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I'm fuzzy and blue from my head to my shoe

Submitted by Quartermain at 2003-04-02 14:17:03 EST
Rating: 1.2 on 5 ratings (6 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

The University of Minnesota has decided, in its Solomonic wisdom, that I, a senior transfer majoring in mediaeval European history, need a freshman physical science credit. So I'm stuck in Astronomy 101 with a bunch of children. This is what I do during class instead of listening to some TA drone on about things I already know. I started this because I liked the way the original phrase sounded, and then it just wouldn't stop. Sorry its so long.

I’M FUZZY AND BLUE FROM MY HEAD TO MY SHOE

I’m fuzzy and blue
from my head to my shoe.
Fuzzy and blue all over its true.
Do you ask why I’m fuzzy?
Do you know why I’m blue?
I got his way from
drinking bad brew.
My woman had left me
and one thing was clear.
One thing stood out
and that was my
need for some beer.
This was needed to erase her memory;
send her packing away;
right now, this instant, even today!
So I went to the bars, the taverns, the pubs
and said “Give me beer! Pour me a tub!”
I drank ales and lagers and ciders and stouts
I drank and I drank and I drank the place out.
There was one bottle left, there on the rack,
one bottle left, way in the back.
It was old, it was dusty,
it looked cloudy, smelled musty.
I said “Barkeep, give me that beer!”
He said “Here you go, but don’t drink it here!”
I left the bar, the lamppost to hug,
popped the cap off the beer and proceeded to chug.
I put down the bottle, having finished the beer,
staggered around and began to feel queer.
Not ‘queer’ as in gay, but ‘queer’ as in strange,
like a tree I fell over and began then to change.
My hair grew all over
And then it turned blue,
plus my IQ shot up way past 2002.
My teeth grew too,
became pointed and sharp.
I thought to myself, “should have stuck with Guinness and Harp”
But alas that I hadn’t
I’d drunk the bad brew
and now was all over
with the fuzzy and blue.
“What’s the moral?” you ask?
“Where’s the point?” do you say?
Do you need to justify
the time spent here today?
Well, here’s the moral,
for those who do lack,
so pay attention,
yes, even you in the back.
Women are tricky,
and will oft leave you flat,
and beer is good for
helping you forget all of that.
But beware I do tell you,
if this course you pursue,
if you drink to forget,
BEWARE THE BAD BREW!!





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Submitted by Quartermain at 2012-05-28 06:05:01 EDT (#)

Submitted by RoadSong at 2012-05-28 02:30:39 CDT (#)
Rating: 1

"My teeth grew too,
became pointed and sharp."
~~~
lot of that goin around...heh

**************************

My way was more fun ;)

Besides, the above cautionary tale is more broadly applicable to today's society. Most people nowadays either don't have the opportunity to or already know not to wander around in the wild at the full moon. But not knowing good beer from bad beer is endemic, especially around college campuses.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2012-05-28 03:30:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

"My teeth grew too,
became pointed and sharp."
~~~
lot of that goin around...heh

Submitted by Quartermain at 2003-04-02 22:50:27 EST (#)
Rating: 1

I give myself a +1 because I because I'm just vain like that. I don't know...might send this in to the university literary magazine.

Submitted by Hairsphincter at 2003-04-02 20:31:38 EST (#)
Rating: 2

This was like Monsters, Inc meets Cheers.

Submitted by oddzandendz at 2003-04-02 17:47:28 EST (#)
Rating: 0

razors just the little poetry critic today.....i'll try to contribute another piece for the crew a little later, hop you all enjoyed an Ode to SARS

Submitted by Razor at 2003-04-02 14:28:12 EST (#)
Rating: 2

My only criticism is that your meter is lacking at points.

You need to force words to meet the meter, but never depart from the meter because you like the words.

Example:


My woman had left me
and one thing was clear.
One thing stood out
and that was my
need for some beer.


Should be:


My woman had left me
and one thing was clear.
The thing which stood out
was my need for some beer.


Or (not as good imho):


My woman had left me
and one thing was clear.
One thing stood out -
my need for some beer.



There were a couple other places where you faltered a tad... try saying it out loud, keeping a rhythm going, and if the rhythm suddenly falters at a point you need to go in and rewrite it.


Sure, I might offend a few of the blue-noses with my cocky stride and
musky odors -- oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called `City
Fathers' who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about
`What's to be done with this Homer Simpson"'

-- Homer Simpson
Lisa's Rival