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How I Played Show and Tell, before Making out with Paco.

Submitted by AllyJeans at 2005-05-19 11:18:43 EDT
Rating: 1.27 on 33 ratings (33 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

When I was a kid, a boy came over and asked to see me “thing.” He had the wide-eyed glory of innocent youth and a sappy grin to match. Standing there, he scuffed his foot back and forth across the sidewalk, as if he was trying to polish the concrete.

I hesitated, playing with my hair and glancing around at neighbor’s lawn (it had a big wheel and a slip and slide). I shook my head.

“Sorry, but I don’t have time. I have driver’s ed. before first period.”

He ended up leaving me shortly after that. He found another girl to play doctor with—someone who signed up for the full exam. I have no regrets. In the years to come, I would learn that my one time beau had some issues with his anatomy.

What issues you ask? Apparently, his pecker was so curved that the head was 180 degrees to starboard. The ladies (and the guys as well) took to calling him “corkscrew.”

I never ran into another boyfriend like corkscrew. Guys like him are a once in a lifetime opportunity--as is Meningitis and Ebola. I guess I’m happy I’ve missed them all.

Since then my relationships have been short lived. The kind that begin with a rush, coast along for a while, then crash like the Titantic. If you want a character study, I can tell you that painters enjoy their models, chefs don’t cater to your needs, and Greco Roman Wrestlers…let’s just say they spend too much time coming to “grips” with their sexuality.

All in all, I can’t complain. I have a nice place, a nice job and I’m just past my mid twenties.

Oh yeah, and I have a buzzing friend named, Paco. He never fails to comfort me.












mexican.jpg
mexican.jpg


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Submitted by Brdn_Nkd at 2007-09-05 13:30:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by spamtrap50 at 2005-08-30 18:37:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Unabonger at 2005-08-10 18:35:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

i was going to +2 this too but didn't cause I bumped another.

Submitted by creep_firebombing at 2005-08-10 17:14:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by mrwolf at 2005-06-14 04:25:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Wonderful

Submitted by AllyJeans at 2005-06-02 23:11:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-06-01 11:11:40 (#)
Ranking: 2

I liked the begining... quite funny. Go with that, leave out the triteness at the end.

Or leave it in. I didn't like the end, though.

....

What part specifically? The painters/models critique, or everything after "Submitted by Ally <AllyJeans.at.gmail.com> [Authenticated] (View user info) at 2005-05-19 11:18:43"

Haha.

Submitted by corn nugget at 2005-06-01 11:11:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I liked the begining... quite funny. Go with that, leave out the triteness at the end.

Or leave it in. I didn't like the end, though.

Submitted by thecaes at 2005-06-01 07:38:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Decent first post. I like the way you think.

With your brain, that is.

Submitted by JonnyX at 2005-05-20 18:01:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-05-19 17:27:58 (#)
Ranking: 1

Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-05-19 14:00:50 (#)
Ranking: 1

Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-05-19 12:13:21 (#)
Ranking: 1

not horrible. not great. somewhere in between

-----------------------

You'll get better.

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2005-05-19 20:01:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

w00t.

Submitted by pen_name at 2005-05-19 17:27:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-05-19 14:00:50 (#)
Ranking: 1

Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-05-19 12:13:21 (#)
Ranking: 1

not horrible. not great. somewhere in between

-----------------------

You'll get better.

Submitted by Totally_useless at 2005-05-19 16:44:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Let's get some ecstasy and I'll give you oral pleasure.

Or let's get some weed and you can do the same for me.

(Same stipulation is in effect from last comment...)

Submitted by AllyJeans at 2005-05-19 16:30:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Simple, we're both new to this site. We should band together, drink spirits, and go to raves. we should not battle each other in such a fashion.

However, test my resolve, and you will end up with a jockstrap shoved so far down your throat that your burps will taste like ball sweat.

Not pleasant enriching, Ken Griffey Jr. ballsweat. No. More like nausiating, loathsome, Abe Vigoda ball sweat.

Submitted by simple_catalyst at 2005-05-19 14:07:26 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

apparently, my "peers" genitalia
don't allow:

fuck you die.

Submitted by Pentameter at 2005-05-19 14:00:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-05-19 12:13:21 (#)
Ranking: 1

not horrible. not great. somewhere in between

-----------------------

You'll get better. And I have a friend named Paco as well. I wonder if it's the same guy?

Submitted by Totally_useless at 2005-05-19 13:37:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Forgot to rate...

Dur.

Submitted by Totally_useless at 2005-05-19 13:36:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Great story!

Please continue the tradition here at Ubersite as new members post stories with pictures of their genetalia.*

Your cooperation is greatly appreciated.

*ONLY IF YOU ARE AT OR ABOVE THE LEGAL AGE OF CONSENT.

Thank you.

Submitted by Crystle at 2005-05-19 13:32:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

welcome

Submitted by jumpinjellyfish at 2005-05-19 13:09:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Dammit, Paco gets all the fine chicks!



Welcome to Uber!

Submitted by Avals at 2005-05-19 13:07:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Some cultures rub noses, some break plates ... Uber tells you to SHOW US YOUR TITS!
In other words - welcome. Oh, and - do show us your tits.

Submitted by indoninja at 2005-05-19 12:40:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I have never heard of a girls...um...love aid, being called paco before.

I guess you like our wetbacked friends.

Submitted by AllyJeans at 2005-05-19 12:37:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I'm going to go play some basketball. Thanks to anyone who bothers to read this!

Submitted by missflibble at 2005-05-19 12:31:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

this is random, I like random.
welcome.

Submitted by yermom at 2005-05-19 12:23:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Welcome, thank you for not posting total garbage.

Submitted by MyNameIsTim at 2005-05-19 12:13:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

not horrible. not great. somewhere in between

Submitted by AllyJeans at 2005-05-19 12:04:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Thanks Jungle--Thanks Darko :)

This is an Awesome site.

Submitted by mysterious.adventure at 2005-05-19 11:57:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

"Guys like him are a once in a lifetime opportunity--as is Meningitis and Ebola."

Submitted by darko at 2005-05-19 11:56:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Keep writing like this.

Submitted by Berty at 2005-05-19 11:55:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

True, it's be like me going out with a bearded lady. You could grab her sideburns to get better penetration but it'd just be weird. Besides you can add attatchments to any woman with simple pritt stick

Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee at 2005-05-19 11:54:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Welcome to Uber, here is your first +2.

Submitted by AllyJeans at 2005-05-19 11:53:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

You're right, Berty. The title is misleading. Also, there is the off chance that the curves of corkscrew's ungodly penis might have sent me to the moon and back

But hey, what's does that get ya, if forever thereafter you're known as crooked dick's main squeeze.

Submitted by Berty at 2005-05-19 11:34:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

So in fact you didn't play show and tell. Also if you've never seen his peener, never touched it or stroked it or tasted it or ridden it like a bitch from hell how will you ever know what you may or may not have missed out on?

That said after spending night after night alone with 'paco' I've no doubt you no longer care.

Submitted by funk_boy at 2005-05-19 11:22:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

randomnoushness


Homer: You know what?

Grampa: What?

Homer: We're both screw-ups.

Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy