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Mensa Approved IQ Test #2 (Retard Edition)

Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome at 2005-04-07 17:02:39 EDT
Rating: 1.66 on 17 ratings (17 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

This is a continuation of this test: http://www.ubersite.com/m/47360


1. Which of the following does not belong?

A. Telegraph
B. Telephone
C. Radio
D. Internet
E. An unarmed black man in the town of Killdarkie, Arkansas

2. Rearrange the following letters to construct a phrase meaning, “please, sir, if you would be so kind as depart my presence and engage in auto-erotic stimulation, I would be grateful.”

Og Uckf OurselfY

A. Go fuck yourself
B. Let’s be friends
C. Here, just take the fucking thing, I’ve already seen it anyway!
D. Let’s be pen pals
E. Let’s make love

3. What’s the next number in the following sequence?


A. O
B. 167,489,111
C. Colonel Pappersnapper
D. Sexual Chocolate
E. None, you idiot, that’s the fucking letter ‘O’

4. Which of the following does not belong?

A. “
B. !
C. ?
D. :
E. ;

5. Which of the following words best completes the sentence: “The bag of weed that I purchased from that black man was very __________.”

A. Generous
B. Fluffy
C. Bounteous
D. Plump
E. Niggardly

6. You find yourself trapped in a well with an angry platypus. Which of the following items would be most useful in this situation:

A. A collection of platypus porn and a TV and VCR
B. An ancient Aboriginal Voodoo charm that is supposed to lull platypussies to sleep
C. A severed penis and a rhinestone-encrusted turban
D. A bundle of industrial rebar
E. A ladder

7. You purchase an illegal bootleg of the Paris Hilton sex DVD on ebay for $15. You live in the same state as the seller, so he tries to charge you 8% sales tax on the item, to which you reply, “fuck you, you crooked bastard! I’m not paying taxes on an illegal item,” to which the seller replies, “oh yea? Well if you don’t pay the tax, then I won’t ship it,” to which you respond in turn, “well, then, I’ll just leave negative feedback on your account”, to which he responds, “Og uckf ourselfy,” in response to which you inquire, “what the fuck does that mean???” to which the seller replies, “I don’t know, I saw it on an IQ test somewhere,” at which point you ask, “yes, but what does it mean?” to which the seller replies, “uhhhh……C?” Paris Hilton is hot.

A. True
B. False
C. All of the above

8. A train leaves a station in Newark at 8:00am and heads toward the town of Newcastle, which is 1500 miles away, traveling 70 kilometers per hour. Another train leaves the station at Oldcastle at 10:00am and heads toward Newark traveling 110 kilometers per hour. Provided that each train weighs 90,000 tons, what will be the force of impact in PSI when the trains finally collide because they were traveling on the same set of tracks?

Ok, that's too hard... Instead, where would you rather be living in the event of a flood?

A. Newark
B. Newcastle

9. Bart Cilfone is to übersite.com as ___________________

A. advertisements are to monkeys
B. journalists are to historic world events
C. flippers are to walruses
D. giants are to beanstalks
E. cow farts are to ozone depletion

10. Place the appropriate item in the Z position to balance the bar.

mensa IQ test.jpg
mensa IQ test.jpg

Review This Item




Submitted by skrapmetal at 2014-02-24 10:13:34 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Retard AGAIN!

Submitted by Lisa at 2005-05-21 00:22:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Munkeypants, what are you doing? Scouring search engines for ubersite.com?

Submitted by munkeypants at 2005-05-20 23:31:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome at 2005-04-08 09:11:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

This went over like the Donner Party crossing didn't it.

Submitted by Sassmasterr at 2005-04-07 20:11:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

cow farts and jlo's ass

Submitted by Tokerson at 2005-04-07 19:16:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Good stuff.

Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome at 2005-04-07 18:32:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by rollerboognish (user info) at 2005-04-07 18:09:23 (#)
Ranking: 2

niggardly isn't a noun, it's an adjective. this was funny. when is the next puzzle coming?


You roller-san have passed the true test of intellect that I hav so keenly hidden within the chaotic tedium that is the test.

I now bequeath to you all my powers....

...as well that all this crap I couldn't sell in my yard sale.

Submitted by williamson at 2005-04-07 18:28:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I passed mum, look i passed!

Submitted by Sphagnum at 2005-04-07 18:26:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I laughed!

Submitted by rollerboognish at 2005-04-07 18:09:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

niggardly isn't a noun, it's an adjective. this was funny. when is the next puzzle coming?

Submitted by c1ndy at 2005-04-07 17:44:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

liked this

Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome at 2005-04-07 17:35:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

THe answer key got cut off...

#6 is supposed to say "(C) because at least you'll look good while you're being mauled to death by an angry platypus.

Goddamn I hate mistakes.

If you want to take a real IQ test, I recommend any of these: http://www.highiqsociety.org/noflash/nonmembers/iqtests.htm

Post your scores here is you want.

I took the first one earlier today, and it's pretty difficult in parts.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2005-04-07 17:15:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

It's always A or C.

Submitted by PukingDog at 2005-04-07 17:15:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Have to do it

Submitted by FATMANTPK at 2005-04-07 17:12:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

2. Rearrange the following letters to construct a phrase meaning, "please, sir, if you would be so kind as depart my presence and engage in auto-erotic stimulation, I would be grateful."


I would have replaced "auto-erotic" with "self buggery"

I scored 0 out of turkey

Dick M. Down

Submitted by nitty34 at 2005-04-07 17:10:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Outstanding, and I don't mean that in a niggardly way.

Submitted by FilthyAssistant at 2005-04-07 17:07:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You remind me of an iranian refugee locked inside a clear perspex box into which someone is pouring the toenail clippings of local elders.

Asleep at the switch! I wasn't asleep! I was drunk!

-- Homer Simpson
Homer the Vigilante