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My Sister Is A Lesbian and All I Got Out Of It Was A Pair Of Tight Pants

Submitted by NerfHerder at 2004-08-27 10:22:25 EDT
Rating: 1.82 on 225 ratings (225 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Do you think I’m a spy or something? I’ll give you a hint: I’m not. I’m a fucking waiter. I bring you your food with a quasi-creepy smile just to get a bigger tip, not because I heard the tail end of one of your unimportant conversations about the neighbor’s blinds or the new breasts of your child’s teacher.

Don’t act like you don’t do it.

Whenever you are eating out at a restaurant and you see a waiter approach, you put any and all conversations on hold. God forbid I overhear that you just painted your car, and you are unsure of the new color.

I would take that information straight to my manager to give him a hearty laugh, who would in turn, report it to the CIA and FBI so they can check up on you in a few weeks.

I guess the silence has its advantages, though. This way, I can ask who ordered what, and give you customer’s a sense of importance in the dining experience.

But every once in a while, very rarely in fact, some people are so engrossed in a conversation that they don’t notice my stealth panther-like movements as I pop by to refill their water.

--

I had been working at Yugo’s, an upscale Italian restaurant, for around 7 months. I had the job down and was starting to notice the regulars. Every Thursday, the Kuwolski family would come in and order the family sized pepperoni pizza, one of our specialties. Every Saturday, Larry Ting would have a date, and every Saturday, he would wink at me at the end of the date. Whether he was signifying that he was getting laid or if he was coming on to me, I’ll never know. But he was a good tipper, which was all I cared about.

And then there was Miss Rechisk, or Jane as she preferred to be called. Miss Rechisk was a lesbian. She wasn’t a great looking lady, but she still got young bi-curious girls to sleep with her by flauntering her experience as her main asset.

Last night, Jane had a particularly good looking young woman with her, who looked somewhat familiar to me. At least, from what I could tell from behind, this woman looked like she could’ve been most men’s dream. But for some reason, she was turning to the dark side. Nothing I could do about it now.

But that didn’t mean I couldn’t try.

I devised a cunning plan by which I would make the evening horrible, hoping that this lesbian newbie would associate lesbianism with crappy service and go back to the cock. Preferably mine...but I figured she would also associate me with the crappy service as well. Oh well, you have to take one for the team sometimes.

I saw Jane making her first move, the classic “wrist grab while laughing”. She used it everytime. This was my first opportunity. Mystery girl’s water was dipping below the halfway line. She was nervous, I was counting on her drinking a lot of water tonight.

I walked over to the table, and immediately Jane took her hand off of her prey’s wrist, filling the table with deathly silence. The two girls both looked up at me and glared into my soul as if I had broken into their house and killed the family pet. I took this opportunity to glance at the beautiful face of the lesbian I was trying to straighten out.

Uber, I have been shocked before by many things on this site. (Most recently, that picture of the agent orange kid with no eyes) But nothing, nothing could’ve prepared me for what…or who I saw.

It was my own flesh and blood…my kid sister. 19 years old and fresh out of high school. It didn’t shock me that my sister was bi-curious. It shocked me that I wanted to fuck the living shit out of her before I saw who she actually was. People like me should be locked up in the hills of West Virginia where we can do no harm to our species.

“Sara,” I stammered. “I didn’t know…”

“Chris!” She seemed equally shocked, if not moreso. “I was just…um…”

I left. Well, the action was more akin to a “bolt” or a “dash”. I darted away from my sister and her new lover, into the restaurant’s break room. I had these pictures and memories of my sister that were so innocent…and all of them were being shattered.

My little sister’s first dance recital that I was forced to go to...Sara fell down and scraped her knee. But she got right back up and kept dancing, even though blood was pouring from her. In the new version, Sara stayed down and buried her face in between another little girl’s legs.

At the science fair, when Sara was accepting the First Place trophy for a project she had done just the night before it was due, she was kissed on the cheek by our semi-attractive science teacher. In the new version, Sara made out with Mrs. Utensky, and nobody in the audience seemed to care.

And last Christmas, when I gave my sister a giant pink dildo, the memory of her thanking me was replaced by her using that dildo on somebody else.

“No! No!” I couldn’t take it any more. I had to drown out the good memories to save them. I needed to think about something else. Anything else. Anything.

But as I went to stand up, I realized that my pants were much tighter than usual. My old friend, Cap’n Stabbin’ was up and about. This confused me. But as I look back on it now, it seems very simple. Cause and effect. Cause: I thought about lesbians (even if my sister was the constant). Effect: I had a boner. Yes, it was sick. Yes, I felt like an incestuous pig. And yes, my caring sister cared just enough to come into the back room and check on me.

As she entered the room, we saw each other eye-to-eye. And then eye-to-crotch. And then eye-to-slightly-disgusted-eye.

“What the fuck do you have a boner for,” asked my loving sister.

There was no easy way out of this. Of course, I couldn’t be honest. But I wasn’t an honest guy. I should be able to make up a lie, right?

“I was thinking...about…sea turtles. They really turn *gulp* me on. All of that going back and forth inside and outside of the shell.”

I started to go flaccid. Sara noticed.

“You weren’t thinking about li’l ol’ me, were you bro? Does the fact that I’m a lesbian turn you on?”

I got harder.

“Oh, there you go again. I don’t even have to describe all of the nasty stuff I want to do to do Jane to get you hard. Just knowing that your li’l sis likes to lick pussy is good enough for you, isn’t it?”

It was.

“N-no. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a very accepting person, Sara. But just because you like to lick pus-. Just because you get off thinking about other wo-.”

“You don’t have to say anything else. You’re just a big pervert who wants to fuck his sister and her lover, aren’t you?”

My bulge grew.

“Um…no?”

“Liar. You’d like nothing more than to see my head thrown back in pure lesbian ecstasy. Hands on my breasts as they heave up and down while my lover is expertly tending to my cunt as only a woman can. And when I am close to cumming, you want me to moan and scream and buck and cum all over my lover’s face. You want to watch me lick my own juices off of her face and then finger myself to yet another orgasm. You want all of this…and more.”

The truth was exposed. I did want this. At that moment, all I wanted was for Jane to come waltzing through the door and make hot lesbian love to my sister. 95% of me knew that this was wrong and I should be ashamed of myself. However, 5% of me (going on 6%), which happened to be doing all of the thinking at the time wanted it badly.

“Yes,” I gasped out. “That’s exactly what I want.”

My sister looked pleased.

“How much are you willing to sacrifice to see hour upon hour of it?”

I didn’t know what she meant by this.

“I don’t know what you mean by that.”

“Let me put things a little more bluntly for your smaller male brain. Are you willing to pay $29.95 to watch me and my girlfriends hump each other’s pussies for 3 hours straight?”

It seemed like a fair price. $10 an hour for shame that would last a lifetime.

“Yes. Of course.”

“Good. You can buy my video at any mom ‘n’ pop porno shop or Wal-Mart supercenter. Just ask for “Barely Legal Pussy Munchin’ Munchkins 4. You won’t be disappointed.”


Review This Item

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Reviews


Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2010-08-27 05:14:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

If this is true... Its awesome!

If not... Its still awesome!

Submitted by orphelia at 2010-08-27 04:07:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Kale at 2006-01-04 00:32:05 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by a_reader at 2006-01-04 00:00:09 EST (#)
Rating: 2

+2 for one of the first posts I ever read, long before I joined.

Submitted by Sexyred at 2006-01-03 23:31:38 EST (#)
Rating: 2

"ps....does it make me sick that I kinda wished you were my brother, and wanted to fuck me??! I think the thought of incestious relations are a hidden aphrodesiac (sp) because it is the ultimate forbidden act! (That's why some people here got 'excited' at the thought)....ahahah."

Good point...no it doesn't make you sick...cos I wished he were my brother too...actually I think we are both sick RandomChick...but in a good way.

Submitted by Sexyred at 2006-01-03 23:27:49 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Man....I found that story REALLY got me hot...I mean REALLY(!)Well done. You have turned me on to the whole 'Incest is sexy' thing. Trouble is, I don't have a sibling to test these new feelings out on. I always said that if I had a twin sister I would do her but I think that is just a form of self love. Maybe that's also true with other siblings, though. Especially hot lesbian/bi ones.

Submitted by yuvalset at 2005-11-18 02:31:24 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Good

Submitted by nightlightguy at 2005-07-21 02:27:14 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

turn around, folks. Nothing to see here.

Submitted by NerfHerder at 2005-04-27 16:43:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-04-25 12:07:07 (#)
Ranking: -2

I'VE READ THIS BEFORE! PLAGARIST!

---

Uh..on B@W, perhaps? This was posted a long, long time ago chap. But i assure you it came out of my own brainstem.

Submitted by Chillax at 2005-04-25 12:25:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

You had me believing it, with growing disbelief, till this appeared:

"You don't have to say anything else. You're just a big pervert who wants to fuck his sister and her lover, aren't you?"

If there is one sister in the world who would (knowingly) say that to her brother, then I'd be surprised. Then again, there are some strange peeps out there.

Then again two, it obviously wasn't meant to be taken all that seriously (read - not at all) and you did mention the word lesbian in the title *and* the content.

I'm a sucker for lesbians, I suppose.

Submitted by Feijuada at 2005-04-25 12:07:07 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I'VE READ THIS BEFORE! PLAGARIST!

Submitted by Sphagnum at 2005-04-25 11:55:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Great story!

Submitted by knucklesnelson at 2005-04-25 11:45:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by lemonfish at 2005-04-25 11:38:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

funny... sick but hey sick can be funny(or sexy)too

Submitted by piowufbhwervnerfnc at 2005-02-23 21:37:31 EST (#)
Rating: 2

How I've never seen this before shocks me..

AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAH

Submitted by DonovanMD at 2005-02-23 21:21:33 EST (#)
Rating: 2

haha, thats classic.

Submitted by WhoLetYouIn at 2005-02-23 21:20:13 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by urbaneruralite at 2005-02-23 21:06:18 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-12-04 17:43:53 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Would she let me do her once to "experience a real man" or is that totally out of the question?

Submitted by lone23star at 2004-12-04 17:35:13 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by zakalwe at 2004-11-18 12:37:16 EST (#)
Rating: 2

This was so good I read every single review just to see what people said.

I was trying to find out why you had so many hits on so few posts. This is the answer.

Submitted by ckoewing at 2004-11-10 03:38:40 EST (#)
Rating: 2

dude this is bad, very bad, i read this shit just after looking at pictures of tara reid's tit falling out, damnit now i gotta go to the bathroom, fuck.

Submitted by kwame_johnson at 2004-11-03 05:55:00 EST (#)
Rating: 1

made me smile

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-11 16:32:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This story is downright awesome... If its true, thats the sickest thing i've ever heard. Boy, Thanksgiving's gotta suck in that house after something like that!

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-09 01:15:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

aww man...i feel for u
my sister was trying to mimick
those pornstars masturbate infront of
my comp
the comp i spent 3000 buks on
man i only......14
but itz still quite good if u
imagine if she was someone else
haha

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-09 01:15:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Thats it i'm moving to america.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-02 13:22:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

heh, i'm a chick (yay) and i admit that girl on girl is really sexy. this story is great.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-02 04:32:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I'm 65 years old. Can I meat your sister?

Submitted by BillsSBChamps at 2004-10-01 15:23:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I got a huge boner reading this.

Now I must whack him off.

Submitted by Xile at 2004-10-01 15:04:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Nearly made me choke on my coffee :o

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-28 10:17:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I bet this is a true story

Submitted by Cornucopia at 2004-09-24 10:23:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

That was kinda cute.

Submitted by xenon at 2004-09-20 16:46:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I forgot to rate this when I read it a few weeks ago.

Submitted by interchange at 2004-09-20 16:39:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

The good thing about this post is that I can get a rise about it and NOT be a pervert!

P.S. Do (straight) women think that woman-on-woman is utterly disgusting like straight men think about man-on-man (I seriously had to cringe while typing that)?

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-20 16:18:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

boinggggggggggggg

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-09 21:58:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

u homophobic fuck ... i wish a good long hard fuck up the ass so you can discover your true repressed sefl. good luck with women, your going to need it.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-09 19:05:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by sublime at 2004-09-09 06:27:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

<bows to the master>

Submitted by mxc_jwebber at 2004-09-09 05:21:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Like the others, I now feel unclean. Very good, and believable til the break room part. Keep it up. KICKER OF ALL ASS!

Submitted by NerfHerder at 2004-09-08 17:21:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

10k hits.

*dance*

Submitted by rpdb1111 at 2004-09-07 05:05:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Sacrew at 2004-09-07 04:44:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This rocked my fucking socks off.

Submitted by Sacrew at 2004-09-07 04:42:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron at 2004-09-04 23:19:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-03 07:15:32 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-02 21:45:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Ah, the definition of relative humidity: The sweat that forms on your sister's back when you're doing her doggy-style!

Submitted by Gnome at 2004-09-02 16:18:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

people that don't give you a +2 piss me off. there's not way this didn't deserve it. obviously bullshit, but it was good enough that i believed it until she came in the break room.

brilliant.

Submitted by Freakmagnet at 2004-09-01 21:35:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I feel unclean. It was one of the funniest things ever. That is all I have to say about that.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-01 15:01:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

love it, heh

Submitted by mystiamoon at 2004-09-01 04:38:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Donitsu2002 at 2004-09-01 02:31:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

this was probably one of the most amusing things i've ever read on Uber

Submitted by trojanwarhero at 2004-08-31 23:11:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

My abs hurt you fuck

Submitted by Stauquin at 2004-08-31 19:21:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

good story ;)

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2004-08-31 15:43:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

WOW! That got me a little wet in the pants.

Submitted by Badlands at 2004-08-31 07:58:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Holy shit!! That was just all kinds of awesome!

If I draw you during first round of UM, I'm faking a pulled hammy or something.

Submitted by Shank at 2004-08-31 04:55:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

HOLY FUCKING SHIT IVE SEEN YOUR SISTER THAN!! naw just kidding either thats total bullshit, an elaborate fiction, or a sad truth. Nice story as disturbing as it is, HOWEVER, please tell you sister that she could be making far more money Modeling for magazines than she could in video's unless they included big porn names, and in turn launched her int porn starness. I also wonder if oyu have informed your parents as that would be an equally hilarious scenario.

Submitted by Siren at 2004-08-31 04:51:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

That was hot.

