Ubersite goes into BattleSubmitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2006-11-01 09:02:13 EST
Rating: 1.76 on 42 ratings (42 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
Sit around children, and I will tell you a story of the internet. The story has changed over the years, with drama and myth both overtaking the fact and it is a shame, for the facts make more than just a story. They make a legend.
Throughout the history of middle-internet, some things had been hard on many of the developers and administrators. Those who were more ruthless in their ways, desperate for profit or domination over the world’s information did everything they could to squash out those who developed for fun, for interest and for community.
One by one the sites fell to the power of the larger shops, the greater search engines and the online encyclopaedias, with Wikipedia quickly taking control of the world of facts and information, leaving Google, eBay and Amazon to their lands. In a sordid attempt to destroy other, smaller sites, Wikipedia began to refuse their reference.
Their details, links and references were purged from the Wikipedia database, pushing them further back into obscurity, until eventually they disappeared. One by one the sites fell, gone forever.
But one fought back.
After a peaceful resolution was sort by Uber, and refused by Wikipedia (who turned to its fellow Dominator, Alexa, to provide enough ‘fact based’ ammunition to continue in its quest to wipe out Ubersite), Uber took the more direct approach and fought back.
With less than 30,000 users, compared to more than a million Wikipedians, Ubersite refused to go without a fight, desperate to bring the internet back to the free people, determined not to fall to the might of the bearers of misinformation.
Wikipedia got word of the rebellion and turned to all the other websites that it had already crushed, giving them a final option to have a lasting impact on the internet. The message was sent out: Whoever helped Wikipedia bring Ubersite down once and for all would be granted a single Wikipedia page detailing who they use to be.
They flocked from all over, as PulseHead and the Onion, MySpace and Lycos all took up the offer, desperate not to be lost and it wasn’t long before Wikipedia’s force had grown to over two million. With the strongest of the members gathered together in an army, they marched to Ubersite.
Uber fought for as long as it could, even with less than two thirds of its members. The sheer number of Wikipedia’s members had quickly forced a hasty retreat back into the deeper parts of the fortress. They had nowhere to go. The seventeen remaining members of the MVA stood around in the main hall, discussing a plan ahead, knowing that if they didn’t turn things around soon the internet would fall, but no plan came to mind. It was an impossible situation.
In the tunnels and rooms surrounding the main hall the remaining three hundred members were running around, trying frantically to get the doors barricaded and protect Uber for as long as possible. Occasionally one of the female members would come into site and distract some of the others, but the echo of the barricaded door being charged from the other side quickly snapped them back into action.
“Where the HELL did Method go?” Apollo screamed at the other members of the table. “I knew we couldn’t trust him!”
“Calm down.” Forthewin said. “I know I haven’t been here as long as any of you, but surely this…”
He was interrupted as Apollo dived at him with a flying head-butt, smashing Forthewin into the wall six foot away. Instantly the other members of the MVA jumped to calm Apollo down, while TigerLilly went to see if Forthewin was okay.
“Nice job, Apollo.” She said. “We need everyone we can get, so try not to kill anyone else.”
Bart, who had sat silently through the whole event, stood up slowly and walked over to the narrow window where the first of the morning sunlight was making its way through. His mind made up, he opened the doors to the main hall and called everyone in.
Outside, Wikipedians were still throwing everything they had at the large, oak doors, only just managing to splinter them. The ground surrounding what was once Ubersite was covered in various bodies of dead and injured Uber members being tortured by the hordes of Wikipedians.
The doors suddenly burst open.
Out charged every remaining Uber member, lead by Bart and the rest of the MVA. The direct approach working better than anyone could have predicted, the shock of the attack pushed many of the Wikipedians back, giving Uber a tiny bit more of a chance at a victory, which was still verging on impossible.
Pushing his way to the front, Apollo charged, head-down, through the masses who were unable to react. And those who did manage to were unable to pierce his scalp in any way, with weapons just bouncing off. Before he knew where he was, he had made it more than a hundred yards through the Wikipedians, leaving his comrades behind. He was surrounded.
And then, up on the hillside, a silhouette appeared against the back drop of the rising sun. It was joined by another, and another and another. Pretty soon there was an entire army up there. The Wikipedians who noticed stopped fighting and turned to look, not sure whether to be happy at the extra support or frightened by the extra enemies.
The people on the hill began charging, and as soon as they were out of the glare of the sun it became clear. They were Method. Hundreds and hundreds of identical men, all screaming their war cry in unison. The Wikipedians turned to face them, but now had attacks coming from both sides.
As the Methods joined the battle, the original made his way to centre to where Apollo was still fending off Wikipedians on his own.
“What happened to you?” Apollo asked before delivering a devastating attack to a young Wikipedian who was dressed as a Gorgon.
“I remembered I had these guys.” Method said, tearing into Wikipedians. “And I finally remembered where I kept the file with all their passwords on.”
“I knew you’d come back.” Apollo said, looking closely at Method.
“I’d never leave you, friend.” Method said, with a smile and a wink. And then he turned back to his army. “ALTERS!” He shouted. They all turned to look while continuing the fight. “Show them what we mean by -2 DIE!”
“Yes, boss.” They all chirped back in unison and began fighting again.
The arrival of the Alters gave ever Uber member a second wind, and the fight was taken to a whole new level, and the members of Uber appealed to their strengths.
“You might be good at facts,” A determined Orgasmatron shouted as he grabbed a geeky looking Wikipedian. “But can you handle this!” He proceeded to tell a tongue twister, which drove the Wikipedian insane just by him thinking about how to say it. “Damn right,” Orgasmatron said as he pushed the quivering body down to the floor, proving his test to be successful.
“Come my friends,” TTOM whispered quietly into the wind. “Help us now.” A few moments later a large humming noise was just about audible. As the fight continued it got louder, until suddenly thousands of bugs and insects erupted from the ground, over running the Wikipedians.
With the Alters and the bugs onside and guarding him, Orgasmatron got hold of a megaphone. The poem that followed was so complex and confusing, it had taken all of Uber twenty minutes of slow teaching to learn it and become immune. The Wikipedians, however, where not so lucky.
Before long the battle was balanced.
By the end of that day the tattered Ü flag was flapping in the wind above Ubersite.
Ubersite had given the rest of the internet a chance.
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