Shitfuck: a tribute.Submitted by rob_berg at 2006-07-21 17:50:58 EDT
Rating: 0.44 on 33 ratings (35 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
Dearest Uber nerds,
I am enjoying this little Uber experience immensely, I don’t mind saying it. Feels good to spew! I know it’s just a website, and barfing out my own megalomaniacal rhetoric to a bunch of random dickheads isn't going to change much about the world we live in. See, I change the world just by being part of it... you all do on a philosophical basis. Even the most pathetic of you trolls are all participating in the organic goop that we all know and love as society. I don't care if this site is a waste of time... its my time. So there. Fuck off.
Recently had the random awesomeness of Mr. Shitfuck’s world introduced to me... and no, not in the ass of my dad- although any of you other fans out there will see the tired joke for what it is. I have spent the last couple days reading up on his demented brilliance- and good Lord... I'm sticky. Its kind of a weird mix of voyeuristic joy, a healthy portion of revulsion, and an odd fascination that one person can be so infinitely entertaining AND offensive.
Its really quite delightful. I wept.
I figured a pseudo tribute post would be in order- mostly for my own enjoyment, but I figured some of you regulars would enjoy the nostalgia AND for all lazy fuckers with better things to do than to mine the gaping shafts of that man’s intellectual goldmine.... I cut n’ pasted some nuggets. (...but hardly a scratch considering the stockpile of riches.)
You're worth your weight in words, and as far as I'm concerned--that's the only real currency.
I fucked you all in your mouths when you were sleeping.
I've heard stories of guys that won't fuck their woman in any position BUT missionary--I bet one night with you could break the Pope himself. Before you realize the closest person to God is balls deep, an entire religion has collapsed.
What was the original point of this?
Maybe I just wanted to watch my fingers punch at little keys.
Dude, if you're gonna wet your bed over some guy saying 'eat this fucktard' on the internet, maybe you should investigate ways not to be so gay.
I bet you get beat up alot.
My civil trial is next week, I'm sure the prosecutor will settle my eight million dollar lawsuit out of court. And I can return to my life--return to collecting dead hookers and writing songs about how beautiful my morning farts are.
pure nostalgia:[ http://www.ubersite.com/m/48016]
That's funny, I don't feel gay.
Maybe it's the small paradise I'm experiencing in these crotchless panties.
I humbly accept your nomination for the 2008 Presidential Race.
Together, we will take our countries into new, unchartered territory. And we'll do so in the new spirit of co operation and brotherhood.
And when we win, we will get more drunk than any civilization before us.
Monumentally drunk. And that's how we'll operate things--oh, Saudi Arabia has nukes? Let's get drunk. Wall Street just crashed again? Let's get drunk. AIDS has suddenly mutated and is now passed through the air? Let's get drunk.
We'll ban women's underwear (except for those goddam sexy little thongs) and then make sex our national anthem.
That's right. S-E-X. No singing, just the wondrous melodies of our combined orgasms and ejaculatory flares.
Hair bands are back IN.
Owning pre-packaged music (Brittney, Maddona etc.) is punishable by death, or wet willies.
AIDS and all other STD's are hereby OUTLAWED.
Every single homeless person can have one of our tanks to live in after we end the war.
Guns will be collected and recycled into bongs.
Gang banging rappers will be caged in zoos and beaten with rotten cucumbers daily.
Any others out there for our utopia?
I see God everywhere, just not in books and churches.
Whole fucking thing is awesome: [http://www.ubersite.com/m/62909]
My brain is a tornado of contradiction and nuance, hence the range from downright moronic to a shade better than average.
GOD TOLD ME IM MORE FUN THAN JESUS
I don't own a time machine--in fact, anyone that tells you that they do is probably an escaped mental patient. I wouldn't trust them behind the wheel of a motor vehicle, they might disappear. Try explaining that one.
It’s a shame that his creative tap seems to have run dry of late... and he could very well have quit with that last comment (pussy!).
Methinks it’s a draining combo of being such a galactic asshole and so darn smart. Oh well. Fuck him.
However, if you have a chance I strongly suggest you click on that “user info” and take a little stroll through his poop.
Bring Kleenex and some balls.
fuck you and your silly obsession with file names jackass.jpg