Fat Guy SexSubmitted by kai070169 at 2005-03-24 17:47:19 EST
Rating: 1.5 on 38 ratings (38 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
Inspired by "Fat Chick Sex" ( http://www.ubersite.com/m/57689 )
Okay, here's the second in the series. Possibly the toughest post I will ever have to write...
SO we've already covered Fat Chick Sex, go read it if you haven't.
We will now discuss a sexual realm unlike any other; although fetishes exist for virtually every kink, fantasy, and pervesion you can imagine, there remains a giant void in the middle of this sexual universe from which no information is forthcoming. People will have sex with animals, beat off over pictures of naked female amputees, and I've even heard that Shlongy tracked down Tubgirl & fucked her. Even goatse has fan sites. But there remains one core group of humanity which noone will openly admit to having a sexual interest in.
The fat man.
Oh I did my research. Google hits for "fat naked man" reveal links, but these are FALSE and link to fat girl sites. Even homosexuals prefer "bears" when it comes time to put some pork on their fork, where a beer gut is fine as long as you are hairy and also muscular. NEVER have I seen a site entirely devoted to the naked, big, fat man as a sex object.
Why? Because they are disgusting. Really. Oh sure, they get laid, but the process is unlike any other mating ritual known to humanity. Where the Fat Chick may benefit from the feminine attributes of a big ass, big tits, long hair and maybe a pretty face, no amount of Axe body spray will entice a woman to dig under 10" of dunlop for a 6" pecker.
"Well" you say, "Why can't these fat men and fat chicks just get together for fat sex?". They do. A lot. But this is really not what either partner really wants - everyone lusts for a healthy, fit and attractive partner, this is nature's way. A man buried under his own fat is not a top choice for breeding stock, and women all know this - chosing a fat man is chosing to go against the laws of nature, and we all know how that usually ends up...
Oh, some women will have sex with fat men - usually for money. Some women even fall in love with their "teddy bear", but any fat man who says his wife is completely happy with him is a LIAR. Most fat men just stay lonely. Even some of the married ones.
Some guys get fat after they marry. What do you think of that, girs? I see a lot of you just give up too, and you become a fat couple. The sex is NOT hot, in fact it is awkward and uncomfortable at the best of times. He gets tired really fast and weighs a ton, and his gut sticks out past his dick.
This isn't a rant or a plea. This is just my take on the sex lives of fat men. In my own experience as a fat guy, I worked as a night club doorman for 10+ years and had no problem getting laid - I was LUCKY (horay for alcohol!). I also have broad shoulders, big hands and I'm somewhat athletic (no man boobs, big ass or multi chins - think James Gandolfini, but bigger & taller) and I ride a Harley - I feel worst for the pasty skinned, red headed fat guys with thin wrists who can't even grow a filled in moustache. You know the type.
It's hard to look good when you're a fat man. Clothes fit funny, assuming you can find anything in your size. Suits look "okay" but who want to wear one of those every day? baggy clothes make you look even bigger. The fat man simply cannot win.
But he can try & cope. Porn, hookers, find a wife whose dad was a fat man, and she may be more sympathetic & receptive than other women. Mail order bride? I'm guessing here, I really don't know how they do it. What do you think?
Girls, have any fat guy sex lately?
A well known fat guy on this site made me think; I saw a well written post he had made, and the majority of the responses were along the lines of "have another cheeseburger ya fat bastard!" and then of course people respond to those responses. Despite a compelling, thought provoking post, his FAT is what readers chose to focus on.
Again, I am not ranting or trying to rally the fat troops. Many other fat GUYS on this site get the gears too, but not the fat women (who are probably smart enough NOT to camwhore or put "fat" in their user name). Be that as it may. Fat men will never win the war against the haters, on Uber or anywhere else for that matter.
Or will they?
There is one more tactic that a fat man can employ to get his mojo workin' and turn that jiggle into "Jiggy" that I didn't mention. And it works every time.
It's called exercise and a proper diet.
So here goes.
OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCING THE "UBERSITE WEIGHT LOSS CHALLENG"
Me & JayPeg are already aboard. We're callin' out all you fat Uberbastards to join the Ubersite Weight Loss Challenge. I imagine this could involve submitting BEFORE pictures, DURING pics, and of course the AFTER pic. I'll take care of everything, I'll even set up an open MSN club for all to see & check our progress. Let's hear your ideas! Hey, as long as we're getting harassed on this site for being fat anyway, we may as well use that energy to our benefit and use it as motivation. Post out progress on fat post Fridays? I donno!
It is the perfect arrangement. My Uberfriends to lift me up, my Uberenemies to kick me in the ass. I'll be flying in no time!
Below is a portrait of the guy my wife married, about 20 pounds ago. I know he's in here somewhere......