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Office People Can Be Straaaange

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-01 10:43:09 EST
Rating: 1.39 on 139 ratings (139 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Of late I’ve noticed there are some strange people that I work with. Or perhaps I should say, they have strange habits. I’m very quiet when I’m here at work. Although I don’t work much, I keep to myself and really just mind my own business. I do however listen to people and observe their behaviors. Let me tell you, people can be weird and gross when they don’t think anyone is watching or listening. And yes they’re all mostly men simply because I work with more men than woman.

Let me tell you about some of them.

The Picker: This is a man in his mid-forties. He wears a ring on his left hand indicating he is married and from the pictures on his desk has a couple of really cute kids. He is an engineer and is very intelligent and his desk is spotless at all times. However, he is disgusting. He’ll sit at his desk and pick at scabs on his arms for hours on end. Doesn’t matter if he is wearing a sweater in the winter or short-sleeved shirt in the summer. He’ll find some way to pick at his skin. He even keeps a mirror on his desk and picks at his face. When someone strolls past his desk, he’ll immediately pull down his sleeve or drop the mirror. I don’t know if he’s bored, or if he’s loony. He may just be hungry, who knows? I also tend to wonder where all the scabs come from.

The Fart Snot Snorter: I’ve written about this man before and he’s still up to his shenanigans. This man is in his early thirties has no children and has been married for around six years based on conversations that I’ve heard him have. We used to have issues but for the most part he is a nice guy, sometimes obnoxious but whatever, the issue is he farts a lot in his seat. Luckily I sit on the opposite side of the wall from him but I can still hear him rip loud farts. This habit combined with his snot snorting drives me crazy. From the moment he sits at his desk in the morning until the moment he turns his computer off he sits in front of his computer monitor and makes these strange gargling, snorting sounds. The kind of sound your nose and mouth make when trying to rid snot and this goes on all day everyday. I’ve offered him Kleenex and throat lozenges to but nothing seems to help. The worst is when he farts and snot snorts at the same time. Perhaps I’m the only one who notices this about him, but it seems he’s a little heavy on the beans and a little light on the blow. At least between the hours of 9 and 5.

The Talker: Now I really like this guy a lot. I do. He is super-nice and has quite the sense of humor. There is however one thing about him that grates on my nerves. He talks to himself all the time. And I don’t me the occasional sigh ‘ok what do I work on next’ type of talk. This man has conversations with himself. Full on conversations, with answers. Yes, he’ll answer himself. He’ll ask himself a question and then he will answer. I once heard him get angry with himself for telling himself to do something that didn’t end up working for him. And if someone calls him on the phone he’ll speak to the caller, hang up, and then discuss the entire conversation with himself again. It’s like watching a football game with instant replay. Not only does he say completely asinine, stupid things – he says them twice. I keep waiting for him to get the papers get the papers.

The Stupid Man: This guy really doesn’t have any annoying habits that I’ve seen but I had to throw him in here simply because I wanted to. After the Patriots lost to Denver in the Playoffs this man came up to me and asked if I thought the Pats were going to win the Super Bowl. I told him nicely that unfortunately they didn’t win against Denver and wouldn’t be playing in the SB this year. He walked away. Two days later again he came up to my desk and asked the same question. And again I told him that they aren’t playing in the SB this year, all while thinking to myself is this guy for real? Last Friday this man came up to me for the fourth time and told me that he thought the Pats were going to win the game with Vinatieri kicking a field goal with seconds left in the game. I then looked at him, shook my head and laughed. I couldn’t believe what my ears were telling me. I told this guy three times that the Pats were not playing in the SB and he just told me they’re going to win. Holy shit. I was speechless. But really, who is the stupid one here? Me! I should have made bets with him that the Pats were going to lose.

The Hair Lady: This woman has hair longer than any other woman I’ve ever seen and she is constantly brushing it and spraying it with smelly hair products at her desk. The fumes are not only killing me but are destroying our environment. And everyday after my afternoon cup of coffee I head to the ladies room to use the toilet. And everyday she is standing in front of the mirror brushing her long nasty hair. When she is finished she picks up all her hair cosmetics and walks out of the bathroom. The gross part is she leaves her hair that has fallen from her head everywhere - in the sink and on the bathroom floor. This woman has a lot of hair. It’s probably down to her knees so naturally she loses a lot. But for Christ’s sakes clean up after yourself woman. Her desk is covered with strands of hair, brushes, combs and a bunch of other hair accessories and products. This isn’t a fucking beauty parlor. C’mon now.

Anyway, these are some of the types of people that I work with. The part that frightens me is these are only the people that are near me. Although I guess they do make for interesting discussion and all in all they do provide me with some entertainment albeit irritating.


Odd.jpg
Odd.jpg


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Reviews


Submitted by CR1981 at 2010-10-18 23:57:09 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by ess-arr at 2006-02-08 14:26:39 EST (#)
Rating: 2

congrats on B@W

Submitted by Dante_Alighieri at 2006-02-06 23:56:49 EST (#)
Rating: 2

+2 for the Goodfellas reference.

"That's Tommy Two-Time. He's called that 'cuz he says everything twice."

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-06 15:21:31 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:50:56 (#)
Ranking: 1


Ah hell, let's have intercourse.

-----------------------------------------------------------
My dreams have come true.

Submitted by RyuFu at 2006-02-06 14:50:56 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-03 10:13:22 (#)
Ranking: 1

No offense TL, but I am shocked this made B@W. Congrats though.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pretty much my sentiments, which were pretty much your sentiments as well. Not sure how my B@W post made it there, either.

Ah hell, let's have intercourse.

Submitted by Sphagnum at 2006-02-06 10:25:50 EST (#)
Rating: 2

That picture is a New Zealander's dream.

Submitted by silverstone148 at 2006-02-05 19:30:41 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by munkeypants at 2006-02-05 15:19:50 EST (#)
Rating: 2

The stupid man is just probably trying to make conversation with you
and has no idea what else to say. well, that and he seems stupid.

Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron at 2006-02-05 06:06:50 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by c1ndy at 2006-02-04 02:52:24 EST (#)
Rating: 2

wooo B@W

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2006-02-03 19:37:54 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-02-03 09:15:43 (#)
Ranking: 2

b@w? super!!! go TL!

Submitted by SiskelandFatboy at 2006-02-03 16:18:50 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Now that is one funny fuckin picture.

Submitted by OneCheapGeek at 2006-02-03 14:32:50 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Nice people don't go around referring to people as The Stupid Man behind their backs.

Submitted by MistressFist at 2006-02-03 14:23:16 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-02-03 09:48:11 (#)
Ranking: 0

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA The Stupid Man just came up to me for the 5th time and told me the Pats were going to win this weekend. I just can't understand this man and at this point I just don't what to think.
=====================
I think he's an Uber user and is just fucking with you.

Congrats B@W

Submitted by G-prime at 2006-02-03 10:53:45 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by TonyMontana (user info) at 2006-02-03 03:47:17 (#)
Ranking: -2

this shit made bored at work? what is wrong with you people? this is a topic that has so much potential but it's pissed away by some dull ass bitch with a horrible sense of humor. yet all you lemmings just cling to her wooden stump because you feel sorry for her.


==================================================

Perfectly accurate, except for the leg part. It's got nothing at all to do with her leg. It's the tits. In fact, the tits are the only reason this isn't a -2.




Ah, hell, I haven't seen them in a while. -2.

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-03 10:28:36 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-03 10:13:22 (#)
Ranking: 1

No offense TL, but I am shocked this made B@W. Congrats though.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You and me both.

Submitted by Call911 at 2006-02-03 10:15:03 EST (#)
Rating: 1

mildly funny... but the most unfunny B@W piece I've read.

Submitted by HighVoltage900 at 2006-02-03 10:13:22 EST (#)
Rating: 1

No offense TL, but I am shocked this made B@W. Congrats though.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-02-03 10:06:48 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-02-03 09:48:11 (#)
Ranking: 0

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA The Stupid Man just came up to me for the 5th time and told me the Pats were going to win this weekend. I just can't understand this man and at this point I just don't what to think.
---
Join in. Invite him to the local bar and say you want to watch the Pats win with him. Tell him to wear the strip (or whatever) - then walk in when whoever is really playing are on.



That seems far too complicated actually. Just go unplug his keyboard at the back and see how long it takes him to work it out.



Personally, I like setting people's keyboards to French or German. German is good coz I think only the z and they v are swapped around. Subtle

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-03 09:48:11 EST (#)
Rating: 0

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA The Stupid Man just came up to me for the 5th time and told me the Pats were going to win this weekend. I just can't understand this man and at this point I just don't what to think.

Submitted by leilani at 2006-02-03 09:15:43 EST (#)
Rating: 2

b@w? super!!! go TL!

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-03 07:21:45 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by TonyMontana (user info) at 2006-02-03 03:47:17 (#)
Ranking: -2

this shit made bored at work? what is wrong with you people? this is a topic that has so much potential but it's pissed away by some dull ass bitch with a horrible sense of humor. yet all you lemmings just cling to her wooden stump because you feel sorry for her.

--------------------------------------------------------

Tony how is it that these 'internet' people feel sorry for me? Why because of my leg? Well that is just as ridiculous as your comment you retard. If it makes you feel big to make fun of my leg, have at it sweetheart. Doesn't bother me one bit. But lets just clairfy something for your future rude comments. My leg and stump isn't made of wood it is made of clay and mud. Idiot.

Submitted by TonyMontana at 2006-02-03 03:47:17 EST (#)
Rating: -2

this shit made bored at work? what is wrong with you people? this is a topic that has so much potential but it's pissed away by some dull ass bitch with a horrible sense of humor. yet all you lemmings just cling to her wooden stump because you feel sorry for her.

Submitted by piowufbhwervnerfnc at 2006-02-02 19:46:51 EST (#)
Rating: 2

WOO!

B@W!

Yay Tiger!

Submitted by mattnotharry at 2006-02-02 18:38:27 EST (#)
Rating: 2

+2 for Goodfellas reference

Submitted by Caulaincourt at 2006-02-02 18:01:36 EST (#)
Rating: 1

you love me?

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-02 16:58:45 EST (#)
Rating: 0

But I like the smell of cock on my mouth.

Submitted by remote_narcotic at 2006-02-02 15:32:33 EST (#)
Rating: -2


Wipe the cock smell off of your mouth.

Submitted by creep_firebombing at 2006-02-02 14:25:01 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Damnit! I was totally going to do a post just like this starting with the Indian guy that tells me racist jokes because he thinks I'm white or hispanic or something.

Fuck it. I guess I'll just have to bend you over a chair instead.

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-02 13:46:02 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-02-02 13:07:27 (#)
Ranking: -2

B@W, eh?

well, at least now we know you swallow.


------------------------------------------------------------
Well of course I swallow. Otherwise how would I get nutrition? I have to eat and drink
to survive. Silly.

Submitted by saint_sebastian at 2006-02-02 13:15:34 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:47:55 (#)
Ranking: 2

hehe - Saint Sebastian's date from last night...
____________________________________________________________________

Ass clown.

But, if you must know, I'm more Welsh than Scottish, beotch. I prefer Betsy to Dolly.

IN any event, I'm saving myself for Tiger Lilly.

Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky at 2006-02-02 13:07:27 EST (#)
Rating: -2

B@W, eh?

well, at least now we know you swallow.


orgasmatron owes my fifty bucks.

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-02 12:33:48 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Why is Hadley banned? I had nothing to do with it.

Submitted by Not_Quite_Right at 2006-02-02 11:18:19 EST (#)
Rating: 2

sweet

Submitted by Nellypaal at 2006-02-02 11:10:21 EST (#)
Rating: 1

B@W eh?

Submitted by fudgepacker at 2006-02-02 10:30:40 EST (#)
Rating: 2

so now that you've made B@W, the MVA, surpassed 300K hits, and now that hadley is banned, is your uber-life complete? i mean, you can't really do much more here.

i think you should follow john elway's heroic lead and bow out on top. if you've ever wanted to leave this place, this is the PERFECT opportunity.

and afterwards, you should move to new york.

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2006-02-02 09:10:07 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-02-02 09:08:55 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-02-02 09:07:18 (#)
Ranking: 0

I can't believe this made B@W and why did Hadley get banned?
---
It says it on the uberboard thingy. Unless this is shameless publicity?

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-02 09:07:18 EST (#)
Rating: 0

I can't believe this made B@W and why did Hadley get banned?

Submitted by Agent_Smith at 2006-02-02 09:02:02 EST (#)
Rating: 2

hahahahaahahaha hadley got banned, +2's all around

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-02 08:59:33 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Hadley got banned? Why?

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-02 08:51:12 EST (#)
Rating: 0

It did? REALLY? Ha.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-02-02 05:16:42 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Is Hadley banned? What for?

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-02-02 05:12:47 EST (#)
Rating: 2

B@W! CONGRATS TIGER!

Submitted by ozzy at 2006-02-02 05:05:50 EST (#)
Rating: 2

This made B@W.

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2006-02-02 04:42:07 EST (#)
Rating: 2

+2 for the wood I sprouted over that picture

Submitted by bart at 2006-02-02 02:13:15 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by piowufbhwervnerfnc at 2006-02-02 00:19:20 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I stand behind the desk at the hotel all day shoeless...
I don't know if that's wierd or anything, but yeah.

Submitted by forthewin at 2006-02-02 00:10:15 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I just want it to be known that I, forthewin, called most heated for this post.

And... to take it even further, I call most heated on the next 200 Tiger Lilly posts.

BAM!

(I wish I had Tiger Lilly's ability to effortlessly make most heated)

Submitted by Fungah at 2006-02-02 00:05:39 EST (#)
Rating: -2

No reason

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-01 22:55:38 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-02-01 21:40:32 (#)
Ranking: 0

Look...are you going to tell us about your nub and one-legged sex or am I gonna have to beat you with your own fake leg?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

One-legged sex huh? e-mail me or ask one of my X boyfriends.

Submitted by MrSparkle847 at 2006-02-01 22:17:13 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2006-02-01 19:40:53 (#)
Ranking: 1

Have you ever thought that these guys might think iof you as "the lush" or "that girl with one leg" or "that girl that does absolutely nothing but surf the net on company time?"
________________________

...One leg?

Submitted by MrSparkle847 at 2006-02-01 22:15:59 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I was the Hair Lady before I stopped being a hippy. Now, that I got a haircut, I would be less ashamed to post a camwhore.

Thing is, I would not only have to write a sweet-ass piece, but also be able to work in the camwhore without it being an "And now, for something completely different" sort of deal.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2006-02-01 21:49:27 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Visit my office.

I'll close my door and show you some additional strange activities.

Submitted by Unabonger at 2006-02-01 21:40:32 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Look...are you going to tell us about your nub and one-legged sex or am I gonna have to beat you with your own fake leg?

Submitted by pragmatic at 2006-02-01 21:27:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I'm that chick that talks to herself. and then I sing to myself. (I don't even realise I'm doing it) It's not toooooo bad because I am a singer, but still must be f**king annoying. Which is why i have a door I can shut on the rest of the world.

I have a co-worker who is lovely, a middle aged guy, he's not even creepy or anything, but I swear he is the MOST annoying man I have EVER met! He drives everyone insane just by entering the room! I don't know how he does it, he just drives us all nuts.

Submitted by G-prime at 2006-02-01 21:20:58 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by Short-n-Sweet (user info) at 2006-02-01 14:01:09 (#)
Ranking: -2

No Comment


==========================

This bastard robbed me of the dignity and honour of being the first.

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-01 20:34:09 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2006-02-01 19:40:53 (#)
Ranking: 1

Have you ever thought that these guys might think iof you as "the lush" or "that girl with one leg" or "that girl that does absolutely nothing but surf the net on company time?"


--------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes. I think about that all the time.

Submitted by Flack at 2006-02-01 19:40:53 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Have you ever thought that these guys might think iof you as "the lush" or "that girl with one leg" or "that girl that does absolutely nothing but surf the net on company time?"

Submitted by inion_de_trua at 2006-02-01 19:36:27 EST (#)
Rating: 2

ha i have a talker in my office. not only does he have full conversations he wanders around the office saying random phrases over and over again. he especially likes saying the name of another man that works in the office. it makes me want to kick him the mouth.

Submitted by ghola at 2006-02-01 19:24:44 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-02-01 15:37:07 (#)
Ranking: 2

"This post isn't on most heated."

====================

I know, but it will be, just wait.
----
Number 11...it's one away.

Submitted by williamson at 2006-02-01 19:24:04 EST (#)
Rating: 2

There's something about my half-New Zealand blood and that pic that just isn't sitting right.

Submitted by scourge at 2006-02-01 19:01:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-02-01 12:52:44 (#)
Ranking: 2

One of the main perks of my job is that I can close my door and I don't have to pay attention to anyone.
======
Me too.

I'm getting a new office with a window soon. I'm going to open and close it all day long and laugh at the new girl who has to move into my present little windowless office.

Have a 2, just because.

Submitted by Psycosis at 2006-02-01 18:40:16 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Sounds like my work.

Submitted by Quint at 2006-02-01 17:58:37 EST (#)
Rating: 2

What about the "Trash Talking Bitch" in your office? You know, the one that sits at her computer all day and writes criticisms of her co-workers on some Internet site.

Submitted by ScottPeterson at 2006-02-01 17:08:23 EST (#)
Rating: 1


Ka-Thump

Ka-Thump

Ka-Thump


Submitted by Astropath at 2006-02-01 16:19:28 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Maybe he has bedbugs. The guy just might not change his sheets.
============================

Maybe scabies.

Submitted by NotSteve at 2006-02-01 15:59:56 EST (#)
Rating: 2

As an engineer, I can tell you, we're all weird - it's the schoolin'. School sucks the personality right out of you. I'd hate to learn about my oddities from an outsider's point of view.

Submitted by JonnyX at 2006-02-01 15:41:00 EST (#)
Rating: 2

TigerLilly, my mac-n-cheese beats yours, any day of the week!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/83279

Submitted by forthewin at 2006-02-01 15:37:07 EST (#)
Rating: 2

"This post isn't on most heated."

====================

I know, but it will be, just wait.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2006-02-01 15:34:27 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-02-01 14:27:20 (#)
Ranking: 2

I still don't understand something ,Tiger Lilly...

HOW THE HELL DO YOU MAKE MOST HEATED EVERY SINGLE POST?!
----------------
This post isn't on most heated.

Submitted by forthewin at 2006-02-01 15:18:22 EST (#)
Rating: 2

"Do you think they are self degrading? I think they are hilarious. "

============================

Nah, I was just kidding. They'd only be self degrading if I showed my face. Eeew.

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-01 15:14:14 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-02-01 14:57:29 (#)
Ranking: 2

===========================================================

Well, I mean... You could post anything and get most heated. I have to post self degrading photographs. :(

--------------------------------------------------------------
Do you think they are self degrading? I think they are hilarious.

Submitted by MyTeeOne at 2006-02-01 14:59:33 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Well, I mean... You could post anything and get most heated. I have to post self degrading photographs. :(
================================================================
Where? WHERE?!?!?

Submitted by forthewin at 2006-02-01 14:57:29 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-02-01 14:30:57 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-02-01 14:27:20 (#)
Ranking: 2

I still don't understand something ,Tiger Lilly...

HOW THE HELL DO YOU MAKE MOST HEATED EVERY SINGLE POST?!

-----------------------------------------------------------

I don't know.

===========================================================

Well, I mean... You could post anything and get most heated. I have to post self degrading photographs. :(

Submitted by leilani at 2006-02-01 14:43:01 EST (#)
Rating: 2

i work with a guy who looks just like milton from office space. i'm trying to sneak a pic.

Submitted by ubetidid at 2006-02-01 14:32:07 EST (#)
Rating: 2

oh the pic. good.

Submitted by forthewin at 2006-02-01 14:27:20 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I still don't understand something ,Tiger Lilly...

HOW THE HELL DO YOU MAKE MOST HEATED EVERY SINGLE POST?!

Submitted by MistressFist at 2006-02-01 14:16:55 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Short-n-Sweet (user info) at 2006-02-01 14:01:09 (#)
Ranking: -2

No Comment
=======================
stop being such a cunt stain! jeebus christ, you AIDS monkey!

Submitted by Short-n-Sweet at 2006-02-01 14:01:09 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by MyTeeOne at 2006-02-01 13:54:23 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I sit between my manager and my counter part. They hate each other so I spend most of my day getting an e-mail from one about the other, replying, and as I hit send, the other e-mails me about the first one. Seriously - that takes up about 4 hours of my day. I'm already picturing the duct tape over their mouths.

Good God I wasn't made to sit in a cube all day...

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2006-02-01 13:37:35 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:55:53 (#)
Ranking: 2

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:47:18 (#)
Ranking: 2

You forgot to include the Perpetual Internet Surfer.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meaning, just yourself? Or everyone on Uber?
===================================================================================

Uber in general.

What the ghey? This post has been alive for less than 2 hours and already has almost 600 hits?!?

You're a heat machine, Katie. :p

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2006-02-01 13:33:54 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Maybe I'm rude, but I don't hesitate to tell people to mind their manners. "Hey you, why don't you stop adjusting your dick and play with yourself at home?" "Excuse me, who the fuck are you talking to, because you look a little nuts talking to yourself?" "Whoa, your voice irritates the shit out of me, can you not speak to me?" Actually come to think of it, they must think I'm an asshole.

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-01 13:25:48 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Ewwww, you're nasty!

Submitted by ess-arr at 2006-02-01 13:14:26 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I pick my nose and smear it on the desks in the classroom and then laugh when the kids sit down and see it.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
the deep pics with some blood are the best

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-01 13:03:02 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2006-02-01 12:41:34 (#)
Ranking: 2


The cool part was about 5 seconds later... on seeing no one was going to challenge him, he gets all flustered and rebuffed himself! It went something like this: "Actually that is bullshit. I can't believe I said that. Come to think of it, that's the dumbest thing I've said in a long time."

--------------------------------------------

Maybe it is the same guy. I kid you not. That is exactly what he is like. Too funny.

Submitted by Wisher at 2006-02-01 13:00:43 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Hahaha! Katie bar the door.

Submitted by Pentameter at 2006-02-01 12:52:44 EST (#)
Rating: 2

One of the main perks of my job is that I can close my door and I don't have to pay attention to anyone.

Submitted by AshK at 2006-02-01 12:49:09 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I work with a hair lady, but she doesn't really style hers. It is just a long mass of mousy grey hair that she allows to pool on my desk when she is talking to me. When I see her coming, I have to sneak my coffee out of the way, because her hair WILL be in it. She singed it on my candle about a month ago, but that only put her off for about a week.

Nothing like the smell of burnt hair on a Tuesday.

Submitted by peckerhead at 2006-02-01 12:41:34 EST (#)
Rating: 2

re: the Talker

I used to work with this guy who not only liked to talk a lot; he enjoyed debate and arguing. One time I just let him spout off and lecture away and end with some antagonistic remark which he shouldn't have got away with. For whatever reason, weariness perhaps, I just let it go.

The cool part was about 5 seconds later... on seeing no one was going to challenge him, he gets all flustered and rebuffed himself! It went something like this: "Actually that is bullshit. I can't believe I said that. Come to think of it, that's the dumbest thing I've said in a long time."

So without saying a word, I got more pleasure just watching and listening to his self deprecating speech. In the end, I would say that he definitely got one up on himself!
P.S. Our Company does not allow routine use of perfumes, colognes or anything with strong odors -- and sure as hell not Hair Sprays! You might consider initiating a policy like this for your workplace.

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2006-02-01 12:37:30 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I have a big bottle of chew spit on my desk. I keep the cap on it, so it doesn't spill, and it gets dumped into the commode daily and rinsed out.

That's about my only eccentricity, at work at least.

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-01 12:19:48 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Baaaa

Submitted by Ditka at 2006-02-01 12:13:16 EST (#)
Rating: 2

+2 for scarring my pupils.

Submitted by Susie_Derkins at 2006-02-01 11:36:16 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I used to work at a car dealership. One of the guys who worked in the parts department was digusting. He looked like he never showered. Greasy hair combed sideways with the alfalfa cowlick, and he was a snorter. A loud, long, gutteral snnnnoooorrrk. I'd often have to leave gagging. He wore the same pants for days on end and would pick at his ass. Now this was the first person I've seen with a skid mark on the OUTSIDE of his pants. The mechanics called it "The Little Stain that Grew". They even made a funny song up about him. No one would use a phone or sit in a chair that he used. Needless to say, they kept him in the back to deal with phone-in customers.

Submitted by fudgepacker at 2006-02-01 11:30:04 EST (#)
Rating: 2

i won't be returning to my office come February 10th as I quit and will be travelling overseas for the next few months!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

YES!

I AM AMAZING!

and a little stoned. at wrok. which isn't good. but that's cool...I can fucking go to work naked and what could they do? fire me? HAHAHAH! OK!!! FIRE ME!!

living in miami will be fun, by the way. oh, yeah, i'm moving to miami in august as well. out of brooklyn and onto south beach.

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-01 11:29:42 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:27:35 (#)
Ranking: 2

Must suck to work with a bunch of autistic retarded lepers.

We're all a little strange down deep though aren't we TL?

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We absolutely are. If we were all the same this would be a very boring world to live in.

Submitted by Norman at 2006-02-01 11:28:34 EST (#)
Rating: 1

One of my coworkers walks to work every morning, no small feat since the last 30 minutes of the journey takes you up a steep 1000' incline. Of course this guy would be pretty sweaty in the summer, and he'd use the bathroom sink as his personal shower, even though our building has a fully equipped locker room. He'd fire water all over the place, and long black hairs would be left all over the taps and sink. Finally the cleaning staff had enough, and put a notice on the door to get him to knock it off.

Submitted by Bigmike at 2006-02-01 11:27:35 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Must suck to work with a bunch of autistic retarded lepers.

We're all a little strange down deep though aren't we TL?

Submitted by phuzzygish at 2006-02-01 11:21:53 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Maybe hell isn't fire and brimstone. Maybe hell is just listening to the old lady in the desk opposite breathing through her nose when she eats sandwiches.

Submitted by loki at 2006-02-01 11:19:41 EST (#)
Rating: 2

There was a guy who used to work in my department who would walk around making disgusting snorting sounds. One day a sign appeared in the breakroom that said "please do not spit in the sink".

eewwwww

Submitted by retrospect at 2006-02-01 11:18:22 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by the_cole_guy (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:10:29 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:07:47 (#)
Ranking: 0

i mean, i've seen people with small patches of dead skin but this guy has at least 70% of his body covered with these patches. there's also a blind guy who i feel is staring at me in meetings.

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Hahaha, thats got to be an odd feeling.

---

oh it is. especially when i dont think anybody is looking and pick my nose really fast. then i look over and he's staring and i get embarassed! whats with that? he cant ven see me but no matter where i sit he is looking in my direction.

Submitted by MistressFist at 2006-02-01 11:15:35 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:12:02 (#)
Ranking: 2

That's the worst thing about work - you are forced to spend all day with people you would never even talk to if you had the choice.
======================
I KNOW. IT SUCKS.

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-01 11:15:07 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:12:02 (#)
Ranking: 2

That's the worst thing about work - you are forced to spend all day with people you would never even talk to if you had the choice.

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This is spot on.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2006-02-01 11:12:02 EST (#)
Rating: 2

That's the worst thing about work - you are forced to spend all day with people you would never even talk to if you had the choice.

This is why I'm so much happier at my current job than I was at my last - there are only 4 other people that work here, and if any of them get on my nerves (which they hardly ever do), I can just close my office door.

Submitted by the_cole_guy at 2006-02-01 11:10:29 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:07:47 (#)
Ranking: 0

i mean, i've seen people with small patches of dead skin but this guy has at least 70% of his body covered with these patches. there's also a blind guy who i feel is staring at me in meetings.

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Hahaha, thats got to be an odd feeling.

Submitted by MavisMing at 2006-02-01 11:10:13 EST (#)
Rating: 1

I'd love to bum Beyonce.

Submitted by Berty at 2006-02-01 11:10:11 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by MavisMing (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:06:53 (#)
Ranking: 1

Seriously, he is very nervous and he fancies you.

And Berty, Blowfelt had Paranas...that is not a bufty pet!
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What's a bufty pet? Sounds illegal.

Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin at 2006-02-01 11:10:02 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Cat lady is my favorite. She made a handbag with a little menagerie of pictures of her four/five cats a la the Brady Bunch. She then proceeded to prattle out this story about how her one cat got mad that she left for a week, LIKE A LITTLE PERSON OR SOMETHING. I'd say her felines make up 80% of her daily conversation.

Submitted by phuzzygish at 2006-02-01 11:08:30 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I'd love to know what the people in the office call me.
I think it's probably "The Porridge Eater"

Submitted by retrospect at 2006-02-01 11:07:47 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by the_cole_guy (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:03:45 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:57:44 (#)
Ranking: 0



I think you're talking about Psoriasis or Eczema. He doesn't have that. He has what looks like chicken pox all over his arms.

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Maybe he has bedbugs. The guy just might not change his sheets.

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Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:03:16 (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:59:22 (#)
Ranking: 0

yeah, it is Psoriasis, and it is gross. he is also 45 yrs old and will not stop talking about how his mom gives him a hug once in the morning and once before bed.

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Yeah, that's a little abnormal

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i mean, i've seen people with small patches of dead skin but this guy has at least 70% of his body covered with these patches. there's also a blind guy who i feel is staring at me in meetings.

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-01 11:07:40 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Agent_Smith (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:06:30 (#)
Ranking: 2

OMFG STFU YOU FAKE CYBORG BITCH

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Hahahaha..I've been waiting for that.

Submitted by MavisMing at 2006-02-01 11:06:53 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Seriously, he is very nervous and he fancies you.

And Berty, Blowfelt had Paranas...that is not a bufty pet!

Submitted by Agent_Smith at 2006-02-01 11:06:41 EST (#)
Rating: 2

= )

Submitted by Agent_Smith at 2006-02-01 11:06:30 EST (#)
Rating: 2

OMFG STFU YOU FAKE CYBORG BITCH

Submitted by the_cole_guy at 2006-02-01 11:03:45 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:57:44 (#)
Ranking: 0



I think you're talking about Psoriasis or Eczema. He doesn't have that. He has what looks like chicken pox all over his arms.

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Maybe he has bedbugs. The guy just might not change his sheets.

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-01 11:03:16 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:59:22 (#)
Ranking: 0

yeah, it is Psoriasis, and it is gross. he is also 45 yrs old and will not stop talking about how his mom gives him a hug once in the morning and once before bed.

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Yeah, that's a little abnormal.

Submitted by Berty at 2006-02-01 11:03:08 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Fuck off Red, that bloke is camp as Christmas. My delivery is cold and emotionless.

Well, until just before I use the word 'redundant' or 'terminated'. I like to lick my lips then.

Mavis is right about the 'stupid' bloke by the way.

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2006-02-01 11:02:36 EST (#)
Rating: 2

We have a snorter here, too. He's a good guy, but the mental image of mucous sliding down his throat all day long is fucking gross. He also slurps his soda (starts from inches away) and makes sucking noises while he eats..you know, like getting the food out of his teeth? I try to make subtle comments, but they're lost on him.

Have some sympathy for the picker, Tiger. He's probably obsessive-compulsive. Sucks.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-02-01 11:00:16 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:59:02 (#)
Ranking: 2

Close enough Red, close enough.

Who's Bloefield?
---
The bald bloke from James Bond who stroked the white cat. In the chair. With the menace.

Submitted by retrospect at 2006-02-01 10:59:22 EST (#)
Rating: 0

yeah, it is Psoriasis, and it is gross. he is also 45 yrs old and will not stop talking about how his mom gives him a hug once in the morning and once before bed.

Submitted by Berty at 2006-02-01 10:59:02 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Close enough Red, close enough.

Who's Bloefield?

Submitted by the_cole_guy at 2006-02-01 10:58:41 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I think I am the quiet one that just observes everyone. We have this lady who, after hearing her daily phone conversations, I think is psychotic (sp?... I'm at work, give me a break). She is the type that gets louder when she is on the phone and advertises her personal life around that way.

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-01 10:57:44 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:54:36 (#)
Ranking: 0

some guy in my office has that skin disease where he has huge blotches of dead white skin. when he talks to me i try not to look him right in the eyes because for some reason his face has no dead skin on it. but every few minutes he lifts his hand up to push his glasses up and i have to see the grossness. also, he has a back scratcher at his desk and it always looks like it had just snowed over there. dis gust ting...

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I think you're talking about Psoriasis or Eczema. He doesn't have that. He has what looks like chicken pox all over his arms.

Submitted by MavisMing at 2006-02-01 10:56:25 EST (#)
Rating: 1

The stupid guy fancies you.

Submitted by MistressFist at 2006-02-01 10:56:10 EST (#)
Rating: 2

but it seems he's a little heavy on the beans and a little light on the blow.
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hahahahahahahah got me! people are so fucking weird dude.

Submitted by RamJetMax at 2006-02-01 10:55:53 EST (#)
Rating: 2

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Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:47:18 (#)
Ranking: 2

You forgot to include the Perpetual Internet Surfer.

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Meaning, just yourself? Or everyone on Uber?

Submitted by Professional_Peon at 2006-02-01 10:55:10 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:46:25 (#)
Ranking: 1

Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may
not lead. Just bend over and grab your ankles, Mom.
-----------------
If you are gonna drop this on everyones posts you should at least have the courtesy to post the link to the pic.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-02-01 10:54:50 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:51:17 (#)
Ranking: 2

I chat to myself sometimes. It keeps me focused.

They probably call you the creepy, always staring at us, one-legged lady.
---
Do aforementioned conversations sound *something* like this...

Berty "people nice - no want to make them redundant"
Gollum "gollum gollum - payroll will reward us my precious!"
Berty "no! they good kind people!"
Gollum "bah - tricksy salesmen - talk shit about Berty in the tearoom!"
Berty "Not listening!"
Gollum "Berty is listening! Get forms, get revenge! And then we wraps our fingersis around their tricksy necks!"
Berty "no no..."
Gollum "yesh! yesh!"

Other office blokey "For fuck's Berty - just fire them, you know you want to do your Bloefeld impersonation again before you kick them out the door - heartless cunt"
Berty "GOLLUM GOLLUM!"
Gollum "yeah - you tell him!"

Submitted by retrospect at 2006-02-01 10:54:36 EST (#)
Rating: 0

The Picker: This is a man in his mid-forties. He wears a ring on his left hand indicating he is married and from the pictures on his desk has a couple of really cute kids. He is an engineer and is very intelligent and his desk is spotless at all times. However, he is disgusting. He'll sit at his desk and pick at scabs on his arms for hours on end. Doesn't matter if he is wearing a sweater in the winter or short-sleeved shirt in the summer. He'll find some way to pick at his skin. He even keeps a mirror on his desk and picks at his face. When someone strolls past his desk, he'll immediately pull down his sleeve or drop the mirror. I don't know if he's bored, or if he's loony. He may just be hungry, who knows? I also tend to wonder where all the scabs come from.

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some guy in my office has that skin disease where he has huge blotches of dead white skin. when he talks to me i try not to look him right in the eyes because for some reason his face has no dead skin on it. but every few minutes he lifts his hand up to push his glasses up and i have to see the grossness. also, he has a back scratcher at his desk and it always looks like it had just snowed over there. dis gust ting...

Submitted by Berty at 2006-02-01 10:54:27 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Yes. It's pretty cool though because it's a very infectious habit. I get a lot of pleasure about listening to other people start to talk to themselves around me.

My Boss Steve now does it, we can both hold conversations with ourselves at the same time and easily break out and start talking to one another. It's like verbal balet.

Submitted by ess-arr at 2006-02-01 10:53:36 EST (#)
Rating: 1

interesting doll

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-01 10:52:30 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:51:17 (#)
Ranking: 2

I chat to myself sometimes. It keeps me focused.

They probably call you the creepy, always staring at us, one-legged lady.

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BWAHAHAHAHAHA..I'm sure they do. I never stare though. Glance is more like it. I listen. I have
good ears.


Berty, do you answer yourself too?

Submitted by Berty at 2006-02-01 10:51:17 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I chat to myself sometimes. It keeps me focused.

They probably call you the creepy, always staring at us, one-legged lady.

Submitted by HighVoltage900 at 2006-02-01 10:48:46 EST (#)
Rating: 1

I got an erection from the sheep.

Baaaa you sexy thang.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-02-01 10:47:55 EST (#)
Rating: 2

hehe - Saint Sebastian's date from last night...

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2006-02-01 10:47:18 EST (#)
Rating: 2

You forgot to include the Perpetual Internet Surfer.

Submitted by Mr T pities jonnytexmex the old child toucher at 2006-02-01 10:47:13 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Mr T be hearing that. Let me tell you, I put up with Face man always running his mouth - jibba jabba all the time about some honky he was doing. And Hannibal - man, you don't have no co-worker who drugs you all the time and flies you places you not ever been? Man I hate that jazz.

And Murdoch. You talk about some guy who talks to himself? You lucky! I put up with that crazy foo' for years. He spend all his time inside his head- only it's empty in there -and the noises echo out. I thrown that suckah twice a day he still never caught on. I'm gonna go throw him now - make sure he ain't more crazy than ever!

Submitted by OneCheapGeek at 2006-02-01 10:46:25 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may
not lead. Just bend over and grab your ankles, Mom.

Submitted by Teephphah at 2006-02-01 10:44:40 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Oh gawd that pic is hot.


Two-hundred-thirty-nine pounds?! I'm a blimp! Why are all the good
things so tasty?

-- Homer Simpson
Brush With Greatness