004-06-23 13:13:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-06-23 12:25:23 (#)
Ranking: -2

I fucking hate you right now. Why do people have to joke about this stuff? It's not funny. Abuse, rape, molestation... none of it's funny. People who are survivors of these things are changed for the rest of their lives. They are haunted forever. It's not funny. It's cruel and heartless to make a joke out of their trauma. You know, sometimes I feel like the good stories aren't good enough to keep me coming back here and wading through shit like this. It upsets me to the point of tears. I clicked on this hoping the title was sarcastic or something... hoping that this was really about... I don't know what... winning a video game against your wife or something. Instead I get this shit. Oh yeah cruelty to women is so fucking funny. Tell that to the woman who spends nights locked in a closet while her crazy drunk husband beats on the door, praying he won't get in, knowing that if he does he will probably kill her. Tell that to the children whose mother eventually does get killed by her husband. Fuck you.

_ _ _ _ _

Sorry lojope but what you said made me laugh uncontrollably for some odd reason btw good post

(i can"t use commas or apostrophes or any punctuation because my bloody keyboard is fucking up)

Submitted by Circe at 2004-06-23 13:11:09 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Still chasing for Worst Ever, Vermin? Try another topic - this one's overdone. Here's your -2 because I like you.

Submitted by KoolMang at 2004-06-23 13:09:33 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Let me comment on this like a guy who looks at things from both sides of the table. If I was in a marriage, and I hated my wife with a burning passion, divorce wouldn't be good because she'd get my shit. So if I hit her, and she became terrified for LIFE, I would win, and still be married, and get to keep all my shit. On the other hand, sadistic abuse of another person is a double-edged blade, because you may get temporary satisfaction from hitting her, but afterwards you'll regret it. Also, you'll be in constant fear of the cops coming to get you IF she calls them eventually.

With girlfriend beating, the only real difference is that if you split up as a result, no shit is TAKEN, but the boyfriend could stalk the girlfriend as a result, and that could be even worse.

lojope, I know that what I said right now didn't sound very nice to women at all, but I'm saying it as if I was the husband/boyfriend who was the abuser. There are some violence actions I condone, such as the systematic slaughter of 1000 Iraqis for every American killed, or Bush being dragged out of the White House, and being beaten within an inch of his life. But when you start a relationship, whether it be for fun, or for life, you have to stick to it. Quite a rambling this has been, but I just wanted to express my opinion on the whole matter. Like those wife-beater support groups, I say wife-beaters should get help, if they want to keep their relationship.

Submitted by shitfuck at 2004-06-23 13:06:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

ha ha ha!

Fucking beat that bitch then rape her in the asshole--that's her reward for being a good little bitch!

Fucking genius Vermin!

Submitted by Vermin at 2004-06-23 13:02:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


It's not about being PC it's about being a decent human being.
-----------
Oh no! I made a satire about wife beating. I am a monster unfit for society. I am worse than all the trolls on this site who post about turning Iraq into a lake or raping dead nigger babies.

I think you should try and thicken your skin up a bit there. Perhaps a beating from your husband would help?

Submitted by William_Q_Percy at 2004-06-23 13:02:10 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-23 11:41:11 (#)
Ranking: -2

Drink QueenAsslee's douche water.


-----

fucking sick

Submitted by Caulaincourt at 2004-06-23 13:00:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

what kind of shit is this hahahaha

Submitted by lojope at 2004-06-23 12:33:32 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

It's not about being PC it's about being a decent human being.

Submitted by kiketta at 2004-06-23 12:32:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

People need to get a sense of humor and stop being so darn PC. This was funny.

Submitted by facehead at 2004-06-23 12:31:16 EDT (#)
Rating: -1


"I fucking hate you right now. Why do people have to joke about this stuff? It's not funny. Abuse, rape, molestation... none of it's funny. People who are survivors of these things are changed for the rest of their lives. They are haunted forever. It's not funny. It's cruel and heartless to make a joke out of their trauma."

Hmm.... Ok mister, shut the hell up and stop pretending you are any better. It's a joke, and if you can't take it, then you shouldn't be on this site, I don't give a fuck what the joke is about.

Submitted by lojope at 2004-06-23 12:25:23 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I fucking hate you right now. Why do people have to joke about this stuff? It's not funny. Abuse, rape, molestation... none of it's funny. People who are survivors of these things are changed for the rest of their lives. They are haunted forever. It's not funny. It's cruel and heartless to make a joke out of their trauma. You know, sometimes I feel like the good stories aren't good enough to keep me coming back here and wading through shit like this. It upsets me to the point of tears. I clicked on this hoping the title was sarcastic or something... hoping that this was really about... I don't know what... winning a video game against your wife or something. Instead I get this shit. Oh yeah cruelty to women is so fucking funny. Tell that to the woman who spends nights locked in a closet while her crazy drunk husband beats on the door, praying he won't get in, knowing that if he does he will probably kill her. Tell that to the children whose mother eventually does get killed by her husband. Fuck you.

Submitted by lojope at 2004-06-23 12:09:50 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-23 11:41:11 (#)
Ranking: -2

Drink QueenAsslee's douche water.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-23 11:40:45 (#)
Ranking: -2

This is horrible.

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Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-06-23 11:40:31 (#)
Ranking: -2

No Comment

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2004-06-23 12:03:48 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Bad attempt at satire.

Submitted by Amusingly_shaped_semen_stain at 2004-06-23 12:02:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Bam! Boom! Straight to the moon!

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-23 11:50:17 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Dick.

Submitted by lowsodiummonkey at 2004-06-23 11:47:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

"Without saying a word, I just reared back and slugged her in the gut. She went down like the twin towers. My wife didn't have too much to chirp about after that let me tell ya"

The above line was just so absurd that I had to laugh. I don't know why, but this is one of those stupid posts that actually made laugh... or maybe it's because I got into an arguemnet with my wife last night.

Submitted by munkeypants at 2004-06-23 11:47:11 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by sliver at 2004-06-23 11:47:11 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

this is worse than my posts

Submitted by jme7551 at 2004-06-23 11:46:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

this is funny because if i was your wife i would
get you good and drunk, then while you were passed
out drunk, i would duct tape your dick to your leg.
so the next morning when you woke up having to take
an incredible piss you'd have to rip off every fucking
hair of your legs and genitalia before you could.
of course it would be a bonus if you pissed yourself.

Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish at 2004-06-23 11:41:11 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Drink QueenAsslee's douche water.

Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish at 2004-06-23 11:40:45 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

This is horrible.

Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish at 2004-06-23 11:40:31 EDT (#)
Rating: -2


I wish for a turkey sandwich on rye bread with lettuce and mustard. And
-- and I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey
myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises -- you got it?

-- Homer Simpson
Treehouse of Horror II