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Things I Have Done That I Really Should Have Been Sacked For By Now

Submitted by Spam at 2005-04-21 11:53:57 EDT
Rating: 1.81 on 143 ratings (143 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Today marks my two year anniversary at my current job - the longest I have ever held continuous employment at one company. Earlier, I had one of those “Remember when you did that thing with that bloke…” conversations with a colleague and I came to one inescapable conclusion – My Bosses Are Fucking Idiots.

No way should I still be employed here after some of the shit I’ve pulled.

In two years, I have had 2 disciplinaries, one formal written warning, a 42% lateness rate, countless verbal warnings and 17 performance improvement plans (Where they ‘monitor’ your performance for a set period and point out everything that you did wrong), with my initial 3 months probation period (which was then extended to 6) – this means that at no point have I been employed here without having some suited twat looking over my shoulder with a clipboard ‘observing me in my work environment’

And STILL they haven’t twigged that the best thing for them would be my instant dismissal.



Which brings me to the point of post – Things I have done that my company should have sacked me for a long time ago:-


1. Sent an e-mail to myself from my bosses PC implying that she was sexually harassing me, and then used it as leverage against her to escape a disciplinary.

2. Twice felt the need to go spend a 20 minute ‘toilet’ break on a hot summer’s day after a morning spent ogling the female population of my office dressed in their skimpy outfits

3. Edited a chain E-mail to imply that reader should end their own life and then forwarded it on to a mailing list that included somebody that recently had tried and (unfortunately) failed to commit suicide.

4. Almost got my friend sacked in a prank gone horribly wrong after I used http://www.sharpmail.co.uk/html to send an e-mail that appeared to be from him to one of the office juniors. It read something along the lines of:

“Nice strappy shoes Gemma, I really like the way they show off your painted nails….. It makes me want to run my hard penis in between your toes and cum on your shin.”

(realistically, I should have anticipated the shit-storm, that followed).

5. Racked up about 6 hours internet time a day, despite the company policy that anything over 1 hour is considered excessive.

6. Shot the Financial Director in the face with an elastic band gun, after seeing my friend about to come through the door and failing to notice the suited gentlemen walking one pace ahead of him.

7. Hid for an hour in the post room whilst said director tore the place to pieces interrogating people in an effort to find “That Cunt who shot me”

8. Sat at my desk for an entire morning happily munching a box of hash brownies, whiting out a few hours later and then being sent home by boss-lady because she was worried that I looked ‘really pale’

9. Used the opportunity of looking very ill in public to take a further two weeks off work.

10. Not realised that an incoming call was actually from somebody in the Houses Of Parliament (one of our A-list clients) and answered the phone “What’s up MotherFucker?!”

11. Outright lied to the same MP when he asked to speak to the manger by telling him that he had called a residential number - A fact he accepted despite having spent 5 minutes on our hold system listening our company's god awful theme music.

12. Put on a dodgy accent and pretended to be called 'Raoul' when said MP called back and, against all laws of probability, ended up speaking to me again.

13. Told a colleague whilst very drunk at office party that “I wouldn’t fuck you if you were on fire”

14. Spent the next few days trying to work out exactly what the above sentence means

15. Ignored 30 minutes worth of phone calls to write this horse-shit.


HappyAnniversayToME!!.jpg
HappyAnniversayToME!!.jpg


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Reviews


Submitted by Berty at 2008-10-03 10:41:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Too funny.

Submitted by Spam at 2008-09-10 09:16:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 0


Submitted by Linus at 2008-08-17 13:51:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 Spam. I hope this works--goddamn thing took me an hour to write.

Submitted by orphelia at 2008-07-22 07:19:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Haha. Number 6 alone is worth +2.

Submitted by compEngineer0 at 2006-08-09 12:32:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Hypatia86 at 2006-05-19 14:16:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

That was fun. I wish I could do that shit where I work (also call center worker ><.) Oh yeah, but I do log atleast 6 hours on the internet looking at stupid shit like these posts.

Submitted by Lumbergh at 2006-04-17 20:21:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Made my day! Am also a call center monkey, that you got away with all this and somehow dodged a sacking is beyond me. Bravo!

Submitted by ih8u2man at 2006-03-21 12:26:16 EST (#)
Rating: 2

hahahhahahahahhahah

Submitted by EdselSpeedy_THC at 2006-03-21 12:18:28 EST (#)
Rating: 2

That is some funny, funny shit. I wouldn't fuck you if you were on fire. Still chuckling about that one.

Submitted by Godless_dave at 2006-03-16 23:03:59 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by deepmichael at 2006-02-01 14:45:37 EST (#)
Rating: 2

pure awesome

Submitted by missedthepoint at 2005-10-30 04:03:47 EST (#)
Rating: 2

speachless...

Submitted by udykins at 2005-10-06 09:26:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"I wouldn't fuck you if you were on fire"
Will you marry me! This was the funniest thing I have read in about two years! I went to all the trouble to register just to post that you are hilarious. Thank you for making my day.

Submitted by GaidinCanuck at 2005-09-22 04:19:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by hobbs at 2005-06-08 09:36:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by pushedbyboredom at 2005-05-05 00:47:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 For the "Wouldnt if you were on fire" comment. Thats great.
And then funk boy's rating

Submitted by Zootismygod at 2005-05-04 19:30:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by funk_boy at 2005-05-04 05:49:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I hope #10's true.

it reminds me of a short story i have. in my head.

Submitted by Siren at 2005-04-29 04:49:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I was hoping #14 would be an explanation of #13.

Submitted by DJMattB241 at 2005-04-28 19:39:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"I wouldn't fuck you if you were on fire"

Submitted by sharpmail at 2005-04-27 14:35:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Spam, I have done just that! fingers crossed Bart thinks it worth having on B@W - Email me your username for www.sharpmail.co.uk and I will be happy to give you some free stuff like say some Anon SMS that they cant trace! avoid the shit storm, just sit back and laugh at them. danny.at.sharpmail.co.uk

Submitted by the_lone_stranger at 2005-04-27 11:27:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Wow.

Submitted by Spam at 2005-04-27 08:20:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Not a problem Danny, it's an absolutely brilliant idea for a website and has been the tool used to create many an amusing scenario for me. You should contact Bart (Uber's Webmaster) and see if he will include a link for it on B@W - it's certainly worthy.

Stin: miss you chick, you should find the time to post and let Uber know what's going on in that new job of yours.

Submitted by Stin at 2005-04-26 21:41:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'd employ you.

Submitted by sharpmail at 2005-04-26 15:29:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Thanks Spam for giving http://www.sharpmail.co.uk a mention! Had I known how well you would use it I would have removed the footer - or shit storm as you call it from all your emails!

Danny

Submitted by Spam at 2005-04-26 11:01:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-04-26 08:27:45 (#)
Ranking: 2

What IS your job, exactly? Sounds cool...
---

I am a call centre phone monkey

Submitted by phuzzygish at 2005-04-26 08:27:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

What IS your job, exactly? Sounds cool...

Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky at 2005-04-25 23:41:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

why i havent gotten to this until now is beyond me.

Submitted by williamson at 2005-04-25 22:37:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Kale at 2005-04-25 21:11:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Girlwithaclue at 2005-04-25 18:59:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Funny as hell.

Fucking with people at work rocks....

Submitted by Crystle at 2005-04-25 17:10:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by lordhamlett (user info) at 2005-04-22 12:17:34 (#)
Ranking: 2

4. Almost got my friend sacked in a prank gone horribly wrong after I used http://www.sharpmail.co.uk/html to send an e-mail that appeared to be from him to one of the office juniors. It read something along the lines of:

"Nice strappy shoes Gemma, I really like the way they show off your painted nails..... It makes me want to run my hard penis in between your toes and cum on your shin."

(realistically, I should have anticipated the shit-storm, that followed).
___

+2 for the laugh, and now I have a new prank tool.

Submitted by Gnome at 2005-04-25 16:31:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

and i thought i was bad...

Submitted by RyuFu at 2005-04-25 14:25:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Just for #10.

Submitted by Sphagnum at 2005-04-25 11:17:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fucking awesome!

B@W for sure!(If it isn't already, I haven't checked)

Submitted by Bellebrown at 2005-04-25 11:16:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Oh my god I think I know who you really are...

Submitted by sempboy at 2005-04-25 10:56:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Number 10 was my favorite. Awesome post.

Submitted by MoneyG at 2005-04-25 01:34:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by rad1101 at 2005-04-24 09:26:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Furthermore, its about time this cunt got some recognitionn.


ALL HAIL SPAM< THE BEST RITER TO BE SPEWED FROM OUR WOMB> ALL HAIL THE GENIUS (comparatively) ALL HAIL THE FUHRER

















what?

Submitted by rad1101 at 2005-04-24 09:25:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-04-23 10:49:24 (#)
Ranking: 2

Look at those hits... ridiculous. Why have none of my masterpieces reached such lofty heights???

-------------------

Because you obviously sorely lack in talent, Pock.

Just as I.

Submitted by rad1101 at 2005-04-24 09:23:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-04-23 17:11:31 (#)
Ranking: -2

No Comment
==================

*ahem*

cunt.

Thank you, thank you.

Submitted by Spam at 2005-04-24 07:27:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-04-23 17:11:31 (#)
Ranking: -2

No Comment
---

I love you too.

Submitted by corn nugget at 2005-04-24 01:34:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by NocternalDragon (user info) at 2005-04-23 02:34:59 (#)
Ranking: 0

I can't possibly give this a higher rating considering I thought my post was a hell of a lot better and everyone decided to trash it. SO FUCK OFF this gets a neutral rating of a 0.

***

You can't be serious.

Submitted by mystiamoon at 2005-04-23 17:11:31 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by William_Q_Percy at 2005-04-23 12:15:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

My brother needed a few days off work one time to go to an out of town party, so he told the place he works at (a cheese factory) that our grandfather died and that he was going to his funeral in Nova Scotia.

The company ended up giving him a full week off with greivance pay. Stupid fuckers.

Submitted by Spam at 2005-04-23 11:54:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

not really mate - I was banned 2 days before this was put up - but thanks for your input.

Submitted by rdn4 at 2005-04-23 11:18:54 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by NocternalDragon (user info) at 2005-04-23 02:34:59 (#)
Ranking: 0

I can't possibly give this a higher rating considering I thought my post was a hell of a lot better and everyone decided to trash it. SO FUCK OFF this gets a neutral rating of a 0.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The Uber favorites game

Submitted by mrwolf at 2005-04-23 10:49:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Look at those hits... ridiculous. Why have none of my masterpieces reached such lofty heights???

Submitted by geeohcities at 2005-04-23 09:49:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You rule

Submitted by Viciousriffs at 2005-04-23 06:13:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

What is this, paper jam?...

Submitted by Wazza at 2005-04-23 05:02:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Man you gotta get a job in the zoo.

Submitted by rad1101 at 2005-04-23 04:49:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You are an idiot.

Submitted by NocternalDragon at 2005-04-23 02:34:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I can’t possibly give this a higher rating considering I thought my post was a hell of a lot better and everyone decided to trash it. SO FUCK OFF this gets a neutral rating of a 0.

Submitted by corn nugget at 2005-04-23 01:50:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

tee hee hee.

Submitted by rad1101 at 2005-04-23 01:27:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-22 06:26:54 (#)
Ranking: 2

Directly from banned to B@W.

Come fuck me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-22 06:24:45 (#)
Ranking: 2

Congratulations on B@W!

Submitted by rad1101 at 2005-04-23 01:26:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

No, actually, you aren't.

Submitted by piowufbhwervnerfnc at 2005-04-23 01:02:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

AM I the first to say HAPPY B@W????

Submitted by thecaes at 2005-04-23 00:56:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-04-20 12:13:25 (#)
Ranking: 2

I'm struggling to pronounce your name.
********************

the seeze (or seas, if you prefer)

As in Caesar. All hail ME!!

Submitted by AJ at 2005-04-22 22:31:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

hahahaha

Submitted by Tokerson at 2005-04-22 18:26:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by potatomanjack at 2005-04-22 13:32:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Solid, G

Submitted by Ejryuu at 2005-04-22 12:26:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm trying to think of co-workers I would only fuck if they were on fire...

Submitted by lordhamlett at 2005-04-22 12:17:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

4. Almost got my friend sacked in a prank gone horribly wrong after I used http://www.sharpmail.co.uk/html to send an e-mail that appeared to be from him to one of the office juniors. It read something along the lines of:

"Nice strappy shoes Gemma, I really like the way they show off your painted nails..... It makes me want to run my hard penis in between your toes and cum on your shin."

(realistically, I should have anticipated the shit-storm, that followed).
___

+2 for the laugh, and now I have a new prank tool.

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2005-04-22 12:07:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Kicker of all asses.

Submitted by jumpinjellyfish at 2005-04-22 11:45:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-04-21 14:00:21 (#)
Ranking: 2

Fan-fucking-tastic.
------------------------------------

yep

Submitted by sharpmail at 2005-04-22 11:40:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Being the Founder of http://www.sharpmail.co.uk its nice to read its being put to good use. I’m just wondering why is it that I only hear about these situations from the managers who are complaining about the unethical, should be illegal website that caused the havoc their now dealing with?

