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Jesus stopped me getting a job, but I still like him

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2005-12-07 08:19:47 EST
Rating: 1.84 on 98 ratings (98 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

I went for a job interview this morning. I didn’t get it.

It was a well sought after job, but I won’t bore with the details, because they are boring, but because it’s well paid and quite easy, there were already about four people there when I got there.

So I went on in and spoke to the receptionist who looked unimpressed by the five pound note I slid across the table to bump my name up the list, and got told that it would take another fiver to stop my name getting bumped off the list.

I had no more cash on me so I cut the money grabbing whore a cheque and went and sat back down next to someone who was so scruffy they made me look like a Ritz doorman. His familiar face was hidden behind a beard that was long and tattered, he was wearing sandals with socks, three quarter length trousers and a scruffy vest. Strangely he was sat there looking so smug like he knew he already had the job.

Screwed up in his hand was a scrappy piece of paper. I tried my hardest to look casual while scanning his CV. It was difficult though, because for some reason this guy had found it necessary to write out his CV with poster paints.

But through the ineligible scrawl I managed to pick out one very worrying sentence:

Full Name: Jesus Christ

I looked back at his face and realised the reason the face was familiar was because my very catholic gran had pictures of this chap everywhere.

“What came first? The look or the name?” I asked him with a grin.

“Excuse me?” He turned very politely.

“Did you look like Jesus and change your name to his, or did you change your name to Jesus and try to look like him?”

The man just scoffed at me and turned back to facing forwards, looking down on the rest of us all mighty.

“Dude,” I said. “You can’t seriously be expecting to get this job?”

“Well I’ve got to.” He said. “My dad said I’m old enough to get a job out in the real world, and I’ve got to do it by my next birthday or I’m out the door. And this is the only interview that I’ve lined up.”

“But you’ve called yourself Jesus Christ on the painted CV!” I nearly yelled at him. “How the hell can you possibly expect it to happen?”

“What can I say?” He smiled. “I have a way of making the impossible happen.” The smile was even wider now.

“You genuinely believe you’re Jesus Christ, don’t you?”

“Do you genuinely believe you’re Nathan Sleeman?”

“How the hell…”

“I turn water into wine; you think I’d struggle with your name? Twat.”

“Failure.” I muttered under my breath.

“Excuse me?”

“I said you’re a failure.”

“How dare you? You’re in no position to call anyone a failure!”

“Look at you. Fully grown adult, still living at home no doubt?”

“Sort of…”

“And only just getting your own job.”

“Hey! I was a carpenter for fucking ages!”

“And the second a bit of stiff competition came along you bail.”

“What the fu…”

“And you’re a sissy. I saw that crap film. You got seven shades of shit beat out of you. If God were my dad I’d have whooped ass, not bent over.”

“That’s not how it…”

“No excuses, Jesus. You suck. Face it. No wonder the church is going under.”

I took a sip of my water and turned back to him. He looked sad. I’m sure I even saw a tear starting to come through in the corner of his eye.

“Hey, dude, I’m sorry to get harsh.” I went to put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“Gotcha!” He yelled, leaping of his chair, driving his elbow into my crotch.

Instantly I doubled over and fell on the floor, trying not to be sick. I tried to grab his arm and pull him over so I could pummel him, but all I managed was to get hold of the piece of paper in his hand.

It ripped, him with the bottom half, me with the top.

“MY CV!” He screamed. “I spent ages on that!”

I balled my fists together and slammed my hands up into his sack. Instantly he doubled over, so I balled my fists again and slammed them up into his face.

He fell backwards and landed back on his chair, from where he kicked me in the face. I fell backwards so I was lying down on the floor, trying to get up but having no co-ordination.

Before I had a chance to go for him again there was a lot of rough shoving and suddenly I found myself outside the building, leaning on a wall for support.

Next to me, Jesus stood panting.

“Shit. Guess I’m getting kicked out then.” He said to me, wiping a small bit of blood from around his nose.

“Sorry dude.” I said. “You know, you’re a lot tougher than that film made me believe.”

“You kidding? That film couldn’t have been further from the truth. They sucker punched me while I was stoned at the supper.”

“You got stoned at the last supper?”

“Course I did. Celebrating the Easter holidays.”

I was confused, but didn’t bother asking. Instead we decided to just go to a nearby pub and have a few drinks, and I’ve got to tell you, Jesus kicks ass.

It’s not just water into wine. We ordered two cokes and next thing I know we had a pint of Guinness each.

“What you going to tell your dad?” I asked him.

“Not sure. Could lie to him and tell him I got the job.”

“Doesn’t he know everything?”

“All parents think they know everything.”

“Yeah, but isn’t yours God?”

“Shit…” Jesus trailed off in thought. “Fuck it; I’ll just take that job at the fairs.”

“What job?”

“You know that annoying DJ that you can always hear on the rides?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m going to kill them.”

When we finished eating we went our separate ways. I hope he got that job. He deserves it.

Nice chap.


DJ.jpg
DJ.jpg


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Reviews


Submitted by kay.furano at 2008-11-03 05:39:24 EST (#)
Rating: 2

This was the first article I've ever read on ubersite. And it IS the ultimate uber-article.

Submitted by compEngineer0 at 2006-08-09 09:16:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by Axolotl at 2006-06-01 12:38:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Nominated for best ever
http://www.ubersite.com/m/88623

Submitted by Beefy at 2006-05-22 07:59:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Very funny. Good job.

Submitted by Crystle at 2006-03-10 22:58:52 EST (#)
Rating: 2

there seems to be a recurring theme of you fighting God..


hmmmmm



candles. that's the answer

Submitted by ConorJS at 2006-02-23 20:48:09 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Someone agrees with me that Jesus went out like a little bitch!

Think about it, you have twelve guys who are ready to die to protect you, and your dad is God. If I was Jesus, I would have made Jerusalem synonymous with Waco, TX.

But hey, that's just me.

Submitted by stryke at 2006-02-23 20:33:41 EST (#)
Rating: 2

brilliant.....sheer genius

Submitted by munkeypants at 2006-01-24 19:10:41 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-12-13 18:22:06 (#)
Ranking: 2

Wooooooooooooooo!

Yay for B@W!

Submitted by zoobie2000 at 2006-01-10 11:58:39 EST (#)
Rating: 2

needs more felching

Submitted by cuberat at 2005-12-19 13:13:08 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Spooner at 2005-12-17 23:09:24 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Totally supercool, man.

Submitted by Zoidberg at 2005-12-17 13:30:17 EST (#)
Rating: 1

heh

Submitted by the_grendel at 2005-12-15 16:56:22 EST (#)
Rating: -1

Submitted by AlexorGM at 2005-12-15 00:09:35 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by DCWoody at 2005-12-14 18:12:41 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Yeah, exchanging tea for a substance known to fuck up the mind more than LSD would be great.

Submitted by chanman at 2005-12-14 17:18:51 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Very well done.

Submitted by Bubba2341 at 2005-12-13 20:36:50 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:38:34 (#)
Ranking: 2

This may be blind patriotism speaking but am I just imagining that us Brits are the best bit of uber, as long as you don't include me in 'us Brits'
________________________________________________________________________
Brits add quite a lot to Uber, including you, Woody. You guys and
gals use words and sentence phrasing not often found in the U.S.
Reminds me of reading Saki, Dickens, and Kipling.
Too bad you fucks drink tea instead of coffee. BWAHAHAHAHA!!

Submitted by hester at 2005-12-13 20:26:03 EST (#)
Rating: 2

The man just scoffed at me and turned back to facing forwards, looking down on the rest of us all mighty.

and you meant this?

Submitted by Dante_Alighieri at 2005-12-13 20:19:34 EST (#)
Rating: 2

SWEET!

Submitted by Pentameter at 2005-12-13 18:22:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Wooooooooooooooo!

Yay for B@W!

Submitted by DCWoody at 2005-12-13 10:38:34 EST (#)
Rating: 2

This may be blind patriotism speaking but am I just imagining that us Brits are the best bit of uber, as long as you don't include me in 'us Brits'

Submitted by Davros at 2005-12-13 03:09:32 EST (#)
Rating: 2

B@W again.

Too good.

-Dave

Submitted by Foonbo at 2005-12-12 22:57:07 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Doesn't get much better than a nut shot on Jeebus.

Submitted by Bubba2341 at 2005-12-12 20:46:37 EST (#)
Rating: 2

You British fuckers are all crazy. . .

Submitted by Kirbage at 2005-12-12 20:29:48 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Nice Fuckin' Jorb.

Submitted by Method at 2005-12-12 16:31:46 EST (#)
Rating: 2

love it

Submitted by DooZa at 2005-12-12 04:46:45 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Hey I was the 1000st hit.. Hooray



ps.. I know its 1000th and not 1000st... Just taking nerd insurance

Submitted by a_reader at 2005-12-12 02:25:04 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Congrats on B@W.

Submitted by vexx at 2005-12-12 01:51:34 EST (#)
Rating: 2

b@w

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2005-12-08 06:07:04 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-08 05:39:59 (#)
Ranking: 2

It's an awesome idea, Berty and the wheeled warriors. I'd do the pictures myself but I don't have the photoshop skillz.
---
HURRAY - we're off to the local greasy van for bacon butties to cheer up Red with his cold PLUS my feverish imagination's idea of Berty rolling along some gigantic weed has borne fruit!

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2005-12-08 06:01:17 EST (#)
Rating: 0

I'll see what I can do, mate. I actually have work to do today, so we'll see

Submitted by Berty at 2005-12-08 05:39:59 EST (#)
Rating: 2

It's an awesome idea, Berty and the wheeled warriors. I'd do the pictures myself but I don't have the photoshop skillz.


Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2005-12-08 05:21:29 EST (#)
Rating: 0

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Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-08 05:07:06 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-08 04:40:44 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-12-07 18:14:54 (#)
Ranking: 2

I SENT YOU ANOTHER ONE.

By posting this message I am testing my theory that you cannot deny me while under the watchful eye of your loyal Uber followers.
---
hehe. Berty's Wheeled Warriors.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nath, I demand that you do a hilarious picture of this. Ideally with Caul as Monster Mind.

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You just confused me beyond compare. What the hell is this??

Submitted by Berty at 2005-12-08 05:07:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-08 04:40:44 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-12-07 18:14:54 (#)
Ranking: 2

I SENT YOU ANOTHER ONE.

By posting this message I am testing my theory that you cannot deny me while under the watchful eye of your loyal Uber followers.
---
hehe. Berty's Wheeled Warriors.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nath, I demand that you do a hilarious picture of this. Ideally with Caul as Monster Mind.

Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey at 2005-12-08 03:10:23 EST (#)
Rating: 2

What's with all the UK uberers getting new jobs?

Merlina, Fabit, Spam fired himself, Berty ...erm...well. I think that's it actually.

UK Ubercon #2 at my house!!!! I may have to wait until my housemate goes somewhere else though....

Actually sod it, you lot aren't coming to my house. Berty will use all of my conditioner and the house is too old and too low ceilinged to accomodate Barneymeinhoff's intimidating stature.

Ubercon Liverpool, we can trash my mum's instead. Or just sleep on a bench somewhere, that plan seemed to work out alright for Fabit and Nath last time, we'll end up in a swanky hotel.

Submitted by supadupapupa at 2005-12-08 02:49:49 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I don't know why but these jesus posts always kill me

Submitted by simple_catalyst at 2005-12-07 21:50:38 EST (#)
Rating: 2

you rock.
hard.

Submitted by JonnyX at 2005-12-07 17:20:12 EST (#)
Rating: 1

He shoulda stayed a carpenter, those guys make good money

Submitted by EAZEDZT at 2005-12-07 14:50:31 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Now this is just homebrewed humor here.

Submitted by wardy at 2005-12-07 14:39:54 EST (#)
Rating: 2

hooray for me! i'm on bored at work!

Submitted by mtgn37 at 2005-12-07 13:32:34 EST (#)
Rating: 1

tell jesus he can fucking have my job

Submitted by MyTeeOne at 2005-12-07 13:26:18 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Jesus calling him a twat was priceless.

Submitted by ThatOneGirl at 2005-12-07 13:00:05 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2005-12-07 12:19:32 EST (#)
Rating: 0

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Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-12-07 12:15:49 (#)
Ranking: 2

youre the best writer on this site, and im pissed off i had to give you a -2 on your last piece of shit.

i secretly like that i had to give you a -2.

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I secretly liked it too. It was like being.......naughty

Submitted by iddqd at 2005-12-07 12:15:49 EST (#)
Rating: 2

youre the best writer on this site, and im pissed off i had to give you a -2 on your last piece of shit.

i secretly like that i had to give you a -2.

Submitted by Dervel at 2005-12-07 12:00:55 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Turkish Delight? I doubt he has a garden at all, let alone one big enough to hold 1.2 million dead Armenians.


Submitted by Berty at 2005-12-07 11:53:39 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Maybe he's got a secret garden. Full of Turkish Delight and stuff.

Submitted by rad1101 at 2005-12-07 11:52:59 EST (#)
Rating: 2

IM GOING TO REPREAT WHAT I SAID ON ANOTHER POST.


JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW


THANK YOU

Submitted by Dervel at 2005-12-07 11:47:56 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Don't be silly Berty, there's a sign after all.
It's right there underneath a truck load of Cub Scout bob-a-job stickers.

Did strike me as being a bit odd that, ol' Bartleby receiving so many young boys. It's not as if he's got a garden or anything.


Submitted by Berty at 2005-12-07 11:39:00 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I reckon loads of people on Uber are Salesmen and Saleswomen. That's why I don't like people giving out my real name.

That's how they get to you you see.

Submitted by Dervel at 2005-12-07 11:22:54 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Outside banging on the windows.
Some cunt had changed the locks again.

Did you know that there is a sign by the back door which reads "No salesmen, charities, blacks or Jews."

I thought it to be very indicative of Ubersite as a whole.

Submitted by inion_de_trua at 2005-12-07 11:12:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Berty at 2005-12-07 11:05:53 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:52:29 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-07 09:33:27 (#)
Ranking: 2

I miss Apollo and Derval. Their banter was the only reason I got out of bed.

Why did they leave me Nath? Why do they always leave?

---

Because you insist on spelling my name with an 'a' in it.
-----------------
Derval! You came back to me!

Where have you been?

Submitted by Teephphah at 2005-12-07 10:59:32 EST (#)
Rating: 1

"And you're a sissy. I saw that crap film. You got seven shades of shit beat out of you. If God were my dad I'd have whooped ass, not bent over."

-----------------------------------------------------------

Aw come on now, if that movie taught us anything, it's that Jesus could take one HELL of a beating.

You have to respect that much.

Submitted by Dervel at 2005-12-07 10:52:29 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-07 09:33:27 (#)
Ranking: 2

I miss Apollo and Derval. Their banter was the only reason I got out of bed.

Why did they leave me Nath? Why do they always leave?

---

Because you insist on spelling my name with an 'a' in it.

Submitted by Berty at 2005-12-07 10:50:58 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Ok lets go to Fabit's house, it's decided.

Submitted by NewGuy08 at 2005-12-07 10:50:15 EST (#)
Rating: 1

You should have given the receptionist $100, then say something like "Does that change your mind" just like Bevis and Butthead

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2005-12-07 10:35:43 EST (#)
Rating: 0

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Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:22:14 (#)
Ranking: 2

Nath, Is your house or Is your house not big enough to hold a party for all the english?

We'll tell the Scottish to sleep in the garden. They'll be so dazzled with the southern heat tht they won't argue. uh huh huh huh huh

I'm sleepy.

SO yoear what are you sayig?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm just going to hang my head in shame, ignore the question and go back to my happy place in the mansion of my mind.

Fabit's house is larger than mine!

Submitted by Bizantine at 2005-12-07 10:27:08 EST (#)
Rating: 2

+2 for jebus

Submitted by Berty at 2005-12-07 10:22:14 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Nath, Is your house or Is your house not big enough to hold a party for all the english?

We'll tell the Scottish to sleep in the garden. They'll be so dazzled with the southern heat tht they won't argue. uh huh huh huh huh

I'm sleepy.

SO yoear what are you sayig?

Submitted by mattnotharry at 2005-12-07 10:22:00 EST (#)
Rating: 2

mad

Submitted by MrSparkle847 at 2005-12-07 10:20:56 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I took a sip of my water and turned back to him.
_______________________

Was it wine?

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2005-12-07 10:09:28 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Those who I deem worthy.

But then again I'm also lying about the size of the house, so I guess it's nothing to do with my opinions.

But don't worry, most people are worthy

Submitted by Berty at 2005-12-07 10:06:59 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Nath, who is this 'We'?

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2005-12-07 10:03:07 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Not massive. We don't have much room left since we hired a second driver and he insisted on having his own en suite.

We could stay in the grounds though.

Submitted by Ejryuu at 2005-12-07 10:02:05 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Berty at 2005-12-07 10:01:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Nath, you live in the countryside don't you? Let's go to Nath's house! I bet it's massive!

Submitted by Berty at 2005-12-07 10:00:25 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-07 09:58:46 (#)
Ranking: 2

My parents have a big house on the Isle of Wight. I don't live in it though. I live in Portsmouth in a horribe portsmouth house. Ubercon pomey- anytime you like. I'm sure Mat would be delighted to meet my friends and enemies off the Internet.
-----------------
They fucking stab people like me in Portsmouth, I'm not welcome there.

Submitted by Berty at 2005-12-07 09:59:10 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I retract the racist comment, I only did it to be popular and well liked. Berty is not a racist.

Now I live in fear that BelleBrown's bloke is some kind of massive dark skinned gangster.

Submitted by c1ndy at 2005-12-07 09:58:46 EST (#)
Rating: 2

My parents have a big house on the Isle of Wight. I don't live in it though. I live in Portsmouth in a horribe portsmouth house. Ubercon pomey- anytime you like. I'm sure Mat would be delighted to meet my friends and enemies off the Internet.

Submitted by Lechuga at 2005-12-07 09:57:01 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I had a similar situation, except it was waiting in a roller coaster line with Satan.

We ended up blowing each other behind the ferris wheel.

Keep that on the Down Low.

Submitted by Berty at 2005-12-07 09:55:25 EST (#)
Rating: 2

----

I grew up on the Isle of Wight. They did have a sinister bloke telling you to scream on the potential deathtrap type rides.
----------
Har Har

"Alternate Filter"

I never realised you where so minted. I bet you live in a huge house. Lets have an Ubercon at your house! Your husband can amuse us all with tales of <insert something hideously inappropriate here?>.

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2005-12-07 09:53:45 EST (#)
Rating: 0

I'm cool anywhere with enough notice

Submitted by Berty at 2005-12-07 09:51:11 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Yes but lets go somewhere other than london.

Also I want an actual bed this time, not a mattress. Actually as long as I get duvet then it can be a mattress. I want duvet and a woman, not a pissed up Fabit. He was a poor substitute for a woman. I'll also need to smoke so we're not going to one of those shit holes with their hippy No Smoking signs.

I'll bring Phat Tooons. Not to be confused with fat coons, unless Belle's bringing her boyfriend and they want a lift.

Submitted by c1ndy at 2005-12-07 09:48:28 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-07 09:38:29 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-07 09:34:23 (#)
Ranking: 2

+2 for the guy on the rides who tells you to scream. A fond memory from my youth. Do they still do that?
------------
No. They never did that.

What the fuck kind of 'fun fair' inprisons you in a giant teacup whilst a smelly carny shouts "Scream! Come one I wannna hear you scream!"

One can only imagine the smell of jasmine in the air and the sound of hundreds and hundreds of bannanas being peeled very rapidly over the machinery.

----

I grew up on the Isle of Wight. They did have a sinister bloke telling you to scream on the potential deathtrap type rides.

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2005-12-07 09:46:14 EST (#)
Rating: 0

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Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-07 09:41:03 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-12-07 09:36:11 (#)
Ranking: 0

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Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-07 09:33:27 (#)
Ranking: 2

I miss Apollo and Derval. Their banter was the only reason I got out of bed.

Why did they leave me Nath? Why do they always leave?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You're too good for them, bertster. Eat more cake and live happy
-----------
Cunts. You'll never leave me though will you Nath?

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No way berty! We sisters are doing it for ourselves!

Another Ubercon soon???

Submitted by mbstateside at 2005-12-07 09:42:02 EST (#)
Rating: 2

"Heads back hold tight please"

Submitted by sinna at 2005-12-07 09:41:40 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Berty at 2005-12-07 09:41:03 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-12-07 09:36:11 (#)
Ranking: 0

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Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-07 09:33:27 (#)
Ranking: 2

I miss Apollo and Derval. Their banter was the only reason I got out of bed.

Why did they leave me Nath? Why do they always leave?

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You're too good for them, bertster. Eat more cake and live happy
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Cunts. You'll never leave me though will you Nath?

Submitted by Berty at 2005-12-07 09:38:29 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-07 09:34:23 (#)
Ranking: 2

+2 for the guy on the rides who tells you to scream. A fond memory from my youth. Do they still do that?
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No. They never did that.

What the fuck kind of 'fun fair' inprisons you in a giant teacup whilst a smelly carny shouts "Scream! Come one I wannna hear you scream!"

One can only imagine the smell of jasmine in the air and the sound of hundreds and hundreds of bannanas being peeled very rapidly over the machinery.

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2005-12-07 09:36:11 EST (#)
Rating: 0

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Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-07 09:33:27 (#)
Ranking: 2

I miss Apollo and Derval. Their banter was the only reason I got out of bed.

Why did they leave me Nath? Why do they always leave?

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You're too good for them, bertster. Eat more cake and live happy

Submitted by c1ndy at 2005-12-07 09:34:23 EST (#)
Rating: 2

+2 for the guy on the rides who tells you to scream. A fond memory from my youth. Do they still do that?

Submitted by NotSteve at 2005-12-07 09:34:11 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Awesome post - even with its lack of cowbell.

Submitted by Berty at 2005-12-07 09:33:27 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I miss Apollo and Derval. Their banter was the only reason I got out of bed.

Why did they leave me Nath? Why do they always leave?

Submitted by Professional_Peon at 2005-12-07 09:26:53 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Ha... ha

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2005-12-07 09:22:50 EST (#)
Rating: 0

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Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-07 09:21:05 (#)
Ranking: 2

Needs more Ho Chi Min trail.

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That was how we got to the interview! I just left it out, because it didn't seem important. Also because we lost a few on the way.

Submitted by Berty at 2005-12-07 09:21:05 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Needs more Ho Chi Min trail.

Submitted by JackalFett at 2005-12-07 09:19:09 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Entertaining

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2005-12-07 09:03:36 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Biblical.

Submitted by Fabit at 2005-12-07 08:54:52 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Fucking Messiahs. No wonder the Jews put theirs off.

Submitted by Berty at 2005-12-07 08:43:33 EST (#)
Rating: 2

My minds gone blank.

Submitted by Nellypaal at 2005-12-07 08:33:56 EST (#)
Rating: 2

'you think I'd struggle with your name? Twat.'

Somehow, Jesus saying twat seems plausible.

Submitted by HighVoltage900 at 2005-12-07 08:32:33 EST (#)
Rating: 2

That was good shit *looks away from the jay in my hand* oh yeah, I liked the post.

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2005-12-07 08:31:21 EST (#)
Rating: 0

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Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-12-07 08:24:20 (#)
Ranking: 2

I dont think you should change the name.

unless its to something dead cool like....er ....apples.



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Do you have shares in Apples, Barney? Because you've mentioned them a fair bit...

Submitted by rad1101 at 2005-12-07 08:30:52 EST (#)
Rating: 2

if you are nath(j_u_s_t_n_a_t_h) I don't see any problems arising from the change.

Submitted by Beer_bong at 2005-12-07 08:28:39 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Dreg at 2005-12-07 08:24:30 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Barnymeinhoff at 2005-12-07 08:24:20 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I dont think you should change the name.

unless its to something dead cool like....er ....apples.


Marge: I would love you if you weighed 1,000 pounds but ...

Homer: Beautiful. G'night.

King-Size Homer