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The BOSH Man! TACKLES TIME TRAVEL, AND FULFILLS HIS CIVIC DUTY AS A REVOLUTIONARY ASS KICKER

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 12:52:45 EST
Rating: 1.64 on 84 ratings (84 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

A few weeks ago I agreed to share an apartment Scruggs.

We were getting along as we always do (read: NOT AT ALL) when all of a sudden i got real pissed. I woke up real early one day and decided that enough was enough. I called in sick and went to Scruggs' room. I started telling him to fuck off. This went on for 12 days straight. Eventually I told him to fuck off so many times he started crying and moved out of the apartment. Point, The BOSH Man!

Years later, I turned my apartment into a recording studio. Molly Hatchet, Wesley Willis, and Victor Wooten all came over and we jammed for 6 hours straight. It was so fuckin bosh I jacked off with propylene glycol.

We released our album and had a mega party. Babes from all across the lands came over to bask in our awesomeness. Soon enough, I set them all on fire. Victor Wooten laughed so hard he died.. Molly Hatchet turned the amps up real loud and started playin 'Flirtin with Disaster'. I just lit up a cigarette and nodded in agreement.

Wesley Willis was running around giving out free heat-butts to anyone who was a total asshole. Doc Brown came over and delivered the Flux Capacitor I had ordered 6 years ago. He tried telling me that his name is Chris, and that it was 'just a movie'.. but I wasn't gonna fall for that shit.

I took the flux capacitor and shoved 6 cigarettes up his ass while Wesley Willis head-butted him and The Nooge set him on fire. He thanked us all and frantically ran out of the studio crying and shitting himself.

I put the flux capacitor in my moped and, over the course of 37 miles, FINALLY got up to 88MPH. Sure enough I ended up back in time, revolutionary war style. I joined the militia and shoved 57 cigarettes up General Cornwallace's asshole which teaching the south how to play molly hatchet tunes.

Fast Forward a couple years and I banged scruggs' mom and aborted the fetus 14 times, finally caving on the 15th and letting earl be born.

Shortly thereafter, I put him up for adoption in Korea.

Having fulfilled my civic duty as a time travelling ass kicker, I went back to present day and drank 15 beers. It was so fuckin bosh I almost shit crayons.


Noone has seen Scruggs for years.



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Submitted by jayjonze at 2008-08-12 17:49:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2008-06-21 09:26:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I was just trying out a new amp I bought. Turning the volume on channel three to 'really fucking loud', I played The Nuge's 'Homebound' for two hours, but I changed the notes so it would be about my home and not his (not that the Nuge's home isn't awesome, you know). About 45 minutes in, the ghost of Dimebag floated out of the ceiling and started playing poker with the ghost of Jimi Hendrix and the ghost of Peter Frampton's career (both of whom live in my music room). Jim Morrison showed up (the zombie, not the ghost) and took all their money, kicked all their phantom asses, rammed my Epiphone 7-string flying V through the 4x12 cabinet and the wall behind it, grabbed my by my guitar strap and told me the meaning of life. Lacking cigarettes, I could only nod in agreement.

Submitted by scourge at 2007-08-30 14:37:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by goferforhire at 2007-01-28 14:19:18 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I really wish this wasn't so entertaining

Submitted by Poots at 2007-01-28 14:05:55 EST (#)
Rating: 2

When I said "boiling" I didn't mean "boiling" like it was a hot little snatch or anything I meant that it was constantly in a state where the vagina has reached it's boiling point temperature and maybe spews forth some sort of ooze every now and them.


mmmmmm vagina ooze. Think about it kay?

Submitted by Poots at 2007-01-28 14:02:55 EST (#)
Rating: 2

May I please be a floating, boiling, man voiced vagina in your movie?

Submitted by Director at 2007-01-27 20:52:57 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I put the flux capacitor in my moped and, over the course of 37 miles, FINALLY got up to 88MPH.

Submitted by consuelo212 at 2007-01-27 14:53:21 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2007-01-27 11:22:21 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by j0andre1 at 2007-01-27 11:05:56 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I met Wessly Willis long ago.

His exact words to me after I said "Hi"?

"Get the fuck away from me you no good cracka."

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-27 01:06:10 EST (#)
Rating: 0

rad -

it took this long? i appreciate your sentiment, but the Bosh Man! holds no alters!!

Submitted by rad1101 at 2007-01-26 22:49:09 EST (#)
Rating: 2

im starting to think you arent an alter

Submitted by Unabonger at 2007-01-26 22:44:38 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Bosh.


Fuckin' scruggs...