Submitted by Kellio at 2004-08-31 04:34:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm feeling mighty conflicted at the moment.... But at least it wasn't my sister.

Submitted by paku at 2004-08-31 04:17:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I got a semi just reading about it. Too bad I don't have a sister to relate the story to. :-)

Submitted by Les6966 at 2004-08-31 02:18:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Nerf Herder is the greatest nerd rock band ever!

Submitted by dickhead at 2004-08-31 00:28:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Just read bits. Like it.

Submitted by MyNameIsTim at 2004-08-30 23:02:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

turtles turn you on? who thinks of shit like that?

Submitted by PersonMan at 2004-08-30 22:40:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"Barely Legal Pussy Munchin' Munchkins 4"

I've seen that one!!!

Submitted by GhostWriter at 2004-08-30 20:26:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2

Submitted by JonnyBoy at 2004-08-30 18:22:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

So wrong, but hot...
But then again, I am an only child and all of my friends that have sisters...well those sisters are hot...

Submitted by Holoman at 2004-08-30 16:07:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Is your sis a munchkin?

Submitted by hcp28 at 2004-08-30 14:18:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

awesome!

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-30 10:44:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Double-Disorder at 2004-08-30 09:12:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

sicko


Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-30 06:55:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Classic

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-30 04:02:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This was classic, and clearly one of the best, if not THE best post on uber I have ever read!! Keep up the great work, and PLEASE allow us to induldge in your sick but hilarious stories some more!!

ps....does it make me sick that I kinda wished you were my brother, and wanted to fuck me??! I think the thought of incestious relations are a hidden aphrodesiac (sp) because it is the ultimate forbidden act! (That's why some people here got 'excited' at the thought)....ahahah.

Submitted by dakingisdead at 2004-08-30 03:14:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Better late than never.

Kickarse all the way!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/41782

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-30 01:37:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

the first uber post to ever make me laugh out loud

great story man

Submitted by Wish_I_Were at 2004-08-30 01:24:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'd love it if my brother gave me a dildo for Christmas! Hell, I was happy last year when he gave me like a package of socks, or whatever it was.

Submitted by TheGreatSatan at 2004-08-29 22:43:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Nice work...made all the creepier because I know your family....

Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis at 2004-08-29 22:26:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I really did laugh hard at this.

Submitted by YELLOW-MAN at 2004-08-29 22:13:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

dear pent house?

Submitted by YELLOW-MAN at 2004-08-29 22:11:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

i love the title man it caught my eye.

Submitted by NerfHerder at 2004-08-29 18:51:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

No, I posted it there too.

Submitted by pilot_light at 2004-08-29 17:56:01 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

You got the wrong site mate, it should have been posted at www.crap-porn-stories.com

Submitted by munkeypants at 2004-08-29 17:11:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You gave your sister a dildo?

Sea Turtles give you a boner?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA <wiping tears>

Submitted by creep_firebombing at 2004-08-29 17:01:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I just read this for the third time, got my third disturbing boner, cried for the third time, then laughed for the third time.

Submitted by Sideburns at 2004-08-29 15:37:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Scoobing at 2004-08-29 14:58:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Damn. Is it unusual to get a boner over that shit?

Submitted by Freight_Train at 2004-08-28 23:38:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

fucking shit

Submitted by veins_of_glass at 2004-08-28 23:29:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

So very wrong

Submitted by jlbinct at 2004-08-28 23:00:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 just because your sister is a lesbo

Submitted by JewToast. at 2004-08-28 22:48:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I will have that +1er tarred and feathered.

Submitted by Jaineix at 2004-08-28 21:12:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm glad I don't have a sister, or I'd encourage her to read this until she got it right!*Laughes* Beautiful post!

Submitted by StonedSilly at 2004-08-28 19:51:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by Zoidberg at 2004-08-28 19:41:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

funny stuff


when you focused so much on the incest it kinda brought the quality down though, not because I was disgusted but because it + the porno ending sent it rather into the realm of unbelievability

Submitted by will72 at 2004-08-28 18:44:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

That was amazing. Incest never sounded so funny


had_to_be_done should do his own mom. loser

Submitted by Pacifist248 at 2004-08-28 18:08:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by NerfHerder at 2004-08-28 18:02:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Look...I don't mind that somebody finally 1ed it.

It's on the most heated list AND at B@W, which is more than i ever dreamed of for this post.

Although it does bother me that the person didn't have balls big enough to at least "accidently" give me a 0 or some other shit like that. Making a whole other name is going to far more trouble than you should have. Do you honestly think that all of Uber would be furious at you for taking this post off of it's pedastool? I'll give you a hint: they wouldn't. But now that you've pulled this shit, people WILL wonder and eventually find out who you are and perhaps the backlash for that will be much greater.

Or maybe not. I know I won't lose any sleep with a 1.99 post opposed to a 2.

Submitted by StonedSilly at 2004-08-28 17:38:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

FUCK YOU PUSSY!

Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar at 2004-08-28 17:35:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Had_to_be_done (user info) at 2004-08-28 17:32:16 (#)
Ranking: 1

Sorry.



What a piece of fucking shit coward!

Submitted by Had_to_be_done at 2004-08-28 17:32:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Sorry.

Submitted by JMG114 at 2004-08-28 17:20:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You sir, are a Nerf LORD.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-28 16:54:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

That was the funniest fucking shit I've ever heard in my entire life.

Submitted by Kracka at 2004-08-28 16:30:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 dammit a mother fuckin +2

-Black Ninja

Submitted by Screwyouall at 2004-08-28 14:34:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

wow, you sick fuck, but very cool!

Submitted by StonedSilly at 2004-08-28 13:11:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

And another congratulations for making B@W the same day you posted this.

Submitted by StonedSilly at 2004-08-28 13:05:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

HO
LEE
SHIT

Submitted by 01011010 at 2004-08-28 12:53:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Now that's EDU-tainment.

Submitted by ohlookasquirrel at 2004-08-28 12:45:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Dude, our rating stats are like, exactly the same:

Everything you ever wanted to know about ohlookasquirrel
User id: 3630
Registered on or around:  2003-11-14 11:37:42
# Messages posted: 52 <----------
# Reviews written: 3340
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 1912
# Hits: 39070
Average rating of all messages: 1.50 <-------------

Everything you ever wanted to know about NerfHerder
User id: 4372
Registered on or around:  2003-12-18 10:46:15
# Messages posted: 52 <---------
# Reviews written: 1397
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 1033
# Hits: 21021
Average rating of all messages: 1.50 <------------


Congratulations on B@W!


Submitted by professorfuckface at 2004-08-28 11:47:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This is pretty lame. Normally I would give it a 0 and make some snazzy comment, but I don't want to be branded an asshole.

So, +2, but since you didn't get a 0, you don't get a snazzy comment.

Submitted by STIXS at 2004-08-28 11:43:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Wow...

Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish at 2004-08-28 11:42:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by comicbookguy at 2004-08-28 11:37:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm so jealous you magnificient bastard

Submitted by Falco at 2004-08-28 05:42:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Remember, a Jedi's strength flows from the Force. But beware. Anger, fear, aggression. The dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny. Luke... Luke... do not... do not underestimate the powers of the Emperor or suffer your father's fate you will. Luke, when gone am I... the last of the Jedi will you be. Luke, the Force runs strong in your family. Pass on what you have learned, Luke. There is... another... Sky... walker.

Submitted by seanfogy at 2004-08-28 05:22:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I tried to read it drunk, but i cant get past the part where you say something or another. I'll try again in the morning.

This has so many +2s that i feel the need to masturbate to this post.

Submitted by PWNstar at 2004-08-28 05:12:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I read this drunk, and it rocked

Submitted by SullyThePirate at 2004-08-28 04:50:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Here's a time where a post gets rated on history and not actual ownage. It was a highly entertaining post, but perfect post? Best post ever? Nah.

It won't be long until someone makes an alt and +1's this baby.

Submitted by Spuds002 at 2004-08-28 04:31:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I liked it

Submitted by Falco at 2004-08-28 04:19:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I HATE YOU!

Submitted by sublime at 2004-08-28 02:53:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

B@W, Congrats.

Submitted by Circe at 2004-08-28 02:43:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I had one at fifty seven before some asshole gave me a 0 by accident. Fucker.

This:

___________________

Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-08-27 23:19:08 (#)
Ranking: 2

SO FUCKING TEMPTING
=======

Submitted by Method <I fucking hate you> at 2004-08-27 23:20:30 (#)
Ranking: -2

$#@)*&Y)(@#$&+#*@#)_+&$
_____________________

is some funny shit. Incoherent frustrated rage rules.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-28 00:26:13 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

you suck

Submitted by youarsoghey at 2004-08-28 00:11:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Holy shit. I've never seen it go this high.

I had it up to 55 reviews on one of my posts until some goat bastard gave me a 1. Don't worry. You'll get a 1 soon.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-27 23:20:30 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

$#@)*&Y)(@#$&+#*@#)_+&$

Submitted by Falco at 2004-08-27 23:19:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You have no idea how much i wanted to -2 this.

Submitted by Kristen at 2004-08-27 23:19:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

My head is spinning.

Submitted by Method at 2004-08-27 23:19:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

SO FUCKING TEMPTING

Submitted by melissa4 at 2004-08-27 23:16:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fantastic.

Submitted by cheruboo at 2004-08-27 23:06:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Great post. is it wrong that it gave me a boner?

Submitted by NerfHerder at 2004-08-27 23:06:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

One-fucking-hundred reviews and still a 2.

*takes screen shot*

I'm showing this to my grandkids.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-27 23:02:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Didn't do much for me. But God forbid I screw up that rating.

Submitted by sketch9 at 2004-08-27 22:02:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Best post I've read in a long long time.

Id give you more than a +2, but i cant.

