The Secret Language of Bartenders - Revealed!
Submitted by nitty34 at 2006-02-21 14:25:41 ESTRating: 1.92 on 148 ratings (148 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

barspeak 101.jpg
Review This Item
Reviews
Submitted by
nitty34
at
2018-06-19 17:05:26 EDT
(#)
Rating: -2
Rating: -2
This nonsense just proves how much smarter I was 12 years ago.
Submitted by
Shlongy
at
2010-03-18 16:35:03 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
In the Top 5 best all time Uber posts. Still laughing 4 years later.
Submitted by
nobody_gets_out_alive
at
2010-03-18 10:56:35 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
People rarely tip in England
Submitted by
sideshow
at
2007-03-22 11:19:30 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
I prolly rated this before, but fuck it, I enjoyed it....
Submitted by
WookieSuave
at
2007-03-15 18:40:43 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Submitted by rejected (user info) at 2007-01-10 18:50:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Just give me a drink and shut the fuck up."
What does the bartender say to that?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
That normally recieves a drink with only a half shot of booze, and my dick used as a stir stick.
Ranking: 2
"Just give me a drink and shut the fuck up."
What does the bartender say to that?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
That normally recieves a drink with only a half shot of booze, and my dick used as a stir stick.
Submitted by
rejected
at
2007-01-10 18:50:27 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
"Just give me a drink and shut the fuck up."
What does the bartender say to that?
What does the bartender say to that?
Submitted by
Amontillado
at
2006-10-03 13:47:25 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
I can't remember if I've rated this before. Oh well.
Submitted by
Targa
at
2006-10-03 13:14:44 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
heck yes.
Come play where I work. I just don't give a damn about the bar and it shows. But I end up with good tips, since people tend to pay what they expected their tab to be, and I wind up with a 50% tip.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-02-23 09:53:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome post.
Proper tipping and the right attitude allow me to go to almost any bar in Blacksburg and drink beer for free. Liquor gets "mysteriously" cheaper, as well. This past weekend, I got four CC & gingers, a double crown and coke for a chick I used to play pool with and three pitchers of beer for the table where I was sitting - my tab: 9 bucks.
Bless you all, oh servers of the sweetest nectar.
Come play where I work. I just don't give a damn about the bar and it shows. But I end up with good tips, since people tend to pay what they expected their tab to be, and I wind up with a 50% tip.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-02-23 09:53:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome post.
Proper tipping and the right attitude allow me to go to almost any bar in Blacksburg and drink beer for free. Liquor gets "mysteriously" cheaper, as well. This past weekend, I got four CC & gingers, a double crown and coke for a chick I used to play pool with and three pitchers of beer for the table where I was sitting - my tab: 9 bucks.
Bless you all, oh servers of the sweetest nectar.
Submitted by
sideshow
at
2006-07-26 17:23:34 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
+2 for the tips.....I think I knew most of that anyways....that is why I tip good, even though I hate it....at least I get served.
Submitted by
BillsSBChamps
at
2006-06-16 22:12:25 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
As a former bartender I can 100% agree with all of these especially the ID'ing ones.
Hot chicks ALWAYS get in, ugly bitches and queerbait guys don't.
Hot chicks ALWAYS get in, ugly bitches and queerbait guys don't.
Submitted by
wardy
at
2006-04-06 06:54:32 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
are you still gay? no? hm... well okay then!
sorry about my fupa failure...
sorry about my fupa failure...
Submitted by
lucid
at
2006-03-29 14:44:15 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
The bartender has his eyes sewn to his skull?
Submitted by
Stagger_Lee
at
2006-03-28 01:58:15 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-03-21 12:22:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
6 levels of cool. And a penthouse suite of awesome.
Ranking: 2
6 levels of cool. And a penthouse suite of awesome.
Submitted by
j0andre1
at
2006-03-26 23:32:37 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
My favorite part is when it shows what the bartender is REALLY thinking!
Submitted by
ih8u2man
at
2006-03-21 12:22:51 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
6 levels of cool. And a penthouse suite of awesome.
Submitted by
Shlongy
at
2006-03-21 12:11:17 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
This is still the funniest post ever.
And I'm not just saying that because nitty fondles my balls.
And I'm not just saying that because nitty fondles my balls.
Submitted by
Tom Sorrell
at
2006-03-16 09:45:55 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
This is good. Not great, but better than 99% of the stuff on here.
You should put together a running series of posts called "Nitty the Bartender" where you deal with insolent customers, hawt beeyatches, and drunk old fools in Rancid hats like JL.
Or you could play the role of Uber-tender where you answer all of our life questions....
You should put together a running series of posts called "Nitty the Bartender" where you deal with insolent customers, hawt beeyatches, and drunk old fools in Rancid hats like JL.
Or you could play the role of Uber-tender where you answer all of our life questions....
Submitted by
AlexorGM
at
2006-03-16 07:38:17 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
the forth one made me laugh for ten minutes
Submitted by
Crystle
at
2006-03-15 18:49:57 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Are you hitting on me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-03-14 13:45:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-02-21 15:02:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahahahaha.
You know... I have never kissed a chick. I'd be willing to, but never have.
Don't really see it going any further than that, though..seriously lacking some - er - point of interest, for me, at least
----------------------------
Don't knock it till you try it....
TWICE!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-03-14 13:45:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-02-21 15:02:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahahahaha.
You know... I have never kissed a chick. I'd be willing to, but never have.
Don't really see it going any further than that, though..seriously lacking some - er - point of interest, for me, at least
----------------------------
Don't knock it till you try it....
TWICE!!
Submitted by
Professional_Peon
at
2006-03-14 13:45:56 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-02-21 15:02:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahahahaha.
You know... I have never kissed a chick. I'd be willing to, but never have.
Don't really see it going any further than that, though..seriously lacking some - er - point of interest, for me, at least
----------------------------
Don't knock it till you try it....
TWICE!!
Ranking: 2
Ahahahaha.
You know... I have never kissed a chick. I'd be willing to, but never have.
Don't really see it going any further than that, though..seriously lacking some - er - point of interest, for me, at least
----------------------------
Don't knock it till you try it....
TWICE!!
Submitted by
Davros
at
2006-03-14 13:38:09 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Good post.
I was a little thrown by the amount of tipping of the ber tenders that went on over there as it just isn't done here.
Waiter/ress yes, but barman never.
I think I must have over tipped in one place because I seemed to get served very quickly in a busy bar by the same guy every time. Maybe he was just queer for me.
Any (foreign) port in a storm a guess.
-dave
I was a little thrown by the amount of tipping of the ber tenders that went on over there as it just isn't done here.
Waiter/ress yes, but barman never.
I think I must have over tipped in one place because I seemed to get served very quickly in a busy bar by the same guy every time. Maybe he was just queer for me.
Any (foreign) port in a storm a guess.
-dave
Submitted by
RyuFu
at
2006-03-14 10:14:28 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Juxtaposition of ugly underage chick vs. hot underage chick: priceless.
Submitted by
BubbaEarl
at
2006-03-14 05:56:11 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
"Thanks for the $16 tip, Slater"
YES!
YES!
Submitted by
a_reader
at
2006-03-14 05:08:58 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
B@W now?
That seems a little delayed.
That seems a little delayed.
Submitted by
VelvetElvis
at
2006-02-23 20:20:13 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Probably my 4th time rating this, but it's one of the best I've seen in my short time here. It's something we've all always known. I always over tip, and order straight no bs drinks. Bartenders love the Kang.
Submitted by
SilvrWolf
at
2006-02-23 09:53:25 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Awesome post.
Proper tipping and the right attitude allow me to go to almost any bar in Blacksburg and drink beer for free. Liquor gets "mysteriously" cheaper, as well. This past weekend, I got four CC & gingers, a double crown and coke for a chick I used to play pool with and three pitchers of beer for the table where I was sitting - my tab: 9 bucks.
Bless you all, oh servers of the sweetest nectar.
Proper tipping and the right attitude allow me to go to almost any bar in Blacksburg and drink beer for free. Liquor gets "mysteriously" cheaper, as well. This past weekend, I got four CC & gingers, a double crown and coke for a chick I used to play pool with and three pitchers of beer for the table where I was sitting - my tab: 9 bucks.
Bless you all, oh servers of the sweetest nectar.
Submitted by
piowufbhwervnerfnc
at
2006-02-23 02:42:09 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-02-22 07:20:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-21 14:28:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto Rico +2
**********************
Oh Rico, you weird-looking bastard...
This was awesome.
---------------
And see, I thought I was the only person who still watched wrestling...
So, judging by ratings, it's just us 3 now.
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-21 14:28:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto Rico +2
**********************
Oh Rico, you weird-looking bastard...
This was awesome.
---------------
And see, I thought I was the only person who still watched wrestling...
So, judging by ratings, it's just us 3 now.
Submitted by
Shlongy
at
2006-02-22 13:56:35 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-02-22 08:41:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
So true.
I usually would card someone if they didn't know what they wanted to drink right off the bat.
Card them?
My philospohy was to turn and walk away...I'd usually consider going back and asking them again "what'll ya have" in about 8 minutes...all the while listening carefully for their bitching under their breath.
What I REALLY used to like to do was when a dork came in with a decent looking broad - even if they both looked about 16 - was card the DUDE ONLY!
Talk about pissed off...and also, that was usually good for a return visit by the chick - alone - for some free Shlongy no-strings cheap action - sometimes right in the Scorgies hopper.
Ranking: 2
So true.
I usually would card someone if they didn't know what they wanted to drink right off the bat.
Card them?
My philospohy was to turn and walk away...I'd usually consider going back and asking them again "what'll ya have" in about 8 minutes...all the while listening carefully for their bitching under their breath.
What I REALLY used to like to do was when a dork came in with a decent looking broad - even if they both looked about 16 - was card the DUDE ONLY!
Talk about pissed off...and also, that was usually good for a return visit by the chick - alone - for some free Shlongy no-strings cheap action - sometimes right in the Scorgies hopper.
Submitted by
BLITZKREIG_BOB
at
2006-02-22 08:41:25 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
So true.
I usually would card someone if they didn't know what they wanted to drink right off the bat.
I usually would card someone if they didn't know what they wanted to drink right off the bat.
Submitted by
thecaes
at
2006-02-22 07:20:53 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-21 14:28:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto Rico +2
**********************
Oh Rico, you weird-looking bastard...
This was awesome.
Ranking: 2
Auto Rico +2
**********************
Oh Rico, you weird-looking bastard...
This was awesome.
Submitted by
rad1101
at
2006-02-22 05:13:35 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
where else in the world do you tip the barkeep for every fucking drink?
Submitted by
ozzy
at
2006-02-22 05:06:50 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
I'm glad I don't need to tip where I drink. If the staff at my local are earning minimum wage even after I pay £3.10 ($6.50 US) for a pint of Guinness, the manager should be drawn and quartered.
Submitted by
w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m
at
2006-02-22 04:58:17 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Someone who feels my pain...
PREACH IT BRUTHA!
PREACH IT BRUTHA!
Submitted by
phuzzygish
at
2006-02-22 04:14:45 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Never a barman, always a bartender.
This rocks.
This rocks.
Submitted by
Bob_Dole
at
2006-02-22 01:45:45 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
god bless my friendly neighborhood bartender.
Submitted by
VelvetElvis
at
2006-02-21 23:49:14 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Have another +2, on the house. (What I really mean: This kicked ass and I feel gay for rating it twice but... lol.)
Submitted by
Unabonger
at
2006-02-21 23:28:23 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2006-02-21 22:50:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Two things, real quick.....
1) Unabonger is exactly right. Take care of the Bartender........
2) I cannot believe I missed the Caddyshack reference. I am ashamed of myself...
___________
I'm always fucking right...I just rarely get noticed.
Ranking: 2
Two things, real quick.....
1) Unabonger is exactly right. Take care of the Bartender........
2) I cannot believe I missed the Caddyshack reference. I am ashamed of myself...
___________
I'm always fucking right...I just rarely get noticed.
Submitted by
ripple
at
2006-02-21 23:17:27 EST
(#)
Rating: 0
Rating: 0
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-02-21 19:37:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
It still cracks me up that you guys have to wait till you're 21 to go to a bar.
------
aw, thanks for reminding me. id almost forgotten.
*cries emo tears while hating US government and doing nothing about it*
Ranking: 2
It still cracks me up that you guys have to wait till you're 21 to go to a bar.
------
aw, thanks for reminding me. id almost forgotten.
*cries emo tears while hating US government and doing nothing about it*
Submitted by
SiskelandFatboy
at
2006-02-21 22:50:11 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Two things, real quick.....
1) Unabonger is exactly right. Take care of the Bartender........
2) I cannot believe I missed the Caddyshack reference. I am ashamed of myself...
1) Unabonger is exactly right. Take care of the Bartender........
2) I cannot believe I missed the Caddyshack reference. I am ashamed of myself...
Submitted by
Benny
at
2006-02-21 21:57:34 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
This was awesome. I love the ones with the underage drinkers.
Submitted by
ConorJS
at
2006-02-21 20:28:05 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
It wasn't THAT great, and you DO seem rather abusive of your power to dispense or withhold alcohol... BUT, I fear teh Bart-Bart, and it was good enough. I'm too poor to drink in bars anyway!
Submitted by
weasul
at
2006-02-21 19:47:12 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
What do bartenders think of starting off with a big tip (usually $20 on the first drink) and then tipping $2 per drink after that with the intermittent mid-sized tip?
It seems to work well for me.
It seems to work well for me.
Submitted by
thorpe
at
2006-02-21 19:37:01 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
It still cracks me up that you guys have to wait till you're 21 to go to a bar.
Submitted by
wardy
at
2006-02-21 19:33:39 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-21 15:15:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Thanks for the $16 tip, Slater"
GOLD.
--------------------------
good show, indeed. leilani, i think this is better suited for collegehumor.com
my last post is b@w material ;)
god i'm a huge fag.
Ranking: 2
"Thanks for the $16 tip, Slater"
GOLD.
--------------------------
good show, indeed. leilani, i think this is better suited for collegehumor.com
my last post is b@w material ;)
god i'm a huge fag.
Submitted by
Deconstruction
at
2006-02-21 19:22:52 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
the queer with sideburns is Rico
+2 for rico
rico rico rico
+2 for rico
rico rico rico
Submitted by
Adamdidit2u
at
2006-02-21 19:21:22 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
PENIS HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT?
WHAT?
Submitted by
leilani
at
2006-02-21 19:10:47 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
very nice job. dare i say, B@W? yes yes i do.
Submitted by
full_frontal
at
2006-02-21 18:54:40 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
i wonder if the regulars at the bar i tend know that for the most part, they are the most pitiful, sad pieces of shit in the world.
and also, when i say "enjoy" while serving a Cheesey Bacon Cheeseburger, i really mean, enjoy the fact that people think of you as lesser for being a fat disgusting piece of shit, and good luck with the heart disease and/or Acute Myocardial Infarction.
good read and hotdamn is that hottie with the bottom boobage hanging out a vision!
and also, when i say "enjoy" while serving a Cheesey Bacon Cheeseburger, i really mean, enjoy the fact that people think of you as lesser for being a fat disgusting piece of shit, and good luck with the heart disease and/or Acute Myocardial Infarction.
good read and hotdamn is that hottie with the bottom boobage hanging out a vision!
Submitted by
apollo88
at
2006-02-21 18:37:57 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
just shut the fuck up and serve me my drink you minimum wage piece of shit.
what on earth makes you think I give a fuck what you cunts think?
one about the tits was funny.
what on earth makes you think I give a fuck what you cunts think?
one about the tits was funny.
Submitted by
Nellypaal
at
2006-02-21 18:11:44 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
I've seem them all.
Only we usually make slightly less disgruntled bar staff because we don't EXPECT a tip.
Only we usually make slightly less disgruntled bar staff because we don't EXPECT a tip.
Submitted by
Unabonger
at
2006-02-21 17:55:03 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
I moved to Nashville and instantly found a corner pub.
The fourth or fifth time I went in there, I kicked both bartenders (both female) a twenty each, introduced myself and said "I'll be in here quite a bit, just wanted to say hello."
They haven't once forgotten my name, even when I don't go in there for a month or two, and they always serve me immediately.
Want to impress your friends and every chick at the bar? Treat the bartenders right and they'll make you look great. It works both ways.
The fourth or fifth time I went in there, I kicked both bartenders (both female) a twenty each, introduced myself and said "I'll be in here quite a bit, just wanted to say hello."
They haven't once forgotten my name, even when I don't go in there for a month or two, and they always serve me immediately.
Want to impress your friends and every chick at the bar? Treat the bartenders right and they'll make you look great. It works both ways.
Submitted by
BadAssJulie
at
2006-02-21 17:29:44 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
I always feel sorry for anyone who has to deal with the public for a living. I think it's even worse if you're a waiter or a bartender though. Hungry and/or drunk people can be even more stupid and rude than they'd normally be.
Submitted by
Teephphah
at
2006-02-21 17:00:10 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
+2 for "the Ocho." Dodgeball rules.
However, I am tempted to deduct a point for that "rural Nebraska" shit.
However, I am tempted to deduct a point for that "rural Nebraska" shit.
Submitted by
Shlongy
at
2006-02-21 16:02:48 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
I knew I was fucking it up...it wasn't sounding right to me, which is why I had that underline in there.
Fuck off.
OK, I'm sorry...I blew my cool there. I'm just really overwhelmed at work. It's almost to the point where I'm making TOO much money here. It blows.
Fuck off.
OK, I'm sorry...I blew my cool there. I'm just really overwhelmed at work. It's almost to the point where I'm making TOO much money here. It blows.
Submitted by
nitty34
at
2006-02-21 15:53:11 EST
(#)
Rating: 0
Rating: 0
"Then you ain't gettin no coke - know what I'm talkin about?"
How do you misquote Caddyshack?
That's a dollar.
How do you misquote Caddyshack?
That's a dollar.
Submitted by
Shlongy
at
2006-02-21 15:50:15 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
...Then YOUUUU ain't gettin', no Coke....whattya think about that, ______?"
Submitted by
MrSparkle847
at
2006-02-21 15:45:44 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
I especially like the underage ones.
Submitted by
nitty34
at
2006-02-21 15:30:46 EST
(#)
Rating: 0
Rating: 0
Wondering how long it would take you to get that one.
"I ain't payin no 50 cents for no coke!"
"I ain't payin no 50 cents for no coke!"
Submitted by
Shlongy
at
2006-02-21 15:29:30 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
..."that'll be 50 cents..."
BUahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa
BUahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa
Submitted by
GodLovesALittleLovin
at
2006-02-21 15:28:49 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
I was a bartender for a year. I didn't read this.
Submitted by
Shlongy
at
2006-02-21 15:26:29 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
I'm an asskisser, honey...
But this is some funny and highly accurate shit.
I'll take this over Underdog's 140,000 Hits MSPaint mess-a-thon anyday.
But this is some funny and highly accurate shit.
I'll take this over Underdog's 140,000 Hits MSPaint mess-a-thon anyday.
Submitted by
piowufbhwervnerfnc
at
2006-02-21 15:24:40 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
I've seen them all.
Being a regular drinker at a bar and being a cognizant drunk is a fun combo.
Being a regular drinker at a bar and being a cognizant drunk is a fun combo.
Submitted by
Sacrilicious
at
2006-02-21 15:15:22 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
"Thanks for the $16 tip, Slater"
GOLD.
GOLD.
Submitted by
The_taste_of_Monkeys
at
2006-02-21 15:07:25 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
So, so true
TTOM, former barman 1999-2002
TTOM, former barman 1999-2002
Submitted by
Crystle
at
2006-02-21 15:02:39 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Ahahahaha.
You know... I have never kissed a chick. I'd be willing to, but never have.
Don't really see it going any further than that, though..seriously lacking some - er - point of interest, for me, at least
You know... I have never kissed a chick. I'd be willing to, but never have.
Don't really see it going any further than that, though..seriously lacking some - er - point of interest, for me, at least
Submitted by
nitty34
at
2006-02-21 14:59:23 EST
(#)
Rating: 0
Rating: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-02-21 14:57:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
What if the bar-tender is a chick?
------------------------------------------------------------
Go to kiss her on the cheek and swing for the lips instead.
Those random dudes who never buy you drinks will be falling over themselves to not only buy you drinks, but to pay your mortgage, give you a kidney, and paint your house.
Trust me on this one.
Ranking: 2
What if the bar-tender is a chick?
------------------------------------------------------------
Go to kiss her on the cheek and swing for the lips instead.
Those random dudes who never buy you drinks will be falling over themselves to not only buy you drinks, but to pay your mortgage, give you a kidney, and paint your house.
Trust me on this one.
Submitted by
nitty34
at
2006-02-21 14:54:57 EST
(#)
Rating: 0
Rating: 0
I haven't bartended in over a year now.
Crystal, you're cute. No tip required. Just show some cleave.
Crystal, you're cute. No tip required. Just show some cleave.
Submitted by
JonnyX
at
2006-02-21 14:54:46 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
"I just want one rib!"
"Okay, one order of ribs, coming up!"
"No, I just want ONE RIB!"
"Okay, one order of ribs, coming up!"
"No, I just want ONE RIB!"
Submitted by
Crystle
at
2006-02-21 14:52:34 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
so I have a serious question, Nitty... how big should a tip be?
Generally, I tend to leave at least a buck per drink.. but if I'm getting 5 drinks, I leave about 3 bucks, plus whatever change is left..
If the bartender cuts me a deal on drinks, I'll estimate the difference between the true price and and what I paid, and out that plus a buck as tip..
good, bad, indifferent, what? I know.. I'm clueless.. but I WANT to know
Generally, I tend to leave at least a buck per drink.. but if I'm getting 5 drinks, I leave about 3 bucks, plus whatever change is left..
If the bartender cuts me a deal on drinks, I'll estimate the difference between the true price and and what I paid, and out that plus a buck as tip..
good, bad, indifferent, what? I know.. I'm clueless.. but I WANT to know
Submitted by
inion_de_trua
at
2006-02-21 14:49:15 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
i love my bartenders, they see me and have my drink ready. they rule. or maybe i'm a funny drunk...
Submitted by
Aztune
at
2006-02-21 14:46:23 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
How true.
I bartended for a couple years, and this is frighteningly accurate.
I bartended for a couple years, and this is frighteningly accurate.
Submitted by
SiskelandFatboy
at
2006-02-21 14:46:22 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Goodness, provided in plentiful amounts.
Submitted by
SteveJohnson
at
2006-02-21 14:44:21 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Outstanding.
Always take care of your bartenders.
Always take care of your bartenders.
Submitted by
badassmofo
at
2006-02-21 14:44:03 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
I know, I wept a little and then I pee'd
Submitted by
nitty34
at
2006-02-21 14:38:40 EST
(#)
Rating: 0
Rating: 0
J, you know that B-rad shoutout was just for you.
Submitted by
Hilarity_Ensues
at
2006-02-21 14:38:01 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
This makes me miss bartending. I used to think stuff like this all the time.
Submitted by
badassmofo
at
2006-02-21 14:37:21 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
That girls tits are talking to me...something about releasing them from thier cotton prison
Submitted by
Crystle
at
2006-02-21 14:37:09 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
oh yeah.. well written, and very entertaining
Submitted by
PokeyPecker
at
2006-02-21 14:36:46 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
I once beat the dog shit out of a bartender for thinking those very same thoughts.
Submitted by
Crystle
at
2006-02-21 14:36:43 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
wait......
this doesn't help me much. I always tip, I always have my id, but random dudes never buy drinks for me!
maybe it's because I buy my own? And I don't date the manager of a bar?
this doesn't help me much. I always tip, I always have my id, but random dudes never buy drinks for me!
maybe it's because I buy my own? And I don't date the manager of a bar?
Submitted by
the_lone_stranger
at
2006-02-21 14:33:58 EST
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Sweet! This is the most entertaining I have ever read this week.. EVAR! This week.
Submitted by
nitty34
at
2006-02-21 14:33:17 EST
(#)
Rating: 0
Rating: 0
I'm suprised someone picked up on that.
Leave it to you, Orgasmo. Well done.
Leave it to you, Orgasmo. Well done.