Submitted by RPharazon at 2007-01-26 22:24:17 EST (#)
Rating: 2

You are my idol. I will name my firstborn child after you, but I will kill it immediately after due to unawesomeness of my future genetic offspring.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 18:07:49 EST (#)
Rating: 0

well aside the fact that hes a fuckin queer.. his banjo skills cannot be over looked.. so he is fun to jam with.



and i can constantly give him shit


now that it matters anymore.. since i am technically his dad and i put him up for adoption in korea

Submitted by JonnyX at 2007-01-26 18:05:43 EST (#)
Rating: 2

y'know, it just occured to me - why in the world would you share an apartment with Scruggs - he's so gay he would make you gay just by being in the same room.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 17:54:07 EST (#)
Rating: 0

if bart says it, it must be true

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-01-26 16:55:48 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-01-26 16:27:44 (#)
Ranking: -2

christ - shut up and send me some new pics...NOW.

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2007-01-26 16:51:40 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Hey now! I'm not going to indiscrimately send out picks of me in my chaps and steel bra w/ nipple spikes.

That's the kind of thing that tends to get me in trouble.

Submitted by lungfish at 2007-01-26 16:49:38 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-01-26 16:29:53 (#)
Ranking: 0

yea thats true

PS Shlongy's email addressed changed.. it is now theboshman.at.gmail.com

-------

wrong. its dh_frazier.at.hotmail.com

thank you

Submitted by Monty_Python at 2007-01-26 16:46:03 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Wooten = +2


Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-01-26 16:32:45 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-01-26 16:27:44 (#)
Ranking: -2

christ


Nice try, Scruggs.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 16:29:53 EST (#)
Rating: 0

yea thats true

PS Shlongy's email addressed changed.. it is now theboshman.at.gmail.com

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-01-26 16:20:36 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I think I need new pictures.

The other ones are all spanked out.

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2007-01-26 16:18:35 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Yes Shlongy. Even mole hills need support.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-01-26 16:17:23 EST (#)
Rating: 2

You need a bra???

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 16:16:55 EST (#)
Rating: 0

yea that will be the side action.

as a break from the main story we will have this mini story about these dudes/chicks on a fre harleys. They won't say anything and nothing will really happen except a near accident when one of them forgets to use their directionals.. but we'll have some really intense music going on and just cut to shots of these peopel riding around on their bikes.

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2007-01-26 16:15:29 EST (#)
Rating: 2

There also needs to be a fleet of nasty, customed chopped Harleys with extra loud pipes.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 16:14:34 EST (#)
Rating: 0

its worked for me in the past, thats all im sayin.

Submitted by icarus1987 at 2007-01-26 16:13:17 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Yes, perhaps the sheer volume of fuck offs would crumple his afro.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 16:10:37 EST (#)
Rating: 0

i suggest telling him to fuck off repeatedly until he starts crying and eventually, dies.

it is my preferred method.

Submitted by icarus1987 at 2007-01-26 16:07:32 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Does anyone care about that American Idol Justin Guarini faggot? Cos I was thinking I would kill him with his own afro while Rasputin watches and Rasputin (another Rasputin mind you) serves tea.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 16:04:14 EST (#)
Rating: 0

fuckin a -

ill gather the oxen and prepare for lift off.

Submitted by lungfish at 2007-01-26 16:03:35 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-01-26 16:02:27 (#)
Ranking: 2

And Uncle Ted (Nugent) in his loincloth.

I'll get my chaps out. And my steel bra with the nipple spikes.

---------

Dammit FG. I don't need that image right now, as much as I may like it.

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2007-01-26 16:02:27 EST (#)
Rating: 2

And Uncle Ted (Nugent) in his loincloth.

I'll get my chaps out. And my steel bra with the nipple spikes.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 16:00:22 EST (#)
Rating: 0

thank you zebra!

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 15:59:53 EST (#)
Rating: 0

lets just say that prince caspian and the king of prussia are highly skilled, and highly competetive ping pong players, and when you throw molly hatchet and a keg of pabst blue ribbon in there with forensibosh providing entertainment, things can get a little out of control.


i just finished writing that chapter, by the way.

Submitted by Zebra at 2007-01-26 15:58:19 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Everything you ever wanted to know about Zebra
User id: 29369
Registered on or around: 2006-11-25 13:34:37
# Messages posted: 0
# Reviews written: 196
# Times these posts have been reviewed: 0
# Hits: 0
Average rating of all messages: 0

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2007-01-26 15:48:54 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Even for Uber?! Wow. THAT'S saying something.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 15:44:34 EST (#)
Rating: 0

ps im halfway done writing the movie

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 15:44:17 EST (#)
Rating: 0

forensibosh the scene we have together is borderline inappropriate, even for uber

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2007-01-26 15:42:14 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I <3 Bosh. But I'll pluck his chest hairs out one by one slowly with tweezers if he doesn't put me in the movie.

