The Joy of Wife BeatingSubmitted by Vermin at 2004-06-23 11:38:52 EDT
Rating: 0.35 on 72 ratings (72 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
I was wading through the chest-high tide of festering excrement that most of Ubersite is when I stumbled across the following lovely little gem.
It brought a wry grin of recognition to my face, as I have been beating my wife for years. I don't know what Sonra did to get that nasty shiner, but I bet she deserved it. In all the years that I have been beating my wife, I can only think of a few occasions where I beat her unfairly. Those times where I did beat her without cause, I was just taking my frustrations at work out on her. I made up for it by taking her out to the steakhouse afterwards.
I can still remember the first time I gave my wife a good thumping. Soon after we were married I came home stinking and drunk from a boy's night out. I smelled of booze, tobacco and cheep perfume, and my wife started chirping off about it. Without saying a word, I just reared back and slugged her in the gut. She went down like the twin towers. My wife didn't have too much to chirp about after that let me tell ya.
Now all I have to do is raise my fist, and my wife will shape right up. I have her perfectly trained. Most women are too uppity these days, but not my wife. Let me tell you fellas, beatings are far more economical to improve your wife's behavior than buying her fancy jewelry. They are more satisfying too.
I don't know what caused the fine art of wife beating to become socially unacceptable. I suspect it's something to do with liberals and being 'politicaly correct'. In the old days, wife beating was America's greatest past time next to baseball. Take a look at the old black and white sitcoms. You can bet Rick gave Lucy a few good shots when she got out of line. I know that Ralph Kramden sent Alice to the moon on more than one occasion. Nowdays, I can't think of a single sitcom where wife beating takes place to generate laughs. America has truly lost its way,
A tip for you aspiring wife beaters out there:
The one thing though that was done incorrectly in the picture is that Sonra was hit in the face. I know from experience that it is best to avoid hitting your wife in the face, as it leaves obvious marks. You don't want any nosy relatives or social services snooping around, trying to cause trouble. Hit her in the torso where those bruises can be easily covered.
Finally, I leave you with picture of the greatest wife beater of all.
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