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Fat Guy Sex

Submitted by kai070169 at 2005-03-24 17:47:19 EST
Rating: 1.5 on 38 ratings (38 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Inspired by "Fat Chick Sex" ( http://www.ubersite.com/m/57689 )

Okay, here's the second in the series. Possibly the toughest post I will ever have to write...

SO we've already covered Fat Chick Sex, go read it if you haven't.

We will now discuss a sexual realm unlike any other; although fetishes exist for virtually every kink, fantasy, and pervesion you can imagine, there remains a giant void in the middle of this sexual universe from which no information is forthcoming. People will have sex with animals, beat off over pictures of naked female amputees, and I've even heard that Shlongy tracked down Tubgirl & fucked her. Even goatse has fan sites. But there remains one core group of humanity which noone will openly admit to having a sexual interest in.

The fat man.

Oh I did my research. Google hits for "fat naked man" reveal links, but these are FALSE and link to fat girl sites. Even homosexuals prefer "bears" when it comes time to put some pork on their fork, where a beer gut is fine as long as you are hairy and also muscular. NEVER have I seen a site entirely devoted to the naked, big, fat man as a sex object.

Why? Because they are disgusting. Really. Oh sure, they get laid, but the process is unlike any other mating ritual known to humanity. Where the Fat Chick may benefit from the feminine attributes of a big ass, big tits, long hair and maybe a pretty face, no amount of Axe body spray will entice a woman to dig under 10" of dunlop for a 6" pecker.

"Well" you say, "Why can't these fat men and fat chicks just get together for fat sex?". They do. A lot. But this is really not what either partner really wants - everyone lusts for a healthy, fit and attractive partner, this is nature's way. A man buried under his own fat is not a top choice for breeding stock, and women all know this - chosing a fat man is chosing to go against the laws of nature, and we all know how that usually ends up...

Oh, some women will have sex with fat men - usually for money. Some women even fall in love with their "teddy bear", but any fat man who says his wife is completely happy with him is a LIAR. Most fat men just stay lonely. Even some of the married ones.

Some guys get fat after they marry. What do you think of that, girs? I see a lot of you just give up too, and you become a fat couple. The sex is NOT hot, in fact it is awkward and uncomfortable at the best of times. He gets tired really fast and weighs a ton, and his gut sticks out past his dick.

This isn't a rant or a plea. This is just my take on the sex lives of fat men. In my own experience as a fat guy, I worked as a night club doorman for 10+ years and had no problem getting laid - I was LUCKY (horay for alcohol!). I also have broad shoulders, big hands and I'm somewhat athletic (no man boobs, big ass or multi chins - think James Gandolfini, but bigger & taller) and I ride a Harley - I feel worst for the pasty skinned, red headed fat guys with thin wrists who can't even grow a filled in moustache. You know the type.

It's hard to look good when you're a fat man. Clothes fit funny, assuming you can find anything in your size. Suits look "okay" but who want to wear one of those every day? baggy clothes make you look even bigger. The fat man simply cannot win.

But he can try & cope. Porn, hookers, find a wife whose dad was a fat man, and she may be more sympathetic & receptive than other women. Mail order bride? I'm guessing here, I really don't know how they do it. What do you think?

Girls, have any fat guy sex lately?

A well known fat guy on this site made me think; I saw a well written post he had made, and the majority of the responses were along the lines of "have another cheeseburger ya fat bastard!" and then of course people respond to those responses. Despite a compelling, thought provoking post, his FAT is what readers chose to focus on.

Again, I am not ranting or trying to rally the fat troops. Many other fat GUYS on this site get the gears too, but not the fat women (who are probably smart enough NOT to camwhore or put "fat" in their user name). Be that as it may. Fat men will never win the war against the haters, on Uber or anywhere else for that matter.

Or will they?

There is one more tactic that a fat man can employ to get his mojo workin' and turn that jiggle into "Jiggy" that I didn't mention. And it works every time.

It's called exercise and a proper diet.

So here goes.


Me & JayPeg are already aboard. We're callin' out all you fat Uberbastards to join the Ubersite Weight Loss Challenge. I imagine this could involve submitting BEFORE pictures, DURING pics, and of course the AFTER pic. I'll take care of everything, I'll even set up an open MSN club for all to see & check our progress. Let's hear your ideas! Hey, as long as we're getting harassed on this site for being fat anyway, we may as well use that energy to our benefit and use it as motivation. Post out progress on fat post Fridays? I donno!

It is the perfect arrangement. My Uberfriends to lift me up, my Uberenemies to kick me in the ass. I'll be flying in no time!

Below is a portrait of the guy my wife married, about 20 pounds ago. I know he's in here somewhere......


Review This Item




Submitted by Loren at 2005-05-16 19:02:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

"But there remains one core group of humanity which noone will openly admit to having a sexual interest in..."

OK, so I don't *prefer* fatties, but I have had fat boyfriends. It's not a big deal when the lights are off, ;) and fatties are the best to cuddle with. The biggest downside is that fat men ALL snore. Don't even try to deny it.

One more thing - haven't you ever heard of "chubby chasers?" You'd be very popular in the gay community.

Submitted by rad1101 at 2005-05-16 18:37:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You still a fatass?

It's the munchies that does it.

Pot gives menz bitchtits.

Submitted by Loren at 2005-04-22 15:58:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Good luck, but when you fail miserably, I can Photoshop the extra weight off your fat ass, and because you're such a good guy, I'll only charge you $200.00 per hour.

Submitted by Istaros at 2005-04-19 17:36:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

don't apologize!!
give me your fucking number!!!

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2005-03-25 23:20:34 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2005-03-25 16:44:43 (#)
Ranking: 0

i want to read Julie Myerson's "Me and the Fat Man"

"I also feel loathing when I see a fat man. This loathing will easily turn to rage when I see this same fat man flirting with a thin woman because he thinks it is ok for HIM to be fat but God forbid if a fat WOMAN winks at him."

holy shit! this girl is INSANE


Yup, that was me. I've got a hang up, I admit it. I apologized for it on


Yes, I tend to be a little insane at times.

So very sorry....again.

Submitted by Istaros at 2005-03-25 16:44:43 EST (#)
Rating: 0

i want to read Julie Myerson's "Me and the Fat Man"

"I also feel loathing when I see a fat man. This loathing will easily turn to rage when I see this same fat man flirting with a thin woman because he thinks it is ok for HIM to be fat but God forbid if a fat WOMAN winks at him."
holy shit! this girl is INSANE

Submitted by Lisa at 2005-03-25 16:23:39 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Good luck.

Submitted by UrbaneMischief at 2005-03-25 13:22:44 EST (#)
Rating: 2

when it comes down to it, i don't want jabba the hut, but i'll sleep with, date, and fall for an overweight guy. Just as long as he isn't a cheating schmuck

Submitted by munkeypants at 2005-03-25 11:57:51 EST (#)
Rating: 1

what jeanne said

Submitted by rad1101 at 2005-03-25 10:01:11 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Oh, and I'm in.


Too fucking much lbs.

Submitted by rad1101 at 2005-03-25 09:56:25 EST (#)
Rating: 2

You look like a pussy.

Submitted by funk_boy at 2005-03-25 09:47:56 EST (#)
Rating: 2

if i lost any weight, i'd be see-through

Submitted by Josephine at 2005-03-25 09:39:28 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I agree with Jeanneee, that it's all about personality, although it's hard for me to be attracted to overweight men. I prefer frail computer geeks, it seems.

I'd join your weight loss challenge, but I just lost about 20 pounds recently, and now I do yoga regularly and "watch what I eat." (Which means I eat the same things I always did, I just go "Hm. Lots of calories today, I guess.")

Good luck!

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2005-03-25 09:18:08 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Very interesting, Kai.

I had a brief relationship back in college with a guy who most people would consider fat. He was really tall and strong though, had a great looking face, and the sweetest, funniest disposition of any guy I have ever dated. And he was good in bed too.

Unfortuntately, he wanted a more serious committment than I was ready to make, and we had to end it. But I would definitely not write a guy off for being fat.

Sure, those slim, well muscled guys are pretty to look at, but let's face it - most of them are pretty vain, and vanity is an extremely unattractive quality in a guy. Plus, I'm not exactly skinny myself, so even if I wanted an Abercrombie-model type guy, chances are slim to none that I would ever get one.

For me, it's all about character. If a guy is funny, smart, kind and has a nice face, fat doesn't matter to me at all.

Good luck with the weight loss thing, by the way. I've seen pics of you and you never looked fat to me, but whatever.

Submitted by badassmofo at 2005-03-25 09:06:35 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I am in proceed with the further details.

5'10" 245lbs (probably 250 but I hate to say that).

Would like to loose 30 pounds, just joined the gym last week after 9 year hiatus from military. Ready to get it start and back into shape.

Submitted by BedOfHog at 2005-03-25 08:22:02 EST (#)
Rating: -2

I figured this would be your camwhore.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2005-03-25 08:03:45 EST (#)
Rating: -2

It's too fat in here.

And fat people smell.

Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle at 2005-03-25 06:55:46 EST (#)
Rating: 2

That's a great picture.

Give me some more details on this weight loss business...time frame, especially. I have about 30 pounds I would like to lose. Do I still get to play if I don't have a peener?

Submitted by stevie_says at 2005-03-25 03:57:03 EST (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by MysteryUber at 2005-03-25 03:14:34 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Your wife married one of the village people?

Submitted by FartSmeller at 2005-03-25 00:31:42 EST (#)
Rating: 1

WHAT? I always thought you were a skinny Filipino kid... Hmph! No Filipino, No +2.

Submitted by PoloboiGC at 2005-03-25 00:18:30 EST (#)
Rating: 0

AHAHAHA fat people get no love!

Fatboys you should know your rolls, now eat that Big mac and give the crowd a truffel shuffle"

I told you you have to give a truffle shuffle to get in"

(Just like goonies) that movies imitates life. HAH!

Submitted by Flack at 2005-03-24 23:11:18 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Meh, im not huge but this will give me an excuse to get rid of my beer cooler...I'm in

Submitted by FATMANTPK at 2005-03-24 22:39:41 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Here ya go -


I am looking to lean out before summer myself. I am not in too bad of shape (thanks to genetics, I have wide shoulders), but I would still like to lose 15-20 lbs by June.

Also, the before-during-after pics...you want a pose? Gut sucked in? Sitting on my Harley with a Pepsi (I don't drink) in my hand? Me in a lime green speedo?

Submitted by kai070169 at 2005-03-24 20:40:26 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Can anyone find Domenad's weight loss contest post? I don't wanna steal thunder, I just wanna loose more weight faster than anyone else on Uber.

Shlongy is Steven Durel/College Ghey. Nothing new here.....

Submitted by Shlongy at 2005-03-24 18:49:55 EST (#)
Rating: -2

The picture sucked...but amazingly, the post was worse.

How do you do it???!!!

Submitted by FATMANTPK at 2005-03-24 18:45:08 EST (#)
Rating: 2

domenad already started a weight loss contest. But I guess I can enter 2 at once. Whats the time frame for the contest? 60 days?

Submitted by Sassmasterr at 2005-03-24 18:43:37 EST (#)
Rating: 2

that's a sassy hat

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2005-03-24 18:28:55 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Alright, here it goes. You wrote a great post and eloquently explained that fat men can feel shame and pain because of their weight.


Not to sound like a femi-nazi, do you realize that while a man can be fat, he can also be judged on his other attributes such as smart, strong, good businessman, musician, whatever? Females on the other hand are usually only judged solely on their appearance. So, a female may have an IQ to rival Einstein's but if she is fat, then she will forever be "just a fat bitch."

I'm slim and in shape because I eat right and excercise. Also, I am as guilty as the guys (maybe more so) of having "fat hatred." I can't stand to see a fat woman strutting around in Daisy Dukes and a crop top. I also feel loathing when I see a fat man. This loathing will easily turn to rage when I see this same fat man flirting with a thin woman because he thinks it is ok for HIM to be fat but God forbid if a fat WOMAN winks at him.

So, while I see and to some point agree with your point, I cannot summon up the empathy for fat men because at some level, they still have an advantage over the fat woman. Society says fat of any kind is not ok, but it is a little more ok for a man to be fat.

+2 for a great post and best of luck to you with your goals!

Submitted by William_Q_Percy at 2005-03-24 18:21:47 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Holy fuck you're funny lately.

Awesome post and good luck losing the pounds. I recommend switching to healthier munchie material.

PS - For some odd reason, I want to hang that portrait on my wall beside my porcelain Elvis bust. Can you put it on eBay so I can bid for it?

Submitted by screamfeeder at 2005-03-24 18:00:11 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I have nothing to say.

If I +2 this post, does that make you fatter?

Submitted by zakalwe at 2005-03-24 17:57:58 EST (#)
Rating: 2

you rule kai. it's hard to explain why, but i like your posts. a lot.

Submitted by kai070169 at 2005-03-24 17:56:48 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Sorry Jelly, my bad.


You gotta be fatter than 20lbs over to get in, sorry. You skinny bastard!

Submitted by c1ndy at 2005-03-24 17:55:21 EST (#)
Rating: 1

quite a good answer

Submitted by kai070169 at 2005-03-24 17:54:07 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-03-24 17:51:19 (#)
Ranking: 2

Kai i loved your post. I will give you another +2 if you give me a good answer as to why there is a big bullet hole, with light shining out of it, just under your chin in your picture.

That is the light of my eternal spirit as it grows from all the love I get from the peeps on Ubersite.

Or maybe a camera flash. i donno.

Submitted by jumpinjellyfish at 2005-03-24 17:53:51 EST (#)
Rating: 2

How much are you trying to lose?

I could stand to lose about 20 lbs myself.

Good luck.

Oh, and how about a NSFW on the first link next time.

Submitted by WildcatMcGee at 2005-03-24 17:51:49 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Is that the guy that made all of those Jay and Silent Bob movies? haha

Submitted by c1ndy at 2005-03-24 17:51:19 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Kai i loved your post. I will give you another +2 if you give me a good answer as to why there is a big bullet hole, with light shining out of it, just under your chin in your picture.


Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and
old people are useless.

-- Homer Simpson
Homer the Vigilante