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The Secret Language of Bartenders - Revealed!

Submitted by nitty34 at 2006-02-21 14:25:41 EST
Rating: 1.92 on 148 ratings (148 reviews) (Review this item) (V)



barspeak 101.jpg
barspeak 101.jpg


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Submitted by blackbear at 2018-06-24 21:30:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

yes, this is good

Submitted by Shlongy at 2018-06-19 22:11:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

PS: And, funnier.

Submitted by nitty34 at 2018-06-19 17:05:26 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

This nonsense just proves how much smarter I was 12 years ago.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2010-03-18 16:35:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

In the Top 5 best all time Uber posts. Still laughing 4 years later.

Submitted by experima at 2010-03-18 15:07:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by JonnyX at 2010-03-18 14:46:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

olde skool goodness

Submitted by FALLEN at 2010-03-18 11:24:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by nobody_gets_out_alive at 2010-03-18 10:56:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

People rarely tip in England

Submitted by Ejryuu at 2008-03-11 16:33:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

At the gay bar
Gay bar
Gay bar!

Submitted by sideshow at 2007-03-22 11:19:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I prolly rated this before, but fuck it, I enjoyed it....

Submitted by WookieSuave at 2007-03-15 18:40:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by rejected (user info) at 2007-01-10 18:50:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

"Just give me a drink and shut the fuck up."

What does the bartender say to that?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

That normally recieves a drink with only a half shot of booze, and my dick used as a stir stick.

Submitted by rejected at 2007-01-10 18:50:27 EST (#)
Rating: 2

"Just give me a drink and shut the fuck up."

What does the bartender say to that?

Submitted by mynameisandy at 2006-10-06 06:56:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Beautiful! So very true.

Submitted by getalife at 2006-10-05 16:12:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

funny guy

Submitted by Amontillado at 2006-10-03 13:47:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I can't remember if I've rated this before. Oh well.

Submitted by Anansie at 2006-10-03 13:34:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+ 2000000000000.

Submitted by Targa at 2006-10-03 13:14:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

heck yes.
Come play where I work. I just don't give a damn about the bar and it shows. But I end up with good tips, since people tend to pay what they expected their tab to be, and I wind up with a 50% tip.



Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-02-23 09:53:25 (#)
Ranking: 2

Awesome post.

Proper tipping and the right attitude allow me to go to almost any bar in Blacksburg and drink beer for free. Liquor gets "mysteriously" cheaper, as well. This past weekend, I got four CC & gingers, a double crown and coke for a chick I used to play pool with and three pitchers of beer for the table where I was sitting - my tab: 9 bucks.

Bless you all, oh servers of the sweetest nectar.

Submitted by QuietObservation at 2006-09-23 04:33:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Dead on.

Submitted by Konerak at 2006-09-23 04:10:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I want more..

Submitted by sideshow at 2006-07-26 17:23:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 for the tips.....I think I knew most of that anyways....that is why I tip good, even though I hate it....at least I get served.

Submitted by BobLobla at 2006-07-14 16:11:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2




Submitted by BillsSBChamps at 2006-06-16 22:12:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

As a former bartender I can 100% agree with all of these especially the ID'ing ones.

Hot chicks ALWAYS get in, ugly bitches and queerbait guys don't.

Submitted by extacy_red at 2006-05-11 15:25:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by desipalen at 2006-05-11 15:15:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by wardy at 2006-04-06 06:54:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

are you still gay? no? hm... well okay then!







sorry about my fupa failure...

Submitted by mattnotharry at 2006-04-04 06:13:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fairy Toolbox

Submitted by WookieSuave at 2006-04-04 05:36:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fucking brilliant!

True, every word.

http://www.ubersite.com/m/23109


Submitted by Quint at 2006-03-31 16:30:04 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Out. Fuck. Ing. Stand. Ing.

Submitted by DonovanMD at 2006-03-30 09:30:09 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Chillax at 2006-03-29 14:59:31 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I probably have already +2'd this.

