I'm not Mean...I Just Lack in the 'People Skills' DepartmentSubmitted by Ducky at 2005-09-22 07:02:49 EDT
Rating: 1.83 on 29 ratings (29 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
If you are drunk, naked, dripping wet, I don’t know you and am trying to remove you from the premises, please don’t think for one second that I need a hug. I won’t appreciate it.
So, I’m walking by the switchboard office, and notice movement on the cameras. As I zoom in on the pool area I notice that 3 guys have decided sneak in and have a naked sausage party in one of the hot tubs. Usually this wouldn’t be my problem. Usually we have other staff on shift I can command about, but not tonight.
Off I trundle (um, yes…trundle) to the pool area, and by the noises I’m hearing I know I’ll be dealing with drunks. In some ways this sucks (like the guy who decided to piss all over himself in one of the stairwells a few weeks back), but in other ways it is absolute magic. You just have to know how to deal, and silly drunk people will believe anything. I pull my little emergency flashlight out of my pocket (we have lots of power outages here, and yes I’m paranoid), and holding it like a remote, point it at the fence.
“RIGHT THEN BOYS, PARTIES OVER. YOU’VE GOT 15 SECONDS TO GET YOUR ASSES OVER THAT FENCE BEFORE I SEND CURRENT TO IT…BEST HURRY- YOU’RE ALL WET AND THAT WILL ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE FOR YOU IF YOU GET ZAPPED”.
“WANT TO TEST IT?”
“RIGHT THEN, …13, 12, 11….”
They thrash their way out of the hot tub, and 2 of the 3 run towards the fence. The 3rd (and obviously weakest link) stands there looking at me, and then starts to blubber on about ‘thank-you for letting me off so easily’. As he’s talking, he’s stumbling towards me and trying to give me a hug. I recoil in a mixture of fear and disgust, but try to remain composed.
Composure….composure…comp…c…oh fuck composure.
“Get the fuck away from me before I break my foot off in your ass”.
*Right, so there may have been a touch of unabridged hostility in my voice…just a touch…but other than that, I was completely composed*
Sigh. “Just go”.
He turns towards the fence, makes it a couple of steps, and falls on his face. Then I hear something….something that sounds like crying. He is crying.
“Are you okay?”
“Y-y-y-yes, I don’t want to get electrocuted” he sobs, floundering on the ground.
Good. Fucking. Grief.
I go inside, grab a towel to throw over him, and hoist him to his feet. Then I grab the stack of clothing that he and his friends had forgotten about and help him out the front door. He turns to me and tries to give back the towel.
“Um…you keep it”.
“Really?” he snivels.
I give him the armload of clothing and direct him out the door. He stops a few feet ahead, dresses, throws his friends’ clothes into the garbage, and stumbles away.
It’s REALLY cold tonight.