Submitted by messmind at 2007-01-26 15:40:36 EST (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by lungfish at 2007-01-26 15:36:41 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Bosh, then.

Submitted by blackeyedbitch at 2007-01-26 15:31:44 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Thats so fucking BOSH I think I just boshgasmed!!!

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 15:28:27 EST (#)
Rating: 0


Submitted by messmind at 2007-01-26 15:24:26 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-01-26 12:56:50 (#)
Ranking: 2

Molly Hatchet turned the amps up real loud and started playin 'Flirtin with Disaster'. I just lit up a cigarette and nodded in agreement.
----
I have to be dead serious for a moment here - the above two sentences are the epitome of Ubersite.
It really cannot get better than this.






What can i say ?









Doode, thats BUSH! ; http://www.ubersite.com/m/98079#2291032

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 15:20:49 EST (#)
Rating: 0

hahahahahahhaha

Submitted by icarus1987 at 2007-01-26 15:19:45 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-01-26 15:16:41 (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2007-01-26 14:54:33 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-01-26 14:49:36 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-01-26 13:25:28 (#)
Ranking: 0

ya its pretty common knowledge that scruggs is a quartermongering jack behind the rax kind of faggot.

if i made a movie, would you guys want to be in it? ..also, who would want to play scruggs?
----------------

I would kill half of Uber to be in a Bosh movie, where the trailers read just like the posts and the special effects are so awesome we have to beat the crap out of a trekkie just to keep the universe in check. You know who would be sweet as Scruggs? Susie Derkins.
-----

I second that.
-------------------
What did I ever do to you two??
----------------

Fine. You can have your own video game series. We'll give you Super Mario Bros 2. JUST DON'T TAKE THIS OUT ON THE BOSHMAN!

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 15:19:08 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-01-26 15:15:14 (#)
Ranking: 2

Some kind of indefinable awesomeness going on here.
--

some people find it indefinable.


i define it 'bosh'

!!

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 15:18:15 EST (#)
Rating: 0

me? nothing.


i think its awesome that you are taking offense to portraying earl scruggs in a bosh movie though.



he is an idiot and a nihilist.

Submitted by Susie_Derkins at 2007-01-26 15:16:41 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2007-01-26 14:54:33 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-01-26 14:49:36 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-01-26 13:25:28 (#)
Ranking: 0

ya its pretty common knowledge that scruggs is a quartermongering jack behind the rax kind of faggot.

if i made a movie, would you guys want to be in it? ..also, who would want to play scruggs?
----------------

I would kill half of Uber to be in a Bosh movie, where the trailers read just like the posts and the special effects are so awesome we have to beat the crap out of a trekkie just to keep the universe in check. You know who would be sweet as Scruggs? Susie Derkins.
-----

I second that.
-------------------
What did I ever do to you two??

Submitted by lungfish at 2007-01-26 15:15:14 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Some kind of indefinable awesomeness going on here.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 15:14:06 EST (#)
Rating: 0

man i cant wait.. just need to raise some scratch first.

Submitted by icarus1987 at 2007-01-26 15:10:07 EST (#)
Rating: 2

And video games. They'll all be first person shooter ports of 1980's Nintendo Games. And each character can have their own spin off series. Except Earl Scruggs, of course, as that faggot will die with a Cuban cigar up his butt. But not really.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 15:07:50 EST (#)
Rating: 0

ill have to go out west and pitch these ideas.. of course we will leave it open ended to make it the longest series in the history of film or literature or comics made by humans in the history of this planet.

it should have 84 sequels

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 15:06:23 EST (#)
Rating: 0

fuckin a if the force of my boner didnt splinter my desk after reading that idea.

ill get some fat chicks to hula-hoop throughout the whole thing and we will cover my garage in water, then freeze it.. and make everyone act the movie out on ice skates WHILE playing hockey.

Submitted by Sinistral at 2007-01-26 15:05:33 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I think it should be a composition of a certain number of BOSH posts, that way there could be BOSH sequels for the first time EVAR.

Submitted by icarus1987 at 2007-01-26 15:03:28 EST (#)
Rating: 2

How about a documentary with some hot gypsies and trekkie-beating thrown in? Performed on a sound stage in your garage, of course. With kick ass special effects courtesy of my Alienware PC.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 14:55:04 EST (#)
Rating: 0

i wonder what the premise would be.


maybe like a documentary, where my life stories (as documented here on uber) are chronicled.

or maybe everything is just made up for a change..

Submitted by Sinistral at 2007-01-26 14:54:33 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-01-26 14:49:36 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-01-26 13:25:28 (#)
Ranking: 0

ya its pretty common knowledge that scruggs is a quartermongering jack behind the rax kind of faggot.

if i made a movie, would you guys want to be in it? ..also, who would want to play scruggs?
----------------

I would kill half of Uber to be in a Bosh movie, where the trailers read just like the posts and the special effects are so awesome we have to beat the crap out of a trekkie just to keep the universe in check. You know who would be sweet as Scruggs? Susie Derkins.
-----

I second that.

Submitted by icarus1987 at 2007-01-26 14:49:36 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-01-26 13:25:28 (#)
Ranking: 0

ya its pretty common knowledge that scruggs is a quartermongering jack behind the rax kind of faggot.

if i made a movie, would you guys want to be in it? ..also, who would want to play scruggs?
----------------

I would kill half of Uber to be in a Bosh movie, where the trailers read just like the posts and the special effects are so awesome we have to beat the crap out of a trekkie just to keep the universe in check. You know who would be sweet as Scruggs? Susie Derkins.

Submitted by JulsInsane at 2007-01-26 14:47:33 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-01-26 13:26:06 (#)
Ranking: 2

R.I.P. Wesley Willis
-----------------------------------
*I* whooped BATMAN'S ASS!!!!



ALLLLANNIIISSSS MOOORRIISSETTTEEE

Submitted by nya_nyo at 2007-01-26 14:22:18 EST (#)
Rating: 2

It was so fuckin bosh I almost shit crayons.
---------------------
Need I say more?

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2007-01-26 14:03:40 EST (#)
Rating: 1

YOU HAD VICTOR WOOTEN OVER TO YOUR PLACE AND DIDN'T INVITE ME?!?!?!?!?!?

For shame.

Submitted by moneyshotforyou at 2007-01-26 13:43:53 EST (#)
Rating: 2

this shit is always funny.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 13:41:20 EST (#)
Rating: 0

i added them in the first review, but its just not the same.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 13:40:57 EST (#)
Rating: 0

the lack of exclamation points in the title pisses me off

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 13:38:43 EST (#)
Rating: 0

im telling you dudes i was just hangin with him a little while ago!


didnt you read it? he was headbutting people for no reason whatsoever.. you cant do that while you're dead!!

Submitted by MichaelJackson at 2007-01-26 13:37:39 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Rest in peace Wesley Willis :<(

Submitted by Axolotl at 2007-01-26 13:34:04 EST (#)
Rating: 2

OBSH

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 13:26:28 EST (#)
Rating: 0

take that back

willis is ALIVE and WELL

see above for proof

Submitted by scourge at 2007-01-26 13:26:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2

R.I.P. Wesley Willis

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 13:25:28 EST (#)
Rating: 0

ya its pretty common knowledge that scruggs is a quartermongering jack behind the rax kind of faggot.

if i made a movie, would you guys want to be in it? ..also, who would want to play scruggs?

Submitted by icarus1987 at 2007-01-26 13:18:52 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I saw that faggot Scruggs jacking off behind a Rax Burger for quarters.

Submitted by scourge at 2007-01-26 13:17:49 EST (#)
Rating: 2

at first i was not a Bosh fan.

however, i have been a convert for some time now.

i light up 15 cigarettes and nod in agreement as i read his posts.

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2007-01-26 13:16:38 EST (#)
Rating: 2

It's good to see that The Nuge has gotten away from shooting flaming arrows.

Submitted by Foolproof at 2007-01-26 13:15:09 EST (#)
Rating: 0

"Crank the Molly Hatchet and let's roll!" - Mike Nelson, MST3K "The Final Sacrifice"

I am thy nerd Lord, Foolproof.

Submitted by The_Drake at 2007-01-26 13:10:54 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Your posts remind me of the realultimatepower "pump up" stories.

I heart BOSH.

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2007-01-26 13:10:25 EST (#)
Rating: 2

The scary thing is, I can really picture all of this happening.


Also...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Submitted by The_Drake at 2007-01-26 13:07:35 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Man....that IS bosh.


Rock on, BOSH man. Rock on.

Submitted by homer42 at 2007-01-26 13:07:29 EST (#)
Rating: 1

You jerked off with anti-freeze?

Drugs are fun.

Submitted by JonnyX at 2007-01-26 12:56:50 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Molly Hatchet turned the amps up real loud and started playin 'Flirtin with Disaster'. I just lit up a cigarette and nodded in agreement.
----
I have to be dead serious for a moment here - the above two sentences are the epitome of Ubersite.
It really cannot get better than this.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-01-26 12:53:08 EST (#)
Rating: 0

!!


Homer: Here's your magazines. How many of these guys are named Corey?

Lisa: Eight. Thanks, Dad.

Bart's Dog Gets An F