Finally, a really HalloweenSubmitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2006-10-31 06:18:37 EST
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Halloween isn’t such a big deal for most places in the UK, except for the very young, who go trick or treating in the safer areas and the 18-30 age bracket, who do the same, except whilst drunk and with sadly fewer results. However, there’s always one person in every area who goes totally over the top with regards to decoration and attempting to create a spooky ‘atmosphere’.
And that person in our area lives just around the corner from me. At Christmas he splashes decorations, lights and inflatable Santa’s and snowmen and god knows what. At New Years he has his own mini firework show. Even at Valentine’s Day he does his best to spread the love. So Halloween should be no different.
All weekend Tony was outside, dragging flat-packed displays, pumpkins, cobwebs, (what I hope was) fake skeletons and a smoke machine. I swear some people have too much money. But I have to admit he went all out this year and it did look pretty cool, so I was suitably impressed.
Then, when I was going down to the club last night I saw it in the dark and thought ‘if I was still a small kid, I might be scared by some of it’, which allowed me to respect that little bit more. On the way back home from the club a few hours later it was even darker, so I was quite keen to see if the effect would be amplified by the darkness.
When I got close I heard squeaky, young voices shouting all kinds of curse words, which was quickly followed by smashes and bangs. Fucking kids were breaking Tony’s display.
Feeling all superhero suddenly, I sprinted the last twenty metres down the road to Tony’s garden, ready to beat up any kids that were smaller than me, so long as there was less than five. I got to the fence and looked in the garden and saw the devastation.
Broken up witch displays with overturned cauldrons, decapitated plastic owls, cats and rats and even a burning zombie. Too far.
“Little shits…” I muttered into the darkness, trying to see where the kids had hidden.
“Hey!” I heard one of their voices, but not too far away. As I turned to see where the voice had come from a large piece of pumpkin hit me in the side of the head. “Less of the little jokes!”
This was followed by a chorus of insults and pieces of pumpkin, dirt, bones and other props flying at me from all over. But I still couldn’t see where the kids were as I was too busy shielding my face from the attacks. Deciding to take a more defensive approach against the surprising resourceful and unsettling violent children, I dropped behind the fence.
There were a few thuds against the back of it as the last few pieces of Tony’s display hit into the fence, and then everything was silent. I waited silently, holding my breath, straining to hear if the kids had just stopped or if they had run out of weapons.
“DIE!” I nearly shit myself at the sudden, squeaky scream from directly above me. Instinctively I reached up, grabbed the child by the throat and pulled it hard over the fence, slamming it down into the concrete.
On the way down it dropped the half of the rat it had been holding on the path next to us. As the tiny body struggled against my grasp I finally got a good look at the attacker. It wasn’t a child at all.
If anything it was smaller than a child, being no more than two foot tall, but had the face and proportional build of a full grown adult. I wasn’t sure what I was looking at, but I knew one thing: It’s was beautiful. It had such a sweet little face it was sickening.
“He’s got Jody!” Came voices from over the fence, which was quickly followed by tiny footsteps as bodies threw themselves at the fence to jump up and climb over. Thinking quickly for someone who had just spent a night drinking by himself, I kicked the fence, causing them all to drop back down on the other side.
“What the hell are you?” I asked the tiny person that was still trapped in my hand who I assumed to be Jody.
“Get the fuck off me, bastard face.” It screamed. I had to wedge my hand in under its chin to stop it from biting me.
“I will when you answer. What are you and why are you destroying poor Tony’s display? He spent ages on that.”
The only answer I got from Jody was a feeble attempt to spit in my face, which just turned into a line of spittle from her mouth to my wrist. I gave the fence another quick kick to drop those who had tried to climb over it again.
“I’m a pixie!” She screamed as I tightened my grip. “Okay, pixie. Pixies. Ever hear of us? Now let me go, you big cunt.”
“Cunt?” I was shocked by the language a pixie would use. I knew they were mischievous, but foul mouthed? That didn’t sit well. “No need for that.”
A few of her pixie friends had finally made it out of the garden by going through the gate at the far end and were charging towards me.
“Freeze or I’ll break her neck!” I lied. Instantly the miniature attackers skidded to a halt and just stood there, staring at me. “What the hell are you guys doing?”
“We’re taking back Halloween!” The one at the front screamed, which was joined by a whole chorus of cheers and whoops from the others stood behind him.
“When did you ever lose it?” I was sure the alcohol had hit me harder than I first realised and I was still in the bar, half asleep and dreaming.
“When you lot started creating more stuff to ‘scare’ you.” The lead pixie said. “Since then, no-one’s frightened of pixies. Not with vampires and zombies and werewolves running around.”
“Well to be fair they are a bit more intimidating.”
“YOU SEE!” It screamed at me. “That’s exactly the attitude that we have to face every single year. Those things don’t even exist and yet you find them scarier than us!”
“Look at yourselves.” I said, realising the grip on Jody a bit as I could feel her body start to go limp. “You struggled to get out of someone’s garden. A werewolf would have just leapt the fence and torn me apart. You just haven’t got anything to scare us with anymore.” I’m not sure how much right I had to speak for all of mankind, but I felt comfortable with it.
“We’ll see.” My watch beeped to signal it was midnight. The start of Halloween.
The lead pixie suddenly looked very focused and serious. With a sudden spurt of light, it shot into the air and exploded into a very impressive light show. A few seconds later it landed again in the exact spot it had taken off from and carried on looking at me.
The show had caught the attention of a lot of people in the surrounding houses as dozens of curtains began twitching. Then there was a humming in the air. It wasn’t the humming of bees, being quite a bit heavier, but I still wasn’t able to place exactly what it was.
Soon, all my questions were answered. From all directions in the street pixies came charging. Hundreds and hundreds of them, just pouring out from gardens and paths, drains and trees. Along the way they broke whatever they possibly could, which wasn’t much besides flowers.
Panicking, I sprinted along the road, desperate for some reason not to step on any of the little folk, but also very keen to get home. As I pushed through the hoards, many tried to grab hold of me, trying to pull me to the ground, but they were just too light. A few managed to hold on and got swung about on my leg and one managed to get high enough to head-butt me in the sack, but I pushed on.
Finally I slammed into my door and threw myself in, attempting to close the door after me. A tiny leg stuck in the way, I just grabbed it and swung it back outside, allowing me to get the door closed and locked.
I quickly made my way upstairs to have a look out of my bedroom window, which faced out onto the street, where there was nothing but pixies covering pretty much every inch of road and garden. Some were jumping up and down on cars, others were trying to pick up rocks big enough to smash house windows, but failing. Three were attempting to ride the neighbour’s cat like a horse, but they didn’t realise that the cat, being twelve years old and as heavy as a jeep, didn’t really care and probably didn’t even feel them, opting to just sleep in the chaos instead.
The Pixie Siege had begun.
if getting my ass kicked by a group of pixies makes me a faggot then im glad i ran away before it could happen.jpg
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