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Donovan's Future Female Oscar Winners

Submitted by ryandonovan at 2002-09-07 00:04:57 EDT
Rating: 0.0 on 6 ratings (6 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

DONOVAN'S FUTURE FEMALE OSCAR WINNERS

It's been about 6 months since the 2002 Academy Award Ceremonies. So you know what that means... the start of the 2003 Oscar Race. For no particular reason, I came up with a list of actors and actresses that I think will play roles in award ceremonies in the years to come. I'm not saying these folks will get nominated in 2003 - in fact, I guarantee almost none of them will. This is more of an almanac for the next decade, and beyond. These are the names to watch, if you are interested in the future of cinema.

I've split them into 2 lists - Female and Male (the latter will be a separate, forthcoming article). In addition, I have categorized each list into 4 groups: Oscar Winners, Oscar Nominees, Long Shots, and Big Stars. The "Oscar Winners" should be familiar names; they are the ones who will doubtless receive a nomination in their career, and in my forecast, will win. The "Oscar Nominees" are extremely gifted, and should get a nomination at some point, but may not win. The "Long Shots" are the lesser-known actresses who probably have the talent, but may not have the opportunity or the notoriety necessary to snare a nomination. And finally, the "Big Stars" will be just that - small names that I think will make it big, but won't necessarily be found in award-type roles. Within each category, the names appear in no particular order. Beside each name, you will find a summary of my opinion of their talent - which includes, not surprisingly, plenty of unwarranted praise and inappropriate criticism.


OSCAR WINNERS

Natalie Portman - If she would stop wasting her time in college and on stage, she could be doing award-caliber films every year. And as blasphemous as it sounds coming from me, she's not wooing many critics by delivering shoddy Lucasian dialogue in Star Wars flicks. She's got a Golden Globe nomination in her pocket; it won't be long before she starts accepting Oscars.

Kirsten Dunst - She is frustrating the hell out of critics. She began her career by turning in nothing but outstanding performances, even in flailing films. Just when she was on the cusp of securing her status as a top-of-the-line actress, she was wooed by dollar signs, mainstream fame, and Tobey Maguire's cock. Since then, she hasn't really impressed anybody (Bring It On, Get Over It, Crazy/Beautiful). For example, she brought nothing to the Mary Jane role in Spider-Man, save for a pair of insanely erect nipples. I will assume that she will mature a bit, get the stars out of her system, return to quality work, and win an Oscar.

Reese Witherspoon - I have a hard time taking her (and her obnoxious chin) seriously, but I suppose that's part of her charm. I'm not going to clamor about her great performance in Legally Blonde, because I'm sure it was garbage; but she's admittedly got talent, breadth, and excessive ambition. She seems to intelligently temper her throwaway film choices (the upcoming Sweet Home Alabama) with smart ones (Pleasantville, Election, The Importance of Being Earnest). One of the smart ones will nab her Oscar gold.

Thandie Newton - Once upon a time, this girl conveyed more promise than an underdog politician. She played strong roles in quality films. Then she landed the romantic lead in Mission: Impossible 2, which was supposed to open the floodgates of stardom. But since then, her career's suffered a drought. Will the upcoming Charade-rip-off, The Truth About Charlie, begin the deluge? When she gets back to films where she can actually ACT, she'll get an Oscar.

Sarah Polley - She takes everything she does seriously (which can't be easy, when you're Canadian) - even No Such Thing, the movie about hanging out with a monster. To her credit, she's the only one in this group that hasn't been sucked into a realm of bad acting by the golden carrot of super-fame (unless you count her film Go). Her diligence, work ethic, and relative avoidance of the caramel-corn mainstream should someday secure her an Oscar.


OSCAR NOMINEES

Lauren Ambrose - She's been doing great work in small roles (big and small screen alike); finally she's getting good exposure on Six Feet Under. Her recent Emmy nomination is a sign of things to come.

Parker Posey - Nearly all of her small film roles have been, well, delightful. She has some nuances that she brings to roles (House of Yes, Party Girl, Misadventures of Margaret) that no other actress could. Her recent attempts at big-budget films have been less than dismal, however (Scream 3, Josie And The Pussycats).

Nia Long - She should go far on her talent alone. In addition, there is a lamentable lack of young black actresses. Can you name a black actress other than Halle Berry that can carry a film? Long should be seeing plenty of plum roles coming her way.

Allison Janney - I'm not as big a fan as most people, but I still respect that she's a talented actress. To her credit, she's not glamorous or showy; she's simply a performer. Then again, it's hard to be glamorous when you look like a Doonesbury cartoon.

Frances O'Connor - In a short period of time, she's wowed critics in the small and character-driven Mansfield Park, and held her own in the big and bizarre AI: Artificial Intelligence. When she finds a happy medium, she will find an Oscar nomination.

Anne Heche - If she can stay human for 100 consecutive minutes, she'll have a good shot at a nomination.

Jennifer Lopez - Don't laugh. If she cuts out the singing and dancing horseshit, she's capable of it. Her more recent films have been excrement, but she has proven she can do good work (Selena, Out Of Sight). When she finds the perfect role, she'll score two nominations: one for her, and one for her bu-donka-donk ass.

Tilda Swinton - She was undeservingly passed over for an Academy Award nomination last year for The Deep End. It would have made her life a lot easier. Not the career boost, but the Oscar Gift Basket, particularly the free pass at a tanning salon - her pale ass could use it. If she chooses not to bronze her bod and continues pursuing roles as a Plain Jane in smaller indie films, she will probably score a nomination at some point.

Julia Stiles - They're called "tits". You don't have them. Make an investment. Do you think Jennifer Connelly would have scored gold in A Beautiful Mind without her luscious mams? You might be one of the most talented young actresses around, but they don't give out awards for class without ass. Just ask Halle Berry.

Connie Nielsen - You can talk Joaquin Phoenix all you want, but her performance in Gladiator out-shined his creepy fetish immeasurably. Although, she seems to be attracted to incest-laden roles (see her near-liaison with Keanu Reeves in The Devil's Advocate). If she can stay away from films where the main character's dramatic monologue includes the word "Whoa!", she should be able to nab a nom.


LONG SHOTS

Heather Matazaro - She was excellent in Welcome To The Dollhouse, but where has she been since?

Michael Michele - One of the most beautiful creatures on the planet, with strong characters and flawless acting in everything she's ever done. Why the hell isn't she being cast in every single movie that gets made?

Leelee Sobieski - I used to have high hopes for her, but now she's just wallowing in teen overexposure. If she can get herself out of the perennial YM Magazine Movie Of The Month and drop the Young Helen Hunt act, she may have some promise left.

Khandi Alexander - Impressive and under-rated on News Radio and ER, she has struggled since leaving the friendly confines of Must See TV. Can't she get a big-screen job?

Saffron Burrows - I respect her for trying to stay sewn into the indie fabric of filmmaking, but she takes herself too seriously, and she's one Mike Figgis movie away from being a laughingstock.

Kerry Washington - Yes, she's unknown, but look out for her in the films Sin and The Human Stain.

CCH Pounder - A 20-year vet of the screen (big and small variety), she's done kick-ass work on ER and The Shield. Hopefully she'll get some real recognition and some real film roles.

Salma Hayek - Her exquisite cans may not elicit a nomination from the Academy, but they will elicit a spanking from me. She's a doubtful future nominee, but with the buzz surrounding her upcoming film Frida, I thought I'd stick her on the list just in case.


BIG STARS

Piper Perabo - I suppose it's a little late to predict her stardom. But damn if she wasn't a peach in Coyote Ugly.

Jennifer Westfeldt - If you missed Kissing Jessica Stein, you missed an excellent movie, and you missed your only opportunity to see Ms. Westfeldt thus far. But never fear... after the raves she got (for writing as well as acting), it won't be long before you have plenty more opportunities to see her work.

Scarlett Johansson - She sounds like she's 40, acts like she's 30, and looks like she's 16. God bless her.

Asia Argento - She's no longer a secret after the summer blockbuster XXX, but I think she's in for bigger (and hopefully better) things. The most intriguing thing about her is that she's done all kinds of nude scenes in her father's (Italian director Dario Argento) off-beat films.

Majandra Delfino - She's rising up from the dust of Roswell, the failed but misunderstood baton passed from the WB to UPN. She subtly became one of the most talented actors on either network. The first member of the WB Triumvirate hasn't done much else yet, but her small role in Traffic shows that she is making wise decisions and creating opportunities.

Lindsey McKeon - Born and raised in soap operas and Saved By The Bell: The New Class, she's one of the most promising actresses to come through the revolving door of WB teen-fare (her role and her show, Opposite Sex, were significantly under-appreciated). Unfortunately, it doesn't look like she's been doing much since then.

Shiri Appleby - Another WBeeatch you'll be seeing more of. But as opposed to Delfino and McKeon, she'll land roles based solely on her looks, not talent. They haven't gotten her very far yet, though: her big post-Roswell credits are the upcoming failure Swimfan and a frickin' Bon Jovi video.

Paz de la Huerta - Never heard of her? You will.



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Submitted by SarGasm at 2003-05-12 05:06:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

whoa...that was a little bitter.

here's a +1 to make up for it.

Submitted by SarGasm at 2003-05-12 04:46:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

is it just me or does the whole concept of Oscars, Grammy's, Emmy's, ad nauseum, just seem like a giant ceremony for a grand self-congratulating circle-jerk?

i mean, these dipshits are making millions, and they need to have a function to tell each other how great they are? oh, and we can't forget about the dresses. everyone has to oooh and ahhh over who's wearing what designers overpriced flap of canvas this year.

get over it. these awards show are so mind-numbingly tedious that if you're observing someone watching them and listening to that person close enough, you can actually hear their brain cells screaming as they die.

how about awards shows for people who actually matter? the firefighter who saved a family from a burning house, the cop who caught a serial killer, or heaven forbid any-fucking-body who makes a real difference in society. maybe then we'd see what really matters and stop glorifying actors and giving them almost demigod status when compared to your average schmuck.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2002-10-11 14:27:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I like your list! I would have to add to it Molly Parker and Gina McKee.

I agree that Tilda Swinton is amazing, and was shamefully overlooked for the Oscar for The Deep End.

Submitted by Razor at 2002-09-27 17:57:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I do... personally I'm very interested in good actors and actresses, I could give a shit if they get caught shoplifting or who they're dating or anything like that, but when you bring up the topic of who can hand out astounding performances every time they show up on the screen, there's something to consider.

For example, would you rather see a movie with Ed Norton in the starring role or Kevin Costner? You know who's going to give the commanding performance, and you know who's gonna be Kevin Costner all over again. That's not to say that having Costner in a movie will neccessarily make it bad, but having someone like Norton makes a film automatically better.

For those of us who love movies but could give a shit about the Hollywood environment, lists like this are very interesting. I've rented more than one flick based on Donovan's reccomendations and found him to be on point.

And lord knows it's better reading than the shit Yidele blows out of his asshole all day long.

Submitted by SoxSexSax at 2002-09-27 13:43:37 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Why bother? I didn't even read the fucking thing, I'm rating this on the subject alone. Who do you think gives a shit?

Submitted by Razor at 2002-09-12 09:06:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 1


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