Submitted by lucid at 2006-03-29 14:44:15 EST (#)
Rating: 2

The bartender has his eyes sewn to his skull?

Submitted by Grimm at 2006-03-28 08:15:49 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Stagger_Lee at 2006-03-28 01:58:15 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-03-21 12:22:51 (#)
Ranking: 2

6 levels of cool. And a penthouse suite of awesome.

Submitted by pen_name at 2006-03-28 01:43:19 EST (#)
Rating: 2

nicely goodest

Submitted by j0andre1 at 2006-03-26 23:32:37 EST (#)
Rating: 2

My favorite part is when it shows what the bartender is REALLY thinking!

Submitted by ih8u2man at 2006-03-21 12:22:51 EST (#)
Rating: 2

6 levels of cool. And a penthouse suite of awesome.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2006-03-21 12:11:17 EST (#)
Rating: 2

This is still the funniest post ever.

And I'm not just saying that because nitty fondles my balls.

Submitted by nrduncan at 2006-03-21 11:58:22 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Average_Dan at 2006-03-18 11:52:12 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I pissed myself!!

Submitted by precision at 2006-03-16 23:32:36 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by blueboy at 2006-03-16 23:13:39 EST (#)
Rating: 1

solid 1

Submitted by Godless_dave at 2006-03-16 22:51:26 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by ess-arr at 2006-03-16 10:42:33 EST (#)
Rating: 2

solid, nitt.

Ghettostar!

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2006-03-16 09:45:55 EST (#)
Rating: 2

This is good. Not great, but better than 99% of the stuff on here.

You should put together a running series of posts called "Nitty the Bartender" where you deal with insolent customers, hawt beeyatches, and drunk old fools in Rancid hats like JL.

Or you could play the role of Uber-tender where you answer all of our life questions....

Submitted by AlexorGM at 2006-03-16 07:38:17 EST (#)
Rating: 2

the forth one made me laugh for ten minutes

Submitted by NerfHerder at 2006-03-15 22:13:17 EST (#)
Rating: 2

B@WESOME.

Submitted by Crystle at 2006-03-15 18:49:57 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Are you hitting on me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-03-14 13:45:56 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-02-21 15:02:39 (#)
Ranking: 2

Ahahahaha.

You know... I have never kissed a chick. I'd be willing to, but never have.

Don't really see it going any further than that, though..seriously lacking some - er - point of interest, for me, at least
----------------------------
Don't knock it till you try it....


TWICE!!

Submitted by Dolson at 2006-03-15 12:34:15 EST (#)
Rating: 2

"Fairy Toolbox."

Rich.

Submitted by Professional_Peon at 2006-03-14 13:45:56 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-02-21 15:02:39 (#)
Ranking: 2

Ahahahaha.

You know... I have never kissed a chick. I'd be willing to, but never have.

Don't really see it going any further than that, though..seriously lacking some - er - point of interest, for me, at least
----------------------------
Don't knock it till you try it....


TWICE!!

Submitted by Davros at 2006-03-14 13:38:09 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Good post.

I was a little thrown by the amount of tipping of the ber tenders that went on over there as it just isn't done here.

Waiter/ress yes, but barman never.

I think I must have over tipped in one place because I seemed to get served very quickly in a busy bar by the same guy every time. Maybe he was just queer for me.

Any (foreign) port in a storm a guess.

-dave

Submitted by RyuFu at 2006-03-14 10:14:28 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Juxtaposition of ugly underage chick vs. hot underage chick: priceless.

Submitted by BubbaEarl at 2006-03-14 05:56:11 EST (#)
Rating: 2

"Thanks for the $16 tip, Slater"

YES!

Submitted by a_reader at 2006-03-14 05:08:58 EST (#)
Rating: 2

B@W now?


That seems a little delayed.

Submitted by piowufbhwervnerfnc at 2006-03-14 04:14:30 EST (#)
Rating: 2

B@W finally?

Kick ass!

Submitted by VelvetElvis at 2006-02-23 20:20:13 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Probably my 4th time rating this, but it's one of the best I've seen in my short time here. It's something we've all always known. I always over tip, and order straight no bs drinks. Bartenders love the Kang.

Submitted by FartSmeller at 2006-02-23 12:32:10 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I heart you

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2006-02-23 09:53:25 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Awesome post.

Proper tipping and the right attitude allow me to go to almost any bar in Blacksburg and drink beer for free. Liquor gets "mysteriously" cheaper, as well. This past weekend, I got four CC & gingers, a double crown and coke for a chick I used to play pool with and three pitchers of beer for the table where I was sitting - my tab: 9 bucks.

Bless you all, oh servers of the sweetest nectar.

Submitted by Mike00295 at 2006-02-23 09:27:21 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Yes

Submitted by piowufbhwervnerfnc at 2006-02-23 02:42:09 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-02-22 07:20:53 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-21 14:28:38 (#)
Ranking: 2

Auto Rico +2
**********************

Oh Rico, you weird-looking bastard...

This was awesome.
---------------

And see, I thought I was the only person who still watched wrestling...

So, judging by ratings, it's just us 3 now.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2006-02-22 13:56:35 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-02-22 08:41:25 (#)
Ranking: 2

So true.

I usually would card someone if they didn't know what they wanted to drink right off the bat.


Card them?

My philospohy was to turn and walk away...I'd usually consider going back and asking them again "what'll ya have" in about 8 minutes...all the while listening carefully for their bitching under their breath.


What I REALLY used to like to do was when a dork came in with a decent looking broad - even if they both looked about 16 - was card the DUDE ONLY!

Talk about pissed off...and also, that was usually good for a return visit by the chick - alone - for some free Shlongy no-strings cheap action - sometimes right in the Scorgies hopper.

Submitted by Serious_Melvin at 2006-02-22 13:24:38 EST (#)
Rating: 2

+2 FUnny1

Submitted by c1ndy at 2006-02-22 12:20:36 EST (#)
Rating: 2

hehehe

Submitted by Kidmc at 2006-02-22 09:40:14 EST (#)
Rating: 2

That just made me feel so... lol! (+2)

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2006-02-22 08:41:25 EST (#)
Rating: 2

So true.

I usually would card someone if they didn't know what they wanted to drink right off the bat.

Submitted by MichelleNJ at 2006-02-22 08:41:08 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Kick ass.

Submitted by thecaes at 2006-02-22 07:20:53 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-21 14:28:38 (#)
Ranking: 2

Auto Rico +2
**********************

Oh Rico, you weird-looking bastard...

This was awesome.

Submitted by rad1101 at 2006-02-22 05:13:35 EST (#)
Rating: 2

where else in the world do you tip the barkeep for every fucking drink?

Submitted by ozzy at 2006-02-22 05:06:50 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I'm glad I don't need to tip where I drink. If the staff at my local are earning minimum wage even after I pay £3.10 ($6.50 US) for a pint of Guinness, the manager should be drawn and quartered.

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2006-02-22 04:58:17 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Someone who feels my pain...

PREACH IT BRUTHA!

Submitted by phuzzygish at 2006-02-22 04:14:45 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Never a barman, always a bartender.
This rocks.



Submitted by Bob_Dole at 2006-02-22 01:45:45 EST (#)
Rating: 2

god bless my friendly neighborhood bartender.

Submitted by VelvetElvis at 2006-02-21 23:49:14 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Have another +2, on the house. (What I really mean: This kicked ass and I feel gay for rating it twice but... lol.)

Submitted by Malachewaii at 2006-02-21 23:39:44 EST (#)
Rating: 2

loved it.

Submitted by Unabonger at 2006-02-21 23:28:23 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2006-02-21 22:50:11 (#)
Ranking: 2

Two things, real quick.....
1) Unabonger is exactly right. Take care of the Bartender........

2) I cannot believe I missed the Caddyshack reference. I am ashamed of myself...

___________

I'm always fucking right...I just rarely get noticed.

Submitted by ripple at 2006-02-21 23:17:27 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-02-21 19:37:01 (#)
Ranking: 2

It still cracks me up that you guys have to wait till you're 21 to go to a bar.

------

aw, thanks for reminding me. id almost forgotten.

*cries emo tears while hating US government and doing nothing about it*

Submitted by SiskelandFatboy at 2006-02-21 22:50:11 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Two things, real quick.....
1) Unabonger is exactly right. Take care of the Bartender........

2) I cannot believe I missed the Caddyshack reference. I am ashamed of myself...

Submitted by Benny at 2006-02-21 21:57:34 EST (#)
Rating: 2

This was awesome. I love the ones with the underage drinkers.

Submitted by VelvetElvis at 2006-02-21 21:40:22 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Thank ya very much. Well done.

Submitted by ConorJS at 2006-02-21 20:28:05 EST (#)
Rating: 2

It wasn't THAT great, and you DO seem rather abusive of your power to dispense or withhold alcohol... BUT, I fear teh Bart-Bart, and it was good enough. I'm too poor to drink in bars anyway!

Submitted by MyNameIsTim at 2006-02-21 20:27:36 EST (#)
Rating: 2

nicely done

Submitted by nightshade at 2006-02-21 20:02:22 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by weasul at 2006-02-21 19:47:12 EST (#)
Rating: 2

What do bartenders think of starting off with a big tip (usually $20 on the first drink) and then tipping $2 per drink after that with the intermittent mid-sized tip?

It seems to work well for me.

Submitted by thorpe at 2006-02-21 19:37:01 EST (#)
Rating: 2

It still cracks me up that you guys have to wait till you're 21 to go to a bar.

Submitted by thorpe at 2006-02-21 19:36:33 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I'm the third guy.

Submitted by wardy at 2006-02-21 19:33:39 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-21 15:15:22 (#)
Ranking: 2

"Thanks for the $16 tip, Slater"

GOLD.

--------------------------

good show, indeed. leilani, i think this is better suited for collegehumor.com

my last post is b@w material ;)



god i'm a huge fag.

Submitted by Deconstruction at 2006-02-21 19:22:52 EST (#)
Rating: 2

the queer with sideburns is Rico
+2 for rico
rico rico rico

Submitted by Adamdidit2u at 2006-02-21 19:21:22 EST (#)
Rating: 2

PENIS HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!










WHAT?

Submitted by leilani at 2006-02-21 19:10:47 EST (#)
Rating: 2

very nice job. dare i say, B@W? yes yes i do.

Submitted by full_frontal at 2006-02-21 18:54:40 EST (#)
Rating: 2

i wonder if the regulars at the bar i tend know that for the most part, they are the most pitiful, sad pieces of shit in the world.


and also, when i say "enjoy" while serving a Cheesey Bacon Cheeseburger, i really mean, enjoy the fact that people think of you as lesser for being a fat disgusting piece of shit, and good luck with the heart disease and/or Acute Myocardial Infarction.

good read and hotdamn is that hottie with the bottom boobage hanging out a vision!

Submitted by apollo88 at 2006-02-21 18:37:57 EST (#)
Rating: 2

just shut the fuck up and serve me my drink you minimum wage piece of shit.

what on earth makes you think I give a fuck what you cunts think?

one about the tits was funny.


Submitted by Ferretnose at 2006-02-21 18:13:46 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Nellypaal at 2006-02-21 18:11:44 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I've seem them all.

Only we usually make slightly less disgruntled bar staff because we don't EXPECT a tip.

Submitted by Unabonger at 2006-02-21 17:55:03 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I moved to Nashville and instantly found a corner pub.

The fourth or fifth time I went in there, I kicked both bartenders (both female) a twenty each, introduced myself and said "I'll be in here quite a bit, just wanted to say hello."

They haven't once forgotten my name, even when I don't go in there for a month or two, and they always serve me immediately.

Want to impress your friends and every chick at the bar? Treat the bartenders right and they'll make you look great. It works both ways.

Submitted by BadAssJulie at 2006-02-21 17:29:44 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I always feel sorry for anyone who has to deal with the public for a living. I think it's even worse if you're a waiter or a bartender though. Hungry and/or drunk people can be even more stupid and rude than they'd normally be.

Submitted by firefly at 2006-02-21 17:01:13 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Teephphah at 2006-02-21 17:00:10 EST (#)
Rating: 2

+2 for "the Ocho." Dodgeball rules.

However, I am tempted to deduct a point for that "rural Nebraska" shit.


Submitted by Shlongy at 2006-02-21 16:02:48 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I knew I was fucking it up...it wasn't sounding right to me, which is why I had that underline in there.

Fuck off.


OK, I'm sorry...I blew my cool there. I'm just really overwhelmed at work. It's almost to the point where I'm making TOO much money here. It blows.

Submitted by nitty34 at 2006-02-21 15:53:11 EST (#)
Rating: 0

"Then you ain't gettin no coke - know what I'm talkin about?"

How do you misquote Caddyshack?


That's a dollar.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2006-02-21 15:50:15 EST (#)
Rating: 2

...Then YOUUUU ain't gettin', no Coke....whattya think about that, ______?"

Submitted by scourge at 2006-02-21 15:45:46 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Damn fine work.

Submitted by MrSparkle847 at 2006-02-21 15:45:44 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I especially like the underage ones.

Submitted by LiquidPaper at 2006-02-21 15:42:30 EST (#)
Rating: 2

pretty fucking accurate.

Submitted by nitty34 at 2006-02-21 15:30:46 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Wondering how long it would take you to get that one.

"I ain't payin no 50 cents for no coke!"

Submitted by Shlongy at 2006-02-21 15:29:30 EST (#)
Rating: 2

..."that'll be 50 cents..."

BUahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa

Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin at 2006-02-21 15:28:49 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I was a bartender for a year. I didn't read this.

Submitted by BranDo at 2006-02-21 15:26:50 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Prost!

Submitted by Shlongy at 2006-02-21 15:26:29 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I'm an asskisser, honey...

But this is some funny and highly accurate shit.

I'll take this over Underdog's 140,000 Hits MSPaint mess-a-thon anyday.

Submitted by piowufbhwervnerfnc at 2006-02-21 15:24:40 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I've seen them all.

Being a regular drinker at a bar and being a cognizant drunk is a fun combo.

Submitted by freebie at 2006-02-21 15:23:38 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by simple_catalyst at 2006-02-21 15:22:37 EST (#)
Rating: 2

bwahahahahaha!

Submitted by no_one at 2006-02-21 15:20:20 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2006-02-21 15:15:22 EST (#)
Rating: 2

"Thanks for the $16 tip, Slater"

GOLD.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2006-02-21 15:09:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2

hahahaha

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys at 2006-02-21 15:07:25 EST (#)
Rating: 2

So, so true

TTOM, former barman 1999-2002

Submitted by Crystle at 2006-02-21 15:02:39 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Ahahahaha.

You know... I have never kissed a chick. I'd be willing to, but never have.

Don't really see it going any further than that, though..seriously lacking some - er - point of interest, for me, at least

Submitted by Habeeb Thomas PhD at 2006-02-21 15:02:25 EST (#)
Rating: 2

GOOD SHOW GOOD SHOW

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-02-21 15:02:25 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by nitty34 at 2006-02-21 14:59:23 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-02-21 14:57:46 (#)
Ranking: 2

What if the bar-tender is a chick?
------------------------------------------------------------

Go to kiss her on the cheek and swing for the lips instead.

Those random dudes who never buy you drinks will be falling over themselves to not only buy you drinks, but to pay your mortgage, give you a kidney, and paint your house.

Trust me on this one.

Submitted by Brdn_Nkd at 2006-02-21 14:59:09 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Crystle at 2006-02-21 14:57:46 EST (#)
Rating: 2

What if the bar-tender is a chick?

Submitted by Mrdurden24 at 2006-02-21 14:55:36 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by nitty34 at 2006-02-21 14:54:57 EST (#)
Rating: 0

I haven't bartended in over a year now.

Crystal, you're cute. No tip required. Just show some cleave.

Submitted by JonnyX at 2006-02-21 14:54:46 EST (#)
Rating: 2

"I just want one rib!"
"Okay, one order of ribs, coming up!"
"No, I just want ONE RIB!"

Submitted by Crystle at 2006-02-21 14:52:34 EST (#)
Rating: 2

so I have a serious question, Nitty... how big should a tip be?

Generally, I tend to leave at least a buck per drink.. but if I'm getting 5 drinks, I leave about 3 bucks, plus whatever change is left..

If the bartender cuts me a deal on drinks, I'll estimate the difference between the true price and and what I paid, and out that plus a buck as tip..

good, bad, indifferent, what? I know.. I'm clueless.. but I WANT to know

Submitted by inion_de_trua at 2006-02-21 14:49:15 EST (#)
Rating: 2

i love my bartenders, they see me and have my drink ready. they rule. or maybe i'm a funny drunk...

Submitted by Susie_Derkins at 2006-02-21 14:49:13 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Excellent

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2006-02-21 14:48:56 EST (#)
Rating: 2

This kicked all sorts of butt.

Submitted by Aztune at 2006-02-21 14:46:23 EST (#)
Rating: 2

How true.

I bartended for a couple years, and this is frighteningly accurate.

Submitted by SiskelandFatboy at 2006-02-21 14:46:22 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Goodness, provided in plentiful amounts.

Submitted by loki at 2006-02-21 14:45:58 EST (#)
Rating: 2

nice

Submitted by SteveJohnson at 2006-02-21 14:44:21 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Outstanding.

Always take care of your bartenders.

Submitted by badassmofo at 2006-02-21 14:44:03 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I know, I wept a little and then I pee'd

Submitted by evesapple at 2006-02-21 14:42:54 EST (#)
Rating: 2

as a frequent bar fly, i agree

Submitted by HighVoltage900 at 2006-02-21 14:42:25 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Hahaha

Submitted by Pentameter at 2006-02-21 14:39:37 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by nitty34 at 2006-02-21 14:38:40 EST (#)
Rating: 0

J, you know that B-rad shoutout was just for you.

Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues at 2006-02-21 14:38:01 EST (#)
Rating: 2

This makes me miss bartending. I used to think stuff like this all the time.

Submitted by badassmofo at 2006-02-21 14:37:21 EST (#)
Rating: 2

That girls tits are talking to me...something about releasing them from thier cotton prison

Submitted by Crystle at 2006-02-21 14:37:09 EST (#)
Rating: 2

oh yeah.. well written, and very entertaining

Submitted by PokeyPecker at 2006-02-21 14:36:46 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I once beat the dog shit out of a bartender for thinking those very same thoughts.

Submitted by Crystle at 2006-02-21 14:36:43 EST (#)
Rating: 2

wait......

this doesn't help me much. I always tip, I always have my id, but random dudes never buy drinks for me!


maybe it's because I buy my own? And I don't date the manager of a bar?

Submitted by MistressFist at 2006-02-21 14:35:29 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Hahahahahahaha fucking great

Submitted by v8lover at 2006-02-21 14:35:12 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Well done.

Submitted by the_lone_stranger at 2006-02-21 14:33:58 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Sweet! This is the most entertaining I have ever read this week.. EVAR! This week.

Submitted by pantsarestupid at 2006-02-21 14:33:33 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I bet my bile duct...

Submitted by nitty34 at 2006-02-21 14:33:17 EST (#)
Rating: 0

I'm suprised someone picked up on that.

Leave it to you, Orgasmo. Well done.

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2006-02-21 14:28:38 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Auto Rico +2

Submitted by cuberat at 2006-02-21 14:28:14 EST (#)
Rating: 2


Marge, there's just too much pressure, what with my job, the kids, traffic
snarls, political strife at home and abroad. But I promise you, the second
all of those things go away, we'll have sex.

-- Homer Simpson
Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy