login / register
OBAMA ISN'T EVEN PRESIDENT AND HE'S STILL KICKING REPUBLICAN ASS!
Welcome to Ubersite!

I Was Sexually Assaulted by a Chav on the Night Bus and it Made Me Happy in my Special Place.

Submitted by Davros at 2006-02-06 09:38:15 EST
Rating: 1.83 on 127 ratings (127 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Friday night is the highlight of my week, not because it is the start of the weekend, more because it is the one night of the week that I go out, work permitting.

Last Friday I had headed up to my semi-regular poker game at a small private members club.

*At this point I would love to regale you with an account of my fabulous run of cards and the vast quantities of money I won, but I can’t. It just didn’t happen that way. At some point the consumption of Guinness overtook me and I bust out.*

It is just a small stakes game, more of a social occasion than a serious competition, but that is not really important. What needs to be noted is that in recent weeks, the number of people playing has swelled considerably, meaning that the game is finishing later, meaning that I am forced to take the Night Bus home.

For those of you that have never experienced this peculiar London phenomenon, be thankful. It is a truly strange experience and not for the faint hearted. There is a strange etiquette involved in this kind of travel. The most important rule is not to make eye contact, ever. The next thing is to just ignore whatever is going on, no matter how strange and wonderful it may appear, it is usually best to pretend you can’t see it, in the interest of leaving the bus with all your major organs intact.

*Some things I have seen include a man defecating in the stairwell, couples having sex, guys shooting up smack*

I think it is safe to say that I approach the Night Bus with a degree of trepidation. However, this night saw myself and many other people broke all of the advised guidelines.

I got lucky and managed to get a seat downstairs, (did I mention that upstairs on a night bus is not the best place to be?), and settled down for the 30 minute journey home.

Two stops along the road a couple get on. Young, probably in their late teens. A quick analysis of the situation and I observed the requisite sportswear and cheap gold jewellery, Chavs. The guy had skin which looked grey, (dirt or lack of sunlight), and the girl was wearing too much make-up and had a months worth of “product” in her hair. Nonetheless I noticed that she was reasonably attractive despite her choice of appearance and mate.

Little did I know that things were about to turn seriously surreal.

Mr. Chav took up a standing position directly opposite me and Mrs. Chav stood with her back to me. They were talking loudly about one of their “friends” who had just had a baby. (I know this despite the fact that I was plugged into my iPod).

Without warning Mrs. Chav decides to sit down on my lap. I do mean in my lap, not on my knee.

I was somewhat taken aback by this but decided in the best tradition of the night bus, to grin and bear it. She smelled rather strongly of cheap perfume and even cheaper cider, but her other half could have done some serious damage with the sovereign rings adorning his fingers, so I dealt with it.

She then began to move.

Actually move is the wrong word. Grind would be more accurate. She was not being gentle. I was about to complain when she seemed to find her rhythm. She eased up on the pressure and used the rhythm of the bus to time her movement.

By this time people on the bus had begun to notice what was going on and had started staring at the scene unfolding in front of their eyes.

I was busy trying to come to terms with the fact that I was getting dry-humped on a bus full of people. I was finding it difficult to believe that this was happening to me and I am sure that I had a look of utter confusion bordering on disgust on my face. Other parts of my body had different ideas.

Little Dave had, by this point decided that he was enjoying the attention, having had to deal in recent times with only Mr .Right for company. I wish I could tell you that the expression on my face remained the same, but I suspect it changed to one of bemusement (I hope) or enjoyment (more likely).

I began to be aware that all conversation on the bus had stopped. In fact every person was staring directly at me.

The whole time she had maintained a constant conversation with her boyfriend, at high volume, who seemed strangely oblivious to what was going on.

This carried on for another ten minutes until she abruptly jumped up and dragged her, obviously incapable, sexual partner off the bus. The whole time, she had never even looked at me.

As we pulled away, the laughter and conversation resumed. I distinctly heard one “What the fuck was that all about?” type comment, but I was still too stunned to reply.

I got off the bus soon after and began the short walk to my house.

I guess I should have been embarrassed, or angry at being used, but the only thought going through my head was that if she had only travelled two more stops I could have had result.

-Dave




ThisWouldHurt.JPG
ThisWouldHurt.JPG


Review This Item

Rating:

Comment:




Reviews


Submitted by orphelia at 2007-09-19 13:30:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I love this post. Reading it as a lurker on of the many reasons I kept coming back.

Submitted by anunusualyetwittyname at 2007-09-19 13:14:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 1


Submitted by sideshow at 2007-03-27 17:53:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Sounds like a good time....

Submitted by mynameisandy at 2007-01-18 08:43:00 EST (#)
Rating: 2

This was the first post I ever read, but I didn't bother rating it.

+2 for getting me hooked.

Gotta love those chavs!

Submitted by Axolotl at 2006-12-18 17:40:57 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-03-22 15:29:11 (#)
Ranking: 0

So is this a chav?
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6937861398276200744&q=devvo v



----------

AHAHAHHHHAHHAAHA

that is the greatest video i've ever seen.

Studio, it's not spelled with a fooking o, innit??

Submitted by nephilim at 2006-06-09 22:54:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

how was this on B@W?

Submitted by Davros at 2006-03-23 02:45:46 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-03-22 15:29:11 (#)
Ranking: 0

So is this a chav?
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6937861398276200744&q=devvo

----------

Yup.

-Dave

Submitted by OneCheapGeek at 2006-03-22 15:29:11 EST (#)
Rating: 0


Submitted by Shlongy at 2006-03-16 13:17:35 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Where'd you get all the hits? B @ W???

Submitted by cuberat at 2006-03-16 13:06:59 EST (#)
Rating: 2

This was brilliant. (even though I needed research to understand your limey english)

Right on man!

Submitted by Razor at 2006-02-24 17:29:09 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by rockdocc at 2006-02-23 22:55:20 EST (#)
Rating: 0

a chav is a wigger?
I'm confused.

Submitted by angel_2k01 at 2006-02-21 10:08:40 EST (#)
Rating: 1

ha ha - what a strange thing to happen!! what i cant understand is why you sat there and took it!

Submitted by phuzzygish at 2006-02-20 06:20:40 EST (#)
Rating: 2

What do you call a chav in a box?

Innit.


And a chav in a filing cabinet?

Sorted.



AHAHAHAHHAAHAH HA ah haha he. hee. woo. um....

Submitted by williamson at 2006-02-20 05:54:36 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-02-14 22:16:44 (#)
Ranking: 2

I wanna be molested...
=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Ubercon at Danger_Ranger's House?

Submitted by claymation_dude at 2006-02-20 05:16:47 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I once rode the night bus from Brent Cross to Ladbroke Grove, there were three chav lads with those big paint pens sitting near me at the back scrawling their "tags" all over the windows and seats whenever they thought the driver was concentrating.

We wnet round a corner and one dropped his pen which instantly rolled to my feet, I had two choices 1 - pretend it didn't happen and just stare out of the window
2 - pick it up and give it back

I chose the latter believing it to be the safest, I got a sly nod and a whisper of "safe bruv".

Submitted by thorpe at 2006-02-14 22:16:44 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I wanna be molested...

Submitted by NerfHerder at 2006-02-14 22:15:01 EST (#)
Rating: 2

B@W

Submitted by Method at 2006-02-13 14:41:54 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Davros at 2006-02-13 14:34:22 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Apologies Sully, I haven't really been around too much the last few days.

I believe I was listening to the Dropkick Murphys at the time.

Surprisingly I missed that Smufs post, but there are some slight similarities granted.

-Dave

Submitted by SullyThePirate at 2006-02-12 23:45:31 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Alas, no response.

Submitted by Serious_Melvin at 2006-02-11 23:02:02 EST (#)
Rating: 2

No Comment, really.

Submitted by SullyThePirate at 2006-02-10 19:54:11 EST (#)
Rating: 1

This reminds me of http://www.ubersite.com/m/41257 except it replaces a subway with a night bus and a sexual predator with some chavs. Were you listening to Franz Ferdinand too?

Submitted by Sicknote at 2006-02-10 16:25:10 EST (#)
Rating: 2

N47? N47, right?! Cunting hell, any bus that stops in St. Mary Cray...

But since I moved up North (Manchester), I have discovered scallies up here that would eat those Southern chavs for breakfast.

And there's the image I'll be going with tonight...

If it's so wrong, why does it feel so right?


Submitted by BranDo at 2006-02-10 07:39:01 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Dave wore a rubber.

Submitted by phuzzygish at 2006-02-10 06:53:46 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Dropping to your knees, and thinking of England? Ja, Fabit told me about that thing you guys tried.

Didn't it hurt?

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2006-02-10 06:13:56 EST (#)
Rating: 2

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-10 06:02:52 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-08 05:09:55 (#)
Ranking: 2

Ultimate showdown lack one massive element.

Although I feel I don't need to say it, I must:

PAC-MAN
-------

Sorry to break it to you Nath, but I'm pretty sure I saw Pac-Man's bloodied, vanquished head in the aftermath towards the end.

I guess he ain't all that...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm going to check it again, and if you are right I'll drop to my knees and think of England. But if you're wrong...

Submitted by Nellypaal at 2006-02-10 06:02:52 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-08 05:09:55 (#)
Ranking: 2

Ultimate showdown lack one massive element.

Although I feel I don't need to say it, I must:

PAC-MAN
-------

Sorry to break it to you Nath, but I'm pretty sure I saw Pac-Man's bloodied, vanquished head in the aftermath towards the end.

I guess he ain't all that...

Submitted by Jay Peg at 2006-02-09 20:28:01 EST (#)
Rating: 2

WOOHOO! DAVE ON B@W!

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-09 14:43:57 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Congrats B@W

Submitted by BurnTheHobo at 2006-02-09 04:31:16 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2006-02-08 17:16:09 (#)
Ranking: 2

I know how you feel. The bus is wank.


Don't you hate the way you always get a boner when your stop is coming up?!


Thank fuck it doesnt just happen to me. What the hell is with that, doesnt help i work in brighton where all the hotties live.

Submitted by iddqd at 2006-02-09 03:44:50 EST (#)
Rating: 2

clearly youre gay, evidenced by the fact that you call your wank-hand 'MISTER right'.

Submitted by triple_optics at 2006-02-08 17:16:09 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I know how you feel. The bus is wank.


Don't you hate the way you always get a boner when your stop is coming up?!

Submitted by HighVoltage900 at 2006-02-08 16:45:08 EST (#)
Rating: 2

B@W. Good job.

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2006-02-08 14:36:39 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Congrats on the B@W.

Submitted by RyuFu at 2006-02-08 14:00:23 EST (#)
Rating: 2

"Only two more stops." Brilliant.

That's the way life seems, isn't it?

Submitted by deepmichael at 2006-02-08 13:15:42 EST (#)
Rating: 2

excellent

Submitted by MavisMing at 2006-02-08 09:59:48 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Awsome

Submitted by Walker at 2006-02-08 09:59:26 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Blimey Guvnah! Bling bling, eh?

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2006-02-08 08:29:20 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:24:52 (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-07 08:54:09 (#)
Ranking: 2

And you didn't take me on the night bus while I was over there?

For shame. :)

-------------

Actually Thorns I did.

It is just the South London night bus experience is somewhat more intense than in the north.

-Dave
==============================================================================================

Oh. Well in that case...huzzah!

And congrats on the B@W, too.

Submitted by phuzzygish at 2006-02-08 07:07:09 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Doih. My bad. Sorry boss. Well done bugga!

Submitted by BurnTheHobo at 2006-02-08 05:12:32 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I hate chavs, as does everyone in my office. It just happens that we have a floor full of them doing tele-marketing or some shit upstairs. And we get frequent overheard conversations relayed over email.

Still, I bet you looked a right fool. You should have hit off a 1 liner for impact.

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2006-02-08 05:09:55 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Ultimate showdown lack one massive element.

Although I feel I don't need to say it, I must:

PAC-MAN

Submitted by Davros at 2006-02-08 05:04:14 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Yup, it is there.

Right above "Ultimate Showdown" which made me choke on my coffee.

-Dave

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2006-02-08 04:55:35 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Might need to refresh it, mate. Definitly there

Submitted by phuzzygish at 2006-02-08 04:51:07 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Uhhh... Not to piss on yer batteries, but I checked, it aint on there...

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2006-02-08 04:50:46 EST (#)
Rating: 2

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-08 04:49:17 (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-08 04:36:52 (#)
Ranking: 2

Awesome. The only thing I've ever nominated to actually get put there!

Well done mate

--------------

I guess I owe you a thankyou.

Still got a way to go before I catch you though.

-Dave

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think I've peaked mate. Want to take the briefly held torch?

Submitted by Davros at 2006-02-08 04:49:17 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-08 04:36:52 (#)
Ranking: 2

Awesome. The only thing I've ever nominated to actually get put there!

Well done mate

--------------

I guess I owe you a thankyou.

Still got a way to go before I catch you though.

-Dave

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2006-02-08 04:36:52 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Awesome. The only thing I've ever nominated to actually get put there!

Well done mate

Submitted by phuzzygish at 2006-02-08 03:51:34 EST (#)
Rating: 2

GO DAVE!!!!

Submitted by Davros at 2006-02-08 03:47:32 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Holy Buggering Hell.

B@W?

-Dave

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-02-08 03:37:02 EST (#)
Rating: 2

B@W!!! Played!

Submitted by GuinnessSince1759 at 2006-02-08 02:35:51 EST (#)
Rating: 2

The buses here in America are worse crime wise...but weird shit happens over there. I am also happy to note that I am in fact also a British Citizen. England is a great country.

Submitted by punkerrjess at 2006-02-07 13:30:22 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:52:25 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by belowground (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:35:42 (#)
Ranking: 2

For the Brits among us that have been to the U.S. for any lengthy amount of time, is there an American equivalent of a chav? I have a mental image of a downtrodden redneck / white trash sort of individual, but it's probably not accurate.

Inquiring minds want to know.


-=-=-=-

they are called Federlines.

--------------

I was going to say wiggers, but I can't beat that answer.

Submitted by jack11058 at 2006-02-07 12:52:25 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by belowground (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:35:42 (#)
Ranking: 2

For the Brits among us that have been to the U.S. for any lengthy amount of time, is there an American equivalent of a chav? I have a mental image of a downtrodden redneck / white trash sort of individual, but it's probably not accurate.

Inquiring minds want to know.


-=-=-=-

they are called Federlines.

Submitted by jack11058 at 2006-02-07 12:51:34 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Chav is a slang term which has been in wide use throughout the United Kingdom since 2004. It refers to a subcultural stereotype of a person with fashions such as flashy "bling" jewellery and counterfeit designer clothes, an uneducated, impoverished background, a tendency to congregate around places such as fast-food outlets or other shopping areas, and a culture of antisocial behaviour.

In the past such people have been called yobs. Response to the term has ranged from amusement to criticism that it is a new manifestation of classism.




B@W

Submitted by Professional_Peon at 2006-02-07 12:36:08 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by remote_narcotic (user info) at 2006-02-06 19:36:18 (#)
Ranking: 2


Stroke it off.
----------
hehe

Submitted by Davros at 2006-02-07 12:24:52 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-07 08:54:09 (#)
Ranking: 2

And you didn't take me on the night bus while I was over there?

For shame. :)

-------------

Actually Thorns I did.

It is just the South London night bus experience is somewhat more intense than in the north.

-Dave

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2006-02-07 08:54:09 EST (#)
Rating: 2

And you didn't take me on the night bus while I was over there?

For shame. :)

Submitted by phuzzygish at 2006-02-07 07:51:04 EST (#)
Rating: 2

If I was you, I'd make damn sure I'm on that very same bus next week.

Hell. Go tomorrow.

Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey at 2006-02-07 07:35:57 EST (#)
Rating: 2

When I become overall Mistress of the Universe, chavs will be the first things to be shot into the sun

Submitted by Davros at 2006-02-07 07:00:05 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-02-07 06:48:06 (#)
Ranking: 2

Random acts are always interesting. Did you grab her hips or anything like that? Did you touch her at all besides the obvious? I might have been burning my pants when I got home, based on your description of her.

----------------

Mike, I was trying my hardest to pretend that nothing was happening so I made no contact other than in the areas described. I wouldn't dream of burning my pants, that is the most action I have had in months. They have now been declared my "Lucky" pants.

-Dave

Submitted by Kidmc at 2006-02-07 06:57:49 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Pretty Funny +1

Submitted by Bigmike at 2006-02-07 06:48:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Random acts are always interesting. Did you grab her hips or anything like that? Did you touch her at all besides the obvious? I might have been burning my pants when I got home, based on your description of her.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-02-07 06:43:59 EST (#)
Rating: 2

They're not as cheap as they used to be though. It is a shame.

Submitted by Davros at 2006-02-07 06:32:40 EST (#)
Rating: 0

The Southerners do a reasonable job of the WMC, but nothing compares to the Northern version.

-Dave

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-02-07 05:38:37 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Working man's clubs are great - because of the fights over who didn't give who the change from the last packet of crisps. Last time I was in I honestly saw someone get headbutted because they had forgotten to put someone's 50p worth of change on the table.

I want crisps now.

Submitted by Davros at 2006-02-07 05:32:20 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2006-02-07 05:28:56 (#)
Ranking: 0

if you're gambling at private gentlemen's clubs, shouldn't you have a driver or a butler or someone to pick you up in the rover??

------------

Submitted by MisterBadger (user info) at 2006-02-07 05:17:59 (#)
Ranking: 2

That is probably more action than you have had in the last year.

Sympathy +2

------------

Badger, you don't have to come here to insult me.

Shandy, not a "gentlemen's club" just a private members club. A "Social" or "Working mens" club.

-Dave

Submitted by shandythedog at 2006-02-07 05:28:56 EST (#)
Rating: 0

if you're gambling at private gentlemen's clubs, shouldn't you have a driver or a butler or someone to pick you up in the rover??

Submitted by MisterBadger at 2006-02-07 05:17:59 EST (#)
Rating: 2

That is probably more action than you have had in the last year.

Sympathy +2

Submitted by remote_narcotic at 2006-02-06 19:36:18 EST (#)
Rating: 2


Stroke it off.

Submitted by mattnotharry at 2006-02-06 19:19:36 EST (#)
Rating: 2

+2 for night buses and their obscurity

Submitted by Jacobt26 at 2006-02-06 19:10:39 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by EvilGav at 2006-02-06 18:55:43 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Excellent.

We have night buses here in Edinburgh, but the bizzarro-ville bus start in early afternoon (4pm onwards), all thanks to our liberal licencing laws here in Scotland.

Was on the 5pm bus home from work and the guy behind me upstairs was chasing the dragon. Some people may think "fair enough, ignore him", but he was on the back-seat which was completely full. He made no bones about just sparking up and snorting away. Fucking smack head.

Oh the sights i've seen on pub(l)ic transport.

Submitted by belowground at 2006-02-06 18:35:42 EST (#)
Rating: 2

For the Brits among us that have been to the U.S. for any lengthy amount of time, is there an American equivalent of a chav? I have a mental image of a downtrodden redneck / white trash sort of individual, but it's probably not accurate.

Inquiring minds want to know.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-02-06 18:28:10 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:16:29 (#)
Ranking: 2

is it wrong that this gave me a stiffy?
---
Yes it is. Go and look at my post on music.

Submitted by Astropath at 2006-02-06 18:27:24 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Chavs and goths are the sources of some of my most shamefull sexual fantasies.
==============================

Bullshit. Hot goth chicks are the source of torrid sexual fantasies for any red-blooded male with a pulse, full stop.

Submitted by apollo88 at 2006-02-06 18:16:29 EST (#)
Rating: 2

is it wrong that this gave me a stiffy?

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2006-02-06 16:35:56 EST (#)
Rating: 2

That sounds hot.

Submitted by MistressFist at 2006-02-06 16:14:39 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Have result? That sounds so clinically British. But a good story indeed. Glad to see that American girls aren't the only ones acting like pigs.

Submitted by JonnyX at 2006-02-06 16:12:15 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Maybe you and Berty could tag-team them next time, eh?

Submitted by leilani at 2006-02-06 14:46:32 EST (#)
Rating: 2

haha

Submitted by Berty at 2006-02-06 14:32:35 EST (#)
Rating: 2

That is the wierdest night bus story I have ever heard.

See probably had itchy herpes.

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2006-02-06 14:16:20 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Trouser tents are fun.

Submitted by sebcharrot at 2006-02-06 13:40:41 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Bwahahahahahahahaha

Submitted by Davros at 2006-02-06 12:46:00 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-02-06 12:31:36 (#)
Ranking: 2

I got wood.

-------------

I'm not really sure whether this should worry me.

-Dave

Submitted by creep_firebombing at 2006-02-06 12:31:36 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I got wood.

Submitted by Davros at 2006-02-06 12:03:09 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-06 11:59:44 (#)
Ranking: 2

remind me to take cabs home whenever i get manage to get over there. and, uh, what's a chav? and hey can i molest you?

---------

You just read this and you need to ask?

-Dave

Submitted by Davros at 2006-02-06 12:02:21 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2006-02-06 11:44:33 (#)
Ranking: 2

Excuse my rich, white, suburbian American upbrining...but what is "smack"?

---------

Heroin, Junk, Whateveryouwannacallit.

-Dave

Submitted by inion_de_trua at 2006-02-06 12:00:36 EST (#)
Rating: 2

oooooh. saw the link, right, gutter trash. k.

Submitted by inion_de_trua at 2006-02-06 11:59:44 EST (#)
Rating: 2

remind me to take cabs home whenever i get manage to get over there. and, uh, what's a chav? and hey can i molest you?

side note: i got a banana that i thought was going to be really thick and fulfilling. i opened it up and it was like finding out that hot guy were staring at all night is hung like a cricket. very disappointing.

Submitted by firefly at 2006-02-06 11:57:11 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Brdn_Nkd at 2006-02-06 11:51:54 EST (#)
Rating: 0

funny shit

Submitted by Technoboy at 2006-02-06 11:47:31 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Chavs: Always good for some amusement

Submitted by RamJetMax at 2006-02-06 11:44:33 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Excuse my rich, white, suburbian American upbrining...but what is "smack"?

Submitted by Davros at 2006-02-06 11:36:49 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2006-02-06 11:34:59 (#)
Ranking: 2

Jesus christ baldy, when you get sexual contact you scream it from the hilltops dontcha?
-but Ive seen your pic and i dont blame ya.

BTW, i dont live in london but we've got a place in Primrose Hill, and i dont care who you are, walking through Camden at night is SCARY.

-----------

Primrose Hill? And you are associating with the commoners on Uber?

I gots to get it where I can Iago, sad but true.

-Dave

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-02-06 11:36:30 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-02-06 11:29:27 (#)
Ranking: 2

How horrible and brilliant.
---
An apt description of Davros me thinks!

Submitted by Iago at 2006-02-06 11:34:59 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Jesus christ baldy, when you get sexual contact you scream it from the hilltops dontcha?
-but Ive seen your pic and i dont blame ya.

BTW, i dont live in london but we've got a place in Primrose Hill, and i dont care who you are, walking through Camden at night is SCARY.

Submitted by c1ndy at 2006-02-06 11:29:27 EST (#)
Rating: 2

How horrible and brilliant.

Submitted by Davros at 2006-02-06 10:58:53 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:51:28 (#)
Ranking: 2

Well did you cum or what?

JESUS CHRIST MAN! THERE'S JUST SOME THINGS YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT IN PUBLIC!

---------

MALLRATS.

-Dave

Submitted by phuzzygish at 2006-02-06 10:56:14 EST (#)
Rating: 2

"...if she had only travelled two more stops I could have had result."

Jeebus Dave. That's flippin brilliant.

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2006-02-06 10:51:28 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Well did you cum or what?

JESUS CHRIST MAN! THERE'S JUST SOME THINGS YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT IN PUBLIC!

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-02-06 10:31:02 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:30:11 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:11:25 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:06:08 (#)
Ranking: 2

Chavs and goths are the sources of some of my most shameful sexual fantasies.
---
uh huh. And now you have to go into detail Nelly old son.
---

No chance. Suffice to say that my utter lack of respect for both those social groups would lead to some very selfish deviancy.
---
By extrapolating I guess it was teabagging.

Submitted by Nellypaal at 2006-02-06 10:30:11 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:11:25 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:06:08 (#)
Ranking: 2

Chavs and goths are the sources of some of my most shameful sexual fantasies.
---
uh huh. And now you have to go into detail Nelly old son.
---

No chance. Suffice to say that my utter lack of respect for both those social groups would lead to some very selfish deviancy.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-02-06 10:11:25 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:06:08 (#)
Ranking: 2

Chavs and goths are the sources of some of my most shameful sexual fantasies.
---
uh huh. And now you have to go into detail Nelly old son.

