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My Flatmate Likes To Piss With The Door Open and Other Tales From The Chaos That Is My Mind.

Submitted by Davros at 2006-08-23 11:27:56 EDT
Rating: 1.83 on 66 ratings (66 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

My flatmate likes to piss with the door open.

Really, I don’t have a problem with that. I like to do it myself. It is a secret pleasure that all men enjoy, as well we should after years of repression and being told to “Put The Seat Down!!!”.

The big difference is, that I do it when the house is EMPTY. I mean, seriously, how disturbing is it to try to type something/watch TV/Listen to music, while you have the sound of someone’s urine splashing around the bowl? Is it just me or is this totally unacceptable?

I could fill a whole post with the shit that he does which annoys me, such as refusing to wash my two mugs that sit beside the sink when he washes his stuff, despite the fact we have a dishwasher. Really, how much effort does it take to put an extra two cups in the tray?

Is anyone on Uber a twin?

If you are, did your parents make you dress the same?

I think it is kind of cute when the kids are young, but I saw a pair of kids the other day who must have been around 12/13 and were dressed identically. I can’t really comment because my only sibling is five years younger than me, so we were never that close until we both grew up, but I feel this kind of behaviour should be classified as child abuse.

To dress two children the same when they are at an age when you are trying to create an “identity” for yourself, is possibly the most heinous thing a parent can do to their children. For me, it is on a par with selling them into slavery in Thailand, either way they have no choice in the matter.

Speaking of kids, I intend to propose a law stating that all females under the age of consent, be forced to wear Muslim style robes at all times.

It has really come home to me during this school holiday period how much this affects the average man on the street. The amount of times that I have been casting an approving glance at the female form, only to have it provide evidence that it is clearly Jail-bait. It makes me feel like a dirty old man, which I readily admit to being, but only on my terms.

My Grandmother used to claim it was McDonalds, and all the hormones in the Beef that was causing kids to (physically) mature quicker. Of course we used to think, quite rightly, that she was growing senile. Now, I am either experiencing early senility or she was right all along.

When I was at school there were maybe two or three girls with boobs and a few who had something that could almost be described as close. Now they are all carrying D cups and flaunting it and, believe me, it scares the living shit out of me. Hell, they even look like they are old enough to drink and whatever else they may decide to do.

I am not a prude, I just don’t want to be “That Guy”.

I really miss Rage Against The Machine.

There are some bands that just sum up a moment in time and RATM did that for me in their early days. I am feeling the same now as I was then, but there is no one to fulfil that niche that this band did. Given the shit going on in the world, I think the time is right for a reunion. They managed to be political without being preachy, unlike U2.

How am I supposed to take Bono’s efforts to rectify anything seriously?

Sure U2 have always carried a political message in their music, and I was as big a fan as it was possible to be around the Joshua tree era. The new regime just doesn’t work for me.

So you want to eliminate third world debt?

It seems slightly hypocritical for you to move your record label to the Netherlands to avoid paying tax. Also I believe you once said “I don’t believe that rock and roll can ever change the world.” (I Believe In Love). Surely what you are trying to do goes against this whole theory?

Get back to what you do best. Make stadium rock music. There is still a market out there for it. Your only competition is the big Rap acts. Someone stand up for the guitar.

I think I want to be a wino when I (finally) grow up.

I have lived in London for almost five years and people here seem to have a totally different attitude towards their jakeys as they do anywhere else. They have hostels aplenty for them to live in. The alcoholics appear to be accepted members of the community in which they choose to imbibe their poison. Social Services (Welfare) actually give them an extra payment over Christmas and New Year if they are registered as alcoholics, as it is “A difficult time for people with that condition”.

Their only worry seems to be where their next drink is coming from.

Contrast that to me trying to make my rent/council tax/water rates/utilities despite the fact I work a full time job and I can see who has the best of the system.

In conclusion, life is, truly, a bitch.


May all your bowel movements be regular.

-Dave


The_Fucker_dont_clean_either.jpg
The_Fucker_dont_clean_either.jpg


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Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2007-01-30 15:47:36 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Sure - play America RATM. Be like that

Submitted by bob at 2007-01-30 15:33:13 EST (#)
Rating: 0

I think Rage is getting together for a festival...maybe next year's Coachella?

Submitted by chaemiisda at 2007-01-30 15:14:41 EST (#)
Rating: 1


Submitted by rejected at 2007-01-10 15:07:17 EST (#)
Rating: 2

If there is grass on the field......play ball. If there is no grass flip her over and play in the mud.

Submitted by _God at 2006-12-04 20:02:48 EST (#)
Rating: 2

If there's grass on the field...

Submitted by combatwombat at 2006-11-22 07:55:16 EST (#)
Rating: 0

+1 for boobs, and another +1 for them belonging to deceivingly young ones... damn them and damn McDonald's. Oh yeah, I think we're all "that guy."

Submitted by Serious_Melvin at 2006-09-15 00:50:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I've got to reduce my score to +1. My roommate gave me crap for not doing _his_ dishes one time and that pissed me off.

Submitted by Serious_Melvin at 2006-09-15 00:46:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 boobs

Submitted by Confuzitron at 2006-09-15 00:36:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Anyone who loves Rage and Bad Religion are +2 worthy in my book.

Submitted by mattnotharry at 2006-09-12 07:02:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2006-08-29 13:40:30 (#)
Ranking: 2

"I really miss Rage Against The Machine. "

-----

Glad Im not the only one.

----

<pines>

Submitted by Adamdidit2u at 2006-09-06 19:00:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Listening to rage, as I read this post

Submitted by Amontillado at 2006-09-05 10:45:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-23 16:00:26 (#)
Ranking: 2

Sure U2 have always carried a political message in their music, and I was as big a fan as it was possible to be around the Joshua tree era. The new regime just doesn't work for me.
---
That's why I neve rlisten to anything olde than Joshua Tree - Boy is just AWESOME
=====================

forgot to read.

Submitted by Amontillado at 2006-09-05 10:43:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I agree about U2, what happened to the days of Boy and the Joshua Tree? When a band does preachy music, it takes on a cheesey fake sound that makes me not want to buy their albums.

Submitted by konohasaiyajin at 2006-09-04 19:04:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Great post. Great points. I totally agree. RATM is awesome.
May all your bowel movements be regular. hahaha.

Submitted by piowufbhwervnerfnc at 2006-08-31 19:07:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Hooray on B@W Dave!

woot and all that jazz!

Submitted by c1ndy at 2006-08-30 16:58:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey at 2006-08-30 07:31:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I like to pee with the door open when my housemate is away but the cats come in and watch me, which is very upsetting. I don't watch THEM pee.

I've changed my mind about not attending ubercon, I'll probably be there the saturday if it's not pissing it down.

My tikka masala was fucking rank. I'm feeling a bit surly about it.

Submitted by forthewin at 2006-08-29 23:37:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I thought this was a great post. I wouldn't have expected it to make B@W. Not that it doesn't deserve it, of course. Congratulations, eh!

Submitted by hoooot at 2006-08-29 23:17:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Definately not B@W material and U2 is wonderful

Submitted by Cracked_out_cali at 2006-08-29 13:40:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"I really miss Rage Against The Machine. "

-----

Glad Im not the only one.

Submitted by JoeyG at 2006-08-29 09:45:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

congrats on B@W!

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2006-08-29 09:39:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Buddah.

Or maybe bart. Not sure.

Also, don't think I'll be able to make it for the Friday next week. Jo's moved out of her old place and isn't into her new one until the week after, so I've nowhere to crash.

I'll just head up for the Saturday events.

Submitted by Davros at 2006-08-29 09:21:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-08-29 08:28:28 (#)
Ranking: 2

A well deserved B@W. Good going me boyo

---------

Yet again I fail to notice these things.

How the fuck did that happen?

-Dave

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2006-08-29 08:28:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

A well deserved B@W. Good going me boyo

Submitted by VelvetElvis at 2006-08-24 23:07:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

twins scare the poodle-punting christ outta me.

Submitted by coley at 2006-08-24 01:39:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

pure

Submitted by coley at 2006-08-24 01:39:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

awesomeness.

Submitted by darko at 2006-08-23 23:50:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

16 in michigan

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2006-08-23 23:24:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Me and JonnyX are twins. We wear matching underwear every single day.

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2006-08-23 23:19:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Axolotl at 2006-08-23 22:52:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Age of consent in New Jersey, USA, is 18 years of age.

If you're within three years of a minor, it's legal for sex to occur. Say if you're 18 and you have sex with a 15-year-old girl, it's legal. Same for a 20-year-old and a 17-year-old.

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2006-08-23 22:38:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Tell him if he's going to pee with the door open then he has to sit down.

Submitted by BranDo at 2006-08-23 18:52:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I saw RATM twice within a short period of time and it was like a copy of the first gig the second time.
Keeping up that drive gig after gig....
I still like what they left behind.

Submitted by BadAssJulie at 2006-08-23 18:22:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by JonnyX at 2006-08-23 16:00:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Sure U2 have always carried a political message in their music, and I was as big a fan as it was possible to be around the Joshua tree era. The new regime just doesn't work for me.
---
That's why I neve rlisten to anything olde than Joshua Tree - Boy is just AWESOME

Submitted by badassmofo at 2006-08-23 14:08:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-08-23 13:20:07 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-08-23 13:08:55 (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-23 11:32:55 (#)
Ranking: 2.

Question: is it rude to pee while on the phone? Because my best friend tells me not to do it in his ear, but I do anyway.
---
It is always rude to pee in someone's ear.

---

Agreed, whether you're on the phone or not

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-08-23 13:20:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-08-23 13:08:55 (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-23 11:32:55 (#)
Ranking: 2.

Question: is it rude to pee while on the phone? Because my best friend tells me not to do it in his ear, but I do anyway.
---
It is always rude to pee in someone's ear.

Submitted by Davros at 2006-08-23 13:08:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-23 11:32:55 (#)
Ranking: 2.

Question: is it rude to pee while on the phone? Because my best friend tells me not to do it in his ear, but I do anyway.

-----------

I think it would be disturbing to hear it sloshing around the bowl, but otherwise I could deal.

-Dave

Submitted by nya_nyo at 2006-08-23 12:39:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

auto +2 for the mention of Bad Religion

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2006-08-23 12:32:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I don't remember any women playing when I did. Unless they did and I forgot.

Submitted by loki at 2006-08-23 12:29:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I might have some relevant comment here, but I’m so upset that the banana I bought in my lunch is mushy that I just can’t concentrate.

there may be other reasons

but the banana thing is definitely on the list

Submitted by sideshow at 2006-08-23 12:21:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

My other two roommates were girls. One had some kind of crush on me (believe me, I don't fucking get it either) and the other one flew into a fit of rage one night when I blew off crush girl, and then the girl I was dating attacked rage girl and the two of them pretty much trashed the kitchen in a slapdown brawl.

Watching tiny women turn into berserkers is surreal.

And arousing.

===========================================

Fucking Hilarious!!!!!

I pee with the door open all the time....

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-08-23 12:21:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

RATM do indeed kick arse.

Submitted by Davros at 2006-08-23 12:18:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-08-23 12:15:23 (#)
Ranking: 2

Bad Religion's still around.

-----------

True.

It is close, but not quite the same.

I loves me some Bad Religion.

-Dave

Submitted by AJ at 2006-08-23 12:15:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Bad Religion's still around.

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys at 2006-08-23 12:14:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"I really miss Rage Against The Machine."

Ditto, Audioslave are good but its just not Rage

Submitted by Davros at 2006-08-23 12:12:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-08-23 12:09:43 (#)
Ranking: 2


You're very random

-----------

Sometimes random is all I got.

-Dave

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2006-08-23 12:09:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-08-23 11:31:55 (#)
Ranking: 0

Jakey = Alcoholic

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Jakey

-Dave



You're very random

Submitted by Ejryuu at 2006-08-23 12:04:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 Rage, broseph.

Submitted by Jack_McCallum at 2006-08-23 12:02:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


I had one roommate who was supposed to take turns doing the dishes. I ended up cleaning my own one or two items very night while he just let things pile up and grow a lovely coat of 'matter' (see Withnail & I) and attract fruit flies. When I finally gave the guy shit he dumped everything in the bathtub to wash it. After that, I always lived alone, even if a dump was all I could afford.

And in Edinburgh during my bartending days I had 3 roommates. The guy had excema (sp?) on his hands and arms and looked like something out of a fucking horor movie... and he was a cook, go figure. My other two roommates were girls. One had some kind of crush on me (believe me, I don't fucking get it either) and the other one flew into a fit of rage one night when I blew off crush girl, and then the girl I was dating attacked rage girl and the two of them pretty much trashed the kitchen in a slapdown brawl.

Watching tiny women turn into berserkers is surreal.

And arousing.


Submitted by icarus1987 at 2006-08-23 12:01:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I pee with the door open all the time.

But I'm married now, so it doesn't really matter.

Submitted by Berty at 2006-08-23 11:56:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

<insert witticism here>

Submitted by BranDo at 2006-08-23 11:56:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I heard taxes in Ireland are like almost non existing but the Netherlands? I can assure you of 1 thing about the Netherlands: it's not a tax paradise. It's a paradise for a lot of other things forbidden in the rest of the world but taxes... nee!!
That's why I left in the first place......sssst.

Great stuff as always.

Submitted by Uberjunkie at 2006-08-23 11:50:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I thought I was the only one who didn't like U2. Great post!

Submitted by Brdn_Nkd at 2006-08-23 11:49:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Spacegrass at 2006-08-23 11:46:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I too miss RATM. I heard on the radio the other day that they were offered something like $60 million to reunite but turned it down because everyone hates Zach that much. It probably didn't hurt that the other guys are in a successful band right now.

Submitted by Davros at 2006-08-23 11:45:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-08-23 11:35:05 (#)
Ranking: 2

*whispers* Poker.....

Just a reminder.

-----------

Not forgotten.

We have a Sunday Night expedition planned to the Gutshot in London on the 28th August. Introducing a player at my game (Linda) to the club. I dunno if she played when Nath was there, but she is gonna terrify them.

The online game will be the following week.

-Dave

Submitted by phuzzygish at 2006-08-23 11:43:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Randomness. It's fabulous.

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2006-08-23 11:40:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I, too miss RATM. I only really got into them as they disappeared, so I feel I missed out on something huge.

Also, don't worry about the freaky twins in the same clothes. School uniforms in this country destroy any attempt at creating an identity for yourself most of your waking life anyway. Fucking school. It was my arch enemy up until the great war of 98, when I kicked it's ass. I should tell about that sometime.

Submitted by Barnymeinhoff at 2006-08-23 11:36:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

the age of consent in the collonies is 12.

Submitted by jade_digitalmedia at 2006-08-23 11:36:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I miss RATM ;o( However when I'm passing through the local pool joint I play it on the juke and watch the rednecks get uncomfortable.

Submitted by Beano312003 at 2006-08-23 11:35:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

*whispers* Poker.....

Just a reminder.

Submitted by v8lover at 2006-08-23 11:33:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Good rant.

Mmmmm high-school girls.

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2006-08-23 11:32:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I really miss Rage Against The Machine, too.

Question: is it rude to pee while on the phone? Because my best friend tells me not to do it in his ear, but I do anyway.

Submitted by Davros at 2006-08-23 11:31:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 0


Submitted by Merlina at 2006-08-23 11:30:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I dated this guy years ago who used to take a dump with the door open and try to talk to me as I legged it past.

Didn't he realise I HATED it?

Gross.


Homer: I'm sorry, Marge, but sometimes I think we're the worst family in
town.

Marge: Maybe we should move to a larger community.

There's No Disgrace Like Home