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Lost in Nothing

Submitted by boomslang at 2005-01-13 12:37:44 EST
Rating: 0.88 on 11 ratings (11 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

First off, Sangre Negro, used to be a rich town, but it never grew beyond anything other than a town. There were no nearby rivers, though it could have used one. Being on the edge of a desert people that ended up there would later wonder, how in God’s name did they find this place to begin with. They found oil there before I was born, by the time I was ten, it was all gone.

People had imagined that the money that could be made here would turn the town into a prosperous crossroads at least. Then again, most of these people were the same people that had moved out here and made a claim on the land. You can’t blame them really; most of them were trying to make something out of what little they had.

Thomas Jones had moved out here when he heard about the oil or at least, as soon as he could. He figured where there’s oil, there’s also got to be coal. A gamble his mother’s father had made some forty-odd years ago back out East. If all the talk was true, about how rich Sangre Negro could someday be, its future might go hand and hand with his. His future in the East had dried up a long time ago, and if he was going to make something of himself, ever, this was his last chance.

Jones got to town in just enough time for the oil business to sink, making his new investments in land, tools, and people, almost worthless, which was fine by him because he didn't have much money anyways. Most of the people left town, and he was left with a crew of about 16 men. There was still one general store left in town and he immediately spent the rest of his money on a half interest in it. Now he was locked in, with not much room to move, and certainly one hell of a job cut out for him.

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Review This Item




Submitted by apollo88 at 2006-08-30 15:25:13 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

isn't it?

Submitted by FartSmeller at 2005-11-21 15:27:26 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2005-11-21 15:26:08 (#)
Ranking: 2

He's as fast as can
And he knooooows He's the best

5 +2's for being the first to say that.

Submitted by nitty34 at 2005-11-18 09:22:03 EST (#)
Rating: 2

You're already one of my favorite reviewers.

Nice one on my post, you sick freak.

Submitted by boomslang at 2005-01-27 09:23:14 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Thanks Professor FA, I didn't realize you were going to be grading my term paper. That one sentence made this whole intro into "I've seen better", sounds a little warped to me.

Submitted by FilthyAssistant at 2005-01-15 09:23:48 EST (#)
Rating: -1

I think your grammar needs work. It doesn't flow very well and this makes it quite tiresome to read. Read it aloud and see how clunky it sounds:

First off,[PAUSE] Sangre Negro,[PAUSE] used to be a rich town,[PAUSE] but it never grew beyond anything other than a town.

The first sentence needs to pull the reader into the story, not make them think about how sloppily it's written. What you're trying to achieve with the 'First off' here is unclear - I'd scrap it.

Submitted by Pentameter at 2005-01-15 08:40:59 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Please tell me that there's going to be more to this.

Submitted by Merlina at 2005-01-14 06:17:34 EST (#)
Rating: -1


Submitted by AwesomeJohnson at 2005-01-13 15:10:48 EST (#)
Rating: 2

sounds like a good movie plot! keep it up!

Submitted by boomslang at 2005-01-13 14:25:49 EST (#)
Rating: 0

There'll be more. I didn't want the first part to be too long so it's easy to peruse.

Thanks for the feedback.

Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge at 2005-01-13 13:57:55 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Jones should go hook up with some broads at the BLT. Keep this shit up.

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2005-01-13 12:41:51 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Will there be more to this???

This is the greatest thrill of my life! I'm king of the world! Wooo,
wooo! Wooo, wooo!

-- Homer Simpson
Bart the Daredevil