Danny

Submitted by DavyJones at 2005-04-22 11:27:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

This +2 streak obsession is really lame. People need to reavaluate their goals when a +2 streak on Uber is worth caring about.

Submitted by lemonfish at 2005-04-22 07:41:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

"crative" what?
i think you made up every single thing in there.




Submitted by Adereterial at 2005-04-22 07:39:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-04-22 07:36:41 (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2005-04-22 07:20:06 (#)
Ranking: 2

Please, please let me know which MP that was. Please? I'll do anything... well, pretty much anything. At the very least tell me which Party said MP belongs to.
==

Sorry Ad, we don't take names off the MP's we deal with, just room numbers, it's some kind of security thing - could've been anybody from Big Tone himself right down to some crappy backbencher for the Green Party.

------------

Arse... I'm going to pretend it was Blair himself.

Submitted by Spam at 2005-04-22 07:36:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2005-04-22 07:20:06 (#)
Ranking: 2

Please, please let me know which MP that was. Please? I'll do anything... well, pretty much anything. At the very least tell me which Party said MP belongs to.
==

Sorry Ad, we don't take names off the MP's we deal with, just room numbers, it's some kind of security thing - could've been anybody from Big Tone himself right down to some crappy backbencher for the Green Party.

Submitted by thorpe at 2005-04-22 07:26:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Member of Parliament

Submitted by baking_Lady at 2005-04-22 07:22:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

What's an MP?

Submitted by Adereterial at 2005-04-22 07:20:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

10. Not realised that an incoming call was actually from somebody in the Houses Of Parliament (one of our A-list clients) and answered the phone "What's up MotherFucker?!"

11. Outright lied to the same MP when he asked to speak to the manger by telling him that he had called a residential number - A fact he accepted despite having spent 5 minutes on our hold system listening our company's god awful theme music.

12. Put on a dodgy accent and pretended to be called 'Raoul' when said MP called back and, against all laws of probability, ended up speaking to me again.

----------------------

Please, please let me know which MP that was. Please? I'll do anything... well, pretty much anything. At the very least tell me which Party said MP belongs to.

Submitted by williamson at 2005-04-22 07:12:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-22 06:56:17 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-21 23:12:50 (#)
Ranking: 2

Excellent. I'm thinking back on all the times I should've been expelled from school now. In the end, I only got suspended once and that was for doing maths assignments for exchanche students for money.
-------------------
HAHAHAAHA Wow, only a real retard would have done something like that.

And dude: "exchanche"??? THat's not even really a phonetic mistake.



Numbers 6,7,10,11,12,13 and 14 were the best. Yes, that is a lot of bests.
-=-=-=-==-
When i type on uber at work, i type fast. Any mistake made is left behind. No time to fix it.

And yes, thorpe, only a retard would have done assignments for japs for money, like you did for koreans.

*ahem*

Submitted by baking_Lady at 2005-04-22 07:08:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I wish I was this creative.

Submitted by thorpe at 2005-04-22 06:56:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-21 23:12:50 (#)
Ranking: 2

Excellent. I'm thinking back on all the times I should've been expelled from school now. In the end, I only got suspended once and that was for doing maths assignments for exchanche students for money.
-------------------
HAHAHAAHA Wow, only a real retard would have done something like that.

And dude: "exchanche"??? THat's not even really a phonetic mistake.



Numbers 6,7,10,11,12,13 and 14 were the best. Yes, that is a lot of bests.

Submitted by rad1101 at 2005-04-22 06:52:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

There you go assuming again.

Who says you'll be in a position to give me a reacharound?

Submitted by Spam at 2005-04-22 06:50:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I'm starting to worry about Rad recently - he's paranoid that people are coming to kill him, has a gun and dog fetish, is obsessed by the illuminati, shoves paperclips up his rectum - and now he wants to make sweet love to me.


...all the qualities of a good lay too, I suppose - but don't expect a reach around.

Submitted by rad1101 at 2005-04-22 06:41:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

All that means is you possess all the qualities of a good lay.

Submitted by mrwolf at 2005-04-22 06:34:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

That's gotta be some kind of a record.

Submitted by Spam at 2005-04-22 06:29:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

HOLY SHIT!!

Can't believe I went straight from Banned to B@W.

Submitted by rad1101 at 2005-04-22 06:26:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Directly from banned to B@W.

Come fuck me.

