Please Eric...for the Love of God Stop Singing.Submitted by Ducky at 2006-07-07 05:28:50 EDT
Rating: 1.9 on 28 ratings (28 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
“AS I RAWK THROUGH THE VARREY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH, I TAKE A ROOK AT MY RIFE AND REALISE THERE’S NUSSING REFT!!!”…
“Um, Eric…could we bring the Coolio down just a notch…please?”
This is Eric…Eric LOVES to sing. I would personally rather listen to the crappy pseudo-classical elevator music that plays here 24 hours a day than listen to Eric sing. When Eric sings, my ears bleed. It’s not that he’s not a lovely person or anything, and it’s not that I want to stifle anybody’s creativity. In fact, as an aside, I can recall a time when I decided to memorize “Lose Yourself”, dress up like EMINEM, and rap this bloody song to my friend’s kid on his 12th birthday. It took me forever to learn, and even longer to figure out when to breathe in between lyrics…at the beginning I’d sing to the point where I was salivating so much that I’d be drooling like a stroke victim before the first chorus. My efforts were received something like this.
“Lauren, what are you doing?”
“It’s a surprise kiddo…check this out”
“Jordan, get back here, I just started!!!!”
Maybe it had something to do with me walking into the living room with my baggy jeans and ‘wifebeater’ on, flashing my made-up gang signs, and grabbing my crotch…kids embarrass far too easily if you ask me.
Anyways, back to Eric…
The other day he comes up to me and asks me about a song he’s just heard but doesn’t know the name of.
“It goes la la la la laaaaaaa, la la la la laaaaaaa, la la la la la, la la la la la, I’ll be rissing you”.
“It’s ‘watching you’, not missing you, and it’s by The Police”.
“No, it’s ‘rissing you’, and there’s some rap in it”.
“Then it’s the re-make of The Police song”.
“Yes Eric, The Police”.
Here, Eric looks confused…like really confused…
“YES Eric, The Police. You know…Sting…The Police?”
Eric is trying really hard now…head down and deep in thought for a moment, he slowly raises himself up and I swear I can see a dimmish looking 40 watt light bulb going on in his head. Like a child who might be punished for having the wrong answer in class…and in a barely audible whisper, he innocently says….
Here I just sort of closed my eyes in defeat.
It took me another 10 minutes to explain that I was indeed referring to a band, and not the RCMP performing a sting operation. He finally gets it, thank God…and we find out that Shawn ‘P. Diddy’ Combs is the culprit of the crap re-make. Thanks ‘Diddy’…now I get to listen to the Chinese/English bastardization of the song you’ve already bastardized. Tops. If that guy changes his ‘middle name’ again, it’s gonna end up being Shawn ‘I’ve got the oversized shoe of a Canadian girl shoved up my ass’ Combs. Well, probably not...but it's the thought that counts.