Submitted by ozzy at 2006-02-06 10:11:24 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Oh night buses, they are certainly an experience.

When I lived in west London, the 207 used to be a fun one. Drunk Aussies spewing up, drunk Polish guys shouting and singing in Polish, insomniacs muttering to themselves and rocking gently in their seats.

I once had a drunk chavette start punching my arm and screeching at me uncontrollably because I'd supposedly stolen the camera she found in her pocket 30 seconds later.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-02-06 10:11:24 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:06:08 (#)
Ranking: 2

Chavs and goths are the sources of some of my most shameful sexual fantasies.
---
uh huh. And now you have to go into detail Nelly old son.

Submitted by Nellypaal at 2006-02-06 10:06:08 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Chavs and goths are the sources of some of my most shamefull sexual fantasies.

Submitted by DarkDante at 2006-02-06 10:05:36 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Chavtastic!

Submitted by phuzzygish at 2006-02-06 09:58:44 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Hah. That is awesome. No matter what happens on the Night Bus, no one ever 'notices'. It's so British...

oh, and...

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:45:36 (#)
Ranking: 2

Route, time and stop please?

Submitted by Pentameter at 2006-02-06 09:58:22 EST (#)
Rating: 2

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

What in the name of fuck is wrong with people?!?!?!?!?!?

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2006-02-06 09:57:40 EST (#)
Rating: 2

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:51:05 (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:45:36 (#)
Ranking: 2

Route, time and stop please?

-------------

No chance. She is mine, MINE I tells ya.

-Dave

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I challenge thou to Tekken at next Ubercon for the hand/rump of mistress chav!

Submitted by Sparxicus at 2006-02-06 09:51:46 EST (#)
Rating: 2

-------------------------
http://www.chavscum.co.uk/
-------------------------
Was anyone else expecting a Chavs Cum site? I'd give you a -2 for a dissapointing link, but this story was just too good.

Submitted by hairycoo at 2006-02-06 09:51:34 EST (#)
Rating: 2

night bus folk are a different breed.

Submitted by Davros at 2006-02-06 09:51:05 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:45:36 (#)
Ranking: 2

Route, time and stop please?

-------------

No chance. She is mine, MINE I tells ya.

-Dave

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys at 2006-02-06 09:50:51 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Youve just made my upcoming post all the more pertinant

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-02-06 09:48:30 EST (#)
Rating: 2

See, what if you were half asleep and a dog started licking your nuts - and then you noticed the dog when you were nearly at the point of no return - do you push the dog off and tell it to get the fuck off the bus the whore?


erm... I lost my train of thought there

Submitted by Davros at 2006-02-06 09:48:12 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:45:00 (#)
Ranking: 2

From what I gather, Chavs are the British equivalent of Eminem-wannabe, white trash?

------------

Got it in one Bob.

-Dave

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2006-02-06 09:45:36 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Route, time and stop please?

Submitted by HighVoltage900 at 2006-02-06 09:45:10 EST (#)
Rating: 2

This post is just dripping in English spek.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-02-06 09:45:00 EST (#)
Rating: 2

FROTTAGE!

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2006-02-06 09:45:00 EST (#)
Rating: 2

From what I gather, Chavs are the British equivalent of Eminem-wannabe, white trash?

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-02-06 09:44:41 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I hope you didn't finish yourself off once you got home with the last vestiages of her chavfume in your nostrils and the vague recollection of her three striped clothes running through your mind.

Poor old Davros

Submitted by Davros at 2006-02-06 09:44:30 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Why didn't my link appear?

http://www.chavscum.co.uk/

-Dave


Submitted by simple_catalyst at 2006-02-06 09:40:14 EST (#)
Rating: 2

hehe.

Submitted by Mr T pities jonnytexmex the old child toucher at 2006-02-06 09:39:33 EST (#)
Rating: 2

What this 'Chav' thing Foo'?

Submitted by Axolotl at 2006-02-06 09:38:59 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Chavs?












Chavs?











"ENGLISH?"


Losers! Losers! Kiss my big Springfield behind, Shelbyville!

-- Homer Simpson
Homer Loves Flanders