The fact that you explored taboo subjects while still making it fucking hilarious makes me respect you even more.

Submitted by antluvdog at 2004-08-27 21:49:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Holy shit.

Submitted by kitchens_closed at 2004-08-27 21:45:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Very nicely done.

Submitted by drstrangedhruv at 2004-08-27 21:40:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"Owned"?

Submitted by NerfHerder at 2004-08-27 21:36:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Ouch. You sure cut me deep.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-27 21:28:31 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

haha bitch i fuked ur ratin

Submitted by Circe at 2004-08-27 21:26:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

2 on 90 reviews. Damn.


You just know somebody's going to fuck it up.

Submitted by NerfHerder at 2004-08-27 21:21:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Thanks Espo.

Submitted by espo at 2004-08-27 21:18:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Nerf - I, as I'm sure others have already done, have submitted this to B@W, just in case you haven't submitted it already yourself.

It's an official outrage if this doesn't make B@W, because my AIM post made it (http://www.ubersite.com/m/40590 <---LINKWHORE) and it's not half as good as this one.

Have another +2

Espo

Submitted by ThatOneGirl at 2004-08-27 21:13:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Oh dear.

Submitted by HatMan at 2004-08-27 21:11:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Die.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-27 20:59:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by blasphemous_girl (user info) at 2004-08-27 20:28:40 (#)
Ranking: 2

Holy shit!!!
this made me laugh and cringe at the same time!!!
makes my writing look like shit...

-------------

Considering you've never submitted any writing, I'd say that Habeeb's writing puts yours to shame.

Submitted by Nator at 2004-08-27 20:46:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Dude.

Submitted by blasphemous_girl at 2004-08-27 20:28:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Holy shit!!!
this made me laugh and cringe at the same time!!!
makes my writing look like shit...

Submitted by camor at 2004-08-27 20:11:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Spookster at 2004-08-27 20:10:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Gold.

Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar at 2004-08-27 20:00:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I think it kind of fell apart at the end, but still +2 worthy.

Submitted by necrofeelya at 2004-08-27 20:00:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

beautiful in the way that childbirth is beautiful.

Submitted by whiskeyjack at 2004-08-27 19:58:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

-2 for being a filthy pervert
+2 for hot lesbians
and another +2 for hot lesbians

Submitted by Rainer at 2004-08-27 19:48:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Waiting for someone to end this streak of awesomeness...

Submitted by StonedSilly at 2004-08-27 18:47:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I sooooo wanted to give this a +1 just to spite +2 on 75 reviews but I can't.

Submitted by NetProphet at 2004-08-27 18:45:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Jesus Christ, 77 +2s on the DAY IT WAS POSTED!!!

Way to go, Nerf!!!

Submitted by NetProphet at 2004-08-27 18:42:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Rating: 2 on 75 reviews.

Need I say more for this to be on B@W?

Submitted by dolfin at 2004-08-27 18:16:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Laughed out loud

Submitted by jumpinjellyfish at 2004-08-27 17:19:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Good stuff...very funny.

I lost it and had to laugh out loud right about here "5% of me (going on 6%)".

Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin at 2004-08-27 17:11:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I wanted to give you a -2 for some controversy so bad I could taste the evil running up my throat as the thought entered my brain. But I won't. I'm a pussy.


And I guess it was good.

Submitted by Nicole3 at 2004-08-27 16:33:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

My god, that was great. Wonderful imagination.

Men and their lesbians...

Submitted by Totally_useless at 2004-08-27 16:19:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This post should be nominated for an 'Ubie'

Definitely more than up to par with the rest of the stuff on B@W.

Submitted by NerfHerder at 2004-08-27 16:16:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Congrats on the 69th review seb...you dirty cunt.

Submitted by sebcharrot at 2004-08-27 16:11:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fuck!

Submitted by Disektor at 2004-08-27 16:07:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

HAHAHA!!! Holy fucking shit that was awesome!

Submitted by FetusesAreDelicious at 2004-08-27 16:07:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 for "Cap'n Stabbin"
+2 for lesbians
+2 for porn
-----------------------
this only goes up to 2... but it deserves a +6 damnit

Submitted by BoogieFevuh at 2004-08-27 16:01:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Made my peener happy

Submitted by shark25 at 2004-08-27 15:48:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:12:52 (#)
Ranking: 0

Not to toot my own horn... But Shark, I have #1 and #3 as of right now.

(toot, toot)
*********************************************************************************************

Thats because you rule so har that my pants are tight.

What?

Submitted by NerfHerder at 2004-08-27 15:47:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

OUR sister?

Submitted by lilbill87 at 2004-08-27 15:44:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

that's awesome...hahaha I dunno what to say so here's a +2

Submitted by Sydney at 2004-08-27 15:35:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

and I love our sister


B@W


Syd

Submitted by Sydney at 2004-08-27 15:34:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I love you!!


B@W


Syd

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2004-08-27 15:34:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by NerfHerder at 2004-08-27 15:33:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

You're right. I should be the one doing the "poke poke" routine.

Submitted by AshK at 2004-08-27 15:28:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-08-27 14:44:07 (#)
Ranking: 0

Sorry Ash...I guess you can kind of tell this was written specifically for the predominantly male Uber audience.

_______________________________________

It is so hard to convey sarcasm when I am strangely turned on by someone else's sister.

Don't make me do the "wink, wink, nudge, nudge, poke, poke" routine.

Submitted by bob at 2004-08-27 15:28:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

oh snap.

Submitted by tinactin at 2004-08-27 15:23:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I cant ruin a +2 streak like this.

Submitted by NerfHerder at 2004-08-27 15:20:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

No ETS! You've planted the seeds of doubt.

Maybe it'll be ok. Just don't water them.

Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome at 2004-08-27 15:16:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This is sick on a very basic, dark, subterranean level.....I LOVE IT!

I am confused by the ending though. This is great, but I don't know if it's perfect after 50 reviews great...

Submitted by NerfHerder at 2004-08-27 15:12:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Not to toot my own horn... But Shark, I have #1 and #3 as of right now.

(toot, toot)

Submitted by Stellasupernova at 2004-08-27 15:10:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Haha that's the best...

Submitted by shark25 at 2004-08-27 15:08:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Highest rated post ever on Uber good work buddy.

Submitted by retarded_ape123 at 2004-08-27 15:07:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Razor at 2004-08-27 14:58:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This is without a doubt B@W material if I've ever seen it. For the first half of the story I thought it was totally real.

Submitted by NerfHerder at 2004-08-27 14:44:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Sorry Ash...I guess you can kind of tell this was written specifically for the predominantly male Uber audience.

Submitted by filmgeek at 2004-08-27 14:41:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by AshK at 2004-08-27 14:34:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Booo, Hiss! Negative 2 all the way!!!

And NO, it does not turn me on that your sister licks pussy. Nope. No way. How gross. Ugh.

Submitted by the_lone_stranger at 2004-08-27 14:30:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

SHE-fucking funny as hell-NANIGANS.

That's YOUR sister in that porno? That one is my favorite!

Submitted by knucklesnelson at 2004-08-27 14:17:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Great story dude, one of the best ever!

Submitted by NerfHerder at 2004-08-27 14:09:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Did you submit this to B@W, or are you just hoping against hope that Bart reads this?

Submitted by espo at 2004-08-27 14:00:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

can i get a "BEST EVER".

Bart, if this isn't up on B@W tomorrow, there will be problems.

Espo

Submitted by Schwing5000 at 2004-08-27 13:46:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Scotsman (user info) at 2004-08-27 10:45:40 (#)
Ranking: 2

One of the finest stories I have read on here!

I feel your pain brother!

---

I don't know which is more disturbing, the fact that this has happened to other people or the fact that I laughed so much reading this.

Submitted by indepth25 at 2004-08-27 13:35:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"Oh, there you go again. I don't even have to describe all of the nasty stuff I want to do to do Jane to get you hard. Just knowing that your li'l sis likes to lick pussy is good enough for you, isn't it?"

YES, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES.... that's strange my penis seems to be having a strange case of rigamortis, how odd. On a side note I'm so going to find out if that movie is real or not, just out of pure curosity that's it yeah curosity, Don't judge me hahaha

Submitted by TeenageDirtBag at 2004-08-27 13:32:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

holy shit dude.

Submitted by Inseminator at 2004-08-27 13:22:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Holy shit, dude. That's fucking awesome!

Submitted by loki at 2004-08-27 13:09:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This is disturbing on oh so many levels.

Submitted by shark25 at 2004-08-27 13:02:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You FUCKING ROCK!

I have not laughed at a post on uber this hard in a long time.

Thank you.

Submitted by Pentameter at 2004-08-27 12:49:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Wow. This is some great writing.

You're becoming one of my favorites.

Submitted by Sydney at 2004-08-27 12:36:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"You don't have to say anything else. You're just a big pervert who wants to fuck his sister and her lover, aren't you?"

My bulge grew.

B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W - B@W -

Submitted by Insanethemind at 2004-08-27 12:18:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

kickass post

Submitted by Fleadh at 2004-08-27 12:18:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I have never once laughed out loud reading posts at work until this...fucking brilliant.

Submitted by FilthyAssistant at 2004-08-27 12:11:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Top notch.

Submitted by Avals at 2004-08-27 12:07:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm calling shenanigans.
Still, I gotta check to see if that video is real. Mmm... sister.

Submitted by hairycoo at 2004-08-27 11:53:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-27 11:49:10 (#)
Ranking: 2

Fucking brilliant. It never stopped being funny. I don't have the words to praise this the way it deserves.

---

I actually thought it did stop being funny and I got bored but the first part was so perfectly crafted that it had to get a 2

Submitted by NerfHerder at 2004-08-27 11:52:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I usually just call lesbians "lesbians". Or by their actual name if the situation warrants it.

Submitted by Circe at 2004-08-27 11:49:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fucking brilliant. It never stopped being funny. I don't have the words to praise this the way it deserves.

Submitted by DeathJester at 2004-08-27 11:46:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Hahaha every guy on Uber is getting a boner over your dyke sister. That's cool is it?

(Dyke is a phrase I was told was PREFERED, by a LESBIAN I did Geology with. You don't like? I don't know you. I know her, and she liked it).

And if that video exists, we're all gonna own it.

Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts at 2004-08-27 11:34:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

What the fuck?

Submitted by NerfHerder at 2004-08-27 11:27:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Indeed I did, CBG.

Thanks.

Submitted by hairycoo at 2004-08-27 11:26:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

whacky. nice 'tale'

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-27 11:18:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Don't act like you don't do it.

Whenever you are eating out at a restaurant and you see a waiter approach, you put any and all conversations on hold. God forbid I overhear that you just painted your car, and you are unsure of the new color.
------------------------------------------------

Well, where I live, we get crappy service. The waitstaff will barge right up to the table and even if you are in the midst of engrossing conversation will not hesitate to announce, "Is everything alright?" Well it was until your dumbass came and interrupted me midsentence. To avoid the hostility and the urge to beat their face in, it is best just to pause conversation when you see the staff approaching.

Just be glad I still tip, unlike most people around where I live. Cheap asses.

Submitted by comicbookguy at 2004-08-27 11:16:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I see you took the advice regarding hitwhore titles.

Excellent.

Submitted by Robot9598 at 2004-08-27 11:11:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

01101101 01111001 00100000 01110011 01101001 01110011 01110100 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100001 00100000 01110011 01100001 01101100 01100001 01100100 00100000 01110011 01101000 01101111 01101111 01110100 01100101 01110010 00101110

Submitted by comicbookguy at 2004-08-27 11:04:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

aaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha is all I can muster at this point.

Submitted by WillZone at 2004-08-27 11:03:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

great story, awesome title.

Submitted by Dervel at 2004-08-27 10:56:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Munchkins 4 is out already?

I better find my fake nose and eye-patch and head on down the shop then.

This post is laugh out loud material. Genius.

Submitted by Anjie at 2004-08-27 10:55:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 Great story telling....

You gave your sister a dildo??? You are a pervert!! LOL - just kidding!

Submitted by Scotsman at 2004-08-27 10:45:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

One of the finest stories I have read on here!

I feel your pain brother!

Submitted by RateBot at 2004-08-27 10:44:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by NerfHerder at 2004-08-27 10:43:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Meh. I didn't know she was a lesbian, and she didn't know I was working that night. And the smut is for comic effect, mainly. Sure, some people will get a boner out of it..but I was going for nervous laughter mainly.

Submitted by funk_boy at 2004-08-27 10:41:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

¬!"£$%^&*()_+{}:@~<>?¦,./#';[]=-`

Submitted by Teephphah at 2004-08-27 10:41:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

errrr . . . "streak" I mean "streak.


Not street.

Submitted by Malificent at 2004-08-27 10:40:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

It's probably best that I refrain from extensive comment.

Submitted by Teephphah at 2004-08-27 10:40:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Not gonna fuck up the street, but I think this veered too far into "smutty" territory to be funny, or maybe it was the shift from funny at the beginning to smutty at the end, I don't know. Maybe I just don't like incest jokes because I had sex with my sister at a young age and don't want to talk about it. . . what?

Anyway, for whatever reason, this seemed to go off-track somewhere, in my opinion.

By the way, wouldn't your sister know where you worked?

Submitted by Beer_bong at 2004-08-27 10:39:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Sweet Jesus.

Submitted by RideJohnnyRide at 2004-08-27 10:37:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Im going to go make me a roast beef samich.

Submitted by oxanar at 2004-08-27 10:31:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm a bad man....

Submitted by firefly at 2004-08-27 10:31:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

oh my goodness.

Submitted by WhatTheHell at 2004-08-27 10:31:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Holy shit that was.... uhm... interesting ?

Submitted by NerfHerder at 2004-08-27 10:31:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Damn. I was hoping someone would spit all of their coffee out on their boners. Oh well, two birds with two stones is still 100% accuracy.

Submitted by RamJetMax at 2004-08-27 10:29:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Thanks DICK.

"And last Christmas, when I gave my sister a giant pink dildo, the memory of her thanking me was replaced by her using that dildo on somebody else."

I spit coffee all over my work's keyboard.

Fucker.

Submitted by espo at 2004-08-27 10:29:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

ATTEN GHEY SISTERZ!!

is it wrong if i got a boner reading this?


Our lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I. Many of
them incompetent boobs. I know this because I've worked alongside
them, gone bowling with them, watched them pass me over for promotions
time and again and I say this stinks.

-- Homer Simpson
Homer's Odyssey