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Vintage Porn, and its Fucked Up Plot Twists Pt.2 (NSFW)

Submitted by Cracked_out_cali at 2006-01-08 19:16:52 EST
Rating: 1.97 on 52 ratings (52 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Well, you folks seemed to have liked my previous post on fucked up vintage porn: http://www.ubersite.com/m/81690

This time, I decided to check out what the Germans had to offer. I had spent almost 150 days in Germany over the course of 2005, and have seen some pretty wild porn.

Once I saw a flick of a guy dressed as a clown, screwing a girl while she ate a roast beef sandwich... I thought I’d seen the craziest Germany had to offer. I thought wrong...

This film isn’t as old as the one I reviewed last time. If I had to guess, I’d say it was made in the early 60's.

It may have been the first big budget porno to be created. It contains special effects, props and some professional make-up artists.












diehexe.jpg
diehexe.jpg


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Submitted by JonnyX at 2006-07-05 19:30:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I didn't know Forensic Girl made pornos

Submitted by Method at 2006-02-12 13:04:57 EST (#)
Rating: 1

mmmhmmm

Submitted by Sicknote at 2006-02-12 12:46:04 EST (#)
Rating: 2

No comment necessary.

Submitted by evesapple at 2006-02-12 11:32:40 EST (#)
Rating: 2

great presentation. i love the captions

Submitted by Gollygoshgirl at 2006-02-07 19:02:14 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Love your work! Keep it coming... pun intended~

Submitted by inion_de_trua at 2006-02-07 18:49:03 EST (#)
Rating: 2

the ghey french buttsecks was worse though.

Submitted by Merlina at 2006-01-30 14:41:47 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:43:32 (#)
Ranking: 2

Goldilocks to Skeletor = Fucking gold. AHAHAHAHA!


Submitted by ozzy at 2006-01-10 10:43:32 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Goldilocks to Skeletor = Fucking gold. AHAHAHAHA!


Submitted by AllyJeans at 2006-01-10 10:25:05 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Damn.

Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals at 2006-01-10 10:19:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2

vintage

Submitted by Avals at 2006-01-10 04:26:40 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Goddamn those Germans are some fucked up people!

Submitted by scourge at 2006-01-09 15:23:08 EST (#)
Rating: 2

OK

Submitted by MistressFist at 2006-01-09 15:18:44 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2006-01-09 10:03:49 (#)
Ranking: 2

"necrophilicious"

hahahahahahaa
=========================
yes.

Submitted by MrSparkle847 at 2006-01-09 15:06:19 EST (#)
Rating: 2

That chick was hot until she turned into a whats-it. Weird-ass fetishes back then.

Submitted by Cracked_out_cali at 2006-01-09 11:24:30 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-01-09 09:45:21 (#)
Ranking: 2

What the fuck was this film called?
==============================

"Die Hexe" which I believe translate to "The Witch"

Submitted by RamJetMax at 2006-01-09 10:47:22 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by nitty34 at 2006-01-09 10:03:49 EST (#)
Rating: 2

"necrophilicious"

hahahahahahaa

Submitted by MANICMOTHER at 2006-01-09 09:45:21 EST (#)
Rating: 2

What the fuck was this film called?

Submitted by williamson at 2006-01-09 02:59:29 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Cartman: Mom? If you were in a German Scheisse video, you... you'd tell me, wouldn't you?
[short pause]
Mrs. Cartman: Sure, hon.

Submitted by Bob_Dole at 2006-01-09 02:37:57 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2006-01-09 00:41:46 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-01-08 19:23:28 (#)
Ranking: 2

Every comment I have just typed then erased from this box has not been able to do the skeleton justice.

Submitted by Berty at 2006-01-09 02:10:12 EST (#)
Rating: 2

*appplauds*

Submitted by LadyPlural at 2006-01-09 01:10:55 EST (#)
Rating: 2

It might have been called 'My Second Love' or some shit like that. Details whenever the fuck I feel like looking for them. Asia Carrera had something to do with it. Vivid Video. Or something. Like I said, I may or may not bother finding anything else out. But it was funny shit.

Submitted by LadyPlural at 2006-01-09 00:49:58 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I would like to point out that quite possibly the best porno in terms of pure laugh factor had to be this one I saw once that was intended for couples or something, so it was all romantic and sappy and shit. Ewwww. but in this case, it was worth it.

The 'plot' was something like this chick marries this guy, but then she tragically and randomly dies, and her newly widowed husband just won't get back into the dating scene. For some reason, god or... Something... actually cares about this, so he sends the dead girl back as an angel, to help the guy put his life back together.

That was the plot. The absolutely beautiful bit was when the chick was sent back to Earth. The shot starts out, and it's just the guy, laying in bed, looking all studly. And then the chick just kind of flops from pretty high up, actually, to the floor behind the bed. I swear to god, it looks *exactly* like the director told the chick to climb to the top of an eight-foot ladder, told her she'd have a harness on or maybe, I don't know, anti-gravity or something, and then just pushed her off the ladder without warning. It was probably one of those 'you had to see it' kind of things, but I almost died laughing. I have no idea what it was called, either. Damnations.

Submitted by Chroniclysm at 2006-01-09 00:48:10 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Hot.

Submitted by LadyPlural at 2006-01-09 00:41:46 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-01-08 19:23:28 (#)
Ranking: 2

Every comment I have just typed then erased from this box has not been able to do the skeleton justice.

====

She is absolutely right.

Submitted by kimberly at 2006-01-08 22:55:51 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Those special effects have my jaw on the floor. I can't even imagine how much better they are when I'm not viewing them via stills.

Good series. Do more.

Submitted by Ditka at 2006-01-08 22:21:57 EST (#)
Rating: 2

weird...good body on the actress

Submitted by Wisher at 2006-01-08 22:03:22 EST (#)
Rating: 2

You can get the jist from these stills: it looks like somebody made the girls stand in the corner a bit too much. JoeDaddy's review was funny, he really pays attention.

Do more of these!

Submitted by bob at 2006-01-08 22:00:28 EST (#)
Rating: 2

and how the fuck did you find this shit?

Submitted by Professional_Peon at 2006-01-08 21:54:14 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Who the fuck thought of this shit?

Submitted by HighVoltage900 at 2006-01-08 21:49:56 EST (#)
Rating: 2

The weirdest porn I saw was a guy at a bar and a woman literally materializes in front of him as he is sitting there. Then after a (rather pathetic) 5 minute (5 MINUTES! HOW CAN YOU ONLY HAVE 5 MINUTES OF SEX?!?!? ESPECIALLY IN A FILM I FUCKING PAID FOR!!!) sex session, she just as she appeared, disappears randomly.

Weird shit.

Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome at 2006-01-08 21:11:24 EST (#)
Rating: 2

That's the second hottest skeleton I've ever seen.

Submitted by joedaddy at 2006-01-08 21:09:02 EST (#)
Rating: 2


the carpet didn't match the drapes


Submitted by Kent_Weirdo at 2006-01-08 20:57:41 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Once I saw a flick of a guy dressed as a clown, screwing a girl while she ate a roast beef sandwich... I thought I'd seen the craziest Germany had to offer. I thought wrong...

---

One I saw a porn with dude dressed up as a lizard and a guy in a smoking jacket butch-fucking this lounge-singer lady...

Submitted by Maddog at 2006-01-08 20:56:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Show her who the Fuhrer is. Hooo Haaaa

Submitted by Wisher at 2006-01-08 20:53:00 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Goldilocks rules. Why don't girls roll their hair on socks like that anymore? {my granny taught me how to do it and get that exact hair.} I'd do her, she's like- no, she's nothing like Uma Thurman in Henry and June, well she is, all but the hair. The era I mean, the Parisian demimonde, although this was probably filmed with handcrank in chicago. haha. Olde Porn kicks ass.

Hear ye, hear ye, this wench is on trial for... being a hotass lady of the evening, shall we stone her, or get stoned with her? haha. We shall get stoned then decide.

Submitted by Leodus at 2006-01-08 20:41:44 EST (#)
Rating: 2

If only they still made porn this entertaining.

Submitted by BananaPhone at 2006-01-08 20:35:15 EST (#)
Rating: 2

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA...*gags*...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Crazy Germans.

Submitted by shandythedog at 2006-01-08 20:13:14 EST (#)
Rating: 0

fabulous ending

Submitted by ASO at 2006-01-08 19:55:04 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Wow. The Krauts are fucking sick.

Submitted by Spooner at 2006-01-08 19:45:27 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Where do you get these?

Submitted by a_reader at 2006-01-08 19:40:55 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2006-01-08 19:28:12 (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by RamenNoodle (user info) at 2006-01-08 19:26:56 (#)
Ranking: 2

Not as good as the first but still awesome

===========================

Yeah, I know. I kind of set myself up for failure with it. This will be the last one...with vintage porn, anyways.


===========================

BOOOO!!!! This was a damn good post! Don't stop, there's plenty more weird porno out there, and I'm sure as hell not going to search for it.



That skeleton thing was fucked up.

Submitted by thorpe at 2006-01-08 19:40:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2

The teleporting cracked me the fuck up.

Submitted by pen_name at 2006-01-08 19:36:23 EST (#)
Rating: 2

yeah, i laughed.

Submitted by NerfHerder at 2006-01-08 19:34:58 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Well hawt damn.

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2006-01-08 19:33:07 EST (#)
Rating: 2

BONED.

Submitted by Magic_Monkey at 2006-01-08 19:31:29 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Pretty good

Submitted by Dreg at 2006-01-08 19:30:10 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Got me off

Submitted by Cracked_out_cali at 2006-01-08 19:28:12 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by RamenNoodle (user info) at 2006-01-08 19:26:56 (#)
Ranking: 2

Not as good as the first but still awesome

===========================

Yeah, I know. I kind of set myself up for failure with it. This will be the last one...with vintage porn, anyways.

Submitted by RamenNoodle at 2006-01-08 19:26:56 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Not as good as the first but still awesome

Submitted by FilthyAssistant at 2006-01-08 19:23:28 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Every comment I have just typed then erased from this box has not been able to do the skeleton justice.

Submitted by mikethescottish at 2006-01-08 19:22:26 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Hahaewwahaewwhahaha.


Marge: I know we didn't ask for this, Homer, but doesn't the Bible
say, "Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you
do unto me...?"

Homer: Yes, but doesn't the Bible also say, "Thou shalt not take
moochers into thy hut?"

The Otto Show