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LMAO That's guy's pretty sad, isn't he? Must be tough being so gay.
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A Head in the Clouds

Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome at 2005-09-29 11:05:54 EDT
Rating: 1.33 on 18 ratings (18 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

*I guarantee you this post will be stupid as hell.*

I was watching TV the other day, which is a rarity these days (yes, I feel smarter) and I watched this program on National Geographic about this Aloha Airlines plane that had the roof torn off at 24,000 ft, instantly sucking a poor stewardess out of the plane. The plane's passengers could look to the sides of the aircraft and up and see nothing but blue sky, and the Pacific Ocean 24,000 ft below. The only thing holding the aft section of the aircraft to the cockpit was a thin section of buckling floor. Cabin pressure was lost as people struggled with the idea of death in the frigid chill of their present altitude in 300+ mile per hour winds that threatened to rip the aircraft apart...

That made me wonder: what would a turd do to someone if it hit them after falling from 24,000 ft? How about a 400 square ft section of fuselage? How about a stewardess's lifeless body? What if she's old and small and brittle-boned? That's right....THERAPY!....the cure-all for today's 'I don't wanna fuck with it' pussy society.

While I was pleased to see that only one person aboard the flight died (the stewardess I mentioned), as the plane miraculously landed safely, I can't help but wonder if those people will ever be the same again.

Then I saw another news program the other day about a plane that landed on live TV with the nose gear sideways. Not quite as bad considering they could still watch the LIVE TV coverage on their laptops of their OWN AIRCRAFT circling the airport in an attempt to burn off fuel before what could well be a fiery disaster and last moment of their lives while the news anchor says in no uncertain terms that the aircraft is probably "DOOMED!", and they could still breathe...for now; but still a harrowing experience, I'm sure.

I wonder if there are support groups fro people -(I realized I just misspelled 'for' as 'fro', but I'm leaving it there because I've always wanted a fro) - who have survived through these sorts of 'near miss' ordeals. I wonder what they would talk about after the first couple meetings; because you know there's only so many times you can hear someone's 'horrific experience of being sick on the plane because they ate the fish and got beat up by a jive-talkin' Mrs. Cleaver, and blah blah blah blah BLAH!' before you just have to slap the bitch and tell her: "GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF!"

Anyway, later in the same program, I saw stock footage reminding me of the dangers of the Big Bad Wolf, 'TERRORISM' via the magical fear/surrender-of-personal-rights inducing footage of 9/11. Ain't no therapy gonna help those cats, but I'm sure their families get enough sympathy...not to mention the satisfaction of knowing that we've finally caught Osama Bin-Laden and turned him over to the Iraqi authorities to stand trial and.......heeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyy........wait a minute........Private Pyle, what does that map you got there say again? And since when is North at the bottom?

*Shameless Plug: http://www.ubersite.com/m/75166*

On top of all this, I've been having dreams about dying in a plane crash lately. The dream goes something like this:

I find myself aboard the airplane and all is normal, the baby right behind my ear is crying, the other spawn from this mother's loins are tugging at her skirt bitching in their singularly child-like screeching way about how there aren't enough crayons or some shit when all of a sudden I feel my stomach give like I'm on a rollercoaster ride and can feel the place accelerating downward. The sound is just like in the cartoons just before a plane crashes. The thought of Wily Coyote getting hit with an anvil in the head right after the crash is no comfort to me really as my own plane is now in an almost 90 degree nose-dive toward the Atlantic Ocean. I keep expecting to feel the cold, hard impact any second as I close my eyes and begin to make my reconciliations with Jesus and Buddha and Muhammad and anyone else who might listen. Then suddenly, I realize that I'm dreaming and I wake up.

You know the kind of dream I'm talking about.... This is the one where you wake up breathless and have this unshakable sense that it's some kind of warning or omen or that maybe you've just really died in some alternate dimension of reality, but God has spared you and given you a second chance.

So, like a bad soap opera plot where they cover up months or even years of events so a character everyone thinks is dead can come back, God makes you think it was all just a dream, and everything is ok.

And he's right, you know, everything IS ok...

So, when my vacation comes up Saturday, what am I doing? Naturally, I'm hopping on a 10 hour flight over the Atlantic Ocean to London, England.

Just be sure to pinch me if I start squirming.

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Submitted by Dru M at 2015-07-12 15:37:00 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

AMERICA! GUNS! BASEBALL! HOTDOGS! AMERICA! GUNS! BASEBALL! HOTDOGS! AMERICA! GUNS! BASEBALL! HOTDOGS! AMERICA! GUNS! BASEBALL! HOTDOGS! AMERICA! GUNS! BASEBALL! HOTDOGS! AMERICA! GUNS! BASEBALL! HOTDOGS! AMERICA! GUNS! BASEBALL! HOTDOGS!

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2005-09-30 00:48:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 scary death thoughts and for wondering about falling turd velocity. I wonder about that too.

Submitted by Saxon at 2005-09-30 00:48:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Hahahaha great minds ETS, great minds man.

Submitted by Bubba2341 at 2005-09-29 20:10:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:11:26 (#)
Ranking: 1

if you poop on your hand and smell it, does that make you gay?
__________________________________________________________________
No, but if you lick your hand you are the king of faggots.

Submitted by ParlorTrick at 2005-09-29 16:17:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I woke up the other day and there was an old lady in my bed trying to take my pillow. I grabbed the pillow and smacked her with it until she fell out of bed and I went back to sleep. That was scary and I'll never be the same.

Submitted by ArtificialInsanity at 2005-09-29 16:01:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I once read an article about surviving a fall from an airplane. The trick is to head for the trees, try to land as close to the trunk as you can, and with any luck all the branches will slow you down enough so that you'll only break a few bones... hopefully. Oh, and I actually have a fro, it kicks ass wicked hard.

Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome at 2005-09-29 14:51:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-09-29 13:50:40 (#)
Ranking: 2

What ariline will you be traveling?

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I don't know...it's this new company called 'Crash and Burn Airlines'. I'm sure they'll be fine.

Submitted by MANICMOTHER at 2005-09-29 14:07:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 for not so random death dreams.

Submitted by morontian at 2005-09-29 13:50:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

What ariline will you be traveling?

Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome at 2005-09-29 12:06:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:52:26 (#)
Ranking: 1

Well... look at it this way (as I'm sure she does), at least she wasn't the one sucked out of the plane.
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Yea, the whole 'surviving' thing does tend to impose some measure of consolation.

Submitted by One4TheRoad at 2005-09-29 11:52:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Well... look at it this way (as I'm sure she does), at least she wasn't the one sucked out of the plane.

Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome at 2005-09-29 11:44:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-09-29 11:28:52 (#)
Ranking: 1

Didn't really make me smile, but...

One of my good friend's mom was on that Aloha Airlines flight.
----------------------

I felt better when they were just random people.

Submitted by jack11058 at 2005-09-29 11:41:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by One4TheRoad at 2005-09-29 11:28:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Didn't really make me smile, but...

One of my good friend's mom was on that Aloha Airlines flight.

Submitted by Barnymeinhoff at 2005-09-29 11:15:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

May I be the first to welcome you home from the colonies and recomend you visit Hackney and Dalstons quaint cobbled backstreets and friendly bars and clubs while you are in our fair city.

Submitted by Ainkara at 2005-09-29 11:12:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Creepy...

Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky at 2005-09-29 11:11:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

if you poop on your hand and smell it, does that make you gay?

Submitted by glasscock at 2005-09-29 11:10:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I dont think the pasengers will be flying again anytime soon


All right, I have thought this through. I will send Bart the money to
fly home, then I will murder him.

-- Homer Simpson
Bart on the Road