Submitted by williamson at 2005-04-22 06:24:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Congratulations on B@W!

Submitted by FilthyAssistant at 2005-04-22 05:20:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I gave them a puppy dog face.

No, really. There was two of us caught. Sweet little me and my big bad ex-con friend. They fired him on the spot and (incorrectly) assumed that he had somehow led me astray and that I therefore deserved a second chance.

I gave them a sermon on hypocrisy, dropped my keys in the manager's lap and stormed out.

"If he's getting sacked then I need to be sacked too!"

I'd like to think my response was an indication of my moral fortitude and English sense of fair play. In reality it probably had more to do with the fact that I was completely off my tits. Stupid girl.

Submitted by Spam at 2005-04-22 05:05:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

how could you EVER keep your job after getting caught smoking crack?

unless you were a drug dealer.

Submitted by FilthyAssistant at 2005-04-22 04:44:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

In my foolish youth, I got caught smoking crack at work and didn't get sacked. Beat that.


Disclaimer for the impressionable: It's a bad idea. Don't do it.

Submitted by rad1101 at 2005-04-22 04:37:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

yes.

do. me. now.

Submitted by Soley_Trinity at 2005-04-22 04:37:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Watch out rad, Pock's Homo-itis is contagious.

Submitted by Spam at 2005-04-22 04:34:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

guys, what's with all the 'let's make sweet love'?

...Cant we just Fuck?

Submitted by baking_Lady at 2005-04-22 04:31:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by c1ndy at 2005-04-22 04:30:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Brilliant... but for goodness sake look for another job.

Submitted by rad1101 at 2005-04-22 04:28:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Does it mean i'm gay if I want to make sweet love to all of you?

Submitted by rad1101 at 2005-04-22 04:27:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

That makes it even funnier.

Submitted by Soley_Trinity at 2005-04-22 04:15:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You rock Spamiel!

Submitted by Spam at 2005-04-22 04:09:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

bob wasn't even on a streak - he had a 1.8 rating.

Submitted by mrwolf at 2005-04-22 04:09:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Whats up mother fucker!!!

Will you please make sweet love to me?

Submitted by rad1101 at 2005-04-22 04:05:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You cocked up BOB's +2 streak and then he cocked yours up.

Cunts, the whole lot of you.

Submitted by rad1101 at 2005-04-22 04:02:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I love you.

B@W

Submitted by Feijuada at 2005-04-22 03:48:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

10. Not realised that an incoming call was actually from somebody in the Houses Of Parliament (one of our A-list clients) and answered the phone "What's up MotherFucker?!"

My favorite.

Submitted by Spam at 2005-04-22 03:32:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-04-21 22:53:54 (#)
Ranking: 2

Sweet monkey Jesus. You must teach me your secret.
--

Charm and personality

Submitted by williamson at 2005-04-21 23:12:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Excellent. I'm thinking back on all the times I should've been expelled from school now. In the end, I only got suspended once and that was for doing maths assignments for exchanche students for money.

Submitted by thecaes at 2005-04-21 22:53:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Sweet monkey Jesus. You must teach me your secret.

Submitted by Spam at 2005-04-21 16:33:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-04-21 16:16:37 (#)
Ranking: 2

glad to see you back!
--

Cheers jonny.

Submitted by JonnyX at 2005-04-21 16:16:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

glad to see you back!

Submitted by runswithscissors at 2005-04-21 15:54:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Whatup mutherfucker!
Brilliant..........

Submitted by Umbilical_Cord at 2005-04-21 15:08:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

awesome

Submitted by skeezy at 2005-04-21 14:51:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

mmmmm.....Hash Brownies!!

Submitted by blank_mind at 2005-04-21 14:35:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Just plain awesome.

Submitted by rurumon at 2005-04-21 14:25:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

this cracked me up

"It makes me want to run my hard penis in between your toes and cum on your shin."

Submitted by Spam at 2005-04-21 14:20:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Bob, I'm going to give you the benfit of the doubt and assume that 'okay.' had nothing to do with this http://www.ubersite.com/m/64296#1281792

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2005-04-21 14:17:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Okay.

Submitted by Herpes at 2005-04-21 14:12:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Haha.

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2005-04-21 14:11:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

AWESOME.

Submitted by piowufbhwervnerfnc at 2005-04-21 14:01:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Yeah, it's a +2...

ONly because I have a job (kinda) now.

Submitted by Pentameter at 2005-04-21 14:00:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fan-fucking-tastic.

Submitted by Davros at 2005-04-21 13:48:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"I wouldn't fuck you if you were on fire"

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Next time just say ROFLCOPTER and walk away looking smug.

-Dave

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2005-04-21 13:33:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

B@W

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2005-04-21 13:31:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-04-21 13:10:18 (#)
Ranking: 2

Sincerely, and from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. You make my lazy ass look like a model employee, and I intend to use this post as proof of that fact on my next performance review.
==============================

I think that goes for most of us, Teeph.

Submitted by munkeypants at 2005-04-21 13:28:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-04-21 13:10:18 (#)
Ranking: 2

Sincerely, and from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. You make my lazy ass look like a model employee, and I intend to use this post as proof of that fact on my next performance review.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2005-04-21 13:28:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This post is nothing but great. I love breaking all the rules.

Rules are for sissies.

Submitted by nrduncan at 2005-04-21 13:18:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 Just for this:

10. Not realised that an incoming call was actually from somebody in the Houses Of Parliament (one of our A-list clients) and answered the phone "What's up MotherFucker?!"

Submitted by TheSpook at 2005-04-21 13:18:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I pooped in the paper recylcling bin once.

Submitted by TimeCop at 2005-04-21 13:11:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You are an inspiration to us all.

Submitted by Teephphah at 2005-04-21 13:10:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Sincerely, and from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. You make my lazy ass look like a model employee, and I intend to use this post as proof of that fact on my next performance review.

Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome at 2005-04-21 13:07:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Any relation to THE Michael Bolton?

Submitted by MichaelJackson at 2005-04-21 13:06:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Word to your mother

Submitted by Caulaincourt at 2005-04-21 12:47:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

nice ethic

Submitted by hairycoo at 2005-04-21 12:44:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This mf should be on Bored at Work

Submitted by myredmirage95 at 2005-04-21 12:43:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Love it. Reminds me of some of the stuff I did whilst working at Subway.

Submitted by knucklesnelson at 2005-04-21 12:43:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

oh my

Submitted by GroundHogSlayer at 2005-04-21 12:39:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

lucky bastard

Submitted by maximus3000 at 2005-04-21 12:38:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

VERY funny.

Submitted by HadToBeDone at 2005-04-21 12:38:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

My closest call was probably "<boss's name here>, get the fuck out here and quit being a little bitch."

When I was an intern.

Submitted by missflibble at 2005-04-21 12:32:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

trying to hold my laughter is causing tears!

especially the "I wouldn't fuck you if you were on fire" comment, that' class. I asked my other half to "bunnyfuck" me last time I got ratted.

Submitted by rollerboognish at 2005-04-21 12:30:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Great stuff. "I wouldn't fuck you if you were on fire."

Submitted by strider at 2005-04-21 12:29:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-04-21 12:23:09 (#)
Ranking: 0

Neither - English*

*note, not Brittish

---------------

aight, so is there any truth about it being a lot harder to get fired from your job over there? That's what I've heard and this post sparked the question.

Submitted by Professional_Peon at 2005-04-21 12:25:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

7. Hid for an hour in the post room whilst said director tore the place to pieces interrogating people in an effort to find "That Cunt who shot me"

---------

That's my favorite. You are a naughty monkey!

Submitted by SiskelandFatboy at 2005-04-21 12:20:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Good Stuff.

Submitted by strider at 2005-04-21 12:18:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Spam, American or European?

Submitted by indoninja at 2005-04-21 12:09:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fire you, I think you need a promotion. They just aren't challenging you enough.

Submitted by Spam at 2005-04-21 12:08:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Awww fuck... I was gonna change my name to 'Myst...er...Spam' but forgot at the last moment.

Submitted by Ainkara at 2005-04-21 12:05:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Ahahahhahaha.....

I wouldn't fuck you if you were on fire... is that good or bad?

Submitted by Adamdidit2u at 2005-04-21 12:01:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Hahahahaha

I was disciplined by the head of our PR and marketing for walking out of a meeting (which I had already spent 3 hours in) while announcing "This is a fucking waste of my time" to everyone.

My actual supervisor didn't care one bit.

I routinley fuck with that guy, especailly because 1/3 of my job involves working with him.

I usually ignore his suggestions all together and get approval from the other heads, so when he sees the 90% it's nothing like he wanted but too late to change.

I debated boning his wife and taping it, but she's FUGLY


Homer: Hey, Burns! Eat my shorts!

Burns: Who the Sam Hill was that?

One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish