The results have come in. They're positive. (NSFW/SPT)Submitted by Cracked_out_cali at 2006-01-19 16:27:41 EST
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Hey Uber. As many of you have noticed, I haven’t posted in a couple of weeks. (Actually, I doubt ANY of you noticed... assholes) I’m sick, Uber. No, I’m not talking about having the sniffles and a nagging cough.
This is a life-altering disease. It has unknowingly affected my life for approximately 8 years. It has laid dormant for the most part, with occasional outbreaks occurring every couple of years. I was aware of these outbreaks, but thought nothing of them.
Did it take a doctor to diagnose me? No. A Psychiatrist? No. It was a 21-year-old Sociology student. Or, as I like to call her, my smart-assed girlfriend.
Uber... I have Yellow Fever.
The audacity of that woman to make such a claim! Being an Asian woman herself, I feel she has no right to make such a statement.
Last night, we had come home for having dinner, and there was a message on the answering machine.
“Hey Chris, this is Stephanie. I just got the news of your loss*, and wanted to let you know that you’re in my thoughts and prayers.”
“Who was THAT?”
“One of my ex’s. I’ve told you about her.”
“Oh yeah. Is she the Japanese or Korean girl?”
“Nah, she is Chinese.”
It was at this point that she pointed out, among many other things, that I have Yellow Fever. And as expected after being diagnosed with such a serious disease, I went through the typical stages of coping...
“What are you talking about? I don’t have Yellow Fever. Only mentally disturbed perverts have that. Plus, I enjoy porn with all types of girls.”
“Fuck you. I can’t believe you’d even think about accusing me of something like that.”
“Wait. Hold on a second. I dated a Mexican for 2 months back in 2002. And you are only HALF Asian.
“Holy crap on a crap cracker... You’re right. Every serious relationship I’ve been in has been with an Asian girl. I’m so pathetic.”
And Finally... Acceptance
“Well, I suppose it’s not all that bad. I mean, Asians do have the tightest cooters.”
So, where does this all stem from? I believe it’s genetic. My sister and I are interracial. So my parents obviously had a thing for other races. My sister, bless her heart, dates mostly black guys. So it’s only natural, I suppose, for me to stray away from white girls as well. But what is it about them that sucks me in?
I do not find Jaundice sufferers attractive.
Those with Down Syndrom only cause me to feel pity.
And I find midgets as more of a source of entertainment, than a source of romance.
It is too late for me. The disease has progressed much too far to be cured. But Uber, heed my advice... they say early detection is the key to survival. The earlier Yellow Fever can be spotted, the greater the chances are of defeating it.
Early signs of yellow fever:
- Random Asian girls begin to stand out in large crowds.
- Blurred-out genitalia in porn goes unnoticed
- When your friends claim Asia Carrera is the hottest Asian porn star, you recommend they check out Bunko Kanazawa
- You can actually remember the name Bunko Kanazawa
- TubGirl is just another shit-covered face to you.
Please, don't let my suffering be in vain