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Please Eric...for the Love of God Stop Singing.

Submitted by Ducky at 2006-07-07 05:28:50 EDT
Rating: 1.9 on 28 ratings (28 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

“AS I RAWK THROUGH THE VARREY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH, I TAKE A ROOK AT MY RIFE AND REALISE THERE’S NUSSING REFT!!!”…

“Um, Eric…could we bring the Coolio down just a notch…please?”

This is Eric…Eric LOVES to sing. I would personally rather listen to the crappy pseudo-classical elevator music that plays here 24 hours a day than listen to Eric sing. When Eric sings, my ears bleed. It’s not that he’s not a lovely person or anything, and it’s not that I want to stifle anybody’s creativity. In fact, as an aside, I can recall a time when I decided to memorize “Lose Yourself”, dress up like EMINEM, and rap this bloody song to my friend’s kid on his 12th birthday. It took me forever to learn, and even longer to figure out when to breathe in between lyrics…at the beginning I’d sing to the point where I was salivating so much that I’d be drooling like a stroke victim before the first chorus. My efforts were received something like this.

“Lauren, what are you doing?”
“It’s a surprise kiddo…check this out”
*slamming door*
“Jordan, get back here, I just started!!!!”

Maybe it had something to do with me walking into the living room with my baggy jeans and ‘wifebeater’ on, flashing my made-up gang signs, and grabbing my crotch…kids embarrass far too easily if you ask me.

Anyways, back to Eric…

The other day he comes up to me and asks me about a song he’s just heard but doesn’t know the name of.

“It goes la la la la laaaaaaa, la la la la laaaaaaa, la la la la la, la la la la la, I’ll be rissing you”.
“It’s ‘watching you’, not missing you, and it’s by The Police”.
“No, it’s ‘rissing you’, and there’s some rap in it”.
“Then it’s the re-make of The Police song”.
“The Police?”
“Yes Eric, The Police”.

Here, Eric looks confused…like really confused…

“The Police?”
“YES Eric, The Police. You know…Sting…The Police?”

Eric is trying really hard now…head down and deep in thought for a moment, he slowly raises himself up and I swear I can see a dimmish looking 40 watt light bulb going on in his head. Like a child who might be punished for having the wrong answer in class…and in a barely audible whisper, he innocently says….

“po-po?”

Here I just sort of closed my eyes in defeat.

“Yes Eric…urgh…”

It took me another 10 minutes to explain that I was indeed referring to a band, and not the RCMP performing a sting operation. He finally gets it, thank God…and we find out that Shawn ‘P. Diddy’ Combs is the culprit of the crap re-make. Thanks ‘Diddy’…now I get to listen to the Chinese/English bastardization of the song you’ve already bastardized. Tops. If that guy changes his ‘middle name’ again, it’s gonna end up being Shawn ‘I’ve got the oversized shoe of a Canadian girl shoved up my ass’ Combs. Well, probably not...but it's the thought that counts.




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Submitted by Wildman at 2006-11-10 02:03:58 EST (#)
Rating: 0

i don't understand why this post is so highly regarded
i guess you must be a good person in real life

Submitted by lungfish at 2006-11-10 01:30:14 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Chroniclysm at 2006-10-18 01:22:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Have I ever commented on any post you've ever made? +-, or indifferent?

Submitted by Bubba2341 at 2006-07-08 13:34:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You velly funny.

Submitted by thecaes at 2006-07-08 13:09:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Heh heh heh

Canadian chicks rule

Submitted by ThatsGodToYouBitches at 2006-07-07 16:26:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Actually, it's just "Diddy" now, he dropped the "P."

I can't believe I knew that. *hangs head in shame*

Submitted by firefly at 2006-07-07 10:32:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by phuzzygish at 2006-07-07 09:38:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I used to live with a chinese retard, and here's the link to prove it...

http://www.ubersite.com/m/82178

Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2006-07-07 09:05:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

you're lucky it's Thursday..

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2006-07-07 09:01:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Hahahahaha..."po po"....

Submitted by STIXS at 2006-07-07 08:58:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Eric reminds me of this Chinese girl who lived down the hall from me last year. We used to call her 'Chinese Rady,' despite the fact that she never slurred her l/r's, and that she spoke English, and French, better than any of the rest of the building combined.

So, erm, +2 for bringing up the memory of standing outside her door and singing the Scooby-Doo theme song with all the l's and r's switched.

Submitted by loki at 2006-07-07 08:45:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Your only option is to open fire.
no jury would convict

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-07-07 07:52:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

hee hee.

Submitted by sinna at 2006-07-07 07:40:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-07-07 07:28:09 (#)
Ranking: 2

Well there you are Ducky. You are in the process of becoming educated but have yet to attain the actual rank of educated.

I, of course, have no education whatsoever and any knowledge I have comes from Chuck Norris films and Police Academy movies.

----------------------------

That's not an education? Shit. Time to update my CV.

Submitted by Beano312003 at 2006-07-07 07:32:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Shouldn't that be po-po academy?

Submitted by Berty at 2006-07-07 07:28:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Well there you are Ducky. You are in the process of becoming educated but have yet to attain the actual rank of educated.

I, of course, have no education whatsoever and any knowledge I have comes from Chuck Norris films and Police Academy movies.

Submitted by Davros at 2006-07-07 07:14:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

HeHe.

-Dave

Submitted by Ducky at 2006-07-07 07:14:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

but...but...I did it for the child. Man am I gonna make an awesome teacher when I'm finished school.

Submitted by Berty at 2006-07-07 07:00:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Singing rap is very very hard and should not be attempted by anyone with an education.

Submitted by MichaelJackson at 2006-07-07 06:42:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

He should go on Canadian idol, he could be the next William Hung...

http://www.williamhung.net/i/Shebangslive.mp3

Submitted by rad1101 at 2006-07-07 05:58:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I know

I even posted something witty on your little group and never a response.


for shame, Ducky.


ps. You should drive down to portland to hang out with me in two weeks.

Submitted by Ducky at 2006-07-07 05:47:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

good god...i'd forgotten that i even had a myspace account.

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2006-07-07 05:40:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Shawn 'I've got the oversized shoe of a Canadian girl shoved up my ass' Combs.


Poetry

Submitted by phuzzygish at 2006-07-07 05:40:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I have an awesome boss?

Submitted by rad1101 at 2006-07-07 05:37:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

why is phuzzy drunk at this time?

Submitted by phuzzygish at 2006-07-07 05:36:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

LOLZ@rad & hiz wedding ring

Submitted by hour_man at 2006-07-07 05:35:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-07-07 05:31:22 (#)
Ranking: 2

Ducky, you are very pretty and I would appreciate it if you put some pictures up on your myspace.

Submitted by rad1101 at 2006-07-07 05:31:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Ducky, you are very pretty and I would appreciate it if you put some pictures up on your myspace.


Marge, there's just too much pressure, what with my job, the kids, traffic
snarls, political strife at home and abroad. But I promise you, the second
all of those things go away, we'll have sex.

-- Homer Simpson
Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy