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Fun With Real E-Mail, Part 3

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2005-01-20 11:36:23 EST
Rating: 1.79 on 91 ratings (91 reviews) (Review this item) (V)


Part 1: http://www.ubersite.com/m/57074
Part 2: http://www.ubersite.com/m/57130


This is the third, and (for now) final installment of my Fun With Real E-Mail series. I'm running out of things to say to these people...

Once again, these e-mails are real and unedited.

---------------------------------------------------------

From: Lola
To: Tom
Subject: Can you help me?

Tom I'm having trouble opening a file on my computer could you please come help me?

--

From: Tom Sorrell
To: Lola
Subject: Delivery Failure Notification

We're sorry, but the e-mail address you're trying to reach is inactive. Please check the address and try again.

--

From: Brian
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: FWD: Something is wrong with Toms email.

Is there a reason Lola sent me this e-mail?

"Brain I emailed Tom to see if he could help me and it said his email address is inactive what is wrong with it? I need help with my computer and I can't get a hold of him."

--

From: Tom Sorrell
To: Brian
Subject: ???

I know nothing.

--

From: Brian
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: ???

I know nothing makes you happier than confusing an old woman, but for God's sake go help her so she stops bugging me.


---------------------------------------------------------


From: Zoe
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: PAPER PLEASE

T: Sorry to be a pest but we need paper over here on the south side. Thanks!

--

From: Tom Sorrell
To: Zoe
Subject: re: PAPER PLEASE

Look, I'm not here to support your habits, ok? You can go to 7/11 and buy your papers, but leave me out of it.

I'm a good boy, I am.

--

From: Zoe
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: PAPER PLEASE

Do you want anything from 7/11?

--

From: Tom Sorrell
To: Zoe
Subject: re: PAPER PLEASE

Yea, get me some papers.


---------------------------------------------------------


From: Linda
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: paperwork to NY

Please put the paperwork I dropped in your box in a orange envelope and send it to NY.

Thanks.

--

From: Tom Sorrell
To: Linda
Subject: re: paperwork to NY

Ok, green envelope to Detroit. No problem.

--

From: Linda
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: TOM!

Stop messing with me you weasel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

--

From: Tom Sorrell
To: Linda
Subject: LINDA!

I'm sorry, the weasel is in Nevada. He left last Tuesday so he could marry that coyote he's been seeing for the last three months. Apparently her father's not to happy about it, not that I blame him. How would you feel if your only daughter married a weasel? If you want to get in touch with him, his e-mail is TedtheWeasel01.at.yahoo.com.

--

From: Linda
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: LINDA!

?????????????


---------------------------------------------------------


From: Kelly
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: Please help!!

Tom, I need to find the paperwork for account number #######, but I have no idea where it is! He'll be in here in half an hour and I need to have everything ready! Can you help me?

--

From: Tom Sorrell
To: Kelly
Subject: re: Please help!!

**exaggerated sigh**

Well, it looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines. I'll be back in a second.

--

From: Kelly
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: Please help!!

How do you think I feel? It just so happens this was the week I was going to stop sniffing glue. Now come back here and help me look for these papers.


---------------------------------------------------------


From: Brian (once again, he's the big boss)
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: question:

I was told you were late yesterday while I was out... what happened?

--

From: Tom Sorrell
To: Brian
Subject: answer

I had car trouble.

--

From: Brian
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: answer

What was the problem?

--

From: Tom Sorrell
To: Brian
Subject: re: answer

I got in it too late.

--

From: Brian
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: answer

I see. Don't be late again or I will physically harm you, and to make matters worse, while you're in the hospital recovering from the severe beating, I'll steal your wife and run off to Europe.

--

From: Tom Sorrell
To: Brian
Subject: re: answer

You can have my wife, I have the gnomes to keep me company.

Just so you know, while you were gone yesterday, I'm answered the phone like this: "Bob's Country Bunker, Bob speaking."

The guy from compliance was not amused. Expect to hear from him ny the end of the week.

--

From: Brian
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: answer

That might actually make sense if your name was Bob.

--

From: Tom
To: Brian
Subject: re: answer

HA HA, fool! My middle name is Robert.

--

From: Brian
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: answer

touchè

Get to work.


Review This Item

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Reviews


Submitted by BobSandwich at 2008-07-18 14:58:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by shadow at 2008-07-18 12:58:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

No fun with email in the this office, NO SIR. We are monitored by the IT department, and they keep tabs on everything we do. 1 step shy of keyloggers and that's only because they are illegal in our line of work.

We take our email VERY seriously and offenders are TERMINATED.





The cuntdrip manager who failed her piss test (and wasn't canned???) fired the pregnant lady for using her cellphone during office hours.




WTF.








I swear on my life I will never accept a job from a company based in Ohio ever again.

Submitted by Banjo at 2008-07-18 12:52:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I love bantering work emails but they happen so rarely because everybody I work with is a complete dullard!

Submitted by Arktos_SGS at 2008-07-18 12:39:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

The Post (along with part 1 and 2) that finally made me join to rate this haha

Excellent Stuff

Submitted by experima at 2007-02-27 22:11:22 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by livEvil at 2006-06-29 17:02:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

funny stuff right derrr

Submitted by Axolotl at 2006-05-30 13:13:44 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by Stagger_Lee at 2006-04-04 23:06:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Adamdidit2u at 2005-03-11 13:58:16 EST (#)
Rating: 2

http://www.ubersite.com/m/61743

The truth about these "Fun With Real Email Series"

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2005-02-23 09:26:58 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Oh, and Tony: You're right, I make less than 35K a year, so what? Do you really think that bothers me? Money isn't everything...

Submitted by TonyMontana at 2005-02-23 00:01:30 EST (#)
Rating: -2

you can't possibly make more than $35k a year. you sound like some total dipshit doing work that any asshole with a bullshit degree out of some state university could have gotten. It's funny that you think you're so unique and cool because of the way you make lame ass jokes in your email correspondences.

You're not unique, you're not cool. You're just a fucking dork with a shitty job.

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2005-02-21 22:15:57 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-02-21 13:13:45 (#)
Ranking: 2

I ... meant Top 10 MVM...the ones on the sidebar
------------------------------------------

Nah, it really sky-rocketed at first, but since then it's really cooled down. I think it's tapped out as of right about now.


Submitted by piowufbhwervnerfnc at 2005-02-21 13:13:45 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Um, Tom, I kinda meant Top 10 MVM... Sorry. just used to the ones on the sidebar, not the ones in the clickity-click area.

Submitted by Tom at 2005-02-21 13:07:16 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I swear to God, Tom, if you let this shit go to your head I'm going to kill you.

Submitted by urbaneruralite at 2005-02-20 20:37:17 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2005-02-20 14:19:03 EST (#)
Rating: 0

This one already has, Jay. It's dead last, but it's on there.

I also have one that's about number 20 on there as well.

Submitted by piowufbhwervnerfnc at 2005-02-19 21:11:29 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Tom, I have a strong feeling that ONE of the Fun with E-mail posts is gonne break into MVM...

Submitted by Deidra at 2005-02-18 17:32:13 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Gnome at 2005-02-17 15:35:35 EST (#)
Rating: 2

your boss rules.
"touchè

Get to work"

+2 for bringing back the Gnome reference!

Submitted by Obi-wan at 2005-02-14 16:43:00 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I know nothing makes you happier than confusing an old woman, but for God's sake go help her so she stops bugging me.

confusing old people is the way forward

Submitted by DamienX at 2005-02-14 15:12:20 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Freakmagnet at 2005-02-11 22:36:45 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Where the hell do you work?

Submitted by Over_There at 2005-02-11 10:37:32 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I love this.

Submitted by Megso at 2005-02-11 10:19:47 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Instead of complaining that there aren't links to parts 4 and 5, I've decided to be a pal.

Part 4: http://www.ubersite.com/m/57964
Part 5: http://www.ubersite.com/m/58410

Submitted by zakalwe at 2005-02-06 19:41:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Rawrg at 2005-02-02 14:13:17 EST (#)
Rating: 2

These are awesome.

Submitted by funk_boy at 2005-02-02 06:08:55 EST (#)
Rating: 2

yerb yera agnid

Submitted by Zandy1123 at 2005-02-01 16:59:13 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I love these.

awesome.


Submitted by lokee at 2005-02-01 12:16:21 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Hey Tom

your an IT loser.

Submitted by the_lone_stranger at 2005-01-31 17:48:07 EST (#)
Rating: 2

it make me raff ha ha

Submitted by thecaes at 2005-01-29 14:57:43 EST (#)
Rating: 2

You rule.

Submitted by doubleC at 2005-01-29 14:53:30 EST (#)
Rating: 2

The papers conversation with Zoe is worth B@W alone, I laughed out loud, literally. Genius.

Submitted by Caulaincourt at 2005-01-29 01:09:29 EST (#)
Rating: 2

these 3 posts were great

Submitted by ess-arr at 2005-01-28 15:01:21 EST (#)
Rating: 2

CONGRATS ON b@W

Submitted by potatomanjack at 2005-01-28 12:24:01 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I can't believe I missed these.

Best stuff I've read this year.

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2005-01-27 08:12:40 EST (#)
Rating: 0

AJ, I should be on it right now. I have more than CatsCradle.

Submitted by AJ at 2005-01-26 23:06:12 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Jesus, this thing is taking off.

Those two links at the top can't be hurting things, either.

You're going to crack the MVM with this bad boy, if only at the bottom.

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2005-01-26 13:24:01 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Hell yea, a year between visits to BAW means this one is extra sweet.

Thanks again...

Submitted by NerfHerder at 2005-01-26 13:02:11 EST (#)
Rating: 2

B@Woooooooo!

Submitted by WillZone at 2005-01-26 08:40:29 EST (#)
Rating: 2

these are cool.

Submitted by aphiz at 2005-01-25 21:25:22 EST (#)
Rating: 2

yeeeeeeeeeee

Submitted by LadyPlural at 2005-01-25 19:24:39 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. I love it.

Submitted by youarsoghey at 2005-01-25 16:20:52 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Fucking awesome.

Submitted by DeathJester at 2005-01-25 06:23:52 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by BikerRob at 2005-01-25 01:20:53 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Pretty funny.

Submitted by Jaineix at 2005-01-24 17:33:22 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Heheh, this is the best.


From: Tom Sorrell
To: Brian
Subject: answer

I had car trouble.

--

From: Brian
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: answer

What was the problem?

--

From: Tom Sorrell
To: Brian
Subject: re: answer

I got in it too late.

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2005-01-24 15:55:19 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Hell yea, Jay.

This is my second time.

Thanks, for the kind words.

Submitted by piowufbhwervnerfnc at 2005-01-24 15:52:39 EST (#)
Rating: 2

B@W! Kick ass!

Submitted by GrandsonOfGod at 2005-01-24 15:18:50 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Thanks for making me urinate in my pants...



in the computer lab
P.S. please make some more

Submitted by espo at 2005-01-24 13:31:19 EST (#)
Rating: 2

These were hilarious.

Submitted by mrwolf at 2005-01-24 10:51:46 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Please, please make more. I'd never seen this series till now, I just read all three and its the biggest laugh I've had all day...

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2005-01-24 10:37:13 EST (#)
Rating: 0

thanks AJ

Submitted by AJ at 2005-01-24 10:17:15 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Congrats on B@W, Tom.

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2005-01-24 08:55:19 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Gracias, El Barto.

Submitted by bart at 2005-01-24 01:42:05 EST (#)
Rating: 2

These are hilarious

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2005-01-20 17:19:36 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Thank you.


Submitted by Lyric at 2005-01-20 17:11:13 EST (#)
Rating: 2

These are grand. GRAND, I tell you!

Submitted by MrCoffee at 2005-01-20 16:53:30 EST (#)
Rating: 2

This series is brilliant, i love this shit

Submitted by RandomJose at 2005-01-20 16:45:31 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I'm going to use the "I got in it too late" line when my boss asks why I was late every day this week except for tuesday.

Submitted by Method at 2005-01-20 16:11:20 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I love this shit

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2005-01-20 15:57:09 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Thanks.

I might do a part four in a week or so, I got a nice little nugget this afternoon regarding scanning.


Submitted by joefu007 at 2005-01-20 15:32:43 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Absolutely awesome!! Shared all three with co-workers... you have made them fans!

Submitted by FunnyAsCancer at 2005-01-20 15:03:09 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Ghey Wars: The Trilogy.

Now available to own, and moderately priced.

Contact Bob's Country Bunker for more info.

Submitted by xenon at 2005-01-20 14:56:15 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I thoroughly enjoy these...concise and funny.

Submitted by Sassmasterr at 2005-01-20 14:48:59 EST (#)
Rating: 2

solid stuff

Submitted by Monarch at 2005-01-20 14:26:30 EST (#)
Rating: 2


From: Brian
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: ???

I know nothing makes you happier than confusing an old woman, but for God's sake go help her so she stops bugging me.

----------------------------------------

Awesome. 100% quality, unadulterated, awesomeness.

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2005-01-20 13:51:47 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-01-20 12:46:04 (#)
Ranking: 2

Your boss is da man!

------

Yes he is.

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2005-01-20 13:08:38 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by TabathaS. (user info) at 2005-01-20 13:06:43 (#)
Ranking: 2

"I'm a good boy, I am."

---------------

Thought you might like that...

Submitted by lizzard at 2005-01-20 13:07:17 EST (#)
Rating: 2

:-D

Submitted by TabathaS. at 2005-01-20 13:06:43 EST (#)
Rating: 2

"I'm a good boy, I am."

Submitted by knucklesnelson at 2005-01-20 12:55:45 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by TimeCop at 2005-01-20 12:46:04 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Your boss is da man!

Submitted by CJRipley at 2005-01-20 12:45:45 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by c1ndy at 2005-01-20 12:35:52 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Avals at 2005-01-20 12:32:22 EST (#)
Rating: 2

You make me laugh with joy. Or depression ... I can't really tell anymore.

Submitted by MandaPanda at 2005-01-20 12:28:04 EST (#)
Rating: 2



I love these!

Submitted by Donitsu2002 at 2005-01-20 12:12:16 EST (#)
Rating: 2

you need more of these, I love them.

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2005-01-20 12:02:59 EST (#)
Rating: 0

We do have phones, but no one uses them.

E-mail is more convenient.

Submitted by indoninja at 2005-01-20 11:56:35 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Don't you people have phones in your offices?

Actually I am glad you don't use them, these stories were amusing.

Submitted by AshK at 2005-01-20 11:54:10 EST (#)
Rating: 2

From: Tom Sorrell
To: Brian
Subject: answer

I had car trouble.

--

From: Brian
To: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: answer

What was the problem?

--

From: Tom Sorrell
To: Brian
Subject: re: answer

I got in it too late.

Submitted by Stin at 2005-01-20 11:53:48 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by apollo88 at 2005-01-20 11:53:26 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Amusing.


Submitted by GodChicken at 2005-01-20 11:52:14 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I expect fun with email part 4 to reference fight club. Telling the confused old lady that "the first rule of technical support club is you don't ask for help" should be very amusing.


In fact, I think I'm going to try that one myself..


Submitted by runninginplace at 2005-01-20 11:50:47 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Shlongy at 2005-01-20 11:50:14 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Wel, I've been saying this for years...if it wasn't for movie lines and television sitcom lines...I'd basically have nothing interesting to say to anyone...ever.

So I really shouldn't judge.

Submitted by piowufbhwervnerfnc at 2005-01-20 11:49:32 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Can I have your life?

I'll give you mine and a box of animal crackers...

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2005-01-20 11:47:04 EST (#)
Rating: 2

So do these people physically interact with you?

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2005-01-20 11:45:24 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Shlongy, I've watched WAAAAY to many movies.

It's just the way I write. I had a strech where I referenced A Clockwork Orange in something like six posts in a row.


Submitted by Shlongy at 2005-01-20 11:42:53 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Alright...these were slightly humorous. But what's with the movie line references in EVERY post?

PS. You're still a whiner.

Submitted by ess-arr at 2005-01-20 11:42:45 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I see. Don't be late again or I will physically harm you, and to make matters worse, while you're in the hospital recovering from the severe beating, I'll steal your wife and run off to Europe.
--------------
I like the cut of Brian's jib...

Submitted by Yes at 2005-01-20 11:40:26 EST (#)
Rating: 2

i'm sure they're gonna offer to pay for your counseling soon... these are great.


See these? American donuts. Glazed, powdered, and raspberry-filled.
Now, how's that for freedom of choice.

-- Homer Simpson
The Crepes of Wrath