Forever WinterSubmitted by Davros at 2004-11-17 18:06:03 EST
Rating: 1.41 on 14 ratings (14 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
Another day. Another round of asking the same questions. Who? Why? Where?
I should explain that I can only assume that it is a new day, the shadows have started to reappear, that is my only way to mark time. The shadows grow and then recede, another day passed.
Sometimes the days seem longer than others, I can’t say if that is just my mind playing tricks on me or whether it is an actual effect. Nothing makes sense, I am unsure how much longer I can hold on to my sanity, but then, I feel that way every day. Nothing ever changes, except my perceptions of the day.
As I walk to look out of the window I know it will be the same vision that I have seen every day for as long as I can remember, I know but I have to look. I live for the day that there will be something different to see. Yet I know it will only end in disappointment, but I still look.
Again I am disheartened, the snow still lays on the ground, flakes falling around the house, my vision limited by the frost on the glass, giving everything a strangely opaque appearance.
Yet I know I will do exactly the same thing tomorrow.
My routine will never vary.
I carry on with my ritual of searching every room in the house, hoping to find something that I had missed every day for the last……….. However long it has been. I really can’t remember. All I know is that I will find nothing new. I have known that for some time, yet I have to look.
Every day I attempt to answer the three questions and every day I come no closer to the answers. But still I keep trying. I have nothing else to do. If I ever find the answers I think my whole world will collapse, whether that will be a good or bad thing I honestly do not know. I would welcome the change either way.
I am a man, or at least I believe myself to be so. I see my reflection in the clouded glass and my mind tells me I am a man. I have nothing to compare with as for as long as I can remember I have been alone.
Sometimes the pressure of being without company feels so crushing, I feel that I could scream, but I never do, no-one would hear me.
I have no recollection of being anywhere other than HERE. Yet I know that I must have been.
I don’t remember my parents or siblings, yet I must have come from somewhere.
I know things, but cannot explain how. I know there is more to life than what I can see through the misty windows.
I know that Winter does not last all year, although my experience tells me that it does. I have no clue how I have this knowledge, yet I am convinced it is true.
I can sense that there is another season, one of warmth and happiness, that is just beyond my line of sight, yet I am unable to access it.
If I had been here forever, how would I know that this alternative season exists? I have never seen it, but I am sure it is there, in the same way I know I am a man.
I sometimes feel that I am living in a bubble and that if I could only pierce that shell, I would be able to experience everything that life has in store for me. Until then I remain in a state of stasis.
I guess I should get back to the three questions.
Who put me here?
I really don’t know. Someone must have done it. I am in a large house, alone. Somebody must own it. Who that is I suspect I will never know.
Why am I hear?
Again there is no answer to this but there must be a reason.
Where am I?
There are not many places where it snows every day and who would build a house in such a place?
It is an ever repeating cycle, from who to why to where and back to who.
I know if I am patient, the answers will reveal themselves.
I pray they do.
Almost as much as I pray they don’t.