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"Work is the scourge of the drinking classes." - Oscar Wilde
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Here I sit

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-09-09 09:34:37 EDT
Rating: 0.54 on 124 ratings (124 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Broken hearted
Came to shit
But ended up just peeing
And reading Sports Illustrated




Ta Da.


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Reviews


Submitted by Shlongy at 2016-12-21 08:46:21 EST (#)
Rating: 2

It's about time, below.

Submitted by nitty34 at 2016-12-21 08:09:00 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I'm having Mrs. Nitty crochet this onto a throw pillow for the couch.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2015-11-01 09:02:16 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Wow. Shlongy used to kick Uber ass.

Submitted by Anglophile at 2015-11-01 01:01:47 EST (#)
Rating: 2

It's baaacck!

Submitted by Shlongy at 2011-06-22 21:11:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Needs to see more tits!

Submitted by orphelia at 2011-06-22 14:58:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

still super.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2011-06-22 12:37:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Needs more hits.

Submitted by willartstorg at 2011-06-21 21:57:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

BEST POST EVER!!!!





Submitted by Shlongy at 2010-03-08 20:17:28 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Yay for Shlongy! I love when this post makes a random appearance.

I mean...Who doesn't?

This is the post that made Uber what it is today.

Submitted by trifonga at 2010-03-08 19:50:51 EST (#)
Rating: -2

elton john left you a message on Bravo, your AIDS, HEPATITIS-C and HERPES tests all came back positive, you can come out of the closet now.

Submitted by JonnyX at 2010-03-08 17:48:16 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-06-21 14:42:55 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2

You are allowed to do so...then, I'll pinch your labia. It'll be fun.
-----
pinch your own labia, fartknocker

Submitted by Shlongy at 2009-09-23 20:46:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

THIS EXCELLENT POST SHALL NEVER PERISH!!!!!

Submitted by RotAtoR at 2009-09-20 20:00:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Here I shit

Submitted by BranDo at 2009-09-20 18:53:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Take back Über, sitting down.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2009-06-21 17:42:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You are allowed to do so...then, I'll pinch your labia. It'll be fun.

Submitted by Ballare at 2009-06-21 16:59:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I just want to pinch your old man cheeks

Submitted by Shlongy at 2009-06-19 16:58:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Oh...that's right. This wasn't "a series".

Submitted by MajulCartoons at 2009-04-07 04:38:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

...its a poem of sorts..

short, flows ok, nothing special, but does the job.

I'd hate for this to be your proof of your artistic merit.

Also, are you saying you pee sitting down?

Here I sit
Broken hearted
Came to shit
But ended up just peeing
And reading Sports Illustrated




Ta Da.

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2009-04-07 04:00:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

how DID i miss this

Submitted by woolfe at 2008-07-15 04:13:42 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by Bubba2341 at 2008-07-12 13:58:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This is still great.

Submitted by Bubba2341 at 2008-01-27 14:16:10 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Time to revive some of the better classics. . .

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2007-12-31 10:46:47 EST (#)
Rating: -2

I didn't like the part where Francis hits Marvin for no reason. It detracted from your story and overall appeal. Maybe next time, Luther.

Submitted by sadie73 at 2007-12-30 13:25:55 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-30 10:07:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Wow...we must be doing a year end "Best of Ubersite" for this post to mount a comeback.
===========
Excellent idea, mate!!

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-12-30 10:07:13 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Wow...we must be doing a year end "Best of Ubersite" for this post to mount a comeback.

Submitted by BeforeEmily at 2007-12-30 08:45:24 EST (#)
Rating: -2

The meaning of Ubersite.

Submitted by sadie73 at 2007-12-30 07:52:32 EST (#)
Rating: 2

A classic.

Submitted by RabiedRooster at 2007-07-23 11:19:33 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Live frankenstein!

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-07-23 11:09:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

The post that will never die until it reaches 112,000 hits.

Submitted by lungfish at 2007-07-18 21:03:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

heh

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-07-18 20:34:30 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Goddamn right...this SHOULD have been B@W.

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2007-07-16 09:08:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

B@W

Submitted by scourge at 2007-04-02 16:20:51 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

WELL...THIS WAS WORTH POSTING

Submitted by ghola at 2007-04-02 13:02:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by drgoatcabin at 2007-01-08 17:30:14 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Yeh!! And take pictures this time!

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-01-08 17:22:51 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Why don't you suck my dick, again, Homer.

Submitted by homer42 at 2007-01-08 17:10:30 EST (#)
Rating: -2

awful awful awful. you assholes astound me with the stuff you rate positive. you should all have your goddamn fingers ripped off so you can't use your keybaords anymore.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-01-08 17:00:04 EST (#)
Rating: 2

A-1.

Submitted by thorpe at 2006-10-17 21:28:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Axolotl at 2006-06-16 21:33:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

old

Submitted by Shlongy at 2006-03-06 13:44:55 EST (#)
Rating: 0

That's what I think, too, but it probably doesn't mean as much when my own alter says so.

Submitted by Method at 2006-03-06 13:40:29 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Puts orgasmatron to shame

Submitted by Shlongy at 2006-03-06 13:32:45 EST (#)
Rating: 0

I'm working on it...I have ZERO ideas but I DO have a digital camera now so SOMETHING is brewing and it wouldn't surprise me if I shit something out in the next week or so.

I must preach patience to my fan. Errr, fans.

Submitted by Sphagnum at 2006-03-06 13:22:10 EST (#)
Rating: 0

When are you going to post again, fag?

Submitted by Shlongy at 2006-02-03 16:36:11 EST (#)
Rating: -2

BRING THIS BACK TO LIFE. PERFORM CPR ON IT.

Submitted by simple_catalyst at 2005-06-27 22:50:24 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by rad1101 at 2005-06-07 12:01:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Actually, reminds me of some early Jim Davis.

Submitted by rad1101 at 2005-06-07 12:00:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

and gay. Faggot.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2005-06-07 11:47:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

My early efforts were astoundingly simplistic, yet comical...and touching.

Submitted by awj002 at 2005-06-03 19:30:49 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

"Here I sit, same as ever. Took a dump, pulled the lever. The toilet clogged, the water flowed. Watch out world, it's a mother load." ~Beavis

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2005-06-03 19:15:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

The gayness of this is pretty astounding.

Submitted by SiskelandFatboy at 2005-06-03 19:11:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This will never, not be funny.

Submitted by lush at 2005-04-06 16:46:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Shlongy at 2005-02-16 09:13:38 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Reading this post is a lot like listening to a classic rock radio station.

Submitted by TheJedi at 2005-02-16 09:00:52 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I liked the "Ta Da" too... Hated the poem... But the "Ta Da"... That was the kicker!!!

Submitted by polymorph505 at 2005-02-15 15:03:05 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by Vomit at 2005-02-15 15:02:16 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Nice.

Submitted by Merlina at 2005-01-23 07:51:37 EST (#)
Rating: 2

beautiful simplicity.

ending with "ta da"

hahahahahaa

Submitted by Shlongy at 2005-01-22 14:40:31 EST (#)
Rating: 0

I was gonna recommend this one.

Submitted by Merlina at 2005-01-22 14:37:24 EST (#)
Rating: 2

hahahaha

actually this made me laugh..

Submitted by Shlongy at 2005-01-11 19:20:16 EST (#)
Rating: 0

I'd like to think so.
But it's a couple thousand- alright, MANY thousand hits short, though.
I guess that's just one of life's mysteries.

Submitted by stevie_says at 2005-01-11 19:10:01 EST (#)
Rating: 2

It ranks right up there with 're 16 y/olds.' GOLD

Submitted by Shlongy at 2005-01-11 19:03:42 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Why would someone randomly go back to THIS post just to toss a -2 at it?

PS. This post was great, you fucking jealous, cunt rag.

Submitted by Rawrg at 2005-01-11 18:54:46 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by mazman23 at 2005-01-11 18:45:06 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Boy did that suck

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-12-16 18:20:09 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Oops. @.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-12-16 18:19:43 EST (#)
Rating: 0

"B & W"...

Buahahahahahaaaaaaaaa...Some bored fuck would lose his mind if he had to read this while expecting some kind of short story.

Submitted by Tigre at 2004-12-16 18:13:50 EST (#)
Rating: 2

B@W

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-12-16 17:55:28 EST (#)
Rating: 0

This IS improving with age.

I just burst out laughing at it ...again.


I'm available for parties and bar mitzvahs.

Submitted by AwesomeJohnson at 2004-12-16 17:48:35 EST (#)
Rating: 2

this is the kind of stuff that makes me laugh uncontrollably.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-12-16 17:45:29 EST (#)
Rating: 0

The classics, like "Catcher in the Rye" and "Here I Sit" never get old, do they?

Submitted by Schwarzes_Glas at 2004-12-16 17:34:50 EST (#)
Rating: 1

=D

Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts at 2004-12-16 17:24:34 EST (#)
Rating: 2

For some reason I wanted to read this one more time, even though I know it by heart.


I'm thinking about putting it on a tee-shirt.

Submitted by boredgurl210 at 2004-10-09 18:30:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

"Ta Da" amused me.

Submitted by HelloMello at 2004-10-09 18:15:53 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

This is no dought the best post you have written yet

Submitted by DBPH at 2004-09-20 12:32:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Do you ever get that red ring around your butt cheeks from the toilet seat? I can only have maxim by the can, because the articles are short. Anything longer, and I could risk permanent damage.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-09-14 11:12:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Don't hold your breath on that...I am an expert reviewer, a part-time poster.

I'll wait for the Uber historians to take my entire body of review work , and compile it for our future generations- you know, the children - to read, absorb and enjoy.

Submitted by mrwolf at 2004-09-14 11:05:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Ha ha ha... you should make a post about her ass, including every comment you've made on it. I don't have anything against Lojope. but your ass comments are funny, and it's high time you made a post as amusing as your reviews.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-09-14 10:41:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Then I deserve a plus 122, because I've made lots of comments about that enormous bloomin' onion.

Submitted by mrwolf at 2004-09-14 04:31:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Right fine. But don't call me woolfie, it makes my name rhyme with yours. Don't wanna look gay or anything.

You can have your plus 2 for your comment about Lojopes ass. Ha ha

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-09-13 16:13:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

OK...can I get a hummer as your down payment?

Submitted by gassygirl73 at 2004-09-13 12:10:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Buy it, when you're done reading it - I can borrow it.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-09-13 11:57:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I feel very strongly that I deserve at LEAST one plus rating post, MrWolfie.

Submitted by mrwolf at 2004-09-13 11:05:54 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Please let me be the one to get this back in the minus'...


I love you shlongy, but you just don't deserve a positive rating.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-09-12 20:42:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Hey...I'm rallying late! Thanks, kids...

Submitted by CoachMagirk27 at 2004-09-12 13:18:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

ahhhh yes...

Submitted by JonnyBoy at 2004-09-12 13:13:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm feeling extra nice today.
Thank Tori

Submitted by Genko at 2004-09-12 13:12:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

When the law break in
How you gonna go?
Shot down on the pavement,
or...wait.

Wrong post.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-09-12 13:08:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Thanks for ruining this, flibby, you gay bastard ya.

Submitted by captainflibby at 2004-09-12 10:02:38 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-09-12 09:50:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm still in the positievs, you fucking queerbait, Fetish.

Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish at 2004-09-12 07:07:51 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-09-11 20:32:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Nope...the one with Tom Brady on the cover...But I really liked that Joe Namath article...I think I want to buy the book that the exerpt was lifted from.

Submitted by gassygirl73 at 2004-09-11 14:50:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Was it the issue about Joe Namath?

Submitted by JonnyBoy at 2004-09-11 14:42:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Broken faced
Came to die
But ended up just living
And reading penthouse
I wish I was dead
and not reading this post

Submitted by ardubs at 2004-09-11 14:41:58 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

Cubs win!

Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts at 2004-09-11 14:37:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You want to quit while you're in the plus column, Shlongy?

I didn't think you gave a shit about ratings...

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-09-10 12:41:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'd like to quit while I'm in the + column.

Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts at 2004-09-10 10:45:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I laughed.

I'm still laughing.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-09-09 16:30:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I HAVE to believe that I was actually in the + column until that last killjoy went and ruined everything.

Oh well...that just means nother attempt tomorrow from the annals of Shlongy's vast emporium of classic posts...just waiting to be dumped on Uberdom.

To my fans...well, we tried. I know the day isn't over with yet, but I have to go gamble on the boat this evening...But thanks for your +'s.

Submitted by Despiadado at 2004-09-09 14:56:33 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by ICO at 2004-09-09 12:06:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.

Submitted by Loren at 2004-09-09 11:50:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Really stupid, but for some reason (maybe the drugs) I laughed at the "Ta Da."

Submitted by WhatTheHell at 2004-09-09 11:38:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Yup

Submitted by Soley_Trinity at 2004-09-09 11:18:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Those were the good old days.

Jobzaguden'

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-09-09 11:07:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm off to the beach for a few hours...I expect , that with this late groundswell of support from my fans- the best in Uber - to be in the positive ratings by the time I return!

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2004-09-09 10:56:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Ha! You kick ass.

Submitted by WhatTheHell at 2004-09-09 10:34:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

GENIUS... absolute fucking GENIUS

How DO you do it ?

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-09-09 09:58:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

See, I thought this masterpiece had +1.47 written all over it.

Am I delusional? Or is my IQ too high to reach the simpletons who post here on a regular basis?

Hmmmmmmmmmm....

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-09 09:58:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Here I sit same as ever
Took a dump pulled the lever
the toilet clogged
the water flowed
look out world
its the mother load

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-09-09 09:56:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I feel better already.

Because I just popped a beer.

Submitted by Stin at 2004-09-09 09:54:37 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

That's the worrying thing Schlongy, you're not the worst. By a long way.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-09-09 09:50:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Man, I'm the worst.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-09-09 09:50:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

If you read deeper into this espo, you'll find that I was trying to conjure up a discourse on man's duality of extemperous psychobabble and nebulism in an gaseous state.

Submitted by tuesdaydelay at 2004-09-09 09:50:11 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Write me a baseball!

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-09-09 09:48:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

What about pity? Can't I get some of that?

Fuck it...I'm going to the beach.

Submitted by espo at 2004-09-09 09:47:15 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

sorry shlongy...this can't have a positive rating

This was bad even for SPT.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-09-09 09:43:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Oops...I spoke too soon.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-09-09 09:43:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

BTW...this is the most reviews I've ever received while still maintaining a rating on or above 0. Thanks!

Submitted by espo at 2004-09-09 09:43:15 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

you forgot "SPT" in your title

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-09-09 09:41:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Men's room? There's a men's room?

Oh oh...

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2004-09-09 09:39:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

You should make a collection of men's room stall poetry. I bet it would be pretty popular.

Submitted by jzuska at 2004-09-09 09:38:17 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

meh

Submitted by Shlongy at 2004-09-09 09:34:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Let the good times begin.


Homer: Hey, Burns! Eat my shorts!

Burns: Who the Sam Hill was that?

One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish