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Thank you, Ohio. Thank you for fucking my shit up.

Submitted by Cracked_out_cali at 2006-08-08 06:54:52 EDT
Rating: 1.51 on 26 ratings (26 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

They finally did it. They let me command my own mission. After flying for 3 years, they gave me a plane, a crew, and said, “Go get this shit done.”

It wasn’t anything major. Just a few pallets of, well, crap. The itinerary was a one-way trip to Wright-Patterson in Ohio. Unload our cargo, crew rest for the night, load up the next morning, head for Vegas, drop that stuff off, and then head home.

But what was really gonna happen is a quick offload/onload in Ohio, and take off straight to Vegas where we were going to “break down” for 2, maybe 3 days. None of the guys had been to Las Vegas before, and I would only be a 3-hour drive from home. Everyone would benefit, except of course the taxpayers.

We landed a little after noon, and the weather seemed pretty bad, but nothing too serious. The jet was offloaded, and ready to go within an hour. Just as the plane was starting it’s reload, we received a weather advisory. You see, the Air Force has this rule that if there is lightning within 5 miles, pretty much everything shuts down. The crew and myself went to wait it out in the base ops building. I tried fighting to get out of there, but it was useless.

It was soon clear that we weren’t going anywhere for a while. We were getting gusts of 75 mph, that is, until the device used to read it ripped out of the ground and flew away. We were led to an underground bunker, just to be safe. Over the next 4 hours, the power went out 3 times, and the back-up generator twice. The heat, humidity and stench were unbearable. Finally a little after 6pm the weather advisory was lifted, and went back to the plane. Only, it wasn’t there.

The wind had actually pushed the 285,000-pound plane out into the middle of a field next to the taxiways. Needless to say, the Vegas trip was off. Worse though, was being stuck in Ohio, which was hotter than Satan’s crotch, for five days while waiting for a maintenance crew to fly out and do a crash recovery on it.

And don’t even get me started on the paperwork.

Fuck paperwork.

Fuck storms.

Fuck Ohio.


D'OH!.jpg
D'OH!.jpg


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Submitted by bob at 2007-01-10 15:32:51 EST (#)
Rating: 2

isnt Wright Patterson the place where UFO hunters say has an underground cryogenics lab and tons of alien bodies and stuff? I want to go there.

Submitted by homer42 at 2007-01-10 15:20:24 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by DeathJester at 2007-01-09 12:59:42 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Pwned. Again.

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2006-08-08 22:59:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Cooooool.

Except for the part about the buzzkill of a storm.

Submitted by apollo88 at 2006-08-08 16:02:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-08-08 07:14:14 (#)
Ranking: 2

I know nothing about Ohio but I do know that huge fuck off machines are ace

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2006-08-08 15:53:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by bigdicrick (user info) at 2006-08-08 12:21:34 (#)
Ranking: 2

There is nothing in OHIO but your plane and heat....

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And The Best Damn Band in the Land.

Submitted by Banga3386 at 2006-08-08 15:40:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Thats awesome, in a huge pain in the ass way.

Bang

Submitted by JonnyX at 2006-08-08 15:25:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

looks like Thunderbird 2

Submitted by Cracked_out_cali at 2006-08-08 13:02:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-08-08 08:42:01 (#)
Ranking: 2

I was on the crew that test jumped the C-17. We found out our static lines were to short and had to add a length to them to avoid inverted chutes.

Are you drop qualified?
================

As far as jumping, I'm qualified to put a chute on, and get the hell out of dodge if need be.

If you talking about flying the plane during a drop, then yeah.

Submitted by bigdicrick at 2006-08-08 12:21:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

There is nothing in OHIO but your plane and heat....

Submitted by kaos-king at 2006-08-08 09:13:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Yeah, my state wil sodomize you with a 120 grit sand, tabasco sauce lube...

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2006-08-08 08:59:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Oh, and Dayton is the infected foot of Ohio. +2 because Dayton SUCKS ASS (used to live 15 miles south of there).

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2006-08-08 08:55:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Yea, fuck Ohio.

Nice pics.

Submitted by Hadley at 2006-08-08 08:52:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

The wind had actually pushed the 285,000-pound plane out into the middle of a field next to the taxiways.
-----
Should have remembered to set the parking brake.

Submitted by moneyshotforyou at 2006-08-08 08:42:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I was on the crew that test jumped the C-17. We found out our static lines were to short and had to add a length to them to avoid inverted chutes.

Are you drop qualified?

Submitted by OneCheapGeek at 2006-08-08 08:20:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

You're welcome, knobjockey.

Of course, half the problem is that you were in Dayton, yes?

Submitted by TheSpook at 2006-08-08 08:04:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Not that I still live in Ohio. I mean, seriously.

Submitted by UnderOathMeal at 2006-08-08 08:01:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

... and the chicks in Ohio are JUST as boring as the landscape.

Submitted by TheSpook at 2006-08-08 08:00:42 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Fuck the overrated PAC-10

Submitted by Berty at 2006-08-08 07:49:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Goddammed winged babykillers. Trying to get into Vegas and steal all my hookers.

Submitted by Beano312003 at 2006-08-08 07:38:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2006-08-08 07:05:35 (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-08-08 07:01:35 (#)
Ranking: 2

That plane is yours?

Man I gotta get me a fuck off plane like that.

=========

In the sense that I own it? Of course not. It was just my responsibility to complete the mission, and get it home in one piece. Neither of which were fully accomplished
--------

Either way....they get upset at my place when I take my laptop home.

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys at 2006-08-08 07:14:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I know nothing about Ohio but I do know that huge fuck off machines are ace

Submitted by Cracked_out_cali at 2006-08-08 07:05:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-08-08 07:01:35 (#)
Ranking: 2

That plane is yours?

Man I gotta get me a fuck off plane like that.

=========

In the sense that I own it? Of course not. It was just my responsibility to complete the mission, and get it home in one piece. Neither of which were fully accomplished.

Submitted by Beano312003 at 2006-08-08 07:01:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

That plane is yours?

Man I gotta get me a fuck off plane like that.

Submitted by rad1101 at 2006-08-08 07:00:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'd say it was karma.

Submitted by Merlina at 2006-08-08 07:00:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Marge: I would love you if you weighed 1,000 pounds but ...

Homer: Beautiful. G'night.

